Blog Archives
Entry 1
Today I woke up from a pre empted nightmare-the impending doom & gloom of the end of half term and the start of the school run. Early mornings, pushing myself to get out,exit the house!
Bee is in the bath.
Ma, I need you for xyz
My thoughts of what to put down temporarily suspended. Going out. I love being out and active. I love to not have to worrry that I’m not doing enough, to keep the scales from dictating my mood, my day. I’ve come to realize I’m a lazy anorexic thinker. Ha! Fancy that.
There, I’ve admitted it. Perhaps, by making an effort to write down my general every day thoughts, feelings and emotions again, it will incite an inner part of me to be aware of my surroundings again. Pull off a decorum of intelligent self expression. Put that intelligence into a wider context in my conversations and interactions with humans.
Help improve my memory. Pull off a Brian Eno -esque diary. Try and live a more fulfilling life. I’m morose (sad) because Gee and Bee are going to be out most of the day living a productive life again. I want to do more too.
I’m sad that I have made Gee sad ( scratch that) ANGRY at me! At me- for not severing all contact with him. I’m disappointed in myself for disrespecting Gee and myself. Bee will never know. I’m disappointed in myself for disrespecting Gee, myself too. I suspect drinking too much doesn’t help with my impulsive and risk taking behaviour.
The Ego seeks out more attention. I’m lonely. I want more from friendship. I want my life and sense of worth to have more meaning outside of my family.
Today the weather is in a glorious mood. Rays beaming . The sun has a warm smile for all. A complete contrast to my own demeanour. I’m standing under that thunderous cloud waiting for the lightening to strike down more familar thunderbolts to keep me from blooming again.
I’m happy. I’m happy because I have been putting ink down again. Snippets of poetry, fragments of words that make me feel a validated member of society. I need kinship in my interests. The only person I’ve spent time with talking about our mutual interests, in my physical ( not online) world is him. He isn’t afraid to give honest feedback. Honest -sometimes constructive critique.
How sad am I? Sad enough to feel offended that the other him-that parasite who only takes money from me and happiness from my family ‘dissed’ me when I thought I wanted a distraction from my mind. Something that the reckless part of me craves. Ignored me and my ego has been hurt! That is the tragedy. ( shrugs), I know Bee is going to call me to bath her and on cue- oh hang on- she *actually* asked me to get her an empty bottle to play with. A stray from from the usual routine I’m too familiar with, I actively endorse like .. like… (I have no idea)…family life is a business that cannot be traded as a commodity no matter what price?
These voices
These voices in my head gossip it’s a constant source of bedlam.
They never stop,
They never leave.
Their constant trolling,
There incessant banter
Sparks a hell-raising fire
Until I kick out from cracking up from all of their heckling.
I imagine a dark horse rescues me so I can canter away, breathe in the ocean air.
Keep up this distraction forever.
These voices make me pull at my hair, I see I have a few grey hairs now.
Droopy disproportionate boobs.
I fear the larger breast a whole 2 cup sizes bigger needs to be stabbed, squeezed, cleansed from the infected fat.
If only this would quell these voices in my homely self made asylum.
Perhaps my patients would snap back into reality
Snap out of their various maladies.
Even when my glass house shatters
These voices know I’ll glue back each piece bit by bit in an attempt to make myself better.
These voices know they can always come back.
Rent-free
The foods on me.
Feeding on the folds of my imperfect flaws.
That emotion I can only describe as fatness.
A feeling, a thought, a moment, an eternity, a sense of a loss of control.
It comes and it goes
It takes a second glance
Catches me off guard.
I have to take pictures to believe I am not hallucinating. Pictures lie.
They do and then a second glance and they don’t.
They do and they don’t.
They do and they don’t.
They do and they don’t.
This is what these voices chant.
That fatness comes
That fatness goes with a second glance.
Another thought pulls through for me
One second glance
One more chance to be lucid.
To survive another day
To survive another day
Only for these bastard critters to gorge on my mind.
Make all their fears mine.
These voices, they scream at me.
They yell at me.
They tell me to go away.
Often when I wish to disappear I dissociate
Have a rest
Go on autopilot.
Leave the carnival of freaks to cast me out.
I want to process what I hear, what I watch, what I read, what I see without them humming their filth in my head.
I want to be present
Tune into my world
Reality.
where it truly matters.
I don’t want to miss connecting with my loved ones.
These mouthpieces…
I have nothing left to say.
Bank of sound with Fin
North Carolina born, Johnathan Wyatt, came under my radar under one of his alias names- Fin. His music is a diverse mix of instrumental hip-hop. Jonathan has released house music under the alias, Kaepora Gaebor. He has also released Vapour wave beats under the Alias, Fiji, and prompted me to find him on Instagram.
His collaboration on the track ‘Obsession Depression’ with his close friend, Skyler Nelson, (PKSkyler) a rapper based in San Diago, California on ambient Agape Records vol 1 album for U.K. based label Agape records -all proceeds went to MIND (mental health) Charity.
His dedication and maturity for his passion to create music in the past 5 years are astounding. Fin is 17 years old. He has released 3 albums, 6 EP’S and several demos and his next album –Näherin due to drop on 6th November 2020.
