Blog Archives

Sins amass-theatre

 

Last night I went out. Yes, wahaaaaaay!

 Cheeky cocktail at T.G.I’s and then it was off to watch Grim North Theatres – ‘Sins of our Father.’

So this got me thinking about the word -ex-communication.

The production focuses on the seven deadly sins.

I liken them to the seven (not so) friendly dwarfs.

 

What I love about this kind of theatre is how vividly I can see who are the influences behind how modern theatre is still being developed in The U.K.  – there was plenty of surrealism-

Names of Influential playwright practitioners of Experimental theater  that come to mind are:

and indeed even

I think every play needs a touch of what I will call realism although naturalism would probably be the better word to use here. I say this because without a human, being able to identify with a character’s situation – all meaning becomes lost…..

We all have emotions. We all have vices. We have all had to make not so great life choices.

giphy (13).gif

In places when I felt, in the production, like  I was being pulled into a real-life situation – as one would expect in a 100% authentic kitchen sink drama / naturalistic play.   I DO MEAN NATURALISM  AND NOT REALISM HERE.

Boom.

Lighting changed from soft blues to startling reds.  These colors will all have a different meaning for the observer/ audience member /actor even. The subjective part of me was thrown back and made to rethink what I was seeing, question what I was, in fact, being led to believe.

giphy (14).gif

Music –  is  another great technique that I love to use when I’ve  written scripts.

Look at this  random picture

CLICK HERE LISTEN AND LOOK AT THIS PICTURE

Nicola-Harvey-Abstract-Art-Abstract-Artist-Paintings-1.jpg

NOW,

CLICK HERE AND LISTEN AND LOOK AT THE SAME PICTURE

Nicola-Harvey-Abstract-Art-Abstract-Artist-Paintings-1

  In my opinion, Physicality is an actor in the theater is so important.

Yes. Dialogue is needed but what characters don’t say and do on stage, is just as important and helps me makes connections in my mind and heart, when dialogue couldn’t.

There is a lot of physicality and communication interpreted in the characters devised movements in this production.

What is physical theater in drama?

A form of theatre which emphasizes the use of physical movement, as in dance and mime, for expression. Disciplines include children’s theatre, film, comedy, drama,physical theatre, dance, cabaret, visual art, performance poetry, music theatre, and the full scope of music genres.

I am reminded of the Frantic Assembly. 

 

I loved the dance with the protagonist -Alexis- and the soldier( who turns out to be the seven deadly sins, final trump card) at making Alexis feel she should feel guilty for having had an Abortion.

She is faced with having to make a choice- to murder the concept of what we call life again.

The loose ends of the plot come together when  she is faced with the idea that the soldier is  her aborted son, or indeed  could have been if he had lived.

Not presented as a failure.

Not weak but a Hero.

Yet,Flawed and subject to all the same emotions as any human and very much full of heart.

He too corrupted by emotions and experiences.

What we choose to give into and not into is a product of our emotions about where we are in a particular journey of our lives.

Is it better to feel Pride rather than Lust?

Is it something that needs a situational context?

Why are some feelings seen bad and others good?

We all have them. Good and bad feelings.

Fuck what the church says.

It is our fundamental right to feel.

What do we  do with those feelings?

…well that is up for debate.

I feel this production was well executed because I can feel empathy for the ( antagonists)  seven deadly sins themselves.

Excommunication.

Do not shun what you are afraid of understanding.

Do not stigmatize what is the most natural part of you.

What makes you – a human!

Embrace all your feelings -I believe that hiding our darker sides makes that part of us stronger and unbalanced.

Lessen the burden -be a whole. Be a rainbow spectrum of light.

There is more than Black and White.

Yin and Yang

yin-yang-of-world-hunger_final-net.jpg

Extract what you need in moderation.

Music I have been listening to while writing this. Shrug 7th Birthday Party Mix Tape By Marc Landish

Epic DJ-ing!

Playing now

 

 

OBLIGATORY NIGHT OUT SELFIE

20160805_192651 (2)

Have a great weekend! 

 

 

Afro Futurism & Ras G

‘Dub -verb, to make space – COLDCUT A-Z

Remember this track?

When I first heard and watched this video I knew I had come across something cosmic. Something bigger & more striking to any other the song or video I can recall watching at that time. I loved the colours  & surreal animation.

This was my first introduction to  Afro-Futurism music- the black man’s perspective of science in the future.

