Category Archives: THOUGHTS
The human mind
The human mind doesn’t change like a sailing yacht to the wind .
This quote is everything I feel on a physical, emotional and psychological level.
Ask me my story and I may have the will & courage to write again.
Allusion illusion
Today I will make magic 🎩 become my present 🎁 presence;
Under the the pretext it’s an illusion
Character & mortality
Fear not to expose your vulnerabilities,
For those you seek to exploit know not
of your strengths
All are remarkable traits of your
personality.
Your mark on life
Your history
Most of all your strength of character
in your times played out in mortality.
Life Dash
Our life is entirely summarised by a dash.
Wtf?
It’s obvious..
1981- insert date of death.
Everything that we do within those dates define what we accomplish and who we become or don’t.
One small dash.
two dates
Engraved on our tombstone is what makes our life signicant in this life to others…
That dash between the years is what we did or didn’t get to do with our life.
Or maybe I’m talking crap…..
Probably the latter ..
Sincerly ,
Daisy
Wanna know about life?
Honesty and upfront are my greatest assets & flaws. I’ve avoided blogging too much or connecting over the last few months because I’ve been hiding a lot of guilt and shame –
so I’ve been doing some thinking.
No stream of consciousness or poetry in this post…
Are you still with me? haha
I write for myself first and I always will. When I write for an audience I lose my way easily.
Apologies if this is old news to the more evolved spirits reading this. 😁
Daisy has an epiphany.
I’ve been contemplating on the saying ‘dig deep’
if you decide to use this quote to get you through an experience
Do you know why you need to dig deep?
My thoughts:
from our conception & birth into this life
From our first breath – we have started to dig our own grave.
We begin to design the layout of where our final resting place or end will be.
It would be epic and less stressful if from the moment we are born we knew what we are meant to be doing.
Many people never figure it out or, if they do, it’s too late to ask them if they have it for obvious reasons. 😞
Many people decide to choose a saviour either in the form of an icon – a god, a person, goals – money, love, careers, addictions, etc…
We strive to find something to focus all of our seconds, minutes, hours and years blatantly meandering about on this planet.
Be careful who you allow to support you – some people are so busy trying to save everyone else, ( we all do it at some point); we forget our first honour and duty is to save ourselves and know our own purpose.
It’s known in psychobabble terms as the drama triangle.
Most of use tend to flit between three roles -Victim, the dominating in yer face/demanding person or the carer role depending on the situation we are in, people we are around etc.
To digress,
Many of us go on to have children who rely on us – depend on us to teach them how to navigate their own path – how to create their own resting place – and to be conscious that each action, each decision they make has a hand in determining how they will die.
Teaching others to rely on themselves is a blessing, not a curse.
It is when we are faced with our own reflection, with no other help but to rely on our own resources /skills we collect along our journey in life.
Will we know how we will get to the other side or to our end in this human form.
Some of us end up addicted or come to our end at the hands of illnesses like cancer or dementia, car accidents etc.
Some of us can go out and have a heart attack while having an orgasm. It’s possible
Maybe some of us are unaware that from the moment we are given independent life we are consistently (for better or worse) building our own coffins.
Is it fair that we are not told this from our first breath?
I didn’t make up the rules in life or society.
We -or rather I – can only govern myself and my actions
Choose carefully who you try to help or who you accept help from.
Don’t get mad when people let you down
They are doing what they need to do – following their own purpose.
Some people never find out what their purpose is.
Dig deep.
How comfortable and aware of your surrounding do you want to be when you take your last breath in this life.
We create our own Elysium or heaven or utopia even –
sometimes it’s not what we want or expect-
The truth is we won’t know until we are swimming against the tide or even hanging ten and riding the wave.
I do know that I want to be as conscious and aware of my choices, limits when the waves crash.
My personal chosen Gods have always been tangible- in the form of fully crystallised human beings -flawed just like me.
I think I chose human “idols” to put all my faith because I can have a go at someone when “they” 😉 let me down. I want to face my own success and disappointments A-sap .
Patience /Sabili is not a strength of mine.
I need to look at a reflection of myself to determine I exist.
it’s not easy to figure out life- there is probably more evidence for the saying that instead of philosophising about how to find our purpose i. life- it needs to be lived – consciously and with purpose.
We can live with a purpose not knowing if that purpose is “right “and we can live consciously and not know what our purpose is.
