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The other side of Fear.

Top of the morning to  you all!

WOW!

It feels good to be able to type away with no  worrying about any trains or buses or rides to catch.

This weekend I get to catch up on reading your blogs -YAY!

I have missed you all so much. I can’t wait to throw myself into my  Masters.

I always feel  I come across so smug when I say it or type that word but I have worked my ass off to get to this point.

Proper catch up with as many of you as possible this weekend.

For those who know -I DID IT!

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I am now able to officially and skillfully co -facilitate WRAP groups(  wellness recovery action plan program) to help people who have mental and physical issues or have had at one point,to  manage their lives- holistically.

It’s not a therapeutic based program. It’s truly a chance to revolutionize the way we  deal with our health in the current Diagnostic,clinical, prescriptive , doctor is always right  model we use.

erm.. I nearly didn’t do this program because I felt I wasn’t in a good place mentally or physically, however by going back to my own WRAP plan  ,

I remembered a few of my own wellness tools ( things that keep me well) . To share a few:

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  • educating myself

  • putting myself out of my comfort zone ( public speaking alert/thinking on my feet/making myself vulnerable to empower others)

  •  volunteering my time to skill up and be a person who is an active part of my community and who is wanting to share my knowledge/experiences and pass information along with others.

     So, pushing myself by doing the WRAP facilitating mental health  recovery  program,  using the key concepts and ethics to show that  people who experience mental health( good and bad),  with support and  without judgement,  can find new ways of coping with life and their issues that empower and give them back the responsibility for their own mental/physical health.

    If that is what they want.

It is possible. I’ve seen it work over and over again. I work it.

It was heavy going. I was thinking on my feet a lot, not much time to prepare things ,put on the spot, practicing presenting skills, facilitating skills, listening skills.  There is so much I could put down.

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I lost a lot of my self-confidence -3 months ago. On a positive note,by pushing myself and challenging myself to do this program at the next level, it has helped me find my inner confidence again, I’ve started to believe in myself again, I remember how far I have come. The future has  so much in store for me because I choose it to be that way.

I want this to be a really positive post.  I have these lyrics in my head: ‘don’t be negative (negative) just be positive (positive)’

  ha ha! How am I doing?

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 Tbh. I am relieved the training is over. I can now concentrate on my next goal – my MA in creative writing. EEEK!

Then, I can start using extra hours in my Life to  help form a WRAP  community in Calderdale, U.K. ( which is where I currently live).

This is the wonderful group of individuals I had the opportunity to work with.  I have had their permission to put this pic up on my blog.

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 Here is me with a bunch daisies I found in the garden .

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I am going to end it on a  high.

I’m going to be  a bit selfish.

 Yesterday, we  (including the WRAP training facilitators who run the group) each  had a turn to write down our thoughts about each person we have worked with on the five-day training course, using strength-based feedback.

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It’s not as cheesy as it sounds because I know I am my own worst critic and I know I am not alone in that.

This morning, I have read the comments people wrote on my name tent.  I’ve decided to reinforce these comments in my mind, by typing them into this post.

Yes, yes I am bigging myself up – no one else is going to do it.  My husband says  I need to blow my own trumpet. In his Yorkshire accent, he goes :

” Ya bloody earnt it.”  ha ha!

Here they are:

‘Tasha, you have a passion for growing and will be great helping others’

‘vulnerable but strong,empathetic,powerful,enthuisiatic,’

‘Tasha, you are an absolute star! Your openness and insight are inspiring. I feel priviliged to know you.x’

‘You are an inspiration to us all- your story is one of Strength and Hope. It has been a real pleasure working with you this week. Thank you x’

‘Tasha, your courage and Strength has been a shining light in this group.I have seen you listen, learn and grow.’

‘Tasha, you have shown strength and individuality. Keep on going’

‘Great to meet you, warm and friendly person’

‘Well done Tasha, for having the courage and Strength to complete the training course. You will be an asset to any facilliator team. Share yourself and your journey so far.’

