Blog Archives
I rise
I rise because I now see I am strong
I weep for the girl who once believed I was wrong,
Because others didn’t understand I was born with this face
It’s not because of my race.
I don’t have William fish syndrome.
I’m a woman with a heart as vast as the seven seas
The cost of investing in wasting time on vapid entities,
Taught me a lesson
Taught me how to rise up session after session.
I rise because I know I get it wrong, I admit!
I no longer weep for the girl I once was
For if it were the devil’s tears that once made me smile
Temporarily,
Now I know I am a woman who seeks to live a life more worthwhile.
Sabali wabi sabi
- an experimental piece I wrote inspired by the existential Japanese philosophy- Wabisabi
Does it need to be said
Because the Media makes you think your make up is inappropriate?
If you are horrified to ask Google for mental health support
You know I’m hear to tell it — (once )’for a cause not for an applause’
To avoid the pariah of your mind.
Who you are is important for your wellbeing
Beautiful you are because of your malaise.
Its about what you think.
A unique template for peace of mind.
Alone-thoughts are you,
And yours together.
Others’ opinions must dance alone with their shadows.
Fathoming the world is relative to your state
Your kind.
Diagrams and graphic diagnostics aren’t “normal”!
Natural ?!
Necessary?
Merely for inferences and academic utterances.
Your Beauty is personified by playful events racing around your head.
Love it like you love…
…another human
Beings
Those who have numbers and words yet can’t calculate when there’s enough unsaid.
Needs are experiences.
Feelings are needs…
Interpret the world through the vessel of your spirited Self.
When skies hang drab
Do you dazzle because you can see a scattered horizon of hope — as a possibility ?
When the Others tether connections
Tumble into an abyss —
Can you see their limits ?
Step back.
Allow them to be.
Is your world subject to scrutiny because of how you interpret human nature?
Do you deviate from society’s accusations of what is the trending status quo?
What if the box you live in is… outside?
What if you build a bridge
Bearing a cross
Over to acceptable taboos ?
Breath prescribed by an arched smile.
Diagnose yourself Beautiful- because of your laments.
Before time becomes an absolute Obsession
Forecasting the outcome to the finale to the play of ‘This is your Life’.
Take moments to repose.
Free yourself from the expectation
To be your career
To win over the Marvel comic genderless hero.
Deprecate your expectations to finance your inner Happiness resources.
This entity is inside your realm of Consciousness — restless
Trodden and stamped into a standing pose.
Moments of reflection pace
Forwards then backwards
Misunderstood
Are you what you want to be?
Can you begin a journey if you don’t understand where you are at?
Certainly living up to some other lifer’s calculation should
Pause your being into a statuesque introspection.
To dismiss your guttural instincts will unravel you at the seams— out-thread you out of your very own mind.
Success comes from mapping out your own directions.
Hopeful-to wake up to another day of understanding ‘This is your Life’.
Your ability to comprehend, foreshadows your failed attempts to claw out of the darkest pit.
Sounds of the ocean lap to your melody.
Nothing that you feel about Today
Can conceive the trembling murmurs cut off from the guillotine of your Sanity.
In all of your figurements…are you determined to act out your suicides because you fear your inability to state your arousel ?
Who you are
Is that wrong?
Thoughts pre empt if everything is filled in with Leftism.
Resist apologising
Dismiss you have the good view
Change your world
Thoughtfully
Refuse every thing
That threatens your Passions —
That provokes beta beatings whistling out of tune.
Precious notions find a sense of disambiguation before the matter resolves itself.
Do you tell others to respond to what you fail to question?
Where is the perversity in watching the death of your inner Flinch — to conclude this delusion ?
What if you won’t be the canvas that contains an abstract spectrum fading you out of very own Self ?
Look on at those who shrink into their frames bled of every shade of hues
Is this what you want?
The quest for inner Happiness
I can’t put roots down in a home that feels alien to me. I blank out my world. I dread the familiar haunting of this abode called my home.
How it represses me and chokes me. Yet,I come back to it like a castrated casualty of Love’s wars. Conditioned to part my lips for misery….
Misery is the strangest bedfellow.
Assumes multiple faces.
Finds solace in one;
then toys the mind into trickery.
Absolute in believing the worst.
The quest for inner happiness is insatiable.
Risqué life impulses
hover to the centre;
reflective to reveal the self
absorbed.
Truth becomes lethargic to express.
Denial in a tangible form is easy to confront.
Fluid is Something
a perpetual change in reason or emotion won’t be summoned into entertaining with a mere appearance.