‘Tower’ is taken from his latest album.
When I asked Jonathan to what words came to mind when on MENTAL HEALTH & CREATIVITY) (CREATIVITY his answers were -Process, Inspiration, Expression. Frustration, Anxiety and Depression.
ON DEPRESSION OBSESSION
For Depression Obsession, the song I produced for PKSkyler on
(AGAPE Volume 1), Skyler just messaged me one day asking if I was interested in making a track for a charity compilation. We didn’t have a theme to start with, other than that it was mostly ambient music on the compilation and the person who started it was doing it as a tribute to a friend of theirs who had overdosed a few months prior. The song came together really quickly since we had a deadline to submit.
It was great to be a part of a project that feels so personal, with so many talented musicians as well. I’ve dealt with anxiety since a pretty young age, and have had some issues with depression over the past couple of years, so the links between mental health and creativity are very important to me.
I started with a sample from a song by one of my favourite bands, Azeda Booth. I laid some drums and bass down and had the rough bones of the beat. I sent a snippet of this to PK, and we both figured it should go in a more ambient direction, to fit with the other songs on the compilation. That’s when I thought of the concept of the track having two halves, with the first half being a normal rap structure for his verse and hook, and the second half being entirely beatless and ambient. I put some airy vocal chops from a Frou Frou song, some details, and the droney ambient section for the outro. I sent the instrumental to PK, he liked it, laid his vocals down, sent them back to mix, and the song was done.
FIN ON FIN
I make a lot of different kinds of music, but the sound that’s compelling to me is anything sample-based. I’ll usually buy cheap records from thrift shops and record stores, skim through them, and try to combine as many elements as I can into a cohesive piece. I do play a handful of instruments and write original music, but sampling is something I’m really, really passionate about. I think it deserves a lot of credit not just as a compositional tool, but as an art form all its own. It’s almost post-modern in a way, with the constant recontextualization of recognizable material.
BACKGROUND
When I was young, maybe around 7 or 8, I was obsessed with Micheal Jackson. I don’t even remember how I got interested in him, lol. I listened to his music religiously, had all the costumes, took a few dance classes, everything. This was before I ever considered playing an instrument, it was probably a big part of me getting deep into music later in life.
I started playing the guitar when I was 11, and about a year later I got obsessed with the idea of writing and recording my music. I got really into the idea of not needing a band or recording studio and doing everything myself. I started taking piano lessons, got a cheap bass, and took over my sister’s drumkit. I made about 3 albums worth of really crappy indie rock before getting interested in electronic music. I messed around with drum & bass, synthwave, and chiptune sounds before I got into sampling and beat-making. This was also around the time I met a few rappers and my friend Skyler (PKSkyler) on Facebook. I was super into the then growing vaporwave and cloud rap scene and was making loads of beats in that style. Those beats ended up on PKSkyler’s first album,Life of Skyler ). I would’ve been around 13 years old at this time.
Probably around age 14 is when I got into buying and sampling records. I was taking drum lessons, and it turned out my teacher was a huge hip-hop head and producer. He really pushed me towards where I’m at musically now. He’d bring stacks of records for me to sample, let me borrow his SP-404 sampler for a few months, and was a massive influence on my album Berkeley.
I’m 17 now, and ever since then I’ve been constantly working on and releasing new music. Over the past 2 years, I’ve released 3 albums, 6 EPs, and 4 beat tapes.
ON CREATIVITY
For the stuff I make as Fin, it was lo-fi artists like Mndsgn, Knxwledge, and of course Dilla. About halfway through the production of my first album, Berkeley, I heard DJ Shadow’s Endtroducing, and that changed my path. I was obsessed with the idea of making structured songs out of samples, instead of short beats. Even when I didn’t have the skill or knowledge to pull it off, I’d try to work in shifting structures and distinct sections in my tracks, for better or for worse.
I always try to have a theme to each big project I do, whether it’s just a palette of sounds that the tracks share, or something more focused. My EP, Substance for the Shadow was based around the idea of making something influenced by soundtracks, post-rock, and krautrock, and writing everything from scratch without sampling.
For the beats I was making for PKSkyler as Fiji, it was a lot of cloud rap and vaporwave, like Yung Lean and Blank Banshee. I was also sampling a lot of soundtracks, mostly old JRPGs and Earthbound.
ON INFLUENCES, THE MUSIC INDUSTRY
(In my hometown) the music scene basically non-existent, lol.
It’s a rural area with a pretty small population. It’s not far from Raleigh, which is a pretty big city with plenty of local bands, musicians, and venues, but obviously, I haven’t been able to go to any shows for the better part of this year. I try not to let that stop me, though, I’ve never really collaborated with anyone in person anyway, never been in a band either. I’m very much used to collaborating online, sending stuff back and forth through email, etc.
I’ve met some of my best friends through the internet, and there are so many niche artists and scenes that would’ve never found an audience through the internet. Things like vaporwave netlabels, obscure lo-fi hip hop releases, and the culture surrounding Bandcamp could’ve never existed 20 years ago.