Our Past experiences can help us figure out what tools or resources we need to use if/when we consciously realise
Perhaps I’ve hit the bottom of my pit
How do I bypass this mythical minotaur I’ve read about?
We wonder how we can or even if we can
find strength & savviness to crawl up & out of it to a stable Terre ferme place.
We may wonder if we have the endurance, courage and motivation to get out of coal mine
Whether it’s worth finding a running brook of water to wash the soot from the inside out.
The alternative option is that our final resting place will be exactly where we decide to rest – in this case, the bottom of a pit. State the obvious 😂
It’s our personal responsibility to find (in our finite existence)a place where we feel we have done everything in our power tosit amongst the angels or the gods of Olympus or whatever it is we believe in that will take us through from the beginning to the end. where we can feel at peace with ourselves.
Some of us – most of us never get to that point. Sucks to be us.
I don’t fully believe reincarnation but I am aware that it makes sense our essence/ energy will go someplace else.
Society tells us it’s a selfish idea
‘ look after yourself’.
Human beings are wired to reach out but how we do that and to know our boundaries and the boundaries of others is tricky to balance
boundaries are constantly changing with where we are in our lives, emotionally, physically & mentally.
It’s scary to know we are ultimately alone – only we can change ourselves – our emotions – our ideas – our path.
It’s hard not to resent others or life for making us so capable and resilient.
Damn you life! How dare you 😂
It can be easier to choose to not see the bigger plan – this idea that, yes we govern ourselves and we must govern ourselves and own our actions and our lives.
We must practice being aware that every action /choice/thought we make – has that butterfly effect –
we cause the ripples of life. We are made up of molecules & atoms. Ie energy
Science has come up with terminology -that can help us understand our position in this world, we make up , what and how much we are capable
How much responsibility we all have.
We are tiny specks in the universe however just one body made up of molecules has a direct consequence on those around us, our environment – one choice word or action could help balance our life conversely it can cause it to topple over.
We have nature to compare ourselves to – A crystallised example of what happens when we fuck up different ecosystems – when we put element somewhere and take out element B from somewhere else.
It’s trial and error.
We repeat – the cycle continues.
I think that the fear of being alone is a lot scarier than actually being alone
When I am alone by choice or because People forget me. I decide
I choose to swim and come up for air.
I realised that I have walked the earth with legs , I’ve flown and seen the world from a bird’s eye perspective.
I’ve also stayed a rather unglamourous mammalian unable to grow wings or a tail to adapt to my surroundings.
I choose to live another day. I don’t know if my choices are right or wrong .
Time is what it is.
People in my life , of my life
I love you but I don’t want to need anyone. My desire is I want people because of the love & joy they bring to my life.
That’s it.
Do I decide to fight the battle every day or fall back into a walking state of slumber?
Making sense of English
Beautiful & befuzzling- Especially for foreigners.
My answers are long because the list of pre fixes – to shit – are long …
Horse manure! 🐎 – any tory response especially during ascot season ( the gentrification version ?
Please see pic below

✋️… I’ll try out my wit again..
This looks vaguely like a timeline of the gentrification of the word / class system: * shit*
Have you seen the price of rentals these days ? !
Batshit !
. EPIC FAIL – again.
I’m just not funny 😐 😒.
Waving the red flag..
Gone gorillas in the mist with the word rambunctious ( Stop. Is Google time .)
Am I F***! Waving the red flag !
It’s a doggy 🐕 dog world if you don’t live in China..
Dare I say how it goes if you do live in China 🇨🇳- oops is that a red herring.
( that’s me all over – a false leader )
Shiiiiit.
I’ll stick with my morbid side
Fact : Paris has the highest percentage of irresponsible dog shit picker uppers..
Must be on uppers if they haven’t got the time to pick up dog shit from their little beathoven mutt.
so, basically Paris has the largest amount of doggy doo in the major cities of the world 🌎 to step in.
Lucky ?
Unlucky ?
Merde alors
Oh, I forgot ( I wanted to see if I could try and define rambunctious before I cooled it).
Ha ha!
A bit over the top, firstly, too much , horny even ?
And proper definition 👌
Mmh …
Over boisterous.
Mmh that’s what they say in most
Rape depositions/ statements .
I don’t think rape is something to be laughed at .
Trust me I’ve been there .
Unless they have a small willy.
I can’t use hashtag metoo in this case.
Truth is I don’t have a willy.