Listen up! Lose one sense to finely tune another sense. Time to rely on imagination & see what visuals come up. It’s strange how certain sounds can bring up emotions to identify. I find it harder to identify emotions without a visual. Another post for another time.

This was on my first introduction to Ras G & the Afrikan space program.

I was intrigued by Africa’s space program. Do they have one?

Yes, they do.

More than I thought

South Africa & Nigeria are the few countries who have an actual Afronaut.  Yes,  there are afronauts.

Edward Makuka Nkoloso Initiated a space program involving a lady and two cats travelling to the moon

Sadly, he did not raise the £7 million to achieve his dream.

I have a dream – Martin Luther King.

Not even  Martin’s homies believed that they would ever have a civil right to be a black human being.

Dreams are only goals with no structure.

Knowledge and education and an open mind led to a group of thoughts to come together, united by challenging their beliefs about who they were & what they wanted. THINK TANK often turns into a WAR TANK

We don’t look agree with slavery, do we?

Slaves accepted that they couldn’t achieve what was not even a dream.

Add in a spark of hope and Edwards space program involving sending

two cats to Mars shows me- a man using the tools he has. Logistics are subject to change.

I definitely recommend checking out his Back on the planet album too. (2009)

Though to be honest, I didn’t warm to the entire album initially. I had to get in the zone ( haha!)

I had an invitation to textural soundscapes that put me out of my comfort zone.  Change?  Never!

Open your ears 

open your mind philosophy 

Let’s take a trip somewhere

 You are not in control.

This thought-

Instructions: Just, let go

Led me to listen again & again.

I  admire Ras G’s execution of pushing the boundaries of the sound of all his cultural roots.

The Cosmic vocal samples maintain the essence of Soul & Hip-hop. He creates extraterrestrial sounds revelling in traditional Dub & reggae.

I feel this album is a triumph in not defining itself anything than an exploration of the space between what we hear & what I believe

It is a musical philosophy.  The core idea demonstrates the scattering soundscape of the global communities of Africa.

Ras G adapts the essence of ‘ never forgetting to understand our roots & to grow, breathe new life into old traditions.

Invent new traditions.  Be playful.

I think to the know the future you need to know where you come from.
To have self-identity  -exploration evolves from the seed of History.

Science creates miracles & monsters created by man. People over the history of our lifetime have done atrocious acts in the name of Acquisition of power & wealth. The cost is humanity.

The cost is a barren crop.

Nurture Life
Mother nature

This album is or dedication to the Afro-futurism genre.

“The womb is The Stargate of Humanity,” he says. “Stargate Music is a record that I livicated to the Womb-man … to the Vagina, The Stargate from which beings emanate life on this planet. I gathered these sound pieces and presented them as a reflection of the life cycle of beings on this planet.”
RAS G AND THE AFRIKAN SPACE PROGRAM ‎– BACK ON THE PLANET (2017

Ras G is an abstract thinker. I’m closer to understanding what he is doing with music- genres & sub-genres. I’m surprised & impressed.  I suggest listening to this album & getting a new perspective.

What’s the worst that can happen?
You don’t like it?
You find out something new about life?
Or yourself?

Los Angeles based music producer Ras G ( Gregory shorter Junior) & the African space program passed away on 06/08/2109. The is a cause of death is not fully know

He travelled in his mind & I had an invite. Stream of consciousness is my preferred style of travelling.

What is afro-futurism in music culture?

Afrofuturism: reimagining science and the future from a black perspective. … In the way that film noir functions as a genre, or jazz as a musical style, Afrofuturism are a philosophy that can be simultaneously obvious and vague in its identity, bounded and porous in its edges.

The Guardian

Once I started researching into Ras G & Afro-Futurism I’m immersed in researching it outside of music too.

An intriguing article to read is CULTURE: Afrofuturism reimagining science & the future from a black perspective

A few well-known Afrofuturism artists are

I love this statement below because life is colourful -Black & White shades, not hues.

Music can make you engage & think.

Afro-futurism is evidently more than a style or genre of music it is an ideology. It has been noted that Afro-futurism dismissed and challenged the idea that all things futuristic are white or even black.

The album is abstract & challenging without being overly nostalgic.
There are often many moments when the soundscape or rhythm propels my emotions to flit between the past & the future. The journey is Marvel -esque.

Black Panther!

