Blog Archives

The mirror

The mirror reflects the beast is inside it.

Inside the mirror the beast reflects,

On ideas inside reflective retrospection.

Reflect reflexive reflux.

Unburden the beast

From  the mirror on its side.

Beasted prisms

-open mouthed,

Cavernous cat calling, flea bags .

Black shades of night undeterred by the mirror at that angle.

Pages of bondage erotica famish the interior of the beast within.

This mirror shatters,

splinters shriek for a second too long to be assumed  as straight.

Queer in the way they lay askance humming for a low light to see inside the shade.

Hecklers shadier  than souls  of migrated slaves left behind in the mines.

Mine’s   more saintly that Mary Magdelean and her merry consorts.

Inside the mirror comes an ideology in pursuit,

In vain it pursues the ideal mirror come -ingly

Humming birds make cuckoos cower and tall trees suppress air ,sneering inwards.

Deforestation is a  reflection of the soul of the beast

This is our true form.

Humans are the beasts of nature.

A crystallized form of sin

A loss of the last glimmer of humanity.

*Inspired by reading  ‘Reading experiment’ by Hazel Smith. Chapter one- Introductory strategies

Afro Futurism & Ras G

‘Dub -verb, to make space – COLDCUT A-Z

Remember this track?

When I first heard and watched this video I knew I had come across something cosmic. Something bigger & more striking to any other the song or video I can recall watching at that time. I loved the colours  & surreal animation.

This was my first introduction to  Afro-Futurism music- the black man’s perspective of science in the future.

Listen up! Lose one sense to finely tune another sense. Time to rely on imagination & see what visuals come up. It’s strange how certain sounds can bring up emotions to identify. I find it harder to identify emotions without a visual. Another post for another time.

This was on my first introduction to Ras G & the Afrikan space program.

I was intrigued by Africa’s space program. Do they have one?

Yes, they do.

More than I thought

South Africa & Nigeria are the few countries who have an actual Afronaut.  Yes,  there are afronauts.

Edward Makuka Nkoloso Initiated a space program involving a lady and two cats travelling to the moon

Sadly, he did not raise the £7 million to achieve his dream.

I have a dream – Martin Luther King.

Not even  Martin’s homies believed that they would ever have a civil right to be a black human being.

Dreams are only goals with no structure.

Knowledge and education and an open mind led to a group of thoughts to come together, united by challenging their beliefs about who they were & what they wanted. THINK TANK often turns into a WAR TANK

We don’t look agree with slavery, do we?

Slaves accepted that they couldn’t achieve what was not even a dream.

Add in a spark of hope and Edwards space program involving sending

two cats to Mars shows me- a man using the tools he has. Logistics are subject to change.

I definitely recommend checking out his Back on the planet album too. (2009)

Though to be honest, I didn’t warm to the entire album initially. I had to get in the zone ( haha!)

I had an invitation to textural soundscapes that put me out of my comfort zone.  Change?  Never!

Open your ears 

open your mind philosophy 

Let’s take a trip somewhere

 You are not in control.

This thought-

Instructions: Just, let go

Led me to listen again & again.

I  admire Ras G’s execution of pushing the boundaries of the sound of all his cultural roots.

The Cosmic vocal samples maintain the essence of Soul & Hip-hop. He creates extraterrestrial sounds revelling in traditional Dub & reggae.

I feel this album is a triumph in not defining itself anything than an exploration of the space between what we hear & what I believe

It is a musical philosophy.  The core idea demonstrates the scattering soundscape of the global communities of Africa.

Ras G adapts the essence of ‘ never forgetting to understand our roots & to grow, breathe new life into old traditions.

Invent new traditions.  Be playful.

I think to the know the future you need to know where you come from.
To have self-identity  -exploration evolves from the seed of History.

Science creates miracles & monsters created by man. People over the history of our lifetime have done atrocious acts in the name of Acquisition of power & wealth. The cost is humanity.

The cost is a barren crop.

Nurture Life
Mother nature

This album is or dedication to the Afro-futurism genre.

“The womb is The Stargate of Humanity,” he says. “Stargate Music is a record that I livicated to the Womb-man … to the Vagina, The Stargate from which beings emanate life on this planet. I gathered these sound pieces and presented them as a reflection of the life cycle of beings on this planet.”
RAS G AND THE AFRIKAN SPACE PROGRAM ‎– BACK ON THE PLANET (2017

Ras G is an abstract thinker. I’m closer to understanding what he is doing with music- genres & sub-genres. I’m surprised & impressed.  I suggest listening to this album & getting a new perspective.

