Blog Archives

Infidelity

If you took away  my infidelity
Would you let me have my way?

If these words were flesh
Would you  bury my  bones
Dig up the grains  of sand
Left
Over
Blow my spirit so the the people who could never  say
The bones could never declare
I existed
For a day
A season
Unless  you said I  was fair.

For  a moment
An hour longer than you dared to muster
To declare I’m  the loyal mare
I dare you to share
Laisse faire
For another day might tame
The girl who cared.
Or are afraid to .. …

If there was ever a time

If there was ever a time to put your words on display

National Poetry Day is the time to use your voice to say

What is in your heart

What do you feel

Reveal the emotions -at inner play.

Don’t admonish your words merely to paper

Don’t admonish your words merely to your mind

Shout out: I’m worthy. What I’ve to say is enough for today and another and another and ..

National poetry is for more than one day

Make each one count

Not merely the words you deem fit to convey

Your worth is more than hiding away behind myriad of masks to please those who get in your way

Your words are worth more than those whom you justify your truth without causing affray.

Your life story : Not merely poignant

Make your impression

Make your mark

I’m here to stay for more than a moment

more than a hashtag.

Use your words

Use your voice

To guide you to a better life -your way

For better or for worse

You are brave

So, seize your day

Its Okay.

Confessional poetry -Anxiety

*inspired by a work exercise I had to do for my bibliotherapy course- WORD PROMPT -ANXIETY*

Loss of control
Increased numerical equation
Detract from the value of self-worth.

Mind full
Mind bloated

Aspirations snipped loose by an unearthly, scale driven puppet master
Reduces an entire psyche to a chemical embarrassment.

Good mood desires nourishment
the live to eat philosophy
A heavy burden the beast bears herded in
restricted to forage on cashing out a societal life policy.

A one manned island
ravaged
to its hunger

A girl’s introspection reflection

She lived a life of colour.
She lived a life of dull.

Throughout her life, she learned
That her desire for instant thrills

Having seen her become a woman who is miraculously
still alive!

Not a corpse waiting for her family to visit her grave mourning what life dispensed.

If her spirit inspired her desire to live as a dissident against the traditionalist life of her own free will.

10 days she was in a coma.

Today, she is alive and her perspective has changed on time,
on her ability to process the strength

She needs to draw upon less selfishness

to make life joyful for the ones who taught her that it’s okay to forget,

It’s okay to lose her way,
It’s all okay,

even when
She decides to instil what her children will impart

whether they take her advice seriously… Or on a whim.

Challenge the elements

A breath of air
Fresh from the battle of morn
A new day has begun.

This has been a tough week for me- in terms of writing especially when I have to I am challenged to condense my words. The pressure to write comes when I’m under extreme pressure. The emotions I’m experiencing before I write are more often than not “negative”.
I wrote ✏️ this Haiku

A breath of air
Fresh from the battle of morn
A new day has begun.

Nature’s word cloud 💭

*poem inspired by making a word cloud of words I associate with nature*

Greed begets Intelligence
Animals rapidly become extinct
Beliefs about climate change
Ignorance – our children blame the seasons.

A pregnant pause, enlightenment shakes its head in disbelief.

Woe, our animals
Woe, our children
Woe, nature has become the beast.

Mortality balances out death
A rebirth of natural feelings causes us to sigh with our grief.

Oh, how to let the sunlight in?
Oh, how to bear these storms?


Oh, how to see the silver lining when mist obscures all common sense?

Oh, how will we learn to embrace the purity of snow,
When does our fatal flaw refuse to allow mother nature to get her way?

One element of me

  First appearances people see the peak of an iceberg
I’m frosty, aloof and alas, on occasion I am mean.
                                   GRRRRRRR.

If a person wishes to explore more of my make up they’ll find layered depths of frenetic intensity.
I have secrets of a history spanning over decades often feeling I’ve lived for centuries.
Am I immortal?
I’m merely human, don’t you see?

Occasionally, my demeanour melts at the sight of past enemies.
I’ve learned to be durable
Have the strength to endure a life span of over three decades.
An incredible feat, don’t you agree?

