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Grandmama who forgot

Death rattle

Reminiscent of an uprising of crickets ready to battle.
Stare at a puffed updiamond heart
Drumming inside an empty cage.
Birds ripped apart.
Gargoyle stares ignored.
Folk bumble about unaware of what’s in store for us all,
eventually.
The breathe of Hades lingers
then makes a dash for scant flesh and bones.
Meat is not this gods instrument
Lust causes the call for more drones.
Sponge, moisten parched parted lips
Raven signals the ire of its whips.
The ones who don’t loose it in bedlam excite
Death,
Invites all loved ones to rally around
Stands by door.
Stands back a while
Admires its own power.
A moment to savour
Every door closed,
Each breath cloys,
Begs for enough fare to cross the distance to embrace Elysium air.
Today everyone shall know how close we are to parting from brown soil.
Lambs,
Hatched chickens,
Babies born in Cumbersome air.
The cycle must complete before we can emerge reborn.
Death is inevitable as necessary as life is to the Cumbaya of springs first show of petal.
When you look at the beginning of this new dawn,
Know that when you stand back in awe
Its because you have felt the chill of winters soul depart.
Shed a tear for the snowman who brought our youth so much joy.
Appreciate death.
Stare it in the face.
The sun chants
counting his rosary beads.
Tomorrow never dies.
Trying to type something while listening and watching my grandmother dying.
Rasp
Gasp
I support the assisted dying law.
This is inhumane!
A selfish farce.
Happy mothers day,
Wherever you go
Wherever you roam
I hope that it is a place as magnificent as earths revellers make it out to be.

Ma petit fripon. Je t’aims toujours

This a poem that I wrote whilst waiting and comforting my mom and my gran before she passed over in March 2018, from vascular Dementia and Alzheimers. I wrote it while waiting for her to let go of Life. It’s a Morbid (and possibly strange) thing to do when someone you love is dying in front of you. This was one way of expressing my powerlessness, over a period 3 days watching someone cling on to this Life).*

Pets & neglect

 

I thought today would be a good time to get a bit closer to home with the animals that we choose to adopt into our family.

Here is a word

NEGLECT

and another

ABUSE

What does this mean to you?

What does it bring to mind?

Something deliberate?

Sometimes  these words conjure up images and words of

  • Shooting

  • Stabbing

  • Setting an animal on fire

  • Stop-Animal-Cruelty-Dont-Be-Sorry-Do-Something.jpg

 

A lot of animal neglect may not be deliberate.

It can be as something as simple as forgetting to put out fresh clean water for a pet or a farm animal.

There is a strong link between animal abuse and violence. My ex-partner was violent with his dog.

 

Is there a relationship between domestic abuse and animal abuse?

When I sought out my local woman centre about the violent relationship I was in. I had to do score test to find out which band or stage of severity my abuse I was in.

One of the questions was if my ex-partner ever hurt an animal. Animal abuse

This is one of the four predictors that may indicate that a partner will be violent to a child or a partner.

I remember a long time ago, I can’t remember where I was living but there was a man who was always abusing his dog. I don’t know what he did to it but the animal was clearly distressed. So much so I reported it.

So can animal abuse give some indication towards abuse to people?

Social workers /professionals are supposed to be trained to look at an animal’s living conditions in a household and gauge how they are treated to indicate if they’re some kind of clear break down in a family. There can be many reasons for this.

  • Poor mental health

  • Unable to have Empathy

  • Substance misuse

  • Animal hoarding

Animal neglect does give a better picture of any child /Domestic violent abuse that may occur in a household.

It seems like a no brainer and it is..

 

MEMORY ALERT

I remember when I was about 4/5 years old. I was playing with my ‘My little pony’ kingdom and the kitten we had at that time came to say hi. I don’t know what I was thinking but there was a ribbon on the floor- the memory is a bit blurred.

I tied the ribbon around my kitten’s neck and then tied it to the leg of the table my pony kingdom was on and I kept on tightening the ribbon until my kitten was hanging.

Something in my brain shattered. I realised if I didn’t do something my kitten would die because of me.  I scrambled to get my kitten free and I was in tears- horrified that I had nearly killed my kitten.