What’s the worst that can happen?
You don’t like it?
You find out something new about life?
Or yourself?

Los Angeles based music producer Ras G ( Gregory shorter Junior) & the African space program passed away on 06/08/2109. The is a cause of death is not fully know

He travelled in his mind & I had an invite. Stream of consciousness is my preferred style of travelling.

What is afro-futurism in music culture?

Afrofuturism: reimagining science and the future from a black perspective. … In the way that film noir functions as a genre, or jazz as a musical style, Afrofuturism are a philosophy that can be simultaneously obvious and vague in its identity, bounded and porous in its edges.

The Guardian

Once I started researching into Ras G & Afro-Futurism I’m immersed in researching it outside of music too.

An intriguing article to read is CULTURE: Afrofuturism reimagining science & the future from a black perspective

A few well-known Afrofuturism artists are

I love this statement below because life is colourful -Black & White shades, not hues.

Music can make you engage & think.

Afro-futurism is evidently more than a style or genre of music it is an ideology. It has been noted that Afro-futurism dismissed and challenged the idea that all things futuristic are white or even black.

The album is abstract & challenging without being overly nostalgic.
There are often many moments when the soundscape or rhythm propels my emotions to flit between the past & the future. The journey is Marvel -esque.

Black Panther!

Can’t afford to buy into #bluemonday

The title of  this post says it all.

I have could give. (counting my fingers) at least  10 reasons to ignore reality. I’m  a professional at  life -escapism

I’m on uppers and downers.

I’m in debt.

My  Bee (daughter) is ill.

 The sun remains my disco ball.

It’s (literally) beaming rays of  bright yellow  (as I type)

Us humans  are not a dying species. We’re living in oceanspolluted with plastic  and crazy levels acidification

I filled in a form – to

live on plastic to get by.

Tomorrow I’m still going to be here. I make my own fate.

 I’m not a ray of sunshine.

Far from it.

Bees, (buzz) and almost three quarters of   our earthling friends have been driven to extinction.

My  Bee  had a rough night.  At 7 am I let her play ‘Jurassic Park’ on the xbox.

ha! ha! They  are long gone but never forgotten.

My warped sense of humour   has acted  as my currency today.

I count my blessing because   In my life  I’ve been surrounded around   4 kick ass  ladies- all showing  me  different outlooks on Life.

My Mom – A legend!

My Gran  (who passed away from  vascular dementia and Alzheimers  on  Mothers day last year.

 I have to laugh – what a day to leave this world!

Wherever you are Gran – Thank you!

Tati!  I miss my aunt so much. We had some awesome times together. She died of lung cancer in February 2016.  I know that I’m not the only one who misses someone.

I have my Nan (on holiday in South Africa) who dedicated many years of her life and time to me.

My  Dad couldn’t be assed. I love  him,I don’t want wake up -one day – and realise he’s dead.

Je ne regrette rien’.  Edith Piaf

In my heart ,I respect he was a part of the conception process.  And Yeah.. we are human. Whatever!

THANKS DAD!

I digresse/d….

My Nan took on his role when my Mom or my Gran couldn’t.  Today’s moments   of introspection made me realise, that most of the men I have known in my life have been weak, and spineless . I don’t include my male bros  (in my life)

At least they seem it to me. Not saying they are weak all the time. just saying…….

I’m laughing…  if there is a God  (who clapped his hands ,one day and turned chaos into light. His (always look on  the Bright side of life) son could walk on water but..   he can’t fix a gate.

 

My Grandad -RIP –  I have this image of mim making business deals with every God of every religion. He was a brilliant, eccentric character .

I miss him. I wish I paid more attention to his perspective on life when he was still..

..here.

His favourite saying was: IT’S NOT A TRAIN SMASH

(my gaze drifts to look  out my  window, I strain my ears to listen)

 Nope, No rail tracks in sight  nor Choo Choo trains blasting their horns .

Surely the people who are out  on there on their travels  – trains, planes and automobiles-  are more likely to tempt fate than I am……

It’s been a challenge to  focus  on  getting on with life and writing this post….( without another night of  ‘nada’ / o hours of  sleep)

I’ve had to ‘dig deep’ and  not  wrap myself into  from all the crazy shit that’s happening/ has happened

  I’ve   been singing away the blues.

This moment is … is a gift.  This post probably  doesn’t make sense.  I care about loads of – and  far too many. people

At the same time I’m sure I could be doing more to help myself and others.

(my eyes drift  and settle on making out  images of clouds. Moving so  fast )  being true too it’s nature.