Not Bullshit . Potentially batshit
I poured a rather long gin.
Snoop dog influenced me .
#laidback ####’d the crack out of that ..
. Well , on a final note atleast the English language has moved on from human excrement although excrement feels more like an achievement 👏 or an accomplishment than a shit.
I’M MAD SHIZZLE CRAZY .
Lynx Fur coat
My French Grandmother, who (at the time) had the last stages of vascular Dementia lived in a different time to me.
Before my existence , a couple of generations before mine, my Grandpa, bought a gift for my Grandma. I was told she had the coat made for her in Vienna.
I have a confession to make , I am so (so) ashamed.
It’s no ordinary coat,it has her initials engraved on the inside (lynx fur.I’ve seen Kate Moss wear something similar).
For my 27th Birthday my Grandma gave me her coat. It didn’t fit her any more (& she loved me –of course).
I ignored my guilt,played the ignorant person when I wore it ( in hypothermic temperatures in the U.K.) with hesitant pride. It kept out the cold off my bones,it was soft and beautiful.
I own a lynx fur coat. (cue: Gasp, shock & horror).
Now before you all judge me with sentiments such as:
“Burn it ,Daisy , burn it. Sell it or whatever.. Just get rid, girlfriend cos if you don’t,see this? You and me? We are done. And I mean done .”
Try to understand that this is something sentimental (an heirloom) that my grandma gave me before she got ill and passed away from Vascular Dementia & Alzeihemers.
I live with this secret. Erm, not any longer….
I don’t wear it these days.
It makes me feel like a hypocrite.
My Mom has kept it.
She didn’t want me to get rid of it while my grandma was still alive.
So, this is my shameful secret.
Last time I looked at it, I put it on, and I felt like Hannibal.
Images of torture came to the forefront of my mind of what happened to this animal.
How to end this post?
It’s not easy (or even affordable) to just switch over your whole lifestyle /ethics/family traditions etc.. to not eating or wearing anything that hasn’t had an animal involved in the process in some way.
The truth is
I frittered my wedding money away (a couple of years ago) working for a non animal tested and environmental friendly business that sold products from A-Z
I ended up buying most of the products (and it led to nada profit for me)
It was expensive.It cost me an income. It alleviated my consciousness.
I stopped eating sweets (Haribos)because I knew that they had gelatin in them, and that derives from animal fat.
Who needs motivation for going on a diet?
(You now have one )
We can’t get it right all the time. .
We can become more aware about where our consumables come from, who suffers & power ourselves up with knowledge (as shocking and awful as it is).
I’m not saying be ‘overzealous ‘, however,the first step to fighting this massive topic of animal abuse in all its forms -is to become conscious & then to act.
Being conscious leads to decision making and any action you do that comes from a good place in your heart or mind is a good start.
One final thought before I wrap this up.
I recall a time I woke up to the salacious smell of grilling bacon – thanks husband for the temptation.
I nearly threw up. The smell was rank. He thought I was going all ‘Johnny Drama’ (Entourage) on him but, honestly it made me feel sick to the point I ran out of that kitchen.
I DON’T WANT TO EAT SOMETHING OR SOMEBODY JUST LIKE ME.
SHAON THGHILP
Is mortal love the true sin of the man opposed to the laudable man blinded by a paradise of perfection?
With blood on our hands
With bare footed callousness
We walk over the corpses of our ancestors.
The biblical story of Noah is the parable of the modern day humanitarian plight.
We will return to the second day of creation fighting with sticks and stones
As prophesied by another mere mortal
As prophesied by another mere mortal sapian in well versed archaic rhetoric…
Musings of today
Hey,Nina
“The worst thing about that kind of prejudice… is that while you feel hurt and angry and all the rest of it, it feeds you self-doubt. You start thinking, perhaps I am not good enough” -NINA SIMONE –
I never knew why I connected so much with this woman’s voice and songs so much, until now.
We seemingly have nothing in common- she was a trained classical pianist, jazz and soul singer, and a proud African American lady, actively a part of the American civil rights movement.
She hung out with Martin Luther King! She was born in the 1930’s.
I , on the other hand, was born and grew up in South Africa. I am white. I was born in the early 1980s when the apartheid regime was crumbling.
Recently, I watched a documentary about her life on Netflix and I identified with this wild spirit within her. A spirit demanding justice. She was a person who had a name but couldn’t truly own it.
