When I don’t feel able to talk to anyone my thoughts are scattered and strewn about;
I’ve always found clarity & relief with the help of writing and Music. Music allows me to put displaced emotions into a feeling of organized chaos.
It can help with replacing my emotions and self talk to break the negative cycle I’m in and I can re-engage with people (even if on a small level) and feel passionate about life and my goals again.
I believe that we are all creativists — We don’t need to sing well, play an instrument or be a DJ, professional dancer to express our emotions through music. Personally, I enjoy combining my passion for writing about and listening to music to get what I need from music.
We don’t need to have a degree in Music and Arts to feel or write about it. Although that’s cool too.
Google, a couple of books, communicating with people who are into music, and your soul-should be enough to make whatever it is that you get out/want out of the music industry- happen. Oh, and passion and focus helps too 😉
Self-expression is creative.
When we find a medium to feel, it can help us feel that we’ve been heard-we are being creative.
I’m more than passionate about Mental health and anti-stigma. I know the Music industry is in need of more help to help artists channel their energy productively, but like any industry as big as the entertainment industry there is a lot of pressure and stress attached to achieving our goals.
On the flip side of the coin, there are the obvious benefits being creative in any medium can have on improving mental health.
One massive stumbling block to (ahem..)blocking creativity is not connecting with people who allow us to create something with another person. It could start out as a simple conversation, comment, idea, compliment, dream, or career.
This decision to connect with a person/group creates.
We are all creativists. Technology and social media help to communicate. So that even a person who doesn’t or who can’t get out and “connect” socially can still be super dope in their creative outlets via the internet.
Self- Doubt and listening too much to other people’s negative opinion can wreak havoc on your confidence and ability to express yourself. This is intensified for people who are suffering from their mental health issues.
Of course, feedback is a good thing. Pick your mentors wisely, if (like me )you want to write about music or work in the Music industry.
Find someone who doesn’t rip you to shreds. Constructive criticism and being a blunt asshole can seem like the same thing coming from an “expert” but it’s not.
Constructive criticism is taking into account the overall work and presentation and breaking that feedback into sections. It should be honest and tactful. There is no one way to write a review, or compose a piece of music or run a music label.
When you connect you have an opportunity to create something with another individual who has a whole different system of thoughts, beliefs, ideas and experiences to contribute.
You don’t know what the result is going to be and that can be the best part of the creative process: The not knowing. We often surprise ourselves with what we can do when we just-DO IT!
The collaboration process doesn’t have to be a huge gig,
Or it can be.
It can be anything.
I’ve uploaded on social media have spoken word/music oddities that I’ve made on garage band!
My favourite recorded spoke word project is one I did with a mate. It was fun.
I’m not too precious about what people think. Creativists should take risks and often end up surprising themselves.
Don’t let other peoples talents or your own self-doubt, or a lack of knowledge of music theory, for example, stop you from expressing yourself. If you want to learn to play an instrument well. Then you have to put in the effort. Technology makes it so much easier to connect and learn.
I’ve also started writing song reviews on my blog. Not everyone gets it or likes it but its something I’m passionate about doing. Blogs should evolve if we are to change, surely? They need work and I need to Improve. We all have to start somewhere.
When I think of the word History, I think – ha ha!
No- erm….
I think of all my experiences.
I think of all the times I never listened to others, all the adventures -risky and dangerous -that I took myself on.
I think about where I am today – or rather how I think about my personal history.
I find it useless to blame my parents or ex-partners or people who abused me at whatever age- not because I don’t think they had an impact on some of the decisions I made in life.
Some people were held accountable either by the law or good old karma and others went and still continue to go through their own life shit.
I can’t do anything to change my history. I can’t make a person talk me ( I can try to and have done) or love me or want to know more about me.
I find the more I rag at my past or people in my past – the less productive I am in my present life.
When I come to terms with say, a childhood experience or heartbreak/betrayal and I decide to forgive (not forget);
I’ve seen how this conscious act to look ahead instead of looking backward has helped me deal with my past, in unexpected ways.
Classic example: I was very hurt about the relationship I had with my Dad for many years and then, when I decided to focus on how I could try and move our relationship forward, Life found a way for us to have some kind of relationship.
He lives in Africa. I’m in the U.K. and I really love those silly IQ tests /knowledge tests on Facebook and so does my Dad!
It’s our time together. It’s a way I have found to get to know my dad, have a laugh, feel connected to him and it’s helped me see my Dad as a human.
I have been able to talk with him on skype and let him see who I really am- Who I have grown up to be. I’ve had the uncomfortable ‘I don’t know what to say’ and worked through it.
This is just one example.
I think if I had carried on being on the offensive – not being contact with him and thinking and feeling whatever it was I did, I don’t think I would have some part of my Dad in my life today.
Should he have reached out? I’m not even going there.
The point is I know how to reach out to people, I know I’m in control of me.
I don’t always get it right.
When I think of certain people and situations I’ve caused or found myself in- I can be confrontational and maybe those people aren’t ready or in a place to be a part of my life in a way, I want them to be.
It’s hard for me to accept other people’s choices.
I don’t give in.
I’m stubborn.
The people I make time and effort for in the past or now- I do genuinely care about these people.
Eventually, I have to respect that not everyone wants me around or likeS me or …..who knows what they think!
So, I have to suck it up – cry, refocus my energy and live my Life.
I don’t forget these people.
I often want these people to succeed even the people who made life hell for me.