On the other hand, there’s so much music being released right now, it can be hard to break through and find an audience. If there’s a genre you like and want to hear more of, there are hundreds of albums being released online every day in that style. It’s a blessing and a curse.
As far as finding success in music right now, it goes back to what I said before about breaking through the sheer amount of music being made right now. I’ve seen the lengths musicians go to gain listeners, it’s kinda sad.
I’m not the biggest fan of the things a lot of artists are doing right to be seen, like gaming the Spotify algorithms, hiring ad agencies to make songs go viral, etc. It doesn’t feel very genuine. Either way, commercial success isn’t really what I’m looking for in music, that’s never been my goal.
ON LATEST ALBUM AND UPCOMING PROJECTS
I have some songs I’m working on right now is a bit more of a downtempo and electronic-tinged direction. Still sample-based hip hop, but more atmospheric, with a big focus on texture and lo-fi sounds. I also produced and mixed a bunch of the songs on PKSkyler’s newest mixtape, which should be out very soon.
My new album Näherin is out now on my Bandcamp. It’s a 13 track instrumental hip-hop album touching on some elements of trip-hop, boom-bap, and downtempo. It’ll be on Spotify and Apple Music within the next week or two. I’ve also got cassettes that I did in a bootleg-y DIY style. I hand recorded each tape and printed the labels and J-cards myself, instead of going through a duplication service. I also produced 10 of the 16 tracks on PKSkyler’s newest album Lost in Darkness, which came out in April.
Thank you for listening.
Fin Bandcamp
FIN DISCOGRAPHY & RELEASES
Toxic positivity culture
Most of us are aware that suicide attempts are on the rise at an explosive rate.
We all don’t want to see or hear someone who thinks the only way out of life is taking their own life.
We are told to talk about our feelings. Get it all out & call for a chat if we need anything.
People have to get on with their lives.
What if the help they are advised to seek out isn’t there or doesn’t help?
What about our ethical stance or views about people who want to end their lives?
Can we become open to challenging our views and reasons for helping people without being able to have a lasting impact on those people who still have to live with the aftermath of wanting to die?
Of course ,we are humans with complex emotions & at times deep compassion & empathy. We want to help or fix other people.
How do you feel about
Someone with a degenerative disease such as MS who has lost her soulmate & wants to end Life?
Or a man with a family to protect who is struggling financially & can’t see a way out either through shame or pride to seek out help or because they refuse to live in poverty so takes his life so his family can live on his Life insurance?
What can you do to make a positive long lasting change in their mind set or circumstances?
Does it soothe our conscience
We can admonish we have done the right thing
Acts of Altruism?
What about a teenager with body issues, relationship problems, a person.
Who sees no way out?
What if the places we signpost him to get help can’t or doesn’t help?
Well.. at least we tried to be a good person..
Instinctively we feel that it would be wrong to not want to help.
We live in a society where we are bound by outdated traditions, people who believe rhat by giving a person a poster can guide a person to change their perspective .
I believe the quality of life should matter more than the quantity.
I also believe that a teenager or a man in serious debt may be able to find guidance and be able to deal with the desire to die.
When it comes to illnesses I watched my own grandmother become an entity merely existing because that is what. society says we should do. Keep her alive.
Keep people alive even if that life is in a care home, unable to speak, move.
We don’t have enough resources to help people in state care homes to signpost these people to places where they can have a chance to rethink how they can live with a sense of purpose.
I’ve seen people I love live on a “leash” tied to life for what? other peoples peace of mind?
If we can’t get the resources to help people see a way out must they suffer their entire mortal life in mental anguish & physical torture?
What gives life meaning?
Purpose?
Finding a way to grow, achieve happiness – evolve as we have been designed to as humans?
We were born to live in our physical bodies and create a life worth living. To be able to say at the end of our lives that we died knowing for what purpose we had lived.
Ghostly mother
She’s dying not wanton for living in nebulant world
caught up in a shimmer
She is my cognitive dissonance a prisoner or
the one who keeps me safe form all harm
She takes me to a blissful cave hung with roses
yellow
sunshine smiles challenge my retreat
If her love snuffs out
Flames of regret will burn until cinders remain
didn’t show her the true love she deserved when she was even ill
Selfish
Ignorant to what is in plain sight
Words tempted to expel her ignatius existence.
Ghostown FEATURE: mental health & creativity
Ghostown is back with a new album. I genuinley found him to be an open book when talking about his mental health experiences, life and how he uses creativity to as a positive form of self expression.
When I messaged Rael he asked me what else I liked of theirs apart from Reflectionz (2009)album.
‘Whyte Coate’ is dark, childlike, spooky hip hop Lyrics. Most of the songs I listened to took me into the emotional horrorcore world of Ghostown. I was drawn to the eery, carnival childlike samples & frenetic uptempo of the piano chord. I felt like I was on a rollercoaster -it felt like a metaphor for how my mind works at times.
I then found a page of theirs with an Empty fridge, no food – except for an ineligible note. My eyes fell on the bottom of the picture showing 3 social media icons. I clicked on Twitter,
I was intrigued to find out Ghostown’s story.