We are human beings. Life is tough and the ones who make it are probably…

…on happy pills .

I’m joking ….

Bad joke. I’m on  medication. Loads of tablets.

Does it help?  Sometimes they serve a purpose – then other days I want to give my all and increase my productivity dosage.

The fact  is I’m still here. That’s  good enough for me.

I’m blessed to have a daughter who commands my maternal instincts to protect her.

Many days have  been more creepy carnival   than Mardi Gras   It can be scary and rather  “trippy ” at times.

I stumble about from one task to the next,

..I suppose things could be worse.

Time to    defibrillate  my spirit into exsistance , whilst singing to the song ‘Staying aliiiiive’

Tomorrow is Tuesday.  Fact.

I’m  rather happy to be in the U.K.  for a change-far away from the Twisted  Trump oddity.

Hello ? what is  he thinking  announcing  that he will only allow white immigrants into The U.S of A. ?  The very day communities come together to ,

To unite and pay respect to his  Sir Reverend  Martin Luther  King ‘s day.

He used community and solidarity to  try gain   human rights.

26 years too late..

This has become  a national service day  in the Americas –

Can you believe  people are encouraged to fight war. To serve their country.

War seems (to me) the opposite of Martin Luther Kings goals.  Okay I know about the Black panthers .

Civil war ,slavery….

Approximately two generations after the prohibition ban on alcohal – (top five most addictive drug consumed in the world)

We have the “Millenials” , men , women , young teenagers  being  encouraged to fight about religion ?  (thinking)  the ongoing opiote  war.  Money?

Get behind

#MLKday for “civilians” who keep the true spirit of  Sir Reverend’s  agenda -to create a strong sense of community.

People of all ages, backgrounds, and abilities can get involved. Just fill in your zip code/ postcode  in the Find a Project box to locate a volunteer opportunity in your community or plan your own project.

MLK DAY

1994  -the  year they decided give  national services day to honour   M.L.K.

This is the same year (I watched on the television) Nelson Mandela,  late president  of South Africa being released after  27 years incarceration on Robin Island.

 

RANDOM FACT

Dr. King was arrested 30 times for his participation in civil rights activities. While Dr. King preached about justice, empowerment, love and peace, in the final months of his life, his attention was turned to fighting poverty. Sadly, more Americans live in poverty today than during Dr. King’s lifetime. Forty-seven million Americans currently fall below the poverty line.

SOURCE

So on that note I will sign off with a song close to my heart . The feature pic is my arm with Make Believe -sunshine will follow the rain – tattooed. Not easy to take when it’s on my left hand and I’m  using my right hand.

Hold up, I’m getting into the swing of writing.

yeah, this tattoo is  one of my Mantras/positive affirmations I use to get by. Life  could be worse. I could wake up colour blind tomorrow…..That would suck.

Nevermind…

Anyway..   I needed to write a post to talk myself out of  self wallowing.

I’ve opened   all my existing debt letters  and I will get back to them…

this week.

Here is the song I  love so much. It  is referenced  in a book I’ve read called ‘the Paris wife’ by  Paula Mclain.

AUDIO PODCAST ON HERE

 

I sang away the blues…….

I know it’s not easy for most people. If I come across as sarcastic-

I am. It helps me laugh instead of cry.

Time to hit publish

Over to Nora bayes and a quote from the King.

make believe……(singing) …..-sunshine will follow the rain.   #Words matters

Not the Messiah

Big day in the U.K.

My musings……

Let’s sort  out any confusion

I’m under no great illusion

that Corbyn is  NOT the messiah to lead this island

to balmy weather.

Fair in the ideas he postulates.

Words that that resonate with humanities mantra of together.

Don’t expect a perfect world unless we all put in some labour

One man can speak for the many but the many must graft for the life they seek in ardour.

the many make changes – X marks your choice

It’s not over.This is but the start – it’s time to think outside of the box – continue to use your new found voice.

This is phase one of an arduous journey

We will lose if we don’t endure the marathon and have JC’s back when it all gets thorny.

Don’t lose faith

Keep your head looking  to the above.

It’s not a one man job

It’s up to all of us to stand the test -stay the course

perhaps one day we will see a world blossom from our sacrifice to give it one love.

 

Today I vote labour.

If there was a chance GREEN would or could win this election, I would have voted for them

 

Head Mace

*Inspired by daily human observation* 

Citizens arrest a seizure

exploding out of her chest

Detest the demise of optimism- look aT that crumpled face

bereft.

Raging carnival trying to stay straight

‘Nature welcomes me’

Though not blinded by an attempt on her savage drinking spree.

