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My True penny

I’m taking back my power.

I’ve got my ammo and my gun powder.

I’m not going to use it cos I’m more of a peace than a ‘fuck you -let’s bomb you to oblivion’ type of  person.

I have realised that  to allow someone who thinks nothing about me to have so much power to lure me into a paralysed state of persuasive perversion is:

 True insanity. I have my true penny and that is what counts.

I pushed him  away like a woman under attack –  I pushed  my lot away – until it formed blood clots on the insides – comparably sized to mounting a  herd of elephants.

unwilling to be ridden- trunks raised up, irate – exploding in  shouts.

I started to talk about what goes on in my head and my true penny told me that we all makeup scenarios in our minds, to make sense of the lives and situations we come across, in this world of an  uncertain,  never-ending skyline.

I thought I was losing it.

I thought I  was obsessed.

Turns out my brain works out  my issues based on characters and story lines and other  shenanigans.

Crazy?  maybe but creativity strokes  the  beat with a brush  –  I feel there is  almost a genius to be found walking on this fine line.

Swastikas and Reds are not my idea of interior decorating.

Tearing down my  walls.

One little Nazi’s thought is not going to make me come down to that kind of level.

I have my life.

 I am the queen of my disco.

I have retro  roller skates on .

 The sun is my Disco ball.  I’m on the rooftop, in the light-beaming under the  rays.

Not hiding in the dark, under the influence,an imposter.

A star that can’t twinkle, dishevelled – so shady – a back turns away –  It’s the one known as the  blue devil.

We are on two separate  paths –  I notice  the screams of a   shaken baby.

A rattle spins across the floor – Dummy dribbled with garbled spit.

I guess mommy is right when she says: ‘You always want what you can’t have’

It’s not infatuation, love or anything like that – This baby is  having a tantrum – she  didn’t get what she  wanted .

She  didn’t even get a maybe.

I’m done slithering  on my belly across damp floors.  Waiting for the next Gestapo, soot-stained  boot to squelch  me.

Turn out my guts until, all you can see is the insides of me- a sore sight of  limacine.

Phantom limb syndrome – I am back from the  war of past, oppressive obsession.

  I’m awake.

 Clarity.

Nightmares were all I had to grieve over.

 I didn’t lose any limbs. Only my inner self- belief .

 I’m a china teapot lady – I’m done  trying to find happiness in a person who happily  lives  life drinking out of cups made of polystyrene .

 The present is my greatest gift.   I’m not wasting another second wishing on  dreams that we can be friends.

My heart is my greatest ally and foe. It makes me work.

Dwarves getting their hoes to do all the work – chasing fairy dust ,  axe- picking fights with one another, to grow in a place under a roof of  artificial light.

Genuine and melodic – true light – mountain breeze is the only place I will find a place to atone.

To make amends.

Let it go and go with the flow

I stand before the world smiling – unashamed – this is my show.

 

SHOUT OUTS AND AWARD NOMINATATONS TO FOLLOW

 

Do or Dye

Sitting on the roof top trying to tell myself I’ve not misbehaved.
Blush rose hues creep up my cheeks and I know my hearts desire is unexplained.
I look at the stars — one always stands out brighter than the rest.
I say to myself — there goes my next conquest.
With liberal wings and green peace in my heart ,
I know for the sake of inhabiting my skin-unconfortable feelings will always play a part.
Forgive me for being free spirited and seeking out a bon ami.
If I had testicles would my new gender let me walk free ?
to be me?
It’s a plea.
I love what I desire .
I desire what I love .
I hate it when my sanity decides to imitate a neat whisky on the rocks.
Truth be told – I know I’m getting old .
Disambiguous feelings about the path I tread.
May my daughter’s laugh always bring me round to the sound of present day clocks.
Murmurs of hesitation .
Live my life, have a voice, and sail away
Where else do you think I would choose for a holiday destination?
The one I never have to come back from.
It’s me inside me.
Dare to take a part of me — feel my anticipation.
The specials-the after math.
Told off for my impulsive reaction.
The fact I’m conscious I am typing these words-
I feel inauthentic in how they roll out my mind with a hesitant tense formation
Words rise up ,around me – Jab me and a jeer me to dare say whats on my mind.
I’m not a child and I’m not venerable just yet .
So I swim against the tide of the alphabet soup.
Clarity I seek.
One tidal wave from forcing myself to write these words down;
If only to reinforce I have my own sound.
Sound as a pound
Scared of clowns .
That’s better-Socs — that’s my deal.
My contraband.
How I get from a-z- without reaching out for the plan involving illegally, prescribed Ativan.
Banned from my perception of the elite.
Breached my licence to complete…
Should I hit delete?
This is my beat.
I won’t let me beat me down.
Self is the worst enemy-you know how it ages your reflection
scowling in a frown.
She’s back in business now . Wah da da da da — the song clearly has relevance in my sense of decline.
Fall 8 times — get up again.
Who am I to want merely blend in?
I was born to be a Bengal feline.
Character building — life coach ,I sense my patience won’t let me vote for your reality T.V. yoke.
It makes me sick.
Confession .
Watch one episode and I will mutate into just one more cockroach.
I’m on the down line with a mean upper hook.
Priorities in order.
House work infected by the pox — aren’t you glad you vaccinated your park life children?
Let my demon free to infiltrate the anti’s, confront them with the disease bitten book.
Have a say — what’s the worst that can happen?
Speak your mind — illegal aliens might just descend from that planet called Saturn.
Write to recover. Write to escape.
Shake up your mind , dare to continue —an inner ongoing live debate.
Not for hate — you make your own fate.
Feeling Anxiety. Too worried about what John Sax’s might reveal to his munchie queen.
Know thyself and be true to yourself.
I’m not going to change my character to fit in with society’s latest heart melt.
Superstitious mind – I earned it in walking my path — did you see my black belt?
Stand up for who you are and what you believe in.
Some may consider me strange but have you had a look at your inner heathen?
The entity is back — no wheel-dealing with a bad batch of sugar coated crack.
6 million ways to die — choose one
That came from a song – Who am I to sit around and hide?