Who really has it together?
The innocents shake up this universe.
People’s culpability to surprise succeeds in frequent currents.
Inner warfare barely contains the raw diet of pain -self-inflicted.
faltering when an impromptu glimpse outlines Guilt slack at the shoulders.
How to do better?
How do we balance every eventuality?
From the withstanding of spirit, affection, carefree joie de vivre?
to never waiver to out compromise sacred boundaries.
A crave to fly
Be at liberty to roam and murmurate with free agenda.
Yet acknowledge the need for the skies and physics reminder of my limits.
To reveal the divine order that is Nature.
Simplicity,
Uncomplicated preambles, snapshots of existence;
must respect
complexity,
staggering through the wilderness, a heart-
beating… though composed of wood.
Daedalic to the fracas of life.
WRAP_ When things are at breaking point
Okay, so if you have been creating your WRAP from week one. YAY! what a journey it has been, hasn’t it? And for those who haven’t you can always CLICK ON THIS LINK and see how you too can start your very own Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP).
Here is a clip describing a bit of week 10 When things are breaking down
Week 10 -down. WOW! two weeks and my three-month’ gift’ is coming to an end. I will save my personal thoughts and other group members thoughts on WRAP in week 12. I just want to point out that I did not think I would get much out of this but I can promise you I have learned so much about myself, how I tick, what helps me, what doesn’t help me and loads of empowering self-help techniques. WRAP is free. It was given to me as a ‘gift’ and I give it to you as a ‘gift’. No extras. No-fuss!
This weeks session focused on when you have ignored or not seen the trigger or Early warning signs and you can feel yourself slipping into meltdown, the plan to get that job is not going as it should, there have been delays in moving to where you are moving too. Your relationship is at breaking point, you can find no relief for your chronic pain if you have MS or Cancer even, but there is still a chance that you can pull yourself back and re-own your yourself.
Here is my breakdown list of signs and symptoms I feel when I start to feel like everything has turned to jelly. The stability is just that little bit further out of reach. My list is very focused on Eating disorders because this is where my mind is at but I am fighting to regain my control. It is my responsibility to stay well. I can do this with WRAP.
WHEN THINGS ARE BREAKING DOWN
- weigh myself obsessively
- take more photographs of myself to compare them to what I think I see in the mirror
- My perception of my body is split and fractured. I am unable to focus on my body as a whole entity
- Panic attacks
- Don’t want to or I am feel unable to communicate
- Seriously thinking or actively starting to cut down on fluids and food intake
- I refuse to try on clothes that I didn’t wear when I was at a body weight I deemed acceptable
- I will push myself to go 24 hours 7 until I collapse
- I don’t want to g out
- I want to or stop taking my medication to get my Bipolar highs
- withhold love and affection -I don’t feel worthy of the two.
- Lose my sense of humour
- all seems doom and gloom
- feel that everyone hates me or has a problem with me
- Using degrading language on myself eg. I’m fat, I’m stupid. -all un helpful thoughts and mantras
- I feel I am an empty vessel -no personality a loss of identity
- I’m selfish and refuse or can’t look at the world around me and what is happening outside of my illness
- I think about escaping- or over dosing on my prescription medication or act on it
- Short tempered
- Angry at myself
- Depressed
- Anxious
- It becomes harder to look after myself. It becomes harder to look after my daughter
- Sleep for days at a time or not sleep for days at a time
- buy exercise energy enhanced pills on line
- over exercise for over three hours with no breaks
- Indecisive- small choices are hard to make
- feel disconnected to reality. I can reinforce this buy not wearing my glasses or contact lenses.
- Spend less time with my daughter. I don’t want her to pick up on my emotions and for her to see me in a ‘weak’ role
That is my list. It is a tough list to do but if you are thorough and honest with yourself then we can take all these symptoms and experiences and start an Action Plan. All is not lost but it feels pretty close to lost.
You need to start brainstorming what you can or will try to do to get you back on an even keel.
Create an Action plan
Mine is:
call my C.P.N. or my psychiatrist
Speak to someone I can trust- use my circle of protection. I have a select group of people I have entrusted into my personal space to help me when I I feel like things are breaking down
I can look at my maintenance tools from week two and three and try see if I can reign things in a bit
look at the different uniqueness I have learned eg. the art of moment therapy, mindfulness, take my thoughts to caught, wise mind
( you can always add more to your list as and when something you think will help you stay away from completely breaking down.
That’s it for this week.
Be kind to yourself .Give yourself an affirmation to say for the week, do something for you.