Moments owned  in contemplation

Detest she caught a Jack Wills scent  immersed is  his idealised rave nation.

How many  t – issues to imbibe.

Called her his inbred so he could remain high

Sensational arrest

No mirror to attest to the beauty she finds.

searched google maps for Scalifax’s finest hearth.

Should she lay down to rest?

Wait for a sudden epiphany?

Her mind can’t take twocker  ignition games from kids still wet behind the ears,

straggling their momma’s rancid pyjamas

Searching for a place to settle in between her knees.

Scrumpy Jack persona

she assumes

Is she really a cut above the estate who try to convince her they have answers to all the clues?

She’s not like them.

This species are not her brethren.

English cider tasters of blood from a irrefutable provider

Knock heads against tombstones and concrete walls.

Green-eyed,Winkie  slept behind a grill gate to keep out the flybys.

Vulnerable heart -veil lifted from day one.

Chinese whispers of some busy blasted scum

Common decency leaves the palm of her hand -slaps a face hard – its body turns

enthralled at the chance to appear overly occupied.

Enjoy chillled !at 6 percent 

Bad move to guide to her to her own whereabouts

She paid for her own calm connotation.

Guideline on  how to  avoid walking  into a web of sin

Tanned face betrays  that her heart hasn’t felt  akin.

There’s nothing of substance behind the beer goggled eyes.

Monotone life

get up

get dressed,

smoke a roll up

take a sip of the brew that simulates a disguise of content.

She’s not one to say she’s any better than these numbed, train fare skivers

Fun when a teenager…..

Numbers on the  increase –

She thinks they should at least have figured out how to suit up and boot up

Yes, use your all your  ties.

Bound up in this place of besmirching death

Positive energy sniffing up the vibes

conflicted as the amish addicted to meth

Red ant crawling up her thigh

more focused than most humans she has the pleasure to relate to

One mighty jump off this stony  hearth would not be

how she would want end her life

not nigh.

Sun in her heart

Moon never far to seduce her into a twisted cadence with

legs defiantly apart.

‘The settle’ calls her home –  shrieks filled with the ego of the Saint Lies -a Spinne.

What business has she pollinating with  the  bees?

It’s her playground too.

She won’t  let the bastards inject their humdrum existence –

unleash their quiet, unpalatable disease.

Point fingers at an indecipherable colour or sound

The ku klux clan live but one gate from the smack head who sleeps with the blood hound.

Remove these walls ineffectively

Family values, Adams apple samples the hit of threes company too

Humour her, she never  preached to know every pelvic beat.

Extend a hand

Forget not

that one gaze will settle reflectively

Don’t make another feel uneasy

Solely because it’s you who feels Queasy.

Smirking at them playing it cool

Do they think she is a brassic , court  jester fool?

Indulge  them she does.

but only because she knows the truth

They live a life that’s  ambiguously impenetrable.

The difference between the simple life and herself ?

Empathy.

Compassion.

An open mind.

Sentiments branded on her – costs three lifetimes in wages to wear her kind of fashion.

Attempts at making her feel she is wrong and potentially illiterate.

It’s beyond a joke – she plays naive – she knows  they are a hoax

She treads through a land full of tossers

Pity not more of them get fired off into a land of terrorist moshers.

Feelings misgiven

This drink was an attempt at a pitch

It’s not her style.

impetigo limper

brewed up to tease pacman eating jack and jills in a ditch .

Irate she  saw integrity  in one other smothered core.

Ineffectual – yapping up intoxicated mummies three day old pyjamas.

Think it’s an accomplishment to shove her mistrials in front of her face?

How many more fuck you’s  and put up’s must to deal with?

Momma doesn’t need their  drama’s?

The issue with people who stick together in stitches

is that without an audience -without a chase

they will dangle that carrot

especially when their  life is on the down

squinting them  into the glitch.

They need her kind more than her kind needs theirs .

Empty out  the contents of a full can of scrumpy poison

One factor in blurring all boundaries.

Is it fair to intoxicate nature with man -made hootch?

She’s repulsed – she sees them all  their stark naked  form

such is her clarity

who to label as a warning ‘ there goes another douche’ ? 

ethics, medics, system of values- it’s an appeal to their humanity.

Need to get out

Get out of this space

She can see she’s playing into this heinous fate.

She makes her rules

She breaks the rules

only because she knows them so  well- lets state she knows how to present the look of

I’m off my face 

Temptation heel to her command

She regrets inaction of  strength she  usually ordains

only this time she lacks

Fuck it , she is done with the cloud of visual  mace

She’ll get hammered at a location ,

on her request,

digest

satiate

Can she have a mirror?