My kitten was fine by the way.

What if my mother hadn’t been a mad cat/animal lover like me?

What if she hadn’t taught me to love and respect animals?

Just a thought I guess….

She doesn’t know about this event.

 

So is animal abuse normal in children?

This can indicate that a child is a high-risk youth. Children from violent homes of abuse and neglect can act out abuse on animals.

I don’t know what this says about me.

Was I acting out on some unconscious level what was going on in my home at that point?

Possibly.

I think for me what is important is my instinct kicked in and I knew this was wrong and I never wanted or tried to hurt an animal again.

Some experts would agree that intervening early with a  child at risk of developing abusive traits can be more therapeutic in stopping the cycle of violence.

Why should I get involved in reporting animal abuse if it is not my business? How can I possibly be making any difference at all?

It is about looking at the bigger issues. If you report to the police/animal protection society of any abuse that you see, then this will be recorded on the crime database and it can lead to investigations and prosecuting dangerous criminals, keeping them away from society-ie in  prison.

 People who act out on crimes such  as

  • Damaging property

  • Violence against humans

  • Drug and Disorderly offences

can all be linked to animal abuse

WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP? I hear you ask

 

http://www.humanesociety.org/issues/abuse_neglect/tips/cruelty_action.html?credit=web_id83147831

Report all animal abuse. Animal abuse can indicate that there is something seriously wrong with an individual. It is not normal or acceptable.

 

The more we as a community alert police and the law to animal abuse, it becomes a clear message that this is an issue that needs to become more of a priority. It is a stand we take- that we will not accept to live in a  violent community. Law enforcers will need to become more serious about how they deal with this crime because we won’t ignore it anymore.

The result will be a safer community for our families.

 

Lynx Fur coat

My awful confession.

My topic -Animals

My French Grandmother, who has the last stages of vascular Dementia lived in a different time to me.

Before my exsistence ,  couple of generations  before mine, my Grandpa, bought a gift for my Grandma. I was told she had the coat made for her  in Vienna.

  I have a confession to make ,  I am so (so) ashamed.

It’s no ordinary coat,it has her initials engraved on the inside (lynx fur.I’ve seen Kate Moss wear  something similar).

For my 27th Birthday my Grandma gave me her coat. It didn’t fit her any more (& she loved me –of course).

I ignored my guilt,played the  ignorant person  when I wore it  ( in hypothernic tempertures in the U.K.) with  hesitiant pride. It kept out the cold off my bones,it was soft and beautiful.

I own a lynx fur coat. (cue: Gasp, shock & horror).

Now before  you all judge me with sentiments such as:

“Burn it ,Daisy , burn it. Sell it or whatever.. Just get rid, girlfriend cos if you don’t,see this?  You and me? We are done. And I mean done .”

Try to  understand that this is something sentimental  (an heirloom) that my grandma gave me before she got ill and passed away from Vascualr Dementia & Alzeihemers.

I live with this secret. Erm, not any longer….

I don’t wear it these days.

It makes me  feel like a hypocrite.

My Mom has  kept it.

She didn’t  want me to get rid of it while my grandma was still alive.

So, this is my shameful secret.

Last time  I looked at it, I put it on, and I felt like Hannibal.

Images of torture came to the forefront of my mind  of what happened to this animal.

How to end this post?

It’s not easy (or even affordable) to just switch over your whole life style /ethics/family traditions etc.. to not eating or wearing anything that hasn’t had an animal involved in the process in some way.

The truth is

I frittered my wedding money away (a couple of years ago) working for a non animal tested and environmental friendly business that sold products from A-Z

I ended up buying most of the products (and it led to nada profit for me)

It was expensive.It cost me an income. It alleviated my conscious.

I stopped eating sweets  (Haribos)because I knew that they had gelatin in them, and that derives from animal fat.

Who needs a  motivation for going on a diet?

(You now have one )

We can’t get it right all the time. .

 We can  become  more aware about where our consumables  come from, who suffers & power ourselves up with knowledge (as shocking and awful as it is).