There is a song she sings – AINT GOT NO -I GOT LIFE (she is simply mesmerising to watch)
The song ends with her singing
“I am my freedom. I got my freedom.”
That is my connection to her. For a long time I wasn’t accepted,I may well have been another skin colour.
In fact- in post-apartheid. -early 90’s -I spent most of my teens taking drugs with the colored or black and Indian community ( they identify themselves with these terms in South Africa btw ) and spending less time with white people.
At various points in Nina’s life she felt like she had lost her mind.
I nearly became mad.
In fact I am sure I did.
Many times.
I nearly died -countless times too.
I was forced out of South Africa because my mother couldn’t stand by and watch me die.
It took 17 years to get to the person I am today.
I should be dead. I guess life has bigger plans for me. It is not for lack of me trying every possible way to kill myself by my hand or another’s..
I have always wanted my freedom to be me in my body and mind and be comfortable in it.
In my search for Freedom I even became like some feral creature to get it. I could say I only imitated what I saw other people do.
It’s strange how other people are quick to judge. They don’t seem to see that they do the same things to cope.
Oh,how they just took .
Boys
Girls
Men
Women
People just took from me what was useful to them and discarded me like a used condom. Making sure there was no evidence to be found that linked them with the theft of my own creativity and soul.
People took a lot from Nina – she left the U.S.A. for many years to find her mind and peace.
One of my favourite sayings I always tend to tell people is
“I’m a person with good intentions”
“My actions and heart come from a good place .”
I think I must have picked it up from the lyrics in the song ‘DON’T LET ME BE MISUNDERSTOOD
“I’m just a soul whose intentions are good – Oh lord please don’t let me be misunderstood”
I’ve often felt misunderstood.
I have made one hell of a journey.
So these days if someone misunderstands what I say, I have to pretty much cut them off and be direct and tell them that they have misunderstood or not heard or misinterpreted what I am saying .
To have a soul, you have to be free.
Completely free of your mind and body -you mustn’t covert away any part of you , you must reveal your soul to the entire world.
People will either get you or they won’t but that becomes their problem not mine or yours.
There must be no shame in revealing your soul to the world.
Your story.
Your journey.
Nina was diagnosed with Bipolar in the 80’s and I guess she felt displaced.
Bipolar,huh ?
Displaced ?
Now I know that world well.
I felt displaced in so many situations in my life. I did actually do something Nina did (at a point in her life)-
I turned inwards on myself.
I couldn’t win the political game of “normal” social life. I never fit in one social group or culture.
I stood out for all to see.
I didn’t fit. Yet, I felt comfortable in more than one place or with one type of people simultaneously.
I didn’t want to have to choose just one set of people to be around. I tried to conform but my soul rebelled
I struggled when I was growing up.
Not being able to fit into one box came with high levels of recklessness on my part. I was probably the first person in my social group who displayed crazy- off her head signs.
It was awful because I was only 13-17 years old.
You could be a certain type of crazy but not my kind of crazy.
People backed up the fuck away…
Never mind that later many of my peers would have had more life experience and with that , they had gained a few extra pounds of experiencing the not so great hand life deals us at times.
There would come a time when many I knew would have to deal with whatever it decides to throw at you. Whenever it chooses to do so.
Maybe a few of them went
“Oh,now I get it.”
I took on adult responsibilities from a young age.
I didn’t fucking want them.
So it then became a political inquest into my soul…
My soul fled from me – leaped out of my heart, got lost in my head , ran- in search of the nearest exit.
It found that exit in a secret tunnel at the furthest part of my unconscious. It did a backflip out and over the balcony of my mind, landed on its feet and made for the ocean.
It went into hiding , to the deepest part of the ocean. A place it knew it could surrender to without protest. It could go with the current and not be examined for doing something as natural as just being its nature and of nature.
I searched to reclaim mine back for years.
Soul can’t be questioned, it must be felt.
Nina felt stigma,
I felt stigma,
Many feel stigma.
She connected to so many because she wasn’t afraid to share her humanness and be her and speak up for ‘her kind’.
She inspires me to carry on speaking out for people who still suffer inequality with their mental health issues. I will never stop using my voice and writing to break down stigma and prejudice and ignorance.
There are four songs I want to share that she sang.
The only way she knew how to help change and shape the world she lived in -was to get political with her music. It killed her singing career and nearly killed her.