I think often when I’m making music it doesn’t feel like I’m thinking. Cos I’m just often going .with the flow, I’m playing with the keyboard and come up with something and I think yeah I like that.. and then I’ll add something else. And it seems like I’m not thinking cos it seems like.. I’m just playing.. things are coming together. And the same with the lyrics. I suppose it’s a process -it’s a special type of thinking.
Very often ideally for me when I write the lyrics I don’t think actually think at all about what I’m going to write or the message or anything.I just make some music cos basically I do work with D.J. Kirsa a bit. And I do all the music. D.J. Kirsa does the Scratch.
So if I’ve made something that inspires me, then words just come out. I don’t have to think about it. Particularly there will be a flow of words like in that song ‘Spekta Gadjo’. I particularly like the first part which is quite strange compared to the second part which is kind of more joyful (even though it doesn’t sound like it) and maybe more classic, I suppose.
The first part I find more interesting. So, because I don’t use many samples as the main riff unless with Pedro. He contributed to a few samples on my new album.
What types of samples/loops of his interested you?
The ones I turned into songs, I can send you the SoundCloud playlist. I usually find a flow before I find the lyrics. The amount of sounds available is ridiculous
Can you tell me more about your moniker name, Spektah Gadjo& what inspired the songs?
Spektah Gadjo is a kind of a play on words as you have a spectre like a ghost and Gadjo like the Gypsey word for Stranger.
Spekta Gadjo was written in 2011 & I’d split up with my French girlfriend and gone to live on my own
For a moment let’s put aside your style of using dark humour (a -a bit like Grave Diggaz who parody issues like violence in a cartoonish way.) When I listened to part two of Spekta Gadjo
if someone doesn’t watch the videos and listen to how you satire this alter ego -if you just read the lyrics-they are really sad.
Your lyrics speak of a hermit, with no highs, no lows y- a person who is a ghost -a stranger to others and himself.
For the last 4 years, I’ve been working as an English teacher for adults which has been nice to start with but I’d really had enough of it particularly during the COVID crisis cos it just went on to full-time telephone lessons. I I was doing 25 hours a week on the telephone. I did a tiny bit of the zoom type thing, I found it worse.
With the telephone, at least, you can walk around in a flat whilst you’re speaking. But with zoom you have to stay and look at the screen-look interested not just sound interested but look interested with the person that is speaking. And you’ve got the sound issues with that as well.
And no, I preferred the telephone. And I didn’t like the telephone
And that’s why I ended up being on sick leave. On a few occasions, I thought I can’t handle this anymore especially on a Sunday thinking God, on Monday I’ve got to start again.I ended up going to the doctor saying I can’t handle this- its too much stress.
So your teaching English to adults contract ends in a few days. so, where will you be in terms of your income?
So everytime I have finished working I’ve claimed unemployment benefits, I going to focus more on music. Probably the best shot I had at making enohuh moent to do what I want was in 2008/9. I got 30 gigs in a year but even that doesn’t meet the minium wage. It could have worked if my girfriend at the time didnt care. So, she was like if the money from the gigs don’t bring in the money then you need to find a job that pays the bills. I’m not wanting to blame her. We had a 5 year old daughter. And we needed to pay the bills.
Before we did the interview I emailed you think about what words came to mind when you see and thinks of the words
MENTAL HEALTH: Alcohol, Drugs, Sport and repetition
CREATIVITY: Don’t compare, Let yourself go, Don’t think.
I’ve got a few things to say on Mental Health and music and creativity -so one thing that was difficult was taking a job cos I got a job in a supermarket after that. Like a basic sort of job. And that was really difficult to accept, cos it was like; ok you’ve got to do that now. Yeah, I started to feel like a failure, really cos I suppose it goes back to that song Ida cos if I had better prepared myself as a younger person then I wouldn’t have to go and work in a supermarket at 30 years old. Because that is the only job I could do because I spent all my time hoping to make a career in music. So, it was kind of like a brutal wake-up call.
The lyrics to Isa are stark and raw. Again it has al ot of regret and anger and confusion mixed in the lyrics and the way you produced it.
yeah, it wasn’t that long ago -it must be about 2 years ago. I’m not sure how much I remember of it… It was some kind of nostalgic memories – how do you call it -Autobiographical. And I suppose it was lots of things. I suppose its quite sad really. Thinking about stuff I should have done differently. I wish I had done that. I wish I hadn’t done that- mostly. So I would have = I would’ve = I’d’ve = I’d’a. That’s where the name came from.
That would drive me insane. How did it have an effect on your mental health & how did you deal with it?
For one I found I wasn’t getting enough sleep at all cos it felt like my brain wasn’t functioning. My doctor took that into account when putting me on sick leave.And since I’ve stopped that job I can sleep. No problems
so you identified what the problem was – you went to the doctor you were quite responsible, and didn’t use bad coping mechanisms.
What happened to your Mental health after you went on leave?
After a week of being on leave, I started to get into my ongoing music projects which I had already started… and video projects and stuff. I spent a decent amount of the day working on music. Then when I go to sleep I will have a repetition of music but I see it as more positive cos I may be think of a new melody or some new lyrics. I don’t mind that.