‘You are a genuine individual. Never change x’

‘Natasha, I know you have had it hard.You are one strong, beautiful lady. Please look after yourself.x’

‘Tasha, your capacity to grow and learn means you are definitely   going too be a great facilliator. Your empathy stands out like a light’

‘Tasha, what a journey you have been on and I only know snippets. It’s clear to me you are a strong woman. I love your vibrancy and individuality.I also thought we made an awesome team x’

”Natasha, Don’t change who you are! Don’t doubt yourself ever again. You’ve shown kindess,compassion and consideration to everyone this week.I would love to stay in touch and see you again in the future.Girl done Good!. x 

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HAVE A FAB WEEKEND! 

LOVE DAISY XOXO

A Dose of Sunshine.

 The sun may have called it a day 😀  but as promised, I have done it! Caught up with all you ,bloody brilliant bloggers who have touched soil with the Willows. 

Finally, I have  had the  attention span and energy to go through all of your lovely blogs. You are all so bloody  unique. I LOVE IT!

This usually takes me a full day and night to do but it is totally worth it. You all are.

I am blown away by the diversity of the people and content  I connect with on WordPress. I am buzzing from checking out your Blogs. I have a massive smile on my face. The sun  is  still  shining for me and my heart is brimming over with sunny Delight.

WOW! I’m speechless. Ha ha!

Thank you for taking a chance on this flower. Me!

I know I have an epic award to receive but I have really wanted to meet everyone who has come into the Willows over the past two weeks.

SHOUT TIME – whoop! whoop!

I do sincerely check  out all your blogs and not only do I give you a shout out to say THANK YOU!  but I pick what I call -MY STAR SCENTED POST PICK to lead other Bloggers to check out your Blogs.

Please check out  these Blogs.

Be comfortable to feel how you want to feel!  

 Be yourself! 

Be! 

Live! 

Laugh!

Cry! 

Be human! 

Breathe in the Good shit!    OXYGEN! 

Thank you for bringing so much colour to my Blog!

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HAVE A GRAND WEEK.

I HOPE TO GET MORE CREATIVE AGAIN IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS. DYING TO JUST WRITE.

MY FIRST WRITING DEADLINE AT UNI FOR WRITING (CREATIVELY) 😀  IS THE 24/11 SO WISH ME LUCK!

DAISY ❤ ❤

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Current mindset

PERMISSION: to Fuck up and pick myself up

“I fuck up all the time. I also make sure I get my shit together and fight for what I want  and who I want in my life. I can’t fight for the ones who give up on me but I can only wish them the very best “

DAISY WILLOWS

Apologies for not reading as many Blogs as usual. I have read as many as my mind can take in.  It’s been pretty rough for me lately.

WWJD?

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WWDD?

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All very “woe  is me” and it has got boring!

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 but it is a  new -ish day!

I needed too get something optimistic out into the Blogo sphere

My tuition loan for my MA in Creative writing has come through- waiting on  one more loan to come through.

I don’t take no for an answer!

Then 2 years from now I will do a mini PHD top up and go and rule my world!

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Oh and in other great News,

I’ve been officially approved on the WRAP training facilitator course in September. If you don’t know about it yet. You will do. I will merge my own personal WRAP PLAN and journey with my new role of holding the space for others to have courage and believe in themselves and feel safe to go on their own journey .

I’m not a teacher, merely a person who has  a chance to offer support.

Volunteering with  charities in Mental Health is the best thing I started doing with my life.

They know I have been ill , may even get ill again.  The point is, if I don’t put myself out there I will not have a chance to seize any opportunities.

Volunteering gives me drive, Keeps me focused, empowers me to do my best in life and if I manage to help a few people out on the way then what more can I ask for?

 

 Oh and here is how I was able to get on this course. Scroll down to check out my PLEA to get on this training.

Just hit scroll if you don’t want to hear me go on for oh 5 minutes on my video cam… 😀

This is my career. I take it seriously.

If you want to listen to me waffle about how I felt about WRAP way back in December 2015 – feel free. 5 minutes of me talking!

Oh the excitement! 😉

 Oh  and if you don’t want to know about WRAP.

I’m offended.

Ha ha! I’m not.

My WRAP page needs updating but if you want to know what Daisy get’s like when she is passionate and determined  CLICK HERE.