I can’t help but see Nina as such a positive role model for all genders, race, sexuality, age and faiths.
31 responses to “Hey,Nina”
Reblogged this on AriseAfrica and commented:
thoughtful
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for the reblog.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love this essay. It’s beautiful. It resonated deeply, especially this line. “they had gained a few extra pounds of experiencing the not so great hand life deals us at times.” 💝
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks do much for your comments and for taking the time to tell me what you think.
Yes,we still have to play whatever hand ✋️ we get . Big hugs 🫂
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a powerful post! Nina Simone was amazing and her legacy will go on forever. She poured her heart and soul into every song she performed, from “I Loves You Porgy” to “A Single Woman.” I’m still blown away when I listen to “Sinner Man,” especially the battle cry at the very end!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hey Talonshrasher , I never really understood my connection to her until I watched wetched that nina Simone documenary. And it all made sense when I did a bit more research how a young chilwho group in aparth white chlid , South Africa had this connction to her music . Her passion and soul. I’m currently hav ingva bitvof a mind life crisis so I’m getting my gead together but as soon as I’m back on form I’ll defo be checking out new and old blogs . Thank you so much for reading
LikeLike
[…] Daisy in the Willows […]
LikeLike
Totally relate. People wonder why I write the way I do. It is simple. I don’t fit in a box and I don’t want to. I write to a broad audience and the small-minded and intolerant just cannot deal… oh well… I’m sensing the same spirit in you. Be strong… and… Bravo!
LikeLike
You do not fit in any box I have ever come across- In fact you are a one of a kind shape. Thanks 🙂
LikeLike
What a great post – revealing so much of you – speaking your truth! I listened to her so many years ago when a friend of mine played her songs. From what I remember her songs were melancholy with so much emotions.
LikeLike
Thank you . I don’t tend to hide who I am on my blog. She sang until she dropped. There was also a lot of anger in her songs – Her voice is inimitable
LikeLiked by 1 person
Daisy…its like this was sent to me from God. I am writing an essay on oppression in the ethnic minority and the prejudices and aversive racism. I am so grateful for you post. Not only does it help me within my tma but mentally you have touched me. I thank you so much
LikeLike
Ha ha. had this sense of urgency to write a draft on this post -something I hardly ever do. I think t was your energy trying to get in contact . hah ha”! You must watch the documentary. This should be you last tma now? Aren’t you studying with the OU ?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes I an studying with the ou. I’m writing about eugenics at the moment and the Darwin theory. I also had a conversation about a film called freedom writers. You daisy…are my message from God. X
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had to google that – ha ha- wow! Bit of a controversial topic you are studying. I’ve seen the film. It was such a long time ago . It’s always awesome to help some one any whatever capacity. Good luck with your degree in ?
LikeLike
Daisy, I love the way you draw connections between yourself and Nina Simone. It really says a lot about who you are and I’m glad that life has more in store for you. 🙂
LikeLike
Hi Shavonne . thanks for reading.I didn’t want people to think her struggle was the same as mine so I am glad it came across in the way I wanted it to.
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL. “Shavonne.” I may have to use that for something.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh so sorry – it has been a long day Sharon . ha -SOORRY XXX
LikeLike
Great post Daisy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
T U x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nice post Daisy, you sure have life! Keep rocking it out gal! (or jazzing it out..) 🙂
LikeLike
Ha ha! yes, I like to rock too 😀 THANK YOU for taking the time to read my post 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Music Teacher Lifestyle and commented:
This is powerful! You gotta read this.
It’s just what we need to celebrate on JazzDay! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I totally forgot to link this to your post. It’s a good job some one knows what they are doing :0 THANK YOU X
LikeLike
But you did 🙂 the pingback is there! Thank you much 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh cool. I thought I had forgot. Been celebrating my Nan’s birthday so heads a bit everywhere. We did play jazz so I am happy with my part 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I see you also put the Jazz Award as a widget <3…my heart is filled. And this post…is just awesome and powerful! Thank you for including this on the JazzDay celebration. I didn't have these experiences, I couldn't put this in words at all. I love it! 🙂
LikeLike
I’m so glad I found out about the event you were doing – Thanks for reading. I really enojoyed writing it. My wedding in June is New Orleans Jazz style -so is’s a genre of music close to my heart too 🙂 xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, wow! That is so awesome! It will be a great wedding!
LikeLiked by 1 person
T Y 🙂 ❤
LikeLike