‘Butterfly’ was first recorded in June 2020 – I’ve been listening to the lyrics and they are so upbeat.
I wrote it in May because there are references to the curent period/time we’re living in.
Butterfly is going to be released as part of a new album released in September/October. The name of the album will most likely be Fringe head which makes reference to a strange sarcastic fish. (laughter0It is actually going to be 20 songs but 5 will be interludes.
I did google the fish to see if this is true and it is!
It reminds me of the saying Je me’n fiche -I am a fish.
On Youtube, there is a list to show the progress of ‘Fringe Head’.
I took to the video the first time I watched it. I’m going to put my opinion across to you. In most of the videos, I have seen of yours neither you nor D.J. Kirsa shows yourselves.
yes, it is the first time
What I had in my head is that instead of letting your shyness trait keep you from expressing yourself. You managed to overcome that obstacle and find a creative outlet with the cartoonish video and broke the boundaries to express yourself and challenge yourself.
What I’m getting at is because I’ve done some thinking about this.I’ve realised of course you need to think when you are being creative, of course, you need to let yourself go to a degree but there are different types of ways of letting yourself go. We can compare ourselves to other people cos that is how we get our inspiration, don’t we?
In my research, I came across how difficult it was for you when you moved to Montpellier with your girlfriend.
RAEL: (laughs) Yeah I know what you are gonna say.
So because of your moniker name, they immediately assumed that you were affiliated with this guy?
um…well, he’s actually a French guy who started this sect- he was a Sports journalist & all of a sudden he started talking about being abducted by Aliens & had been shown the truth -the universal truth. He publicly stated this and everyone took the piss out of him.
Raelian wasn’t a common name in the U.K. & I thought it was a good name for music, I had used that name in Scotland and continued to use it in France & people reacted really badly to it (laughs).
That was kind of how Ghostown came about cos I was like I need to find a new name. And cos the song ‘Ghost town’by the Specials -I’ve always loved that song. it sounded quite apt for the music I made, cos there was always some kind of spooky ghost-like theme going on.
Bank of Sound Feature -Ghostown
All the people I’ve ever asked to do a feature I usually know nothing about so it’s good to know where to find you.
Who is Ghostown?
Ghostown is made up
Of Rael and D.J. Kirsa. They do go by various other monikers.
Their music style is smelting pot d hip-hop, mixed with old school breakbeats, they merge with trip hop and use bass. They prefer creating their own samples.
There is a hint of Balkan eastern folk hop music.
For this upcoming album a family acquaintance, PEDRO gero donated a few samples for Rael to mess about with to complement to the upcoming album.
They have 6 albums released Culture Vulture 2004 Reflectionz 2009
Spektah Gadjo 2013 Shanksville 2018
Wuchak 2019
And their current album
Fringehead 2020
Ghostown performed extensively yet sporadically mostly in France, playing at alternative festivals with the likes of
- Balkan Beat Box
- Chinese Man
- Degiheugi
- Brain Damage
- Beat Assailant
The first track that Ghostown released in May 2020is the scintillating ‘Butterfly. It’s s an upbeat melodywith positive lyrics that flow with the ups and downs of life & reality.
It is a theme around doing ones best in life no matter what.
RAEL
On ghostown’s Youtube channel , there is a playlist to show the progress of the tracks that have been released and to help fans and keep up to date with the albums next move.
Here is a link to take you directly to that YouTube playlist – ‘FringeHead’
It was written in May because there are references to the curent period we’re living in. The video was created around social distancing. I called D.J. Kirsa and told him about an idea i had and he was up for it.
‘Butterfly’ is the first track ttaken off the new album . The release date will be around September/October.
The name of the album will most likely be ‘Fringehead’ which makes reference to a strange sarcastic fish.
It is actually going to be 20 songs but 5 will be interludes.
Going back to the Jonny Marre tapes & the Je ei ,marre saying,
I really like how the Butterfly video is produced. I’ve noticed that in most of the videos that I have seen of your work you don’t show yourselves in any of them..
I impressed with how well the video and track is made. It’s a long process of finding an audio sample to fit with an animation clip and get the timing precise. I would be really proud of myself if it was my work.
I don’t know whether you are consciously aware of how your first time self editing , possibly helped you come up with an idea where both you and Kirsa overcame a way to not fixate on your hermit trait.
You managed to overcome that obstacle and find a creative outlet with the cartoonish video and broke the boundaries to express yourself and challenge yourself.
Thank you so much for the chat. It was insightful and I I can’t wait to hear more tracks off the album.
No, its the first time ,really
Bank of Sounds Feature :Dee Wallz
When I first heard this track (2018) on hype machine. My curiosity stirred from the intro of ‘PlayStation'( a sample is taken from one of the most iconic game systems start-up theme ever) I have listened to this track at least 80 times since finding it on hype machine..
*The inspiration for the track came following a break up with an ex-girlfriend and Dee went into his studio, let all the creativity and emotions pour out and the result was this.
I’ve been listening to a few of Dee’s tracks over the past year. I particularly relate to his introspective approach to his lyrics and subtle wry humour.