Third eye awaken to  the true head case.

Photocredit Francessa woodman

 

 

 

Merely human

I lost my temper yesterday, let the anger consume me and took it all  out, one person.

Did this person deserve to feel the wrath of all the turmoil and pain that has been festering away for years and years ?

No.

There is a part of me who feels a bit guilty for dumping it all on this person.

I hate injustice.

I hate cowardice behaviour.

I detest people who say one thing and then do/say  another.

I loathe people who I allow to take advantage of me.

Yes, I know I am the only one to allow that to happen and it pisses me off.

I let people who shouldn’t and don’t mean anything to me: get to me.

I think (for me) I can see how hard I have fought to become the person I am today,then  I have people  around me who don’t even know me well- tell me positive qualities that  they see in me. They don’t have to say these things.

Then, there are certain people  I’ve come across in my life- they all look different yet carry the same traits- who are very quick to point out that I am the one with the problem.

Why do we question people’s motives  who build us up?

Do I have issues?

Yes.

One of them is being tired of beating myself with another person’s shit sticks

The very people who called me a psycho or crazy or something else are hypocrites – somewhere along the line, I found out just how messed up these people are.

I don’t want them to be unhappy or messed up .

My issue is that they make out that their issues are mine.

No.

I take responsibility for my shit – you take responsibility for yours.

I am direct, blunt  and an upfront person who wears my heart on my sleeve. I have a lot of love and time to give others and I do allow people to take advantage.

I’m learning, but when I get caught out giving away my energy to those who have never even bothered to respect me or even ask me  how I am or even ask anything about me – my emotions build up , then like a tornado the emotions pick up momentum  until  I can’t contain the wrath I feel.

Anger may be seen  as a useless emotion.

In general, I am not an angry person.

I just don’t like people who clearly have their own baggage dumping it all on me.

I am sensitive, I am the kind of person who will sit for hours trying to make another person feel better.

These last few months – I allowed myself to get sucked in,  manipulated  into feeling the need for a specific person  to want me.

In hindsight, I think I wanted to show that person who I had become. I went straight back to looking for approval from someone who I didn’t need approval from  to be me.

I am aware I have my own self-esteem and insecurity issues to work on and I do, every day.

 I refuse to allow people to take the piss anymore and when I realise they have, my fuse burns up – I come at people like a rabid ,gangster dog.

Possibly ,not the best way to handle a situation because getting angry to the point where I am hurling abuse at someone and doing the exact same thing that person has done to me for however many years or months :is giving my power away.

So, maybe I shouldn’t have said what I said – I am not a person who keeps my mouth shut these days. I have done that for far too long.

I am direct, openly honest , to the point.

Is it fair to expect the same  from others?

Yes and No.

If the person is going to be a part of my life then 100 % absolutely

but

If that person isn’t (as hard as that may be to accept and feel) then I can’t expect these things from a person who may not have these traits or want to give me what I want.

It hurts.

People are going to do what they want to do and so it is always worth reminding ourselves that we too are human and have a bull shit  offload  cutoff threshold  until we act human.  😀

I’m not going to carry on beating myself over the head.

I am going to carry on reaching out to the people who I feel good around.

I’m going to carry on succeeding and moving on with my life.

I had a rough collision with my past and it played out for far too long.

I had this idea in my mind of who and what this person is and my expectations led me to feel hurt.

I’m not expecting anymore:   that’s my point.

There is responsibility on both parts but I can only take responsibility for my part.

Always question what other people call you and how they treat you before believing you are worthless and they are right.

Remember not to filter out all the good that people tell you about who they think you are.

Look back at all you have achieved.

Look forward to all you are achieving.

To wrap this up – I live by the motto

I’m the first person to put up my  hand when I have done something wrong but I am also going to tell you when I haven’t done wrong – I’m not going down for a crime I didn’t commit.

They say all is fair in Love and War……

I guess there are no easy choices nor right or wrong ones but there are choices and I guess that is about as fair as you can get.


(having a) Whale of a time- not

W

The most mesmerizing mammals in the ocean.

How can they look so graceful with such weight and force on and in them?

Natures greatest genetic, makeup,  beauty trick.

I don’t know if you have heard that Whales too are being driven to extinction.

3uox73

 

IT IS NOT A JOKE

 

Here is three reasons why.

(Finally catching up with this challenge)

# SHIP COLLISIONS

 Whales including  Pregnant whales migrate in the winter from the Atlantic ocean and have to pass some of the busiest port docks in the world -two being New York and the Chesapeake Bay.  Females rather than males usually get hit and end up dead.

