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Phillipe flop

Hello, Holliday

You’re still here to stay

You keep my smile a smitten simile

Whether it makes sense

From day to day

That goes by

Needless to say

We’ve had our moments

Red flags

Purple flags

Better than nuances of the sane

Members of the ministry of love

Not circa 1984.

Or ….well..

We’ve evolved.

You’ve grown up

And become a mature man

I’m proud to have in my life

I’m proud to be your lioness

Mane-ly

I’m proud you are my king .

Happy birthday, Gareth Edward Holliday.

You are the man who has seen past Every sin.

Sees beauty when others discard me as flotsam on a tide

Tired when my damp tearful matchstick

Goes out.

Yet the flame you ignite remains within

My heart

You…

The diamond that bled for more than skin.

Noble , you are , I’ve learnt to trust you.

Happy birthday , Phillipe flop. Every day is a vacation when my eyes spot your baby eyelashes

Daring to look beyond

Within.

( encore ) HAPPY BIRYHDAY MON AMOUR!

Daisy sings- the circle of liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife

So as you may or may not know – you should know ūüėČ I go on about it enough. I’m getting married on 22/06.

Yesterday me and my better half went to have a look at wedding bands. Nothing fussy. There were sales on. We found the most simple ,nondescript looking band and thought that will do. Then seemingly at the same time our eyes veered to the price tag underneath ¬£299. ¬†*SALE* WOW! DON’T MISS THIS OPPORTUNITY.

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The U.K.  have started charging a tax on carrier bags now

We both looked at one another.

Our eye connected. This sounds so romantic .

This is it.

We both looked at the entrance to the jewellers.

Smiles mirroring each others.

We both had the same thoughts.

True soul mates.

We backed away and I may have mumbled something about looking for a ring another day. Today was paying bills day.

I may have said to my better half

” Why don’t we get tattooed rings.”

My other half’s face said it all. How can you be so tacky,Daisy. I shrugged, it was just an idea. He is a bit of a dude- long hair,skater type.

So I kind of imagined this was running through his head

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My other half is from the North of England. The cheaper the better or so I thought.

He was mumbling about how as soon as the word ‘wedding’ was put n front of anything consumable the price triples. He has a point. He is not cheap.

I merely ¬†jest. I jest…… ūüėÄ

So, it got me thinking. Why do we need a wedding band any way?

Let’s buck tradition.

Oh noРI get the same look again -this time the thoughts that seem to go thorough his mind  are: Oh Daisy. Do you always have to be so otherwise, so ,so rebellious.  He is already planning on invites to make me conform to how a traditional wife thinks.

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So what does all this ring malarkey mean?

I get the whole ring /circle thing represents something eternal, something un breakable. A bond, a pact.

There must be more to it than just a symbol of our undying love towards one another.

Can’t we just seal the deal with a blood pact? I’m kidding. …

So the research begins and like a ring never ends, so does the shopping… I’m kidding.. .. I do get tired and I do need sleep.

Lets go back to Egypt and walk like an Egyptian for a moment. The brides used to wear a woven plant circle ring on their finger as a sign of I am not going to go off with that rather sexy slave of ours.

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We humans are an indecisive bunch. The ring was worn on the right finger for a time. The Romans  had  to make up their own rules, of course and decide the ring will go on the left finger.

WHY?

What Have-

Do they need a reason?

It is actually quite romantic:

According to¬† a tradition believed to have been derived from the Romans, the wedding ring is worn on the left hand ring finger because there was thought to be a vein in the finger, referred to as the ‚ÄėVena Amoris‚Äô or the ‚ÄėVein of Love‚Äô said to be directly connected to the heart.

http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2010/09/the-origin-of-wedding-rings-and-why-theyre-worn-on-the-4th-finger-of-the-left-hand/

Before you start swooning ladies they also were the first people to use iron to make a ring.

Not because it would last longer but it was a sign that women were owned. A bit like a mini dog chain.

Here’s me thinking the Romans redeemed themselves.

Another more reserved and practical reason for wearing the ring on the left hand and fourth finger comes from the Christians. Not a bone of romanticism in this reason:

Most people are right handed,and it was seen as the finger that would do the least amount of work.

*DISCRIMINATION ALERT* . (I take offence to that, I am a lefty) I think the fourth finger would like to point out he does as much work as the others….

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Interestingly, in many countries, even today, including Norway, Russia, Greece, Ukraine, Bulgaria, Poland, Austria, Germany,Portugal and Spain, the wedding ring in worn on the ring finger of the right hand and not the left

http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2010/09/the-origin-of-wedding-rings-and-why-theyre-worn-on-the-4th-finger-of-the-left-hand/

So, do we even need a ring. Can’t our vows be enough?

I suspect I’m going to lose this argument. I even got shot down with another look of disgust mixed with pity, when I mentioned Haribo rings!

And so the search ¬†ring band shopping continues……….. ¬†forever and ever and ever and ever. There seems to be no end to this ¬†search…

Happy Easter!