Never thought that me filming myself nearly a year ago would lead me to this.

Carpe Diem!

MY PLEA

  1. I, Daisy Willows,agree to abide by the WRAP ethics and values.

*PLEASE ANSWER THESE FOUR QUESTIONS TO CONFIRM YOUR PLACE ON THE TRAINING*

 

  1. ABOUT MY WRAP EXPERIENCES AND HOW I USE WRAP IN MY LIFE

When I was given the opportunity to be a part of WRAP, I didn’t know how much it was going to impact on my life and the lives of others.

I was and am by nature sceptical. I have relied on medication and psychotherapy and in patient treatment as a way of managing my mental health for most of my life.

WRAP was a three-month period where I began to realise that I could have more of a say in how I want to be treated and how I could cope differently.

I learnt so much. I now have so many different ways of coping and I find that when my mental health does dips, I do get back to being in a better mind state more quickly because of some of the techniques I have learned and adopted.

I believe WRAP is personal and unique to everyone who participates. I don’t think I took away the same thing as any  one of my peers.

It was an opportunity to discover more about myself. How I can help myself.

I learned to work as a team. I felt safe and I didn’t feel judged.

3.MY REASONS FOR WANTING TO BECOME A WRAP FACILLATOR

 WRAP has given me the confidence and skills to live a life I want to live. I want to be able to share that with others

I am able to take every aspect of what is covered in WRAP and either use it myself or pass on what I have learnt to others who may need advice.

I believe WRAP is the way forward with the CPA. I have given a plan over to my professionals who support me about my wants and what I don’t want to happen if I go into a crisis again.

I have alternative ways of coping with my wellness toolbox. I also have a post crisis plan to let people know when I am getting better and I can start taking more responsibility for what I can’t when I have been unwell.

WRAP is truly the best gift I ever received.

Is there anything bad to say about WRAP?

Well I suppose an open mind helps.

It requires commitment to wanting to improve my life and consistency.

4.WHAT I WISH  TO DO WITH MY WRAP QUALIFICATION

Spread the word. Let  people know there is another way to manage Life in many different ways. I want be a Wrapper. Use my qualification to just offer support. I am no teacher but I can give my time and my energy and my listening skills. I am enthusiastic and passionate about WRAP. I believe I will be a great asset to getting this programme and alternative way of living out into our community. I use WRAP every day, even when I am not even aware it.

You would think.

Today I decided to write first  and then check out Linda G Hills prompt for soCs  and find a place for the word prompt in my poem. Feeling ungoverned..

 

She has got the whole world in the grasp of both hands.

You would think she would be parading about with a  long procession  of New Orlean’s bands.

She has got a future so bright, it sets off her aura .

You would think  this would be enough to satisfy her disorder.

She  truly has it all.

Master of her destiny.

You would think she would be concerned with the ones who see the best in her shabby malarky.

Rave reviews flying about her  in great swirls.

Promises of a journey that  makes every oyster want to be that  part of a string of precious pearls.

She has got a future signed ,sealed and she has promised to deliver.

You would think one would satisfy her yearning for a sense of hedonistic pleasure.

You would think the world should  have tamed her – no  phoenix  bird rising from the ashes  to see  here.

Yet,  you see she is hungry , trapped , ogled at  and  even lustier.

There she goes strutting about  like she has it made.

What goes through her mind would probably make her   appear better suited to a romp with the Marqui de sade

There is a darkness in her that can’t be expelled 

I suspect she has tried to,

but she is constantly compelled.

Driven , fierce, ambitious and demanding to be heard.

She is that raven , gnawing at its cage with ideas of Freedom that can only come from the smartest  bird.

When will she feel her soul dripping in honey?

She knows it is not about the money. 

She can make a difference -she has already  stoked fury from her silenced foes.

Hark!

Look  at her!

How she  always comes up smelling of Roses?! 

She always comes up  the winner in the race of life’s woes.

Pleasure her and watch her laugh – she will make you seem like the only light in her dark.

You will feel her undivided attention and you will feel you have been counted and made your mark.

You have.

She is conflicted

Addicted.