Confessions of an Animal lover

The A-Z challenge starts tomorrow.

Oh, zeeeeeeeeeeee excitement.

I’m probably going to have to put a pause on my ‘Beliefs’ posts, which in a way, I’m actually dreading because I love being silly and writing comically.

 My theme is animals. I’ve always been more compassionate to animals than most humans.I don’t know what it is that connects me to our earthling friends.

(Singing)

“I like big cats and I cannot lie…”

This may sound bordering on psychopathic tendencies ,but I think the connection was made when I was about 3/4 years old. I was playing with  ‘my little ponies’ in my bedroom – remember them?

Our kitten came into my bedroom. I spotted   a piece of string on the floor and for some (evil) reason I tied the string around my kitten’s nec, it was too short.

I nearly hung my kitten, as soon as I saw it struggling ,I untied it then proceeded to burst into to tears.

I’m not evil.

Kids do experiment.

It’s not funny, it is going to be horrific, I expect many of you may not even read the posts because you can’t bear to listen or read or see an animal suffering or abused.

Don’t turn your eyes away from something because it upsets you. I expect to learn a lot. I hope you will take the time to raise your own awareness to all our earthling friends. Be brave enough to take the time to read what abuse/disrespect so many have been through.

I’m their voice for the month of April. I’m going into serious mode. If anyone has read my

“I  love cats and all our earthling friends. I have  nearly had massive fistie cuffs with people about my passion for animals.  I’m not trying to sell anything. Rest at ease, soldier.”

Daisy Willows

 I can laugh at religion( some people can’t). I can’t laugh or ignore animal abuse and neglect  though some people can.

It’s a good job we are all different hey?

A muse in Patron

It don’t matter how many selfies you take.

What matters is if you can accept your own mirror reflection.

No time to flinch.

No time to hesitate.

Free to stride across abundant valleys conjured by a sweeping imagination.

God, when she weeps!

I collect her tears.

Covertly

Thankful for the martyr,

My patron muse.

Crystallized an abundant array of gifts .

Perhaps it is a silhouette…

Perhaps it is a rainbow’s smile illuminating intrinsic hues…

These words could reveal Science’s stuttering staccato voicing his love for nature.

For all her might

For all her brute

Which one is Beauty?

Which is Art?

What if you believed the sky is indeed blue?

Line of Deliverance

In the shadowed shades of my blues.

I tenderly look for another who I can summon as one who lives life in honor,

Of all that is true.

Those who speak the spoken word in all its iridescent hues.

Colors drape my inner wardrobe.

Yet, I clamber for my grey, nuances of noir.

Catastrophizing all the whites for showing up my yellow gnashers.

Against a blustery pale backdrop of mountain blanketed by capped ice.

Brazen, I stand on the highest peak.

Cheeks misted by tears.

Contemplative in being joyful for the moments of inner peace.

Cast out this unwanted wardrobe.

No more to colours in clandestine!

The drab shabby (not so chic) curtains concealing my true identity.

My make up is not for every entity.

I’m asked to write the truest sentence I know.

Hemingway knew a way to interweave words worth more than bread made from the finest patisserie dough.

Scraping pennies to get by the hard knocks.

We do what we gotta do to get by.

Poverty causes ‘bros before hoes’ and ‘chicks before pricks’.

Keeping my pins steady as balls curve to nebulant sides — it incites fear into my inner stream of consciousness, dialogue conflicts –

Savaged by doubt and insecurity.

I’m on a trip with a Make believe demeanor.

One to conjure up more stamina and longevity-

To warn my inner Hecate to hesitate before she dare pro-curate.

Write to recover through seeping, bandaged wounds.

Riddling the mind with infectious curiosity,

To want knowledge is the power I crave.

It’s my security.

Droplets of lonely anguish torments my darkest spell.

I am the white temptress tempted to awaken the beast inside.

Though, I know it will be the catalyst to an eternity of mocking turmoil.

My final destination is not the country I occupy.

I’m an immigrant

I’m a traitor.

Colonized and imprisoned by outdated Imperialists.

The world is full of egoistical folk in full throws of the delirium tremors.

Murmurs of fragile Life keeps me close to the fire.

It scintillates what I know is inside — lying dormant.

Ready to drive out the cancers multiplying with faces frozen,

In that blissful look of the ignorant .

I raise my sword.

It bleeds ink.

It is my heart : my deliverance.