Is there a solution?

Obama Administration Praised for Slowing Down Ships, Protecting Endangered Whales from Deadly Strikes

Humane Society

#ENTANGLEMENT OF THE WRONG KIND

Commercial fishing nets to trap crabs and all types of marine life are the second cause of death in Right Whales. When they become entangled they can drown or if they manage to escape they are usually wounded. They end up dying from starvation or infection from the nets hooked into their skin. This goes back to the first highest cause of whale death, chronic entanglement usually ends to ships colliding with whales again.

Read the story of CHURCHILL THE TRAGIC WHALE who in spite of many attempts to disentangle him from fishing nets. He ended up dying a drawn-out and painful death by infection.

currents_17en_47849

 

CHURCHILL SAVE ATTEMPT 100

 

“On Sept. 16, 2001, the team stopped receiving satellite signals. Somewhere off the New Jersey coast, Churchill slipped beneath the waves for the last time.”

https://www.whoi.edu/page.do?pid=14938&tid=3622&cid=28530

The Humane Society of the United States sued the American government to address the heavier fishing lines and marine marker buoys that kill so many of these lovely mammals.

#CLIMATE CHANGE

Did you know that whales only start getting pregnant and giving birth in their teens?

Did you know that they only have one baby/ calf every 3-5 years?

How is climate change affecting the growing population of whales? warmer waters mean it is harder for whales to find food.

We all know that in order for life to thrive and grow, it needs to be nourished from the inside. A pregnant whale losing weight is not a great place for a baby to grow.

b492b2d26e7280a0230607a89317900d

What is being done?

The humane society in the U.S.A. has sued the government to make sure that Right Whales have more area and living space ( critical habitat) to survive.

Designated zones that protect whales from as little interaction from humans and pollution are the key to helping the whale population succeed and have as fair a chance as possible to survive.

TIME IS RUNNING OUT.

Do you bit

check out SAVE THE WHALES WEBSITE 

SAVE THE WHALES PETITION -SIGN IT!

Miss Tatiana

TI’ve been looking forward to this letter.  T is awesome becasue I get to tell you  all about my firstborn, Bengal- Tatiana .Or Miss Tatiana as she is known in the family.

I’ve always had cats as family when I was growing up. I moved into a new home in 2009, started uni, again, straight out of another Eating Disorder clinic. I couldn’t take my Mocha with me to my new home.

 

 

Mocha was a black oriental Siamese my Uncle bought me for my 15th birthday in South Africa. She grew up with my Mom’s lilac point Siamese ,Lilac ( lee-lah) .. They came everywhere  with us -no matter where moved to -South Africa,France, Miami and the U.K.

It would have been cruel to separate the two mates so I spent a long time researching breeders because I had read up about Bengals and how affectionate and playful and smart they were .I was lonely and manic -not taking my medication.

I came across what I can now look back on as a not legitimate breeder  that were selling kittens and adults at a price cheaper than other breeders. It took ‘ two taxis and two trains to get to this town.

I told my Ma I was setting off to get Miss Tatiana. It was would have been close to midnight by the time I met her. My Ma knew I was hyper and she ended up coming with me to make sure I didn’t do anything else crazy.

I got to the breeder and it was clean but for whatever reason they must of being doing something illegal as they were very quick to drop the argument we started having when she tried to sell me an adult cat. I demanded to see the kittens and I saw one kitten ,so tiny, only 7 weeks. I picked her up.

She jumped out of my arms and bumped her nose, she was bleeding. I was crying. My ma and the breeder tried to calm me down. I knew straight away that Miss Tatiana was coming back home with me.

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She spent the first few years with all my attention on her. I would take her everywhere with me. Any place that someone said I could. I would. She didn’t like any men I brought home. She would wait until she saw a big toe sticking out the bedspread and she would attack my potential/short lived boyfriends.

I found it hysterical. I know. -a total crazy cat lady. Bengals play hard and they draw blood. She has massacred my arms over the years.

I feel so bad for what I put her through with my ex. She used to growl at him. She wouldn’t leave my side. One night he left her out ( he denies this), I tried to find her everywhere, I heard her mewing and found her on the other side of the wall,lost and full of blood, by a wild patch of trees and these scratchy plants and woody area. I don’t know what you call it but I was in such a state and so was she.

When I was addicted to laxatives she would keep me company in the bathroom while I purged myself –  me almost always in agony. I was taking 100 laxatives a day up until 2009.