Mystified by her own maledictions.

She still thinks about singing out her unpatriotic  defections.

Twinkle Twinkle little star.

She is what she is,

as much as you are who you are.

*Feeling irritated.

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “long.” Use the word “long,” any definition. Enjoy!

LINDA G. HILL 

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Conquer or be Conquered

“I have to keep facing the darkness. If I stand tall and face the thing I fear, I have a chance to conquer it. If I just keep dodging and hiding it will conquer me.”
Mary Pope Osborne, My Secret War: The World War II Diary of Madeline Beck, Long Island, New York 1941      

WHY I’VE CHOSEN THIS QUOTE.

I’ve been letting the dark extinguish all light. I have basically been a wuss. It is the start of a new week. Unfortunately this day starts with an M. but  go look outside your window. check  that cloud out and look for the silver lining..

My passion for life, just recently got ran over by a steam roller and flattened me out, Rolling me out like a  piece of dough, taking all the air- like passion out of me.

We all have our struggles. Shit, it sometimes a lot of the times may  seem like hiding under the duvet covers and growling at anyone who dares to step their big toe into my bedroom like a good idea.

How many times have we done that one?

What did we achieve?

what did we learn?

So how can I big myself up?

 I could hire out a cheerleader and personal mascot to follow me around for the week shouting

GO DAISY!  GO DAISY! D.A.IS.Y. -WHAT DO YOU GET ? DAISY! 

If I did this I may end  up in prison by the end of the week under murder charges for temporarily losing my mind and killing a cheer leader and mascot.

Imagine it. All week. That would drive me nuts!

I’m going to use my busy week to learn.

I know for a fact,that if I 100%

engage in my life this week;I will become bigger in spirit and character and I will learn more. I will evolve. 

 Come Sunday . I will no longer be who I am today.

I’m kind of nosy how that is going to turn out.

Change is good . Push yourself.

I think the idea of being conquered sucks. I know how much of a buzz I get when I push myself and I DO  what I set out to do. I go on a natural high.

I am usually quite successful in all that I  take on.

I’m worried that I won’t have enough time to be a Mom, partner and put the effort I usually do into my  blog and reading other blogs because:

  • I’ve got my hair trial

  • Make up re trial

  • Food tasting for the wedding

  • Run through for the wedding

  • suit hunting

  • ring hunting

  • dentist

  • Bella Bee back at school

  • long hours of group  facilitating  training  on Tuesday and Wednesday

  • More long hours of training with a different organisation on Friday

  • Exercise every day

I know it may not sound like a lot. To me it is a huge challenge considering how I have been feeling lately.

I’m so going to own this week.

Make a list of what you have to do. By all means focus on one day at a time. You don’t want to freak yourself out

Oh and please be fucking kind to your self. I hear this a lot.

GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT FOR WHAT YOU DO GET DONE

Want to  be a part #FollowGreatFootsteps?  You can do it! I will review your blog  and link it to your blog website :) -check out the link above. It”s easy peasy.

35 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY MAN

Here is something I don’t do often – praise my man.

35 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY MAN

  1. He gives me lots of cuddles and I love you’s during the day

  2. He does the washing, dishes and makes the meals in our home

  3. He forgives me when I have been a total bitch

  4. He laughs at things I say and tells me I ought to give myself more credit for being witty

  5. He trusts me  even when I find it hard to trust myself

  6. He likes routine just like me and order. 

  7. he is such a big kid and does the school run with our daughter, come rain,  sunshine, or snow,

  8. He helps anyone and I mean anyone if he can

  9. he  is in love with my soul

  10. everyday he compliments me of my fashion style and how my make up looks

  11. He put up with my cat Tatiana,who I have had since 2008, (four years before we met ) pissing in the lounge for nearly a year. He cried with frustration because he told me he really loves Tatiana but he couldn’t understand why she suddenly started pissing everywhere ( we have worked things out and Tatiana is less jealous of our daughter these days and goes and does her biz in the box)

  12. He won’t have a bad word said about my butt

  13. He is a family man and not a man that goes out drinking with his mates until all hours. He enjoys doing family things