I can’t fathom another way to jolt my instincts to kick out, and rise to take another breath.

I’m the one who needs these murky waters to survive . Forget I too need oxygen and gills to stabilize my Eco system.

If my world was captured by a drone;

I would want it to show me evolved into a hybridized pro-humanity amphibian.

Swimming side by side

dolphins & whales ad infinitum.

Can’t afford to buy into #bluemonday

The title of  this post says it all.

I have could give. (counting my fingers) at least  10 reasons to ignore reality. I’m  a professional at  life -escapism

I’m on uppers and downers.

I’m in debt.

My  Bee (daughter) is ill.

 The sun remains my disco ball.

It’s (literally) beaming rays of  bright yellow  (as I type)

Us humans  are not a dying species. We’re living in oceanspolluted with plastic  and crazy levels acidification

I filled in a form – to

live on plastic to get by.

Tomorrow I’m still going to be here. I make my own fate.

 I’m not a ray of sunshine.

Far from it.

Bees, (buzz) and almost three quarters of   our earthling friends have been driven to extinction.

My  Bee  had a rough night.  At 7 am I let her play ‘Jurassic Park’ on the xbox.

ha! ha! They  are long gone but never forgotten.

My warped sense of humour   has acted  as my currency today.

I count my blessing because   In my life  I’ve been surrounded around   4 kick ass  ladies- all showing  me  different outlooks on Life.

My Mom – A legend!

My Gran  (who passed away from  vascular dementia and Alzheimers  on  Mothers day last year.

 I have to laugh – what a day to leave this world!

Wherever you are Gran – Thank you!

Tati!  I miss my aunt so much. We had some awesome times together. She died of lung cancer in February 2016.  I know that I’m not the only one who misses someone.

I have my Nan (on holiday in South Africa) who dedicated many years of her life and time to me.

My  Dad couldn’t be assed. I love  him,I don’t want wake up -one day – and realise he’s dead.

Je ne regrette rien’.  Edith Piaf

In my heart ,I respect he was a part of the conception process.  And Yeah.. we are human. Whatever!

THANKS DAD!

I digresse/d….

My Nan took on his role when my Mom or my Gran couldn’t.  Today’s moments   of introspection made me realise, that most of the men I have known in my life have been weak, and spineless . I don’t include my male bros  (in my life)

At least they seem it to me. Not saying they are weak all the time. just saying…….

I’m laughing…  if there is a God  (who clapped his hands ,one day and turned chaos into light. His (always look on  the Bright side of life) son could walk on water but..   he can’t fix a gate.

 

My Grandad -RIP –  I have this image of mim making business deals with every God of every religion. He was a brilliant, eccentric character .

I miss him. I wish I paid more attention to his perspective on life when he was still..

..here.

His favourite saying was: IT’S NOT A TRAIN SMASH

(my gaze drifts to look  out my  window, I strain my ears to listen)

 Nope, No rail tracks in sight  nor Choo Choo trains blasting their horns .

Surely the people who are out  on there on their travels  – trains, planes and automobiles-  are more likely to tempt fate than I am……

It’s been a challenge to  focus  on  getting on with life and writing this post….( without another night of  ‘nada’ / o hours of  sleep)

I’ve had to ‘dig deep’ and  not  wrap myself into  from all the crazy shit that’s happening/ has happened

  I’ve   been singing away the blues.

This moment is … is a gift.  This post probably  doesn’t make sense.  I care about loads of – and  far too many. people

At the same time I’m sure I could be doing more to help myself and others.

(my eyes drift  and settle on making out  images of clouds. Moving so  fast )  being true too it’s nature.

We are human beings. Life is tough and the ones who make it are probably…

…on happy pills .

I’m joking ….

Bad joke. I’m on  medication. Loads of tablets.

Does it help?  Sometimes they serve a purpose – then other days I want to give my all and increase my productivity dosage.

The fact  is I’m still here. That’s  good enough for me.

I’m blessed to have a daughter who commands my maternal instincts to protect her.

Many days have  been more creepy carnival   than Mardi Gras   It can be scary and rather  “trippy ” at times.

I stumble about from one task to the next,

..I suppose things could be worse.

Time to    defibrillate  my spirit into exsistance , whilst singing to the song ‘Staying aliiiiive’

Tomorrow is Tuesday.  Fact.

I’m  rather happy to be in the U.K.  for a change-far away from the Twisted  Trump oddity.