I’m not saying be   over zealous ‘,  however,the first step to fighting this massive topic of animal abuse in all its forms -is to become conscious & then to act.

Being conscious leads to decision making  and any action you do that comes from a good place in your heart or mind is a good start.

One final thought before I wrap this up.

I recall a time  I woke up to to the salacious smell of   grilling bacon – thanks husband for the tempation.

I nearly threw up. The smell was rank.  He thought I was going all ‘Johnny Drama’ (Entourage) on him but, honestly it made me feel sick to the point I ran out of that kitchen.

I DON’T WANT TO EAT SOMETHING OR SOMEBODY JUST LIKE ME

Thanks for the the support and new flowers I’ve made and met.

It has been a pleasure.

Beggars Society

Beggers society.

true love insatiety.

 

Two lovers with no fixed abode.

Pariahs to a culture in the quest for a monetary load.

 

Shelter over head versus security locked on the inside.

Freedom in exploring lovers to expel,

outcasts have rights to claim base to a premise.

 

Basic needs

Allow Emotion necessary feeds.

Inconceivable,two teens choose homelessness!

Increasing sorrow into the hearts of a young generations bliss?

 

The fault is not with those who choose companionship.

The system fails us all.

 

Digits in Information Data protected code.

Silicon domain ship drives the latex whip.

 

Norms of society don’t make for a decent person.

 

Laws in place to follow obediently -can’t find a pulse – humanity is cursing.

No religious books needed to teach us how to know right from wrong.

Morals are instinctive-passed down a DNA cell telethon.

 

Spirituality and science

is empathy responding in defiance.

Scrutinise the tramps

for he who makes not a wage sufficient to put in our governments’ banks.

Gleam citizens of society!

 

Feed your families by working for a legal, unethical corporation.

Where will you take your possessions when nature sheds a hernia?

Blood bank Sponsorship in need of a different type of currency.

 

Fear

we have lost.

Not long until we see all genders in mass hysterization.

Followers, likes, tags, social status

irrelevant.

 

War on the photoshop Generation

insert a sultry slavering pavlova condition.

 

wear the no makeup look – wear less makeup.

no need for a two-hour trial and a tutorial book.

 

A means to an end.

Look at how we teach our children to defend

themselves

alone

for one day we must die.

 

How can we continue to justify how we live life?

living in hope of being upgraded by united airlines,

feet up in the sky

‘on the high’.

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Myth in Greek & Roman world essay

This essay seeks to demonstrate how valid some form of knowledge and belief in mythology was, during the Classical era, in Athens. It remained a potent force in many different contexts, this will be evidenced by analysing four ancient primary sources.

The first is related to Performance: in ‘old comedy’. Specifically focusing on a section of Aristophanes’ ‘the Frogs’ (136-64.) work ‘, the second examines a source on ‘sacred disease’, by a possible Hippocratic doctor (I-II), The third primary source will explore the ‘Homeric hymn to Demeter’ (2) (1-495) and its relevance in classical society and finally the fourth source presented will look to the relevance and what’ mythos’ meant in terms of ‘logos’ during the Classical period by looking at one of Plato’s famous works ‘the republic’ (2.377b5-3.3.389d5). The main themes to be covered are the gods, life, ethics and the afterlife.

Myth’s continued appearance in entertainment gave playwrights a broader spectrum of themes to play out in relation to the God’s character traits, ideas of the afterlife and what was considered to be good and bad gods. Aristophanes play ‘the Frogs’ which won first place at the annual Dionysus festival is often looked at in a political context.

This essay simply seeks to look at the play from a more surface value perspective. This play proves that myth was indeed a powerful antidote to the serious more philosophical and everyday issues that Athenians were confronted with.

It depends on how informed the internal or external audience were as to how much an individual gained from the experience.
There is a scene that occurs that is completely sardonic where Xanthias expresses his discomfort of going to the underworld and a dialogue takes place between a corpse and himself whereby he is trying to barter with a corpse to go with Dionysus in place of him, “Hey you the dead one, I am talking to you, do you want to carry some luggage to Hades? “(136-64.).