  14. He is patient with my Eating Disorder and doesn’t make me feel like a freak

  15. In the 5 years we have been together he has never let me down not once

  16. He has brought out all the good traits in me – even the ones  I thought I never had

  17. I don’t feel the need to overdose take drugs or drink with him in my life

  18. He will sit with me at the hairdressers and when I get my nails done.

  19. He can be silly just like me and we laugh in hysterics at times – like best friends.

  20. He lets me do what I want to do: start a business (that failed), volunteer a lot of my time to mental health charities, he encourages me to write and respects my need of solitude

  21.  He understands my need to exercise everyday 

  22. He’s rather fit and more than a handful in the bedroom 😉

  23. He is 100% himself. What you see is what you get. He is fit (rather dapper and suave) and doesn’t have a ego. He does have a healthy ego.

  24. He is not the  kind of guy to create drama and go all alpha male if some guy challenges him- that says a lot about his character

  25.  He pushed me to carry on studying and get my BA 

  26. He loved me and accepted me when my daughter was taken away from me and put into care. ( people who know my story will know I have her back fulltime in my life with no social services

  27. He is more intelligent than he lets on but doesn’t patronise me with his knowledge of so many topics – he waits for me to approach certain topics and then I’m blown away by how much he knows on xyz topic

  28. He takes a paper towel and soaks up all the extra water in my vegetables and never cooks with oil. I never needed to ask him. He just did it.

  29.  Sometimes I think about calling him to help me do something and then don’t and all of a sudden he calls me asking me if I called him. That is a bit trippy

  30. He loves jazz

  31. He is as stubborn as me

  32. I have no money and am poor and he still loves me. 

  33. He holds me close when I have panic attacks

  34.  He actually communicates with me.

  35. People say he looks like Jesus – the best thing is we are not religious at all. He could probably get away with murder. He can’t turn water into wine 

I don’t tell him enough how much he means to me but he is a huge part off my world. I can’t wait to be his bride. Happy endings are not perfect like in fairy tales – happy endings are usually a result of a lot if suffering and compromise.  The end may be the end of one book but it is also the start of another ‘once upon a time…..’

 

What a pansy.

So Pansy what is on your mind?

PANSY: two things… well if you ever feel bored, sexually frustrated or frustrated in general: try scrubbing your stair case and landing carpet at 7 pm at night…

Oh and whaaaa

PANSY: I’m not finished… next book yourself a manicure or if you are poor like me then do a DIY

So what else is on your mind this fine evening?

PANSY: I put my height, weight, age and Gender on a on-line BMI calculator and I have 5 kilograms to lose before I am a BMI that is classed as underweight.

Interview over.Pansy has left the building.

It has been documented that Pansy’s lowest BMI ever was 13 that is 30 kilograms.

Fed up!

POSSIBLY MY SHORTEST POST EVER

I feel like I’ve been neglecting this part of my writing life. If I’m 100% honest I have fallen a slave to the time shaker that is NaNoWriMo .jennifer-egan-quote-630x473.png

I’m 29120 words in. More than half way with my first draft for my novel. I hate being so competitive, because I end up feeling like I do now exhausted and guilty. I have neglected nearly everything and everyone in my mad quest to get a 50 000 thousand word story down. It is very far from being finished. Even when I get to 50 000 words, it may not be finished and it will need lots of re drafting. I’ve been having permanent head aches. I’ve turned into a demon bitch from hell. Snapping at all and everything. I don’t need think I need a haunted hotel to go insane! I do need a ghost writer. IF I EVER FINISH THIS NOVEL CAN SOMEONE WRITE AS SONG LIKE THIS BUT ADD COCKTAILS TO IT AND JAZZ IT UP A BITmedium_Writing_Meme

It would be so easy to give in now. Only 8 days to go!

Nope not giving up but I am taking a break from technology for tonight.

THIS IS MY POST.. Can you detect how exhausted of words I am?

I’m not going to say my piece is shit because it might not be and I have this crazy annoying mantra

” I succeed in everything I do”

Who picked that one? Aaaaargh.

P.S. no cocktails lately, especially not  tonight as I don’t have the strength to bring a glass to my lips.