Hello ? what is  he thinking  announcing  that he will only allow white immigrants into The U.S of A. ?  The very day communities come together to ,

To unite and pay respect to his  Sir Reverend  Martin Luther  King ‘s day.

He used community and solidarity to  try gain   human rights.

26 years too late..

This has become  a national service day  in the Americas –

Can you believe  people are encouraged to fight war. To serve their country.

War seems (to me) the opposite of Martin Luther Kings goals.  Okay I know about the Black panthers .

Civil war ,slavery….

Approximately two generations after the prohibition ban on alcohal – (top five most addictive drug consumed in the world)

We have the “Millenials” , men , women , young teenagers  being  encouraged to fight about religion ?  (thinking)  the ongoing opiote  war.  Money?

Get behind

#MLKday for “civilians” who keep the true spirit of  Sir Reverend’s  agenda -to create a strong sense of community.

People of all ages, backgrounds, and abilities can get involved. Just fill in your zip code/ postcode  in the Find a Project box to locate a volunteer opportunity in your community or plan your own project.

MLK DAY

1994  -the  year they decided give  national services day to honour   M.L.K.

This is the same year (I watched on the television) Nelson Mandela,  late president  of South Africa being released after  27 years incarceration on Robin Island.

 

RANDOM FACT

Dr. King was arrested 30 times for his participation in civil rights activities. While Dr. King preached about justice, empowerment, love and peace, in the final months of his life, his attention was turned to fighting poverty. Sadly, more Americans live in poverty today than during Dr. King’s lifetime. Forty-seven million Americans currently fall below the poverty line.

SOURCE

So on that note I will sign off with a song close to my heart . The feature pic is my arm with Make Believe -sunshine will follow the rain – tattooed. Not easy to take when it’s on my left hand and I’m  using my right hand.

Hold up, I’m getting into the swing of writing.

yeah, this tattoo is  one of my Mantras/positive affirmations I use to get by. Life  could be worse. I could wake up colour blind tomorrow…..That would suck.

Nevermind…

Anyway..   I needed to write a post to talk myself out of  self wallowing.

I’ve opened   all my existing debt letters  and I will get back to them…

this week.

Here is the song I  love so much. It  is referenced  in a book I’ve read called ‘the Paris wife’ by  Paula Mclain.

AUDIO PODCAST ON HERE

 

I sang away the blues…….

I know it’s not easy for most people. If I come across as sarcastic-

I am. It helps me laugh instead of cry.

Time to hit publish

Over to Nora bayes and a quote from the King.

make believe……(singing) …..-sunshine will follow the rain.   #Words matters

Punch and Judy -sober edition

Intolerant society.

We live in a belly fighting off bacteria

Begging other intelligence to disembowel us.

Before

a tsumanima of hate floods our irrigation system of morals.

No lives matter.

Nazi’s aren’t the only few crazier than Mercuries Mad Hatter.

Everyone has an opinion.

Every Judy thinks they are entitled to a Punch – no need to be drunk.

No justice,

infuriating that we can’t learn violence is a domino effect.

Cause and effect

ripples from thrown stones.

Balance in humanity

artifially insemitated tinnitus

is the reality.

We look to archaic verse in the Testament that

‘ an eye for an eye’

is as natural as two beasts being violated while they are in active fornication.

Instinct and emotions show us we are alive.

We feel, we must feel — we have to feel to carry a vigil of hope

Some divine sign,

god, goddess installed a program of free will.

Divine sign?

Why not take back this privilege?

Why make a world perfect and full of sublime, lure us out with the promise of sunshine?

Caters to the needs of every breather, every ecosystem.

No need for uadulterated theft.

God is a Narcissist.

why would someone with such power sit back and watch us destroy one another?

Fuck the lies, the parables,

Jesus dying for our sins!

His resurrection has risen along with centuries a blasphemeous leaders chanting idolific hymn.

In the name of ignoratious barkus dogma

Religion – organised to control the masses

Opium now smells of it’s true odour-terrorisim .

Bombs, nuclear weapons, fists connecting with human bodies, unlicenced rifles blasting into chunks of animals flesh .

Rights?

Who is right?

This game has found us lost in a maze and the goblins haven’t the eduction to translate to us

cuts to every department,

land.

Division.

Revison .

This is prison.

Suicide seems an answer to a man’s motive to rise to heaven and receive a reprisal.