She loves to pretend my arm is a tree and she lazes on it like some jungle cat lazing on a branch and if I dare move -I get bit.

I have a high pain tolerance threshold so  we must be a perfect match 😀

When my Bella Bee was born Tatiana didn’t know what to make of her. She became very jealous. Then with all the drama with my ex and my increasingly poor mental health –that night happened and the ex accused me of shaking my 12-week old daughter on the 13th December 2011.  I didn’t for the record.

The 16-month battle to get my daughter back out of foster care meant Tatiana had me all to herself again.

When the ex finally walked away with his tail between his legs and social services could see I could look after my daughter on my own -full time. The care order was lifted- my 12-week old daughter who I was only allowed to visit for 10 hours a week was suddenly a 16-month-old toddler living back at home- full time. I had a lot of catching up  to do and learn how to be a full-time Mom.I guess I neglected Tatiana for a bit. I emotionally neglected her. I had to,

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For a full year and a half Tatiana started weeing  near the sofa . It got so bad me and my hubby to be started arguing. It put a lot of strain on the relationship. We spent hundreds of pounds trying to solve the problem.

I started giving her more attention but it was hard to always want to be loving because she was peeing everywhere. She even pissed on the kitchen  counter a few times. She went from sleeping with us and being best buds with my partner, to hating him and running away from him and even me.

I couldn’t give her up. I couldn’t bare to.

G knew I would never give her up so he stuck by me and we worked on trying to sort out Tat’s behaviour.

She was spending her evenings and times we went out in the kitchen or outside. It was not an ideal situation but what more could we do?

I finally had to seriously think about her happiness and I thought  maybe she would be happier in another home. My G came up with an idea to close the living room door at night so she couldn’t go and wee there at night.

IT WORKED! She has never done her business upstairs and I think she liked this set up because she wasn’t harassed by me or usually my partner to wake her from her slumber in my daughters bed,and to be put in the special basket we had made for her in the kitchen.

Tatiana has finally forgiven me. We have a routine in the morning where I play with her while I make the bed and she spends more time with me.

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Sometimes she even sleeps with me. She hates to be ignored so if we have been out or she has, she usually has lots to tell us and I stop what I am doing and give her my time.

I finally have both my babies back. She has a love -hate relationship with Bella Bee but I think she is coming round to the idea the even though she hates being read to by my Bella or be harassed for a RSVP to some tea party my Bella Bee has arranged ,she kind of likes the cuddles she gets from her.

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She has once again become my friend in the bathroom – especially when I have a bath. She loves water. I’ve caught her wading in a pouring bath tub on many occasions.

I wish I had done more research on how to look after her kind before. I did what so many other people do. Fall in love with her beauty and I didn’t swot up on what her kind of breed needed to feel 100% loved and secured.

I’ve learnt my lesson. The main point is we are a family again and the story has a happy ending.

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Lion speaks tonight.

Let me hear you  ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!

 The Lion- King of the animals.

I would like to point out what happens to a lion when a human uses it as a toy. I will use this example of my child’s favourite and retired best friend Mr Lion as evidence and as some kind of metaphor to ponder on.

I would show you a before picture but he is extinct. I’m not joking. The company who I bought ‘Mr Lion’ from have stopped making the one lion my daughter adores. These  graphics are  disturbing. Please look away now if you hate to see an animal harmed.

 

 HERE IS THE ORIGINAL LION BEFORE THE HUMAN CHILD GOT STARTED MESSING ABOUT WITH HIM

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We all read the news, watch it. I’m kind of assuming most of you have heard of Cecil the lion ? A protected Lion who got killed by that dentist –Walter Palmer? 

Try and read this without your  triggering your rage button

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LION POSSIBLY HAD A WEEKEND OFF AND THEN IT IS BACK TO BUSINESS. BACK TO BEING POACHED

It is legal in most countries to kill a lion or any other animal as long as you have a permit and a licence.

 It is legal to lure  an animal/ lion like Cecil from his protected home to kill him/her. 

It is legal  to kill a lion or other animal who has a radio transmitter collar

One lion out of how many?

It is estimated that there are only 30 000 Lions left in the world. I thought there was like a million.

Every other week there is a new picture on social media and in the news  of some proud fucked up moron posing with his/her rifle and dead animal prize.

If you had to ask me what my most favourite super power would be right now, I would say voodoo.

So what’s and who is driving this trade of TROPHY KILLING?

The Safari club international.   –

“is the leading voice in the fight to protect our freedom to hunt, both in the United States and internationally”

https://www.showsci.org/about/

They are the organisation who protect the hunters vital role in hunting rights.  They cover up their murdering of millions of animal under the guise of conservation and education.