This kind of baldy alternative take on Hades underworld shows how myth was still a huge inspiration for artists in Greek society in regards to the issues and questions relating to the Gods and the afterlife . Myth in this context was contorted and manipulated to tease an audience and provide entertainment.

Then contemporary audiences would have to have some familiarity with myth and Greek culture to fully appreciate the wit that Aristophanes regularly makes reference to. An example: Dionysus preparing to go to the underworld when Herakles is describing the directions to take: “Next …. Of hands”. Dionysus wants to know who these men and women are. Herakles tells him that (they are) ‘the blessed’ ‘the initiate’s’.

This reference is proof that outside of this play there is some other knowledge about the ‘Eleusinian mysteries’ –specifically the cult of Demeter. It appears that on stage nobody was safe from being mocked.

According to ‘Homeric hymn to Demeter’ (471-482) “Happy is the one of mortals of the earth. But those who are uninitiated into the holy rites and have no part are never destined to a similar joy when they are dead in the gloomy realm below”.

Cults of religious worship were colossal in Athens during the classical period even whilst supposed ‘scientific’ and philosophical debate was occurring. The exact rituals and full commentary of worship which occurred in this particular cult were kept extremely secrete. Modern excavations show that at the sanctuary there was holy place dedicated to Demeter (M&L, pg344). The cult did not discriminate class, age nor gender.

This was an annual and ritualistic event similar to the festival of Dionysus in that it attracted masses of people but for different and more serious reasons. The ‘Homeric hymn to Demeter’ contents are emotional, intimate, vengeful, god fearing and relies on the God and Goddess of fertility (which provides an under tone of birth and rebirth to the nature of worship) to carry on harvesting the crops so the mortal race could continue to survive.
The church and state stuck to a rigid programme of what was to occur on each day of this 9 day festival which took place during an important time in terms of agriculture produce is of concern.

The nine day celebrations tie in with the hymn “For nine days… her body.” (40-48). and is a particularly antagonizing quest for a mother looking for her daughter who had been abducted by Hades. It is believed a part of the myth of Persephone and Demeter was appropriated for ritualistic re-enactment. .This cult did not dissolve until it was repressed in Roman times.

This shows the unwavering worship of Gods of mythos despite other ways and methods of approaching myth during this period.

Another important area to highlight with regards to Greek mythology is the attitude towards medical treatment when it came to illness and the study of Biology.

Like in our modern day there are various methods and people to whom we can put our faith in to cure an illness.

The same can be said for the Classical period. This Hippocratic source talks about ‘the sacred disease ‘– (or Epilepsy as we know it).He states that: ‘in my opinion (it) is no more divine or more sacred than other diseases but has a natural cause.’ One could interpret this cause as not coming from a random bored God but coming from our complex brain and body which is divine because of its complexity in nature.

The source presents as wanting to reason and encourage people to look to alternative ways to curing maladies.
Instead to by following the norm by a “facile method of healing….consisting as it does of purifications and incantations” and then showing a reluctance to look at nature is pure ignorance. This source shows alternative thought that perhaps the Gods give us the internal make up to cure our own bodies. Indeed, this physician (II) has a strong opinion concerning the people who ‘christened’ epilepsy (mental illness) as a ‘sacred illness’. He terms them as ‘quacks’ and ‘charlatans’.

These supposed knowledgeable people ‘being at a loss’ in their ability to ‘cure’ or atone for an illness, have instead ‘spun’ as the Hippocratic doctor says “a plausible story and established a method a method of treatment to secure their own positions”.

He is not attacking people’s belief in the Gods. He is stating that respected people in the community had exploited ill people in their ignorance and that there is in fact a more natural way of finding a solution to the various ‘maladies’ by studying the body in its present ill state.
The majority of whom followed the Hippocratic non-traditional method of teaching did so for honourable means to genuinely find a cause and a solution to all illness even if s the prescription came in the form practical advice .Professor Helen King (Open University transcript on ‘Myth in Medicine conclusion) makes a valid point stating that ‘ Peoples beliefs about their bodies are complicated… Medicine doesn’t deal with questions like ‘Why me?’.