That is a given.

God is a narcissist .

Jesus-is a shoddy carpenter.

Mary Magdelane -the whore,is the only tangible part of this story I find plausible.

Create a world – destroyed by nations.

Give me a sign!

suffering to this extent is for an entity pantomime.

Enlightened gods, sit on Mount Olympus ,never miss an episode of planet earth.

The screen darkens to reveal

another dismal form of the masses , pupils— dilated, babbling words of freedom to.

freedom to insult ,

freedom to obliterate ,

freedom

to disfigure,

freedom to impregnate,

Freedom to do anything.

A society bloated, heaving up piles of excess.

Anarchy doesn’t mean terrorisation

Revolution is for the mighty of heart.

Ones who wish to see change from inequality for the many in parts.

Race,

Gender,

Sex,

We all deserve to be on the earth offender register

Why do we have laws ?

when we take our grievances into our own hands.

How can there be justice?

-when justice fails us with a well practiced pose of inverted corruption?

Trust in humanity.

Live by your true North, moral compass .

Born in navigation mode,

even if life serves you a sentence of physical deformity;

Don’t look to the sky for an answer.

Don’t look to a man with free words dribbling down his jumper.

Don’t tear down statues that can’t fight back.

There is no sense in joining hands with this vicious pack.

We all have it wrong.

Every. Single. One. Of. Us.

Think the death penalty teaches people to stop being immoral?

Tears cause waves, I’m hiding between the reeds and the coral.

Every face has that stoic sense of entitlement

Knitted together,from years of oppressive governments taking our God-given birth sight to see what a plight this truly is.

We all need to hang.

Hang our heads in shame.

Enough .

Cut out my heart

See it bleed

Let it bleed –

examine the appearance of your own and understand there is no difference –

we come into the world

We all rely on another hand for our first feed.

I’ve always been taught to have a plan B

I find myself alone; ready to denounce my mammalian side and take my chances, swim against the tide of oil sickened oceans, in one last effort to truly be free

from;

Not for.

From.

Free from hate,

, free from words spoken with a lingering scent of horse manure,

I denounce my own and seek a new home on the basis-I don’t recognize my own kind.

I don’t see a common interest,

goal –

all I see is another foe.

I choke on these words.

Why can’t we learn!?

I could go on, but we have unread history books, in abundance.

Nothing is censored.

The age of enlightmenent has turned into the birth of disallusionment.

Not the Messiah

Big day in the U.K.

My musings……

Let’s sort  out any confusion

I’m under no great illusion

that Corbyn is  NOT the messiah to lead this island

to balmy weather.

Fair in the ideas he postulates.

Words that that resonate with humanities mantra of together.

Don’t expect a perfect world unless we all put in some labour

One man can speak for the many but the many must graft for the life they seek in ardour.

the many make changes – X marks your choice

It’s not over.This is but the start – it’s time to think outside of the box – continue to use your new found voice.

This is phase one of an arduous journey

We will lose if we don’t endure the marathon and have JC’s back when it all gets thorny.

Don’t lose faith

Keep your head looking  to the above.

It’s not a one man job

It’s up to all of us to stand the test -stay the course

perhaps one day we will see a world blossom from our sacrifice to give it one love.

 

Today I vote labour.

If there was a chance GREEN would or could win this election, I would have voted for them

 

Head Mace

*Inspired by daily human observation* 

Citizens arrest a seizure

exploding out of her chest

Detest the demise of optimism- look aT that crumpled face

bereft.

Raging carnival trying to stay straight

‘Nature welcomes me’

Though not blinded by an attempt on her savage drinking spree.

Moments owned  in contemplation

Detest she caught a Jack Wills scent  immersed is  his idealised rave nation.

How many  t – issues to imbibe.

Called her his inbred so he could remain high

Sensational arrest

No mirror to attest to the beauty she finds.

searched google maps for Scalifax’s finest hearth.

Should she lay down to rest?

Wait for a sudden epiphany?

Her mind can’t take twocker  ignition games from kids still wet behind the ears,

straggling their momma’s rancid pyjamas

Searching for a place to settle in between her knees.

Scrumpy Jack persona

she assumes

Is she really a cut above the estate who try to convince her they have answers to all the clues?

She’s not like them.

This species are not her brethren.

English cider tasters of blood from a irrefutable provider

Knock heads against tombstones and concrete walls.