Kooky heart

Oh how did this happen to me
The girl from some other foreign city?
Wiley enough to make a plan.
Cunning and soft of heart -all my eggs bled before the start of labour
Before the sun came up.
Hide all pain,
all the blood clots in her smiles.
She would koo koo
again
for her soul was of one who couldn’t quit even when they shouted: She’s already dead.No need for an off with her bed hair beheaded mentality
Signed
Ex oh ex oh
Kooky heart

Women of Ukraine

*8th March women’s international day 2022*

Under a senseless war you are not as noticed as your insight ..

Know that female propaganda protestation is a liberation .Maternal is a revolution

Starting with faith not doubt .

Radical against the martial law

notice

reveal your beliefs with the strength of your education

Never forget you have a duty to stand up .
Voice your opinions.. you are part of your nation.

Even when the patriarchy has you under a thumb.

It’s a parody

A caricature

Putin
employed mercenaries to pluck his monoborw.

Inhabit a cold continent to suit his Napoleon Bonaparte with fashionless gout.

He’s tied up , suited & booted mannerisms to strangle the patriots to go without..

A Siberian exile

An excuse to out those who’ve already come out.

No shame , my women …

Evil will lose this small man’s willy , I believe without a doubt 😏.

International women’s day

Ukraine
Russia we stand as our tribe .
We will win with every gender with clout.

He said : shut your mouth

He told me to shut my mouth

A matrix mixed up reality.

No voice could penetrate my words

Duplicity;

Over & over ,

I said too much

Too soon

Googled each mythological Grecian character channel without further a due.

He told me to shout out with his present presence.

I took offense due to my theoretical thoughts

An invasive entity .

Unsettling striking parallel perspex

Perspectives contrast.

Ineffectual dissonance

Cognitively one was watching the movie without subtext

The other summoning books of mythological Gods.

She clubbed the moment

She clubbed all movement to death.

A breathe

Mere words- littered

Pollute the stratosphere

Tube fed turtle dying on his tomb head

What to say ?

Keep my mouth shut!

Recalling an author – Christopher Vogler-heroes journey

A triumph against my early dementia onset.

Failure to visualise a world now mature

Plastic,

Stryophone,

Polyphryne- strewn.

A pavement to display the current concrete buns news .

Two little lives at me for food .

Did I make a mistake when my absorbed self brought nothing but blues

Shame

A sham

Help

Veered too far

This wasn’t premeditated

Merely wanted him to fondle my breasts

Last Friday he said I recoil like a chicken headless

From his touch or his brazen cackle

Touche

Eclat Yves Se laurent

No brush can lighten this intimate blush.

What more can I divulge ?

Not much with

Out

Taking off

All of my clothes.

That’s too much information…

Google the rest on my admission.

Phillipe flop

Hello, Holliday

You’re still here to stay

You keep my smile a smitten simile

Whether it makes sense

From day to day

That goes by

Needless to say

We’ve had our moments

Red flags

Purple flags

Better than nuances of the sane

Members of the ministry of love

Not circa 1984.

Or ….well..

We’ve evolved.

You’ve grown up

And become a mature man

I’m proud to have in my life

I’m proud to be your lioness

Mane-ly

I’m proud you are my king .

Happy birthday, Gareth Edward Holliday.

You are the man who has seen past Every sin.

Sees beauty when others discard me as flotsam on a tide

Tired when my damp tearful matchstick

Goes out.

Yet the flame you ignite remains within

My heart

You…

The diamond that bled for more than skin.