I decided to get in touch( and after many months of sorting out how we would go about doing it ). I’m so grateful for Dee’s patience in helping me gain the courage to do my first feature interview on my blog.
So who are you?
I’m Dee Wallz one of the best up and coming rappers lol
Yeah man, I love your optimistic attitude. You do have a great flow and rhythm, and a distinct voice that has developed over the last 2 years.
How old are you? ( little ice breaker haha)
I’m pretty old now lol I’m 22
Yeah, you are so old. You come across as rather driven and focused for someone in their 20’s. No offence Though one source I found claims that you were 25 in 2017! )
*To clarify Dee is 27 & still young.*
Where are you from originally?
I’m originally from Memphis, TN but I’m living in the great city of Houston Tx .
What put you on the music path?
I actually started writing with my cousin Jarvis in Mississippi, I did it for fun but I really became dedicated to it in my hometown of Memphis, at the age of 13. And I’ve been writing ever since.
That’s pretty cool. Memphis is a hub for musical talent. So many great artists like Wendy Rene, Aretha Franklin come from Memphis. Its a place with an intense political history. And it’s where civil rights activist Martin Luther King was assassinated. You have that MLK track. It is a place where many iconic artists such as Louie Armstrong have gone to perform and been well received and perhaps been inspired by politics. You rap with so much depth & soul. There is nothing ugly about your rapping style.
Why do you continue to do music?
To me it’s therapeutic for me whether talking about my life experiences and/or it allows to express my creativity with my wittiness and wordplay.
Who do you look up to in the industry?
I definitely look up to guys like Jay Z and Nas, I love their growth, being just great artist (s). And now seeing how successful they are in other business ventures inspires me.
What influences your music?
My musical influences are from all over the place. From J Cole, Nas, Lil Wayne, T.i, MF DOOM, Big KRIT Jay Electronica, Jay Z, Elzhi, Royce da 5’9 and Phonte are the few that come to mind. Basically all of the top tier lyricists.
Have you ever released an album/or intend to?
Not yet but very soon so stay tuned. Right now I’m just releasing singles.
watch this space!
I know you’ve done a few collaborations with other music artists. It’s a great way to get into the industry.
I’ve collaborated with one of the dopest females rappers out of Cali by the name of MaCita on a remix of my song “Sorry, I Don’t Know You” and I’ve collaborated with my boy out of Memphis Capo Montana and my guy from New Orleans, King Studio Best.
Who do you believe would buy/listen to your music?
I believe my music has widespread appeal. So I think I’ll connect with all races, ages, genders and everyone around the world of different cultures. I’ve actually had my music streamed in 16 countries. So I truly believe that.
That’s cool. I too truly believe that music transcends language. It is the one common unifier and music brings people together.
What newspapers, magazines, tv shows, trade papers, or blogs have you been featured in?
I have been featured in The Word is Bond, EAR MILK which is two of my favourite blogs and I hope to be featured in a lot more.
Why should people care about you and your music(it’s a cutthroat industry to get in to)?
I feel like I give my story and life experiences in music but also provide comic relief with my punchlines. Or sometimes I’ll have my moments of doing both.
Yeah, I do appreciate being humoured when I listen to hip hop. It’s a great skill to have especially when you are rapping about serious issues.
What genres of music do you like to perform in?
Primarily rap & hip-hop but I’m for sure down to collab with musicians of other genres.
I think it’s vital to our creative growth to push ourselves out of our comfort zones in music or whatever we do
One track that comes to mind that demonstrates your versatility as an artist is ‘Fuck Mozart ‘track. It demonstrates (to me) you aren’t afraid to experiment and push the boundaries of your usual style of music while still retaining the essence of who Dee Wallz -the artist is. Your strength is in your flawless vocals. You have a distinctive sound.
Do you write your own music?
Of course, I consider myself a lyricist so I feel like that’s a must.
What do you do in your free time?
I’m a be honest music is my life (lol ), if I’m not doing it .I’m thinking about doing it or how I further my status in music.
What are your other hobbies though?
I would say the gym and video games. Those two are great stress relievers, and it helps just give me a restart before I pick up the pen and pad again.
True, it’s important to have other interests. Its a tough industry to be in and looking after your physical and mental health is vital to staying focused. Yeah, I can see how committed you are and how hard you train using different voice technique reflected in the tracks I’ve listened to
What are you trying to do in the industry?
I’m trying to make the biggest impact I can while being me and making the music I genuinely want to make.
What do you want to be known for/known as?
One of the greatest
😀 baht of course. A G.O.A.T. Indeed.
Make the best of Life. Make it count.
What do you hope to get out of your involvement in the music industry?
To create a lasting legacy and hopefully influence the general(?)in a positive way
What is your favourite quote?
It takes 10,000 hours to master a skill. I feel like I’m currently at 9,999
*A quote from the author of ‘how to achieve mastery in whatever a person does in life, by Malcolm Gladwell. It is a classic perfectionist quote. in my humble opinion.
What quote/sentence would you say best describes you and your music?
Introspective, Catchy and Witty
What kind of music do you listen to?
