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A special girl

I know a special girl whose heart is full of sunshine .

She dances her way around the world to deliver her own special punchline

She laughs so distinctly that people cannot help but become infected

It is a sight to behold when this observation is detected She is gracious and kind and is delicately inclined the phrase ‘she is an angel’ are the only words that come to mind .

Her name means beautiful-that of body, mind and soul and to have her touch so many lives confirms her title role.

She is my modern day princess -so noble and full of grace I love her with all my being and she is a person that I cannot replace

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my sweet child. You are the true gift I found it in your innocent eyes and that was the day my world truly began to shift.

Confessions of the bottles cries at high tide.

There are no cries for help. There a reason why we act and do and feel what do. TALK

Daisies grow wild as do I . Out of cat lives I’m on my 17 th life so far and I want stop the self shaming & self loathing. I couldn’t publish this properly the other day. I was the HDC UNIT for 7 nights In a coma for trying to end my life ( again) could of ended up dead . Instead I woke up 7 days later with temporary asthmatic induced psychosis from 11-18 may and from 19 May day spent 7days in day in ICU so far. Finally, I can say, Thank every one for their support.My mom & my husband and close mates are have been my rock.I guess end u can get knocked down by the proverbial Spanish bull unless shoot the poor bugger🌈🐝🐐🌻😀🌼🌼🌼🚸🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼♏🌼
He’s not dead yet .OLEA and upwards. Love & bigs kisses to all my fam mates far & near and those not on here 3♏🔝

Daisies grow wild i & so do I . Mental heal matters to Everyone. It’s a big issue cos we all have mental health and we have pyschical health

There are no cries for help. There a reason
why we act and do and feel what do. TALK

Ma petit fripon 

via Ma petit fripon 

Death rattle

Reminiscent of an uprising of crickets ready to battle

Stare at a puffed updiamond heart

Drumming inside an empty cage. Birds ripped apart.

Gargoyle  stares ignored.

Folk bumble about unaware what is in store for us all- eventually.

The breathe of Hades-

Lingers then makes a dash for scant flesh and bones.

Meat is not this gods instrument. Lust causes call for more drones

Sponge, moisten  parched parted  lips

Raven signals the ire of its whips

The ones who don’t loose it in bedlam excite


Invites all loved ones to rally round

Stands by door. Stands back.Admires its ownpower.

A moment to savour for a while more.

Every door closed,  each breath cloys

Begs for enough fare to cross the distance to embrace elysium air.
Today everyone shall know how close we are to parting from brown soil

Lamb,hatched chickens,babies born in  Cumbersome air.

the cycle must  complete before we can emerge reborn

Death is inevitable  as necessary as life is to the Cumbaya

of springs first show of petal.

When you look at the beginning of this  new dawn

Know that when you stand back in awe

It is because you have felt the chill of winters soul depart

Shed a tear for the snowman who brought  our youth so much joy.

Appreciate death. Stare it in the face

The sun chants

 count in rosary beads

tomorrow never dies.

Trying to type something while listening and watching my  grandmother dying.



I support the assisted dying law.  This is inhumane.

A selfish farce.
Happy mothers day

Wherever  you go

Wherever  you roam

I hope that it is a place as magnificent as earths revellers make it out to be

Ma petition fripon. J’taime xxxx

* What I wrote waiting and comforting my ma and my gran before she passed over.

That’s life!

“I know what it is like to seemingly have everything and feel I have nothing. I know what it feels like to seemingly have nothing and know I have everything” 


It’s official I’m 35 years old .






I could be down and think about all the negatives about my youth being pruned  out of my very ‘ raison de etre ‘


I could count my blessings and come up with 35 reasons today is a day worth celebrating.

  1. I woke up to my 5-year-old daughter singing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me.

  2. I have a husband that I know  loves me and treats me like a Goddess not only on my birthdays but every day of the year. 

  3. I have an amazing Mum -who loves me with all my heart and always wants me to be happy and succeed. 

  4. My Nan is another of my greatest supporters. She shows me that I don’t have to grow old and be a conventional Granny. I can party and have fun living. 

  5. My beautiful cat ,Tatiana- has started sleeping with us again. Finally forgiven me for having a human child (only took her 5 years to get used to the idea).

  6. I’ve met so many awesome people by starting my Blog in September 2015- it is a pleasure to know you and your stories.

  7. I’m more confident in myself.

  8. I am still learning- every day- life is always teaching me something.

  9. I  know the value of family and true friends- my Gran is still alive.

  10. I know that we all have our problems and that we all make mistakes. 

  11. I know that life is for living and moving forward.

  12. I know my faults but more importantly, I know my qualities and assets.

  13. I have music in my life and the ability to write -I am able to express myself.

  14. I know that I’m blessed to have a roof over my head. 

  15. I am ambitious but not greedy – materialistic things can always be replaced -people can’t.

  16. I know that no matter how many times I have wanted to give up -I couldn’t- I am a fighter. 

  17. I love with all my heart and I say what’s on my mind and I know I can be too blunt but I  do come from a good place.

  18. I have been able to repair and renew relationships or at least try to.

  19. I am able to walk, use my arms, talk, sing ( not well) ,dance and be..

  20. I am still alive! (after everything I have experienced in my life and use  it to inspire myself ,motivate myself and share my story of Hope).