Noble , you are , I’ve learnt to trust you.

Happy birthday , Phillipe flop. Every day is a vacation when my eyes spot your baby eyelashes

Daring to look beyond

Within.

( encore ) HAPPY BIRYHDAY MON AMOUR!

Memories

If you could see the myriad memories that run across my eyes : you would be driven into a bedlam.Wishing for a forget me sods lot of wild flowers enraged with the promise of eeergh de parfume- dementia.

Naive Rider

Who am I ?

Designated driver left with that old Mad hatter.

The old mercurial adage

Question

Savage

Silence

Slithering

pereptual.

If I don’t write, talk or express myself

My beliefs mean nothing

My mind is a personality of multiples

Forgotten words

The story of my life.

Seems obvious

Desonate or disconnect from past traumatic strife.

Moving on automatic

No sense , inebriated , toxic , sober my God has left the pall bearer in charge of my destination.

Music is my only salvation

No! Just my words are the above without hesitation.

Motivation ?

Print ink on my soul

Cast a shadow

A casket made of ornate gold.

Maybe I’m not the oldest of souls

The palm reader knew when my rings didn’t make it up to my elbows

Oh well…

Fate ? destiny?

What does it matter when life is a choice whether you die or break the glass between the two worlds

It may shatter

I’m into cats.

Does it matter.

I’m a riddle of my own inertia.

Moon Go Viril phase

Though the light may fade.
Dark shades heighten the Euphoric daze
Forgotten words wasted on ill-gotten behaviors.
In that quagmire
Still driven to send out a vigil of hope.
Buried within me.
Buried under a myriad haunted ghost.

What keeps disarming me
Whose charm beckons me to this world?
When I open my eyes
Betrayed by curiosity in gazing outwards.
Look back at the words you have’ written.
Be inspired that you wrote them!
Sweep those sneaky snide comments out through the back door
How dare they Prevent this form of self-expression.
words made up of simple dimples are all we need

Self-respect
He cautiously peers out
perched a top
the Jonnies rotting,
woodlice.
Infected tears confidently descend
To the basement days
when his best foot turned all the bedheads.

Don’t worry.
Don’t over -care
Don’t overthink.
Don’t Glare without an ending for sentence as to what grows out from your mind.

Hauled up in dusty webbed rags of self-doubt.
Can you catch the Shadows doth change according to light.
Mere reflection and perception of how you do intimidate me
shadows can’t exist without a living
body
soul
And mind.
Take the power back.
At least from behind the scenes
Don’t hide from those
Impervious sighs
disproportionate contortions of their own path.

Happy lights-faeries delight.
Blissful smiles stipple out faces.

There can be no ulterior motive.
Unless we retrace for an Agenda?
confused about life twists mysterious Genders.
Tender

Guilt sprouts up-GMO crops
Pesticidal casual all matter starts to hoe out my mind
Crucify my time?
Fraternized with Flowers more sentient than humans taken up by nocturnal spaces
Unevolved sight is having an identity crisis.
Army of words
A halo of benign bravado.
To those monsters of Carpathian.
Here is my audacity & Gumption.
Try
Shout me down.

Mere echoes with no home.

Threaten me or one of my own,
I will stand up and defend my home.
Bats of fear — Clots of blood
Circulate above in a murmuration

So much I want to put down.
Not in the stream of consciousness

No more ashamed of how far down I free-fall into the squid ink mouth of the abyss.
I gripped onto nature’s own boulderous
A safety net of
Silver linings
I have.
I seek out another taste

https://youtu.be/Q04ILDXe3QE

Looking for Mirth

Contemplating about my guilt.

Flood waters break.

Damn!

Bursts  in Death’s wake.

Sombre sombreros sway nonchalantly past my weary face.

I see the disguise

Its dressed as the waif.

Inside I try to blossom-

Inside I will myself to wake.

No lovers kiss to make my fate.

I rise and I fall,

fall and rise.

Twisted thoughts convulse my dreams

until I arise in an apathetic state.

Change is inevitable,

Words hold weight worth more than gold ,myrrh or diamonds.

Mere blistered pearls

as shallow as the last tide waving goodbye for a wee break.

My heart is as vast and abundant in potential  as the Congo

Stuck in reverse.

The past holds me motionless

Yet,I fight for her smile.

To hear her laugh.

I don’t  realize that this is all that I wait for.

Simple conversations.

Simple blessings.

To be the queen of mirth in some one else’s hour of need,

will make me stronger.

I will live as I please.

Fulfill my destiny.

Duty is a gift.

Present in this moment

I smile,

These are mere weights.

They hurt

yet my spirits lift.

This is my show.

You are a part of it too .

One chance to realize your dreams

I, you and we.

Signing off with a silver lining;

These are my words.

They define my mood.

Not my girth.

*musings – write to recover