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Full Definition of conservation

  1. 1:  a careful preservation and protection of something; especially :  planned management of a natural resource to prevent exploitation, destruction, or neglect

  2. 2:  the preservation of a physical quantity during transformations or reactions

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/conservation

S0, their mission statement is based on the idea that people paying to  kill animals will under write wild life conservation .

It doesn’t take a lot of using the grey matter in our heads to see that by encouraging people to hunt big animals, like the lion, does nothing but endanger these species.

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Look at it this way:

how many points would you get killing a fish?

How many points and kudos  would you get  killing the king of all animals?

So today my name is Sully(by name and nature) .

My Pa got me into hunting at a young age.I felt a sense of camaraderie  .

He introduced me to the SCI and every time I killed I got more and more of a buzz.

The Safari club international is worth billions of dollars. People pay thousands to be a part of this camaraderie to hunt and kill

Sully, see’s an advert  on the SCI   magazine.

WORLD HUNTING AWARD – kill 250 animal species and you will get this award.

Sully, (me ) thinks – wicked! I’ve already killed over 150 species – 100 more and  I will be glorified for it. 

I quit my job and dedicate my time to my hobby.

6 months later,

I receive a special ring made of semi precious stones and diamonds. I am given a glitzy event in honour of my name, pictures are  taken, hands  shook. I’ve  become a celebrity in the hunting world.  People want to learn my hunting techniques.

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I’m now as famous as Walter Palmer. So what if he was struck off the SCI membership  list for killing Cecil. He  is now a member again because the person that got the rap for killing Cecil was his guide!

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Yup, you read that right. Well, it is Zimbabwe where it occurred. Not exactly a country known for their humanness towards even their own people.

I’m  impressed.  (Sully) – I want to know more about Walter Palmer’s agenda

“What is all this about?”

I hear that their is a new trophy award for killing what is known around the world as the ‘big five’ -all found in South Africa.

  • Lion

  • Southern white Rhino

  • Cape town buffalo

  • Elephant

  • Leopard

I start chatting with another SCI member and I hear about this conference being held in Las Vegas..

I end up going.

I go back home inspired and full of passion. I’ve been given tips on how t o ‘Plan and design’ my trophy room .

 

I loved the session of ‘my first African safari’ – I’m  off to the trophy killing ,safari clothing store to buy my gear.

SULLY ,IS HUNTER (pounds his fist to his chest).

I’m going to kill a lion the exact way Walter killed Cecil. I’m going to get my bow and arrow, aim and shoot, leave him to suffer over night and then in the morning like a boss I am going to kill him..  -Oh and I’m going to cut off his head. I need to make sure that the logistics part  of getting his head back home is in place…. 

What was that  taxidermists number that Chris  cock- face  gave me?

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People like the humane animal society have tried to to toughen up laws and permits. They have tried to get hunters to prove that the animals they want to import are already a healthy population of species.

The humane society demanded that people who use money to hunt do so for a reason that serves wild life and true conservation.  Although this never happened in Walter Palmers case.

 I do applaud airlines like Air France who refuse to import or export a poached animals.

Back to Sully.

Sully is now in Africa. kitted out,ready to “hunt” just for kicks. His cog wheel in his brain starts turning

“I don’t want to hunt some pussy female. I want to fight a male. It’s all about me and my equal. I am a man he is a man – Survival of the fittest. My genes and sperm and livelihood is more important than yours.”

HOW DOES THIS AFFECT THE LIONS ENVIRONMENTAL STRUCTURE?

 I, Sully kills the leader of the  pack. A new leader is needed pronto. Male cubs fight for the prize ,killing each other to be the number one new king. This does not bode well for the social dynamics of the lions. We have legal and illegal poachers killing   our lion and then the pack is forced to turn each other.

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WELL ONE OF US IS WORTH IT

 

It’s kind of a  no brainer.

Africa relies on the eco tourism and hunting trade to bring in revenue to the country. The debate is you can’t have both running along side.  If all the big, exciting animals are hunted and killed there will be no  incentive for people to travel to Africa. All they will need to do is watch a documentary to get the same effect.

So what is the solution?

We can let a few elite hunters pay off African countries under the guise of boosting their economy.  This seems like a quick fix .

It is.

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The solution I am pro for is educate Africa about how eco tourism in the long term can boost the economy for these countries.  How will this kind of tourism look like.

Picture a big animal.

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A camera

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and possibly a flash.

Shoot with your camera.

End of story!

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