When poorly I’m cold
Under the sunshine, I bask in the glory
Honoured to feel;
Honoured to acknowledge I too have victories.

Oft I catch people off guard with bursting shouts, Look at my glee!

Inner confidence harks, Don’t underestimate me!


Many moon cycles left behind in the dark.
Startled by spring to be reborn
Nature is cruel
Thoughts of how can I summon up the will to carry on?

Life drags on a lit cigarette hope rapidly distinguishes
The light I can barely see.


Life stamp me out,
a frazzled repressive voice alien to the world.
This is how I feel!

A weedy, nondescript Daisy,
If it turns a head to the sunshine I bloom into a true flower
radiant; carefree

Wild and untameable.

I was born to be free
I wasn’t born to conform to the expectations of some society.
 

It’s complicated.

Will you?

Will I?

Yes, wouldn’t you..?

Wouldn’t I?

What I mean to say is….Will you? Please ……

What are you doing?

Erm…… Doing?

Yes… Down there. I tower over you enough when you aren’t half bent and crooked…

Half bent? What is that supposed to mean?

Half bent! You have that look… that thing those people -how do you say it?- Oh, I don’t know airy and breezy…

Is this a joke? Are you really enjoying this?

I would ask you the same question. Last time I checked you were not the person I see before me…

And what person is that? 

Not this – it’s so ………….so ………… unnatural. For you, I mean.

Well, I know I’ve never been conservative but unnatural?

Rather liberal I would say. 

Ma Cherie, Will you? 

Will, I what? 

Will you come down to my level of thinking?

Are you sure you are not possessed?

I think you have confused me with some character. I’m not quite sure what it is you imply…

Look!  I will come down to your level and tarnish my finery, on one condition…

Anything. of course!

Ask me the question again?

The..  Which one?

Oh the heavens, this will never wash out -the first one!

Oh, of course. Will you?

I will…

You will – this is just marvellous!

if…

If what? I beseech thee.

If I say I will: will you promise to remain the Gayest fiance there was ever born?

Gayest? Have you lost you….. I am a full-blooded Alpha. Is this a joke?

No. 

No. Just No.

If I say I will -will you continue to be the Gayest man I have ever seen?

Well, my love. Don’t mind if I get up off my knees- I need to think about this.

I said yes, I  will!

You are mocking me.

No. I love to see the way you look at me – T’is the gayest I have seen you yet.

Dear Lord! 

Will you? , it is just Darling.

I think, ma Cherie. I think I need to, uh, communicate a little better..

If you say you will, you may kiss me.

If I may say….. K- cos I  b like MindFuck. gotta chillax with my bros in a mo, my answer is mb. 

MB? Another mighty bastard

(Doesn’t it suck that we use text lingo instead of proper language these days)

 

Cinquain -Batarde!

Fathers

Sons of other mothers

Paternal, protective of those who raised them

Desperate screams, abandoned by their original sires

Bastards!

This is how do it±

1: one syllable (title),line

2: two words describing the title

3: three words relating the action,

line 4: four words expressing the feelings,

line 5: one word recalling the title.ber of syllables i.e. line

I’m supposed to be working but I’m doing anything but….. I thought let’s humiliate myself more ( how low can you go? I couldn’t care less tbh… It helps my mind to do all these silly creative experiments.

So here is hazy daisy “singing” in what appears to be French.

(Trying to get back to speaking French again) I’mnot trying to make money out of it so it is all good! 😉

 I’m lucky to have a husband who loves our daughter like she was his own. She is in everyone’s eyes becuase  the other amoeba literally refused to see her!

Fuck him cos he was a creep & a nutter & disturbed & he pressed EVERY.BUTTON.IN.MY.SOUL.

 I’m pretty doolally, okay. He was insidious and cos I fought back when he was violent or put me down  I got blacker, more yellow, more trips to the hospital. I grew to hate him. And there are not many people I can say I hate. One person -Him.

I focused most of my B.A.  in creative writing getting over his perverse ways and utter lack of respect for me. I graduated with a post-graduate degree in the humanities (high merit) THANKS for the material.