I know everyone says this but- all kinds (lol )but primarily hip-hop if I’m being honest…
What are your 3 favourite songs ?
-
1.J. Cole-Simba
- Lil Wayne- I’m Me
-
Nas- It Aint Hard To Tell
How does music affect your mood?
It can literally change my mood in an instant. That’s why if I’m feeling down I like to listen to something from my childhood to lift my spirit.
Nothing wrong with indulging in a moment of nostalgia. Music has a way of putting me in a different mindstate.
What is your perspective on the current state of the industry?
I love it, we’re in a state of independence and self-empowerment. I also feel like there is a balance musically.
I agree that music artists have more opportunities to self promote on different music platforms and access to information on the internet has made it easier for some ways to get your music out to the public.
What do you think will help the industry survive/what do you think the industry needs in order to thrive?
I think just embrace artist genuinely wanting to be themselves and not change them and jus accentuate what talent they already have.
Yeah, I agree that we should work hard to stay true to ourselves as well as being inspired or influenced by different artists/sources.
What are you currently working on?
Right now I’m just dropping songs at a steady pace and perfecting my craft more and more as I go so stay tuned…….. (quoted in 2018)
This track is interesting too
What inspired it?
It wasn’t anything too deep. I just wanted something more upbeat and fun (lol). I like to try new things with my creativity.
Thank you, for taking the time to do a feature. You have been so cool, helpful and it’s been a pleasure collaborating with you.
Dee Wallz’ last released track was this classical hip hop , his with lyrics full of passion and a still waters deep soul soundscape .
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My confessions being a crazy pycho b*tch*
“if she is willing to screw you, like you or date you -He can’t handle the truth and question’s why- so is She crazy or is He just being a dickhead for calling her crazy ( for seeing something in him -he is obviously having a hard time coming to terms with ?
DAISY WILLOWS
SOMETHING TO LISTEN TO WHILE YOU READ
When like me, you are a second generation-er (in my family) of hooking up with men that tend to leave me
Thus leave me wanting more “love”.
I’ve always thought that the more love I crave equates to more unkindness , more abuse & more words spewed at on how crazy I am.
When I was working on drafting a script- ( at uni),The main themes that cropped up were Betrayal & Love – just to name two.
I used to think a Solid foundation like a tent is good enough to build up on a secure relationship . Upon relfection a stone house is probably a better choice of material.
In 2012 I went on date (and eventually marry the first man, who treated me as his queen.
HOW?
-
Honours me
-
respects me
-
loves me
-
accepts me
-
empowers me
-
Dominates me ( when I let him)
I couldn’t get my head around it. I still struggle to understand this love he has for me without the abuse, belittling & selflessness he has for me. Even after 9 years together & I’ve done a few things that nearly destoyed our marriage.
Slowly,I am starting to understand his unwaivering love.It is hard to accept his love at times. I immiedtely cower away from him. I second guess him, I look for a way out from experiencing true love and respect.
I mean ,I married the man who treats me so different from all the others.
I wonder if he is normal!
The thoughts come & go.
When is he going to start treating me in a way that I have been conditioned to respond to?
Why is it that even now, a part of me is sad that I don’t get the respect from those who have never shown me any respect?
All Genders are included in this question.
Take. Take .Take.
I Give Give give.
I don’t know if this a guy thing but it seems like ‘crazy’ is the buzzword to try and put a woman in her place -if she expresses feelings and does things that any “normal” person would do if that person was in her shoes.
I read up about this culture of slut shaming and I came up with the ones I think resonate with me the most. Here are the ones that actually helped me see myself as a person.
Here is a huge middle finger to those( not all ) men who think throwing out the crazy word to try and cop out or put me or any one of my sisters in our place.
She’s so emotional! F-ing psycho!
If I cry often or during difficult conversations, it doesn’t mean that I’m a crazy emotional mess, it means that I am a human being with emotions that I have invested into that particular conversation. Crying isn’t a sign of weakness, craziness, or hormonal imbalances… so please in God’s name do not ask me if I’m getting my period!
I can so relate to this. If I have invested more of my emotional energy into a friendship , relationship, acquaintance, career even, and I get upset when I have fulfilled my purpose to an individual and not got what I was expecting. What does a person expect?
If I don’t cry when we are having a difficult conversation. I may be trying to take in what has been said and let my heart catch up with my mind.
We all internalise and externalise our shit in different ways. One guy I gave my body and mind too, in the hope of gaining his friendship, made out like I was off my chuffing head because I asked for certain drugs to block the pain and guilt of what I had done ,after his ‘I have just fucked you. Here is why it can’t work’speech.
“If you can’t chill out with Valium then you are seriously fucked up.” said He.
This was said as a follow up to his
” I only smoke weed day in and day out and have Ketamine/MDMA/insert drug of choice here every couple of weeks or so.”
Heads up this guy has/had serious Addiction and relationship issues himself. I’m not finger pointing -I’m stating fact.
Another guy said
“I don’t really drink anymore” – I look around the house- it is a tip , empty alcohol cans ,bottles and remnants of ‘a party I had two days ago’, said He.
DOUBLE STANDARDS ALERT .
She flipped out when I left my dishes in the sink…she’s nuts!