  21.  I feel. I cry ,I laugh, I get mad, I get horny ,I get happy , I get sad.

  22. I’m a good person, my heart is in the right place- most of the times. 😉

  23. I make other people laugh.

  24. I have am proud of my roots and heritage and I know where I come from.

  25. I want others around me to succeed.

  26. Each year that passes I become more grateful for who I have in my life.

  27. I’m only 35 and learned a hell of a lot – bumped my head loads of times but I have learned and willing to still learn.

  28. I’m healthy -ish.

  29.  I stand my beliefs and I also get that not everyone has the same beliefs and values as me. As long as people don’t hurt me or others then I am happy to leave them to their way of thinking.

  30. Flowers make me happy -I have a beautiful bouquet next to me from my mom.

  31. I know I am in charge of my happiness

  32. I am not who I was 10 years ago, 5 years ago or even yesterday. I evolve and change.

  33. I have purpose and goals.

  34. I’m full of flaws just like you!

  35. I’m excited to see what I can achieve in the next 35 years. 


Givers: the ones that taught us.

The globe finally stops spinning  and  tonight we are going to find a bit of global happiness in Vietnam.

SECRET TO HAPPINESS: Acknowledge your influences

TRADITION: Visiting teachers ( I would have balked at this concept a few years ago)

DATE: The third day of Tet/ Lunar ( New years for the Vietnamese that is celebrated January and February- a whole month of celebrating the new year!)


Do you ever look around you and think

‘Well, gosh! How the hell did I get to this point in my life? ‘ – I do and try  imagine an image of a 34 year old woman with a finger stuck up her nose going ‘huh?’ at the same time.

I am sort of okay with where I am now but I am a mental sprinter. I want to do all the good stuff -rush past the learning and be at the top. To be more accurate I do enjoy learning . I love doing different training workshops and courses with mental health charities because I learn new skills and I can help others who are struggling.  I mean I want to start my Masters in Creative writing in October.  I know learning is a process but sometimes my mind gets carried away.

I was like that at school. The first teacher to ever make a positive influence over my attitude to learning was Mrs Hendricks. She was the first Indian teacher or any teacher that was not white to teach in my high school -way back ,2 years after  the apartheid era ended. He style of teaching and her passion made a huge impression on me. I suddenly loved Biology!  She was also the first teacher to read one of my first pieces of free style writing. My best friend at school told me to show it to Mrs Hendricks. She was crying saying how powerful my writing was. I looked at my friend in shock. How can what I write get a reaction like that?  Oddly, I never felt pushed to be creative in English lessons.

Can you remember your school days?

There must be someone that made an impression on you?  No, not that cute guy with all blonde curls and blue eyes and a cheeky smile. Maybe that teacher took an interest in you, made you feel special?  Maybe that teacher taught you some thing that went beyond a text book .

If you want to do some serious celebrating – new year style. Vietnam is the place to be.It usually occurs over three days and is kind of like a Thanksgiving and Christmas and New years all rolled into one.

Day one – it’s all about the family

Day two – time to roll in the friends


Day three is unique and I think it is pretty awesome. On this day the Vietnamese people go and visit their teachers.  They get presents and are highly respected members of the Vietnamese community. Old and new teachers are praised and acknowledged.

mmmh, I’m thinking a new career and life change on the cards….  I bet the teachers don’t on on strike in Vietnam.


Project time- WAX ON WAX OFF ( a collective groan from the back of the virtual class room. I used to be a huge part of that collective groan too. Come on humour me a bit…. Yes?


It’s simple

Acknowledge one person who you identify as a teacher in your life.  It can a be non school related person  of course.


Put pen to paper or fingers ready to type about some of the things that come into your mind when you think about that person. Did they say anything important to you? Mrs Hendricks over in Biology told me to ‘never stop writing.

What was going on in your life then? I was on a bad path – getting into drugs and hating my body.

What would you say to them now? I wish I had asked Mrs Hendricks about bmi and about what kind of havoc messing with pills and laxatives and erratic eating habits and starvation diets would have on me in my future  ( the me today)

Is there any kind of insight into the path you are on now? Funnily enough, I’m going through the training process to open up a peer- led Eating disorder recovery and support group where I live.

MESSAGE: It’s good to be a giver in life. You never know what you are going to ‘take’ from the experience away with you.