Treatment often went hand in hand with religious worship as one relates and attempts totreats the ill mind or body and the other relates and attemptsto treat our psyche .

Plato believed that the soul and the body were separate to one another. In his ‘the Republic’, a dialogue between Socrates and Adeimantus is essentially a discussion on ethics and morals as to what could be interpreted as the necessary elements needed to create a utopian society.

Socrates is not against the belief in the Gods –his argument is to do with content and how the ancient poets have portrayed the Gods in their epic poems; ‘the ones Hesiod and Homer .to people’ (2377. b5-6e.) He argues that these poets created ‘falsehoods’. Stories that make the Gods appear without virtues.

Socrates goes on to discourse (378.5c-e.). One critical viewpoint is that he doesn’t believe that children should be brought up on stories about Gods at war, killing their parents and stealing for example.

These kind of parables, he believes are not setting a solid foundation for people to model their own morals and code of ethics. Young people especially are impressionable .

There is further debate about what is good and bad and the two characters come to the decision that “Gods of course are really good and they must be described as such.’(379.10b.).

Socrates does state that if these stories need to be known then they should be censored to the correct and minimum of people. (378.5a.)

If one is to take on the idea that Gods are good then the idea that they are responsible for all that is not good is a contradiction. The overall summary of Socrates argument is that if people felt a personal sense of responsibility towards themselves to be good in this life then they should not have to fear the afterlife.

Furthermore there is interesting discussion concerning the Gods and their changeability (379.10d.382a). This lengthy debate about there being something more wonderful than the divine form would only make sense. If there was a virtue better than goodness. Socrates again insists that poets must present the Gods as they are: good –virtuous and not in a way that allows them to assume many disguises lowering the basic morale of a society. “Nor should Mothers… children too cowardly.” (379. 5d-e.) It would appear that these snippets of dialogue from ‘the Republic’ reveals that Plato’s’ philosophizing was on other canonised version of the Gods.

These characters had strong views about how the Gods could come across as unreliable punishing, moody, and unstable and that these qualities could not instil unification of trust, virtue and stability in a society. One can clearly see that Classical philosophy was not mainly concerned with terminating myth but it questioned the beneficial effects certain mythological representation’s had on an individual and as a common people.

To conclude we can see that in antiquity Epic myth and Tragedy, Old comedy was never meant to come across as banal. Indeed people with influencing and fantastical ideas of Gods and the afterlife and the author’s agenda and ethics were displayed and debated about. Pre Homeric and Hesiod literature mythos was mostly told orally and so there were many contradictions and versions of myths and what mythical characters did. There were many determining factors. One for example, was the strength of the story teller skills, another was more concerned with demographics. One thing is certain is that Greek mythology was the inspiration and conversation /debate starter from many areas even outside of the western world for subject matter relating specifically to ethics, the afterlife and life and creation. A person can consider this as universal evolvement of thinking and it is not assumed that Greeks were the first humans to enquire on and seek reason on our existence through debate about mythology. There is simply not enough evidence to back this up. Finally Mythos on its own acted as a sacred harbinger to bring meaning to life and issues inside and outside of it.

The Inculcator.

Under the influence,

who’s to say my way is better than yours?

What’s that word for those who like to care for whores?

Pimps?

Imps?

Is there a  true distinction between the two?

The school of life is far larger than just for the selected few.

Influence is an exact measure of precise repetition.

The part of solving this equation is probably not for the likes of an uneducated me-  

but possibly lies with some newly,  appointed  Electrician.

Electrocution is a great way to enforce.

It sure makes it a hell of a lot easier to ensure masses, fully inebriated,  back up those –  and are ready to fully endorse.

What is it we are teaching future generations?

Whose actually going to succeed with such subtle manipulations?

Where is this place to be found for  a word for this repetitive echo?

Why does it get enforced by a wildly driven, escaping, tailless gecko? 

 When tails grow back, tales grow tall.

Tell a person enough of the same concept – stand back and watch in awe.

Good and Evil – it looks like the latter is winning

but,

if we can take back what is ours, then we can send these merry, mad cowboys into exile, to their very own land of mudslinging.