Green-eyed,Winkie  slept behind a grill gate to keep out the flybys.

Vulnerable heart -veil lifted from day one.

Chinese whispers of some busy blasted scum

Common decency leaves the palm of her hand -slaps a face hard – its body turns

enthralled at the chance to appear overly occupied.

Enjoy chillled !at 6 percent 

Bad move to guide to her to her own whereabouts

She paid for her own calm connotation.

Guideline on  how to  avoid walking  into a web of sin

Tanned face betrays  that her heart hasn’t felt  akin.

There’s nothing of substance behind the beer goggled eyes.

Monotone life

get up

get dressed,

smoke a roll up

take a sip of the brew that simulates a disguise of content.

She’s not one to say she’s any better than these numbed, train fare skivers

Fun when a teenager…..

Numbers on the  increase –

She thinks they should at least have figured out how to suit up and boot up

Yes, use your all your  ties.

Bound up in this place of besmirching death

Positive energy sniffing up the vibes

conflicted as the amish addicted to meth

Red ant crawling up her thigh

more focused than most humans she has the pleasure to relate to

One mighty jump off this stony  hearth would not be

how she would want end her life

not nigh.

Sun in her heart

Moon never far to seduce her into a twisted cadence with

legs defiantly apart.

‘The settle’ calls her home –  shrieks filled with the ego of the Saint Lies -a Spinne.

What business has she pollinating with  the  bees?

It’s her playground too.

She won’t  let the bastards inject their humdrum existence –

unleash their quiet, unpalatable disease.

Point fingers at an indecipherable colour or sound

The ku klux clan live but one gate from the smack head who sleeps with the blood hound.

Remove these walls ineffectively

Family values, Adams apple samples the hit of threes company too

Humour her, she never  preached to know every pelvic beat.

Extend a hand

Forget not

that one gaze will settle reflectively

Don’t make another feel uneasy

Solely because it’s you who feels Queasy.

Smirking at them playing it cool

Do they think she is a brassic , court  jester fool?

Indulge  them she does.

but only because she knows the truth

They live a life that’s  ambiguously impenetrable.

The difference between the simple life and herself ?

Empathy.

Compassion.

An open mind.

Sentiments branded on her – costs three lifetimes in wages to wear her kind of fashion.

Attempts at making her feel she is wrong and potentially illiterate.

It’s beyond a joke – she plays naive – she knows  they are a hoax

She treads through a land full of tossers

Pity not more of them get fired off into a land of terrorist moshers.

Feelings misgiven

This drink was an attempt at a pitch

It’s not her style.

impetigo limper

brewed up to tease pacman eating jack and jills in a ditch .

Irate she  saw integrity  in one other smothered core.

Ineffectual – yapping up intoxicated mummies three day old pyjamas.

Think it’s an accomplishment to shove her mistrials in front of her face?

How many more fuck you’s  and put up’s must to deal with?

Momma doesn’t need their  drama’s?

The issue with people who stick together in stitches

is that without an audience -without a chase

they will dangle that carrot

especially when their  life is on the down

squinting them  into the glitch.

They need her kind more than her kind needs theirs .

Empty out  the contents of a full can of scrumpy poison

One factor in blurring all boundaries.

Is it fair to intoxicate nature with man -made hootch?

She’s repulsed – she sees them all  their stark naked  form

such is her clarity

who to label as a warning ‘ there goes another douche’ ? 

ethics, medics, system of values- it’s an appeal to their humanity.

Need to get out

Get out of this space

She can see she’s playing into this heinous fate.

She makes her rules

She breaks the rules

only because she knows them so  well- lets state she knows how to present the look of

I’m off my face 

Temptation heel to her command

She regrets inaction of  strength she  usually ordains

only this time she lacks

Fuck it , she is done with the cloud of visual  mace

She’ll get hammered at a location ,

on her request,

digest

satiate

Can she have a mirror?

Third eye awaken to  the true head case.

Photocredit Francessa woodman

 

 

 

Merely human

I lost my temper yesterday, let the Anger consume me and took it all  out, one person.

a03a89a50b2a5cc10b97351d25f228f1.jpg

Did this person deserve to feel the wrath of all the turmoil and pain that has been festering away for years and years ?

No.

There is a part of me who feels a bit guilty for dumping it all on this person.

I hate injustice.

I hate cowardice behavior.

I detest people who say one thing and then do/say  another.