*DISCLAIMER. I DO NOT TAKE ANY CREDIT FOR THESE IMAGES OR GIFS.ALL IMAGES AND GIFS SOURCED FROM GOOGLE  IMAGES AND THE CREDIT LIES TO THE AUTHOR OF THESES IMAGES AND GIFS

Symbol of Love: the Deer

Once upon a time ( keeping in with the theme of love and in the hope that ‘Disney love’ can exist) people believed that painful symptoms of love were an actual physical and mental illness. I suppose that may be where the saying ‘She/he died of a broken heart’ came from.

In medieval times the images of a deer struck with an arrow through the heart, carrying herbs in its mouth was seen as an emblem of lovesickness. The deer is seen as being a symbol with healing powers. People thought that they ate food with medicinal herbs.

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The deer (particularly the doe, females) has the capacity for infinite generosity. Their heart rhythms pulse in soft waves of kindness. Match that graciousness by offering your trust to her. She will reward you by leading you to the most powerful spiritual medicine you can fathom.

http://www.whats-your-sign.com/animal-symbolism-deer.html

 

What does this say about the animation ‘Bambi’? Hate or fear of pure love terrifies and tortures the mind of the common man/woman. Why are we so afraid of something as fragile and innocent and graceful as love?

Perhaps it is because heartache taints the heart when broken.

Yet, how can love  ever be tainted? Sorry I know this is a bit early in the morning to start getting philosophical ( 6 a.m.)

When I ¬†found my soul mate – I didn’t think he was my soul mate. I was telling the guy who did my tattoo yesterday of how I met my hubby -to-be-. ¬†Way back in 2009. I was on a night out and walked into a local pub and was struck by what I saw in front of my eyes. The most beautiful demi-God humbly making drinks for customers. He was so far from my reach. I had to get closer but even then I shook off that initial gut reaction, I knew no matter how close I got to him, I would never reach him. He had long dark hair and funnily enough big soft brown Bambi like eyes with the longest lashes I have ever seen on a man. It looked like someone had stopped by and with an expert stroke of a brush painted the darkest and longest eyelashes I had ever seen on a man. Us, ladies pay to get extensions for this kind of lashes. I did everything I could to get him to pay me attention. I LOST ..

or did I?

 

The ‘Disney love tale’ version is ¬†3 years later I walked into my friends living room and there was my deer- ¬†pure and serene- just chilling on the sofa. I forgot how to breathe. I felt impure. I felt hateful.

(The deer) It is often a sign not to be too hard on yourself. Still the voice of the self critic and treat yourself with gentleness and understanding, be yourself and continue along your path. Seek out your inner treasures and use them generously to help those around you. Trust that kindness and graciousness will be well received.

http://www.whats-your-sign.com/animal-symbolism-deer.html

I was going to frighten him off like the proverbial ‘skittish dear’. This was a curse from Eros I thought.

That imp! With his silly games of the heart.

To fall in love with one and to not have that love reciprocated.

Eros-Bandit-Graffiti

THE ORIGINAL GANGSTER OF LOVE

We are also reminded that we cannot push towards change in others, rather we gently nudge them in the right direction with love and understanding. Lead by doing and showing the way.

 True Love cannot be pushed and forced.

Deer is a messenger of serenity, can see between shadows and hear what isn’t being said.

Deer teaches us to maintain our innocence and gentleness so we can share our open-heartedness with others.

As you know or may not know. All my fears were a bunch of bullshit and we are getting married in June 2016!

So fairy tales do happen – but there is a lot more hard work involved going on behind the scenes than a simple magic glass slipper, a kiss of life and the rest. Love needs nurture, to be fed and to be cultivated. It needs a pure heart and transparency.

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 (all images sourced from google images)

 

 

35 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY MAN

Here is something I don’t do often – praise my man.

35 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY MAN

  1. He gives me lots of cuddles and I love you’s during the day

  2. He does the washing, dishes and makes the meals in our home

  3. He forgives me when I have been a total bitch

  4. He laughs at things I say and tells me I ought to give myself more credit for being witty

  5. He trusts me  even when I find it hard to trust myself

  6. He likes routine just like me and order. 

  7. he is such a big kid and does the school run with our daughter, come rain,  sunshine, or snow,

  8. He helps anyone and I mean anyone if he can

  9. he  is in love with my soul

  10. everyday he compliments me of my fashion style and how my make up looks

  11. He put up with my cat Tatiana,who I have had since 2008, (four years before we met ) pissing in the lounge for nearly a year. He cried with frustration because he told me he really loves Tatiana but he couldn’t understand why she suddenly started pissing everywhere ( we have worked things out and Tatiana is less jealous of our daughter these days and goes and does her biz in the box)

  12. He won’t have a bad word said about my butt

  13. He is a family man and not a man that goes out drinking with his mates until all hours. He enjoys doing family things

  14. He is patient with my Eating Disorder and doesn’t make me feel like a freak

  15. In the 5 years we have been together he has never let me down not once

  16. He has brought out all the good traits in me Рeven the ones  I thought I never had

  17. I don’t feel the need to overdose take drugs or drink with him in my life

  18. He will sit with me at the hairdressers and when I get my nails done.

  19. He can be silly just like me and we laugh in hysterics at times – like best friends.

  20. He lets me do what I want to do: start a business (that failed), volunteer a lot of my time to mental health charities, he encourages me to write and respects my need of solitude

  21.  He understands my need to exercise everyday 

  22. He’s rather fit and more than a handful in the bedroom ūüėČ

  23. He is 100% himself. What you see is what you get. He is fit (rather dapper and suave) and doesn’t have a ego. He does have a healthy ego.