Ghung -ho – is about all we have got left.

We can’t remain complacent and look at each other up and down, wondering who will stand up to fight.

We all need to take the test.

Who are we going to let dominate what we are taught?

Shape our ideas and strangle out any independent spirit, that knows what it is like to have ideas impregnated with artificial thought?

Abort this plan and let’s rewrite history.

Conquer the long-held champions of the poison distillery.

Rise like warriors of humanity,

make it our turn to infiltrate.

Bring back a new meaning to those who seek to inculcate.

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Definitions forinculcate

  • to implant by repeated statement oradmonition; teach persistently and earnestly(usually followed byupon orin): to inculcatevirtue in the young.

Citations forinculcate

“Speaking of morals,” said Lady Roseville, “do you not think every novel shouldhave its distinct object, andinculcate, throughout, some one peculiar moral, suchas many of Marmontel’s and Miss Edgeworth’s?” “No!” answered VincentEdward Robert Bulwer-Lytton, Pelham; or, Adventures of a Gentleman, 1828

she practiced as well as preached the doctrines which she had striven for somany years toinculcate in an unthinking populace. Her day always began with alight but nutritious breakfast, at which a peculiarly uninviting cereal, which lookedand tasted like an old straw hat that had been run through a meat chopper,competed for first place in the dislike of her husband and son with a more thanusually offensive brand of imitation coffee.P. G. Wodehouse, Indiscretions of Archie, 1921

Inculcate descends from the Latin verbinculcāre meaning “to trample, tread”with the root wordcalx meaning “heel.” It entered English in the mid-1500s

DICTIONARY.COM

Increasing my vocabulary everyday.  Challenges are hard buy achievable.

want to have a go?

 

 

Pets are for Life

When it comes to deciding to add to our family -most people want  a pet ( earthlings )with out baggage.

The websites I always see about adopting a pet look a bit depressing and not at all eye-catching.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where advertising extends to human and animals lives. The flashier the better.

It is said that we are so fickle but I can’t change this in one post.

I have found the most innovative website to adopt a pet – you have to check it out  THE SHELTER PET PROJECT  

“A person is the best thing to happen to a shelter pet. Be that person. Adopt.”

http://theshelterpetproject.org/who-we-are/

The site takes you through a funky modern and fun exploration on anything you need to know about PET ADOPTION- there is no hint of pity. These animals are celebrities, stars. 

You are the privileged one to have a dog or cat with the ‘X factor’come to live in your home. 

It is such an easy site to navigate around and it’s exciting. 

 There is also an Adoption story section with a twist

Check this out   

BENTO (AKA “KEYBOARD CAT”)

ADOPTER:

Charlie Schmidt

LOCATION:

Spokane, Washington

SHELTER:

Spokane County Regional Animal Protection Services

WHY BENTO (AKA “KEYBOARD CAT”) IS SO SPECIAL:

Bento is my best friend. We both have very similar personalities and he’s always motivating me to make art; I’m always drawing and taking pictures of him. He also happens to have incredible musical talent – you might know him as Keyboard Cat! #StartAStoryAdopt

IF YOUR PET COULD TALK, WHAT WOULD HE OR SHE TELL US ABOUT YOU?:

My dad always says I motivate him artistically, but in reality, he is my motivation.

Here is one for our dog lover friends

TOAST (AKA “TOAST MEETS WORLD”)

Toast-9794_HD_flat_RGB_01SIMPLE

ADOPTER:

Katie Sturino

LOCATION:

New York, NY

SHELTER:

Dog Habitat Rescue

WHY TOAST (AKA “TOAST MEETS WORLD”) IS SO SPECIAL:

Toast is a total diva – she always does whatever she wants, including sleeping – and snoring at inopportune times (like when I’m on a conference call!). But, she’s an epic snuggler, and so much more. Every day, she does a million little things that make me laugh, and I can’t imagine life without her. #StartAStoryAdopt

IF YOUR PET COULD TALK, WHAT WOULD HE OR SHE TELL US ABOUT YOU?:

My Mom secretly loves napping (and snoring) as much as I do. Speaking of napping, Zzz….