I loathe people who I allow to take advantage of me.

Yes, I know am the only one to allow that to happen and it pisses me off.

I let people who shouldn’t and don’t mean anything to me: get to me.

 

giphy-5

 

ENOUGH OF THIS BULLSHIT

 

 

 

I think (for me) I can see how hard I have fought to become the person I am today,then  I have people  around me who don’t even know me well- tell me positive qualities that  they see in me. They don’t have to say these things.

Then, there are certain people  I’ve come across in my life- they all look different yet carry the same traits- who are very quick to point out that I am the one with the problem.

Why do we question people’s motives  who build us up?

giphy (6).gif

 

Do I have issues?

Yes.

One of them is being tired of beating myself with another person’s shit sticks

The very people who called me a psycho or crazy or something else are hypocrites – somewhere along the line, I find out just how messed up these people are.

I don’t want then to be unhappy or messed up .

My issue is that they make out that their issues are mine.

No.

I take responsibility for my shit – you take responsibility for yours.

d0a6a240a7b83695ac954ed11fbcac4b.jpg

I am direct, blunt  and an upfront person who wears my heart on my sleeve. I have a lot of love and time to give others and I do allow people to take advantage.

I’m learning, but when I get caught out giving away my energy to those who have never even bothered to respect me or even ask me  how I am or even ask anything about me – my emotions build up , then like a tornado the emotions pick up momentum  until  I can’t contain the wrath I feel.

Anger may be seen  as a useless emotion.

tumblr_lq4ieaCHSU1qzqvm2o1_500.jpg

 

In general, I am not an angry person.

I just don’t like people who clearly have their own baggage dumping it all on me.

I am sensitive, I am the kind of person who will sit for hours trying to make another person feel better.

These last few months – I allowed myself to get sucked in,  manipulated  into feeling the need for a specific person  to want me.

In hindsight, I think I wanted to show that person who I had become. I went straight back to looking for approval from someone who I didn’t need approval from  to be me.

giphy (7).gif

 

I am aware I have my own self-esteem and insecurity issues to work on and I do, every day.

 I refuse to allow people to take the piss anymore and when I realize they have, my fuse burns up – I come at people like a rabid ,gangster dog.

download (5).jpg

Possibly ,not the best way to handle a situation because getting angry to the point where I am hurling abuse at someone and doing the exact same thing that person has done to me for however many years or months :is giving my power away.

So, maybe I shouldn’t have said what I said – I am not a person who keeps my mouth shut these days. I have done that for far too long.

I am direct, openly honest , to the point.

Is it fair to expect the same  from others?

Yes and No.

If the person is going to be a part of my life then 100 % absolutely

but

If that person isn’t (as hard as that may be to accept and feel) then I can’t expect these things from a person who may not have these traits or want to give me what I want.

It hurts.

People are going to do what they want to do and so it is always worth reminding ourselves that we too are human and have a bull shit  offload  cutoff threshold  until we act human.  😀

giphy (8).gif

I’m not going to carry on beating myself over the head.

I am going to carry on reaching out to the people who I feel good around.

I’m going to carry on succeeding and moving on with my life.

I had a rough collision with my past and it played out for far too long.

I had this idea in my mind of who and what this person is and my expectations led me to feel hurt.

 

f2b47d52500b7b0bfd9c4a8dbb7fa25a.jpg

 

THE ONLY TIME TO HAVE ANY EXPECTATIONS

 

 

I’m not expecting anymore:   is my point.

There is responsibility on both parts but I can only take responsibility for my part.

Always question what other people call you and how they treat you before believing you are worthless and they are right.

Remember not to filter out all the good that people tell you about who they think you are.

Look back at all you have achieved.

Look forward to all you are achieving.

To wrap this up – I live by the motto

quote-i-shot-the-sheriff-but-i-didn-t-shoot-no-deputy-bob-marley-132-19-18.jpg

I’m the first person to put up my  hand when I have done something wrong but I am also going to tell you when I haven’t done wrong – I’m not going down for a crime I didn’t commit.

quote-i-m-not-judging-people-i-m-judging-their-actions-it-s-the-same-type-of-distinction-that-i-try-to-jeff-melvoin-284833

They say all is fair in Love and War……

I guess there are no easy choices nor right or wrong ones but there are choices and I guess that is about as fair as you can get.

cb4617f02fca629ff20abc9ce5ef4a6d.jpg