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Blanch Guts

I may not be anonymous

I’m predisposed to mostly white.

Paled by charming powder puffs

Under any paltry day or night.

I may not be anonymous

I may appear big, small heavy and then light.

one little line of chronic

then it’s down & up 1000s hillside slopes to cut the gluttonous lust.

It grows in fervour

Diminishes all care.

If time is money (Wutang)

then it’s wasted to card dealing chancers

who think it is fair in the twilight

to fight this addiction to an eating disorder.

Sizes me up

Rounds me in

Heard in

cattle calls

Not time to feed but blanch Guts away to her final slaughter.

Why do I want to change my hues?

Tie Dye?

Or maybe these words are a whitewash of denial or a statement covering up a fat lie.

(May 2019)

Hangman’s noose -Don’t give in

Never give up!

Nina sang it well: it’s a new dawn, a new day….

When you look at yourself straight on in the mirror – chant his name three times.

The Grim Reaper is more likely to pay a visit and say ‘wassup?

Thinking about all those folk who want to live. Don’t have a cat’s chance or a lucky clover to pray over.

Last night, life became mission impossible. If you read it – I’m free flowing this to say

Don’t give up.

Don’t give in.

When it feels like you are at the end of Hangman’s noose about to kick the bucket from under your feet

that’s the moment we’ve the opportunity to reveal our true soul’s pathos.

Don’t you think the cloaked hooded figure has a lot of soul collecting to get on with?

I’m not saying that what we feel at the time is an illusion.

I pointing out -change is the only constant

 That can lead to desperate ,devastating confusion.

Inside – I’m trembling worrying , wondering. What am I gonna do? Can I do this?

Question after question more questions fogging up my third eye- it’s enough to make any mind spin.

Stop. Hammer time.

Warped sense of humour.

Effective

Enough to keep all the rattling bones and bolts inside me cast a  glow over my demeanour.

Hope.

Look around. You see a flower wilt or bloom inspite of his brethren humming out sad tunes.

Hope.

That’s Life continuing in spite of all that strife.

Hope .

One Seed.Of.Hope. Get through this second,hour, this evening.

Take the seed, germinate it, nurture it, feed it, love it , talk  to it.

Take the time – make it thine.

Watch it grow into a mighty oak – proud and on display.

Seems impossible to define.

Plant it. Don’t throw it away.

Keep a hold of it. It may be the one thing that  carries you over the struggle D-day line.

On the surface – flowers, trees, icebergs – all look fantastical – magical even.

Look below the surface. There is a formula – you can build on that too –

No magic. No miracles.

Approach thyself with an examining eye.

Make it  your number one priority to get to know what makes you  tick.

If heart’s Hope stops make it your priority to know where to go to get a battery replacement. Get it resuscitated.

Know what makes you well

Reach out to that alien.

Get out of that comfort zone.

Scream ,yell, type, don’t bottle it  up .

We have the technology – make a call -pick the phone up.

We have a voice – use it. Listen..

Sweet melodic freedom – we’re the only ones with the unlock and escape from our own self made prison key.

Hope.

Never give up.

Life gets difficult

Life gets complicated.

There is more to this space than a  one-dimensional prism.

 I know it’s scary – to feel caught up in that schism.

Pieces of the mind caving in -thoughts toppling over like being a Chilean miner being held hostage underground.

Two months of no light . A sorrowful plight.

It’s dark but you are still breathing. You may be the only one but time is not about to start giving in.

Chin up. Keep looking for a strategy.

An exit route.

Use that sombre time to recollect . Hell, soak up the dramaturgy.

We come into this world kicking, screaming, wondering, possibly even believing. We mustn’t give up unless time says  ‘okay enough’.

So, I say go the way you came in . If it is not  our time – fight with every muscle. All the nerve you can summon up.

Truth  or  dare?

I  have truth spilling out of my aura like pennies falling into the slot machine- the one in  working  order.

Dare to have.  slip on your shades if you have to – things might just get a little brighter.

You might levitate – feel lithe even a little lighter.

Don’t be afraid to succeed.

Don’t afraid to be happy.

You don’t need to go to the dentist to get your two front teeth divided so you can look like some Go  Lucky Gappy.

Photo credit Francesca Woodman – White Socks, Providence, Rhode Island, 1976.

Be happy or die trying challenge

Life is tough at the moment for many of us including myself. I have become very unwell and I’ve been knocking on doors for help from the Community Mental health team who have been unhelpful. Tried to throw myself off a bridge on the 23 September. I have and Eating Disorder and because I have put on weight I stabbed my breast and my thighs.  

I have decided that while I’m still living I am going to try and help myself so this what I have done today. I also have a voice and I won’t be ignored.

 

Your actions make a difference. https://10daysofhappiness.org.
 
What act of kindness will you do today? #Happierworld
 
Have started to read Ruby Wax’s ‘Sane New World again
 
 
It is a fascinating book as she goes into great detail about how she found by getting to know the inner self that we need to know how our brain works. She goes into neuroscience and explains all the parts of the brain and what they are responsible for. She also goes into detail about  what is in your mind and how each part works. She also explains the different chemicals in the brain and what purpose they serve.
 
She believes that we can rewire the brain to find  of some medium Happiness.
 
I have also made a start on restarting my WRAP plan -Wellnes Recovery Action Plan
 

The Wellness Recovery Action Plan® or WRAP®, is a self-designed prevention and wellness process that anyone can use to get well, stay well and make their life the way they want it to be. It was developed in 1997 by a group of people who were searching for ways to overcome their own mental health issues and move on to fulfilling their life dreams and goals.  It is now used extensively by people in all kinds of circumstances, and by health care and mental health systems all over the world to address all kinds of physical, mental health and life issues.

You can download the WRAP app for free -IT explains what how WRAP  can help you. You can make your own WRAP plain and email it to yourself.

What it is and https://mentalhealthrecovery.com/wrapapp/

Follow WRAP on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/WRAPYourWellnessYourWay/

 

An interesting article to read ‘In the worlds ‘Happiest’ countries- the Happiness gap and how it has an effect on your Mental health.

The Nordic countries are meant to be the happiest countries in the world however according to new studies and analysis 12.3 % of the population are still struggling and the article goes in to detail of the the reasons why.

I’ve also started doing the Happify app again. https://www.happify.com/home/

Art helps you recognise your strengths, gives you activies to do help you achieve your goals and it explains the science behind the activities. It has a community forum for support. It gives you daily activities you can do and there are instant games you can play -Guided meditation, Negative Knockout, Acts of kindness. You can keep a track of where you are at and it it activates your Dopamine levels -that are responsible for the reward/pleasure part of your brain & this helps to keep us motivated .

You can find out more about Dopamine at Psychology today https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/dopamine

I’ve also started engaging with the unmasked campaign – it is a leading Suicide prevention charity started in 2019

Unmasked Mental Health provides support to like-minded change seekers in a genuine and personal way. Helping them to feel secure and live life confidently.

Find out more on their website https://unmaskedmentalhealth.co.uk/about-us/