If this doesn’t convince you that shelter pets have the X  factor check out this 30-second clip . To get it. You have to watch it 🙂  just saying

  Here are links to different websites that can help you with different information you may need when you adopt a new child into your family.

All celebrities deserve to be treated with the X FACTOR  star treatment 🙂

THE AFFORDABLE WAY TO NEUTER OR SPAY YOUR BELOVED PETS 

PET CARE RESOURCES

PETS FOR LIFE

LIKE THEM ON FACEBOOK 

(FEATURED IMAGE PHOTO CREDIT Photo by James Evans/Illume Communications)

Getting to know me

5 am start to get shit done. Coffee is my greatest ally. Okay so for writing 101  we had to write a list of things we like, things we wish for and things we have learned. What I  intend to do with this list is use it as a prompt to create situations, develop plot and character for the NaNoWriMo 50 000 word challenge for the month of November. I’m also killing the two proverbial ‘birds with one stone. Day three of NaNoWriMo and I’m up to 1701 words. I do not know what the finished product will be but I’m enjoying the process.

Here is mine :

Things I Like:

  • I like reading

  • I like dancing

  • I like music

  • I like being fashion

  • I like  all you can eat pancakes for 5 rand -( takes me back to childhood: After every beach session with my mates in South Africa we  would stop off  at this pancake cafe,and eat the thickest and biggest pancakes imaginable. We had competitions  to see who could eat the most. My record is a proud 8)

  • I like going to  events festivals, gigs, theatres

  • I like to be accepted by my friends

  • I like to be secure in my surroundings

  • I like to look good

  • I like to be helpful

  • I like to do good

  • I love my  bed

  • I like vaping

  • I like sunny days

  • I like to be around un pretentious people

    I like conversations with my daughter

I Wish:

  • I wish I had learned to play a musical instrument properly

  • I wish I had not wasted my time getting people to like me

  • I wish I had proper  sight vision from a young age

  • I wish my Aunt had not died from cancer

  • I wish a person close to me  would stop hearing voices and get better

  • I wish I had an engaging personality

  • I wish I had more self-belief

  • I wish I was not so self-critical

  • I wish my Grandpa had not died

  • I wish I had stayed in Miami

  • I wish I  had a closer bond with my Dad

  • I wish I could afford to go on holiday

  • I wish that I was naturally thin

  • I wish my Gran did not have Alzheimers and Dementia

  • I wish I had just enough money to do more of the things I enjoy –theatre –gigs festival travel

I’ve Learned:

I’ve learned to question my thoughts

I’ve learned to let people talk before jumping in

I’ve learned that drugs and alcohol are not my thing

I’ve learned that most people I know suffer from some form  of mental illness in their life –(this prompted me to think about a character who lashes out at people to hide a horrible secret- Her mental health issues)

I’ve learned the value of true love and self-respect

I’ve learned not to get too upset if people don’t like me (  yet again great inspiration fro developing all round characters with shades of dark and light)

I’ve learned   how to not self-harm

I’ve learned that hard work pays off

I’ve learned about faith and spirituality and religion and  developed my own  belief  system– (devil-prompt-  aaaaaaaargh what ? The devil bit was my  teenage obsession phase with satanic cult books. I never became a Satanic but I have always had a thirst for knowledge and I have a rather consistent habit of being drawn to ‘dark side’

I’ve learned to look people in the eyes when I speak and when they speak with me

I’ve learned that I am a compassionate person

I’ve learned about unconditional love

I’ve learned not to think that not all laughter is aimed at me

I’ve learned to fight  and stand up for myself (something I didn’t have the tools to do when I was a teenager. ( I got into one physical fight in my life and I didn’t even know it was going to happen. In my drug taking hey day I was accused of stealing friends mobile phones for drugs. The true thief was a so called drug buddy and boyfriend who used me as his unknowing decoy to steal shit for his habit. Who was the fall guy/woman?  Me. I was so addled with drugs and anorexia one punch knocked me flat out. People wanted a  fight but I don’t think physical violence is way to ‘sort things out’. Now, out witting some one with words is  powerful a message and   more my thing.