  24. He is not the  kind of guy to create drama and go all alpha male if some guy challenges him- that says a lot about his character

  25.  He pushed me to carry on studying and get my BA 

  26. He loved me and accepted me when my daughter was taken away from me and put into care. ( people who know my story will know I have her back fulltime in my life with no social services

  27. He is more intelligent than he lets on but doesn’t patronise me with his knowledge of so many topics – he waits for me to approach certain topics and then I’m blown away by how much he knows on xyz topic

  28. He takes a paper towel and soaks up all the extra water in my vegetables and never cooks with oil. I never needed to ask him. He just did it.

  29. ¬†Sometimes I think about calling him to help me do something and then don’t and all of a sudden he calls me asking me if I called him. That is a bit trippy

  30. He loves jazz

  31. He is as stubborn as me

  32. I have no money and am poor and he still loves me. 

  33. He holds me close when I have panic attacks

  34.  He actually communicates with me.

  35. People say he looks like Jesus – the best thing is we are not religious at all. He could probably get away with murder. He can’t turn water into wine¬†

I don’t tell him enough how much he means to me but he is a huge part off my world. I can’t wait to be his bride. Happy endings are not perfect like in fairy tales – happy endings are usually a result of a lot if suffering and compromise. ¬†The end may be the end of one book but it is also the start of another ‘once upon a time…..’

 

Self medicate

When it comes to looking after my own mental health; the one thing I have found hard to control is self-medicating.

  • You know -a few drinks mixed with some hardcore benzodiazepine and possibly a smoke of weed -all night and into the morning: is probably not going to do me and my mind and body any good.

I used to self medicate for years. I’ve been mostly stable these past 5 years. Taken my meds as prescribed and trying more holistic ways of coping.

So mindfulness- staying in the moment is a good discipline to practice. CBT -distraction. Finding out what my interests are.

These days I work with mental health charities. I’m trying to make a full-time career from it. It’s amazing what experience and a better state of mental health have done for me.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not magically cured. On New Years Eve, I met up with a guy I knew would be up for a mad session of partying. Something in me needed to connect. I needed to plug into that buzz I used to get.

Lesson learned for me

Going back to old coping mechanisms to ease my mental health issues is mostly going to end up in tears.

It did.

With me walking home after ‘my friend’ kicked me out of his house saying I was psycho. I can’t remember a lot of the night but I do know that is one heavy accusation coming from someone with his back ground and record.

I don’t usually mind casual use of words like ‘psycho’ and ‘loony’ in certain contexts, although I am mindful when and who I use them with. What did hurt more than anything was him telling me I am a psycho.

These acts of rebellion as I like to call them are few and far between these days. When they do occur I learn the lesson quicker. Go on a downer and then build myself back up within a day or two. I exercise. I do a lot of positive self-talk and I cut ties with the negativity.

I’m pretty chilled and easy to talk to in real life. I am getting married in 6 months to an incredibly supportive man who gets my turbulent acts of rebellion. Of course, they can’t happen too often otherwise the disrespect in our relationship would kind of snip ¬†in two.

It is hard not to self medicate and get on the right medication.  My illness requires tweaking here and there.

The main message I want anyone to take away from this post if any is, that I don’t feel ashamed for having an illness..

I am ashamed of how reckless and out of control I get when I take my mental health for advantage.

It’s 2016. A brand new page. Well, we are four pages into it ūüôā

No more parties and highly overrated expectations to waste my money.  and act like a woman with no responsibilities.

As long as do what I can to keep myself on the upper end of the mental health scale,then I know I am doing the best I can.

I could have used other ways to deal with New Year’s Eve but I chose to get ‘crazy’ and relinquish myself and power to my illness.

Mental health issues are hard to gain control of. Sometimes I just live as best as I can. Keep things simple. Keep my life simple. Be a Mum and a sort of responsible person. I have learnt quite a few tools to cope over the past 5 years.

I am more than happy to pass on some tools and ways to cope other than medication. I use a combination. This is my first post so I will go easy.

Get rid of the negative shit in your life. It is so empowering! Once that negative bubble has been popped and you take the first step to the other dark side- lots of cookies, hot chocolate, movies. Simple pleasures. If you take that small step you will start to attract positive people and have positive experiences in your life.

Daisy