The people who tried to bring me down – one example,
At my hen do. I was looking good, my mental state was great and I felt good about me and I had an energy around me. I invited a bunch of friends out and one of the girls who I met through a relative – made the remark
” You’ve put on weight haven’t you”
My mates were horrified knowing how far I’ve come with my issues.
It took a couple days for my rage to kick in. I had it out with her and then I decided this girl has a LOT of her own issues.
Her life hasn’t been easy and isn’t and I’m not going to fall for it.
So even today, I big this person up. I encourage her to achieve dreams. I’m not best mates with her!
Fuck, I’m not stupid. ha ha!
I need positive people around me.
I just realized that she saw something in me that maybe she didn’t have and it’s easier to try and bring a person down than be happy for someone.
Not everyone is on the same level of thinking you and I are on.
We all have a narrative, a past, a history. We deal with ourselves 24 hours a day.
Sometimes we try to escape from ourselves,
We drug ourselves to get away from ourselves.
Be it with sugar, food, cigs, weed, prescription meds, alcohol, crack, spice, legal highs, extreme sports, sex, porn, money.
I’m glad I’ve had people run me down in life.
I’m not ecstatic about it but I can see the benefits of it – looking baaa ack over my shoulder…. ( like the song)
I am a person who is genuine, I have empathy, I filter my judgments, I forgive, I set boundaries, I reset boundaries.
I know what I believe in- what I am passionate about.
People do still challenge me.
I’m an observer and I ‘ve learned how to respond to certain types of people. Some people need to be spoken to how they speak to others.
If someone doesn’t get me -I’ve learned there are many who will and do.
I just put myself out on a limb and it feels like torture but I hang in there -until I’m just about to give up, then somebody or something comes into my life and reaffirms what I believe in.
I’m not saying my beliefs and values and the way I live are right for everyone but they are right for me.
I know what I need to work on and I do ask for help.
“Happiness can exist only in acceptance” George Orwell
Why this quote?
First of all if you haven’t read this dudes book ‘1984’ . Get reading it. It is a dystopian novel and it packs a punch. This dude was so scarily right about what society could and has turned into
Secondly, the blogs I have got around to reading so far today, all have a common threaded theme of acceptance weaved into the content.
Acceptance.
I have days when I am buzzing. I’m on an all self empowerment mission
if you don’t like me then talk to the palm , see the worry on my deadpan face.
Not accepting what and who you are and look like is a one way trip to an asylum – I know this.
Some days I accept I am a “normal” weight and body shape now. I am not supposed to l have the body and measurements of a 14-15 year old.
I know this but I have moments where I struggle to accept I have breasts, periods, thighs that touch, hip bones not jutting out.
I work out but I am not muscular -I try and see that this is healthy and is a desirable look to achieve and aim for..
Sometimes it is hard to separate my old beliefs that healthy = chubby or not slim or thin.
I wonder if I have made some God awful mistake taking up exercise. I’ve bulked up and when I see a picture of myself, on a down day. I zone in my arms.
Why they so big? Where have my waif arms gone?
Not accepting yourself can drive you mad. I know this.
It drives old behaviours and thoughts.
There is me trying to fit in with the world and it ends up like this!
My biggest not so helpful behaviours are weighing myself obsessivly -so I may as well super glue the thing to my feet, I do it so much.
The worst mind fuckery is when I ask my partner to take pictures of me. It is hard to accept myself and be happy in a body when the mind won’t allow it.
It rejects the body as a whole. It zones in on one particular aspect.
Big arms, no six pack, bloated tummy, cellulite.
So many thoughts scrabble the mind
It must be the increase in medication
I eat too much
Why did I fool myself?
Why did I let myself be fooled that I am beautiful?
The most insane thought…
Let me upload a bunch of pics of me in my bikini,not in some exotic holiday place lazing by the pool ,sipping cocktails; but in my small bedroom, pale , no tan, trying to get in as many angles as possible in so I can scrutinize my body.
Anorexia begs me
PLEASE PUT THESE PICTURES UP! WE NEED SOME KIND OF VALIDATION!
I won’t and I can’t….
So this is just a small insight into how even ONE day of not accepting yourself and others can turn your day from driving by in a vintage open top rolls Royce, past cotton fields, the air is a sweet honey and the smell of fresh pine.
Not accepting yourself or others can turn into a day of picking cotton, boiling and beating the starch out of the linen, the smell of sweet honey becomes a harbinger, it coats the scent of dead charred bodies- slaves. Tries to mask it. You become the person who sees the carefree people drive by so cool and seemingly no problems.
I want to be happy so I must strive to accept myself as much as possible. I cling on to the good days and try and remind myself of these days when I feel like I am in a suit and not a real body.
in other news today… Money comes in and money goes out.
It’s bill paying day 🙂 Just go with this one, please.
That is fucking seriously depressing but it doesn’t depress me because I accept that in order to be comfortable and happy I have to pay for that privilege.
It sucks that I have to pay for it but it DOES NOT have an impact on my happiness. I know I am poor in money and rich in love – I accept thatjust a thought. ….
SO MUCH RESPECT FOR THIS LADY! . DARINA i 6 or known as manyofus on word press, lives with an illness called dissociative identity disorder. Even more respect for her because she digs rap and hip hop.
hihi everybudy it me darina and i am six i maked this video and i introduced myself and i want share it to you all here it is i hope you all like it❤ darina i six