If I get angry at you for feeling taken advantage of, it doesn’t mean I’m uptight and crazy, it means that sometimes I don’t want to be treated like an indentured servant or a sex slave. You’ve had a long day? So have I, and looking cute or being sexy while cleaning up your mess isn’t exactly on the top of my priority list. Anger is fine for men, yet when women express it, we are donned crazy.
This one doesn’t just have to be about dishes. It does seem true that Anger in men is fine, encouraged even. I have been an instigator of this myself.
“MAN UP” says I.
A woman gets Angry and lashes out !
Why is that crazy or anything less validating than a man expressing his emotions?
Some Men just don’t understand women at all.
It is easy to run away and point a finger and say ‘it is her- me I have my shit together. PLEASE LOOK AT YOUR FUCKING LIFE
She’s left me like 10 messages demanding that I call her back!! She’s not understanding the brush off!!
If I continue to call or text after no response from you, It doesn’t make me crazy for not getting the “hint”, it makes you a child who refuses to take accountability or responsibility for your feelings/lack of feelings. I know you don’t want to talk to me. I deserve to have that conversation even if it’s difficult for you. And at this point I’m desperately hoping you pick up the phone just so I can hear the terror in your voice. What exactly are you afraid of? Honesty? Grow up!
This is one, when I read it – A light switched on for me . Yes, I may have sent ineligible texts, nursing my heart with benzos and alcohol at the time, decided it was a great idea to text a person/s who I needed answers from. When I was picking up the pieces.It was a hard for me to be objective about because of where my mindstate was. It wasn’t a side I like to see in me. I looked pathetic. I got over it.
Until I read the above. I think me wanting answers is not unfair and this is when I finally realised just who I had invested so much time into –
Some Boys think life is a game.
Men know when it’s time to get honest and talk without their dicks.
You’re a crazy bitch but ya F—- so good I’m on top of it!
If I enjoy sex and I know what I like it doesn’t make me a crazy slut, or just plain crazy. An important part of being a woman is knowing your body, knowing your limits, and not being afraid to ask for what you want. People have kinks and preferences. Adages like “crazy in bed means crazy in the head” is just another way to make women feel badly for being exactly who they are.
We are constantly told not to be ordinary, normal, or boring, so when we embrace our not so boring side we shouldn’t be feared and shamed. Grow up and embrace the sexual revolution boys! A real woman should be confident in bed, no matter what her preferences.
Yeah, what I have to add to this as a woman is, I’ve grown into a woman -one way is I’ve gained sexual confidence in myself. I don’t not needing alcohol or drugs to fuck/shag a guy.
OUCH!
But true.
Men have rarely make any apologies for wanting to fuck me. Oh, hang on- I always get ‘you are so sexy that is why I want to….’
When I’ve show I can take control and say this is what I want and no I don’t like to be treated mean.
Some guy’s seem to love that, until………………..
they cum.
Then it dawned on me that if the man didn’t make his bed the first time – he sure as hell is not going to start now.
So he starts back pedalling. His spine goes as limp as his previous most erect penis .
That is a bit cruel. Maybe I indulge a man’s ego because I don’t want to say.
I can’t feel a thing. Are you actually in yet?
Maybe, I have had a child and slept with many or a few dudes or maybe I am just used to bigger cocks.
STOP THE SLUT SHAMING!
She says she’s in love with me…she must be crazy!
Lastly, If I tell you that I love you chances are I do…or at least I think I do. Falling in love with someone is difficult. Admitting to it, is even more difficult. Don’t belittle my feelings. Don’t give me reasons not to love you.
And don’t, by any means, stick around if the feelings aren’t mutual. I love you..there I said it…so either be a man and dive into this thing with me, or be a man and walk away. And remember, if after you’ve made your choice, (to stay and love me or to walk away) I am a crying mess, I’m not crazy. I’m just human.
Even if this is said by a drunk women texting. She may not love you – she may just have ” complicated” feelings for you. She may say she hates you in the next text.
Rejection sucks. Ever been there?
The biggest cop out is ‘it is not going to work but of course we can be friends’ two days later -unfriended with no answers.
Finally, be fucking specific. CRAZY is such an umbrella term. Its lacks imagination.
She’s constantly drunk. ( daisy adds when she is around him)
“She got hammered last night and was completely crazy.”
Do you mean to say, “She has an issue with alcohol abuse?”
That’s very different from being crazy.
If she’s constantly drinking that much and losing her sh*t, you might have some more serious problems to deal with other than her “craziness.”
Going back to the draft I wrote (2016/7)
I tend to write what I know. I dramatised scenes.I like to get more creative and make it original, when I put pen to paper and got my draft down, then the editing process starts. Characters grew the more I wrote, and what they had to say to each othe, the more the plot develops.
I started reading these articles because I was looking for motives for who at the time of writing the draft I wodnered how -the Antagonist – could change & when or why.
Characters and real people all have light and dark in them. No person is wholly good or wholly bad.
Daisy in the willows 
2 responses to “Whale music”
reality is hidden under masks most of the time
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Indeed it is,Ahkila. Thanks for reading.
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