As for Gaz, he used to come with me to contact centres and wait for me while I saw my daughter  for10 hours a week ( for 16 months), I’m often caught off guard at how hands on a Dad he is. Difficult behaviour or not. He truly loves our child. I didn’t think it was possible. He does.

It’s been a tough one today cos my Gaz’s Dad died a few months ago. I tried to ay happy fathers day to my own Dad. My gut feeling is he can’t he be arsed. I’ve been a problem since I was 2years old. my Dad and my stepmom decided when they got married  (over 30 years ago) that they would forget about any previous children. So my stepsister lived with her gran and I lived with my Nan ( and mom and I lived in many different places, countries. And I was extremely unsure of who I could rely on as we all have our issues in life, especially as adults.

I am a Bodley cos my Nan is mind-blowingly switched on 81 years old. She goes to pilates, has a hectic social life and she loves the bones of me & my daughter. She is into the arts and she has never turned her back on me ( for long) 😀

I’m also half of my mom. And I’m happy and I’m proud of my mom. I strive to be more like my mom because she had abuse hurled at her from every direction – my Dad’s side, her side, husbands. My mom has the heart and courage of a lion.

Oh well….. My Mom, nan and my gran and my grandad raised me. I TRULY HOPE HE IS HAVING A GREAT DAY, he is my Dad.

If he taught me two things in life it was:

drugs are okay ( haha) just kidding.

No, he taught me how to party, not bother about what other people thought. He taught me how to fish. And he tried to debate more time for me when I was on holiday in 2004. He taught me that men couldn’t be trusted and he was the second male (after my stepdad) who rejected me because he was happy. He also cried when he found out about soem crazy shit that happened when I was a toddler. So- respect for that fatherly protective feeling. However, fleeting.

Unfortunately, I have a stepmother who hates me( and my mother) and is nasty when she drinks ( but fuck her). She may not now. She is vindictive & I have no time for her polluted mind. I wrote an 80 000 w0rd draft basing one of my characters on her. Thanks!

She is also funny, and a tomboy. And we have had good moments laughing together. I have a sister who I don’t really know how to be connected to her.  She’s jealous of anyone who takes up my Dad’s attention. As long as she is healthy and happy then I wish her the best. My English family are assholes. Except for one great aunt. The rest are mean & so provincial. I don’t know why? Oh, cos I’m different…

FUCK IT!  Anyway… I’ve grown to appreciate bits of  Yorkshire & the culture here, cos my Nan is and great Nan (was a legend ) and I’ve met some amazing friends here who put up with me.

That’s just way it is.

There are brilliant Dad’s out there! And I’ve seen them and you all rock. My Dad can be cool, funny & frustratingly quiet .it’s drawing blood from a stone chatting to him. Maybe he is shy but ff’s  He did win the race to procreate.

Write to recover, be happy or die trying!

It’s all good.

 

P.S. I’d do it again in a heart beat

*Prompt FORBIDDEN LOVE*

Forbidden love shell-shock hearts with echoes of the gun shots .

Bang!

Fall to the floor .

Emotions mastery of us;

The puppets.

 

Universal soldiers we plea the heart must be acquiesce .

Ration it’s rational .

It’s bled blood red.

We walk — fine machines-

 

Bang!

Bang!

Bang!

 

Trivialise the flesh armour riddled with holes

Glimpsing sight of gleaming ivory bones.

Savage howls at  muscles contracting   into  contorted wounds.

Turn on the cannibals of Lust.

Devour us they must.

 

Tokoloshe monster

Neither height nor a warm bed will keep the heart away from

The obsessive frenzy of orchestrated, sexual slumber.

 

Denial of sacred sensory codes embedded within

 Mind will saunter in  Possessed —

Create a haunting soundscape of phantasmagoria.

 

Convince us that  forbidden love is worth the loss

Of Not only the Super Ego or the Ego but the Id —

That’s three parts of you or me.

 

Never regret times spent close to another body — chemistry is divine.

Aphrodite’s Divine presence

Unwraps our Im-pulses to climax to a primal rhythm .

Kindred spirits simultaneously reach the peak of a shared orgasm —

The body can’t hide from the  demon soul  inside .