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Passed Humanities degree

I’ve finally received my results for my 1st year, doing my Masters, in Creative writing.

Drum rolls.

PASS-with merit. I officially can use more random letters after my name — ha ha!

I  am now in possession of a post-graduate certificate in the Arts and Humanities!

Wow! Amazing.

How’s this going to help me with what I won’t do?

I have a dream.

I do. 😀

One of my goals is to move back to France. They love people with diplomas. I hope to get a well paid job there. I need to book a trip to The French embassy later on this year. My husband has decided he is going to take on my surname and become a French national.  He’s English!

He’s not only English, he is  Northern, from  West Yorkshire.

 

 

I feel so uneasy about my family not having a passport. My entire life, It was drummed into me to always have my passport (in date)in case, we moved countries.

Which we did- a lot!

Moving on . ( pun unintentionally intended  :D)

What’s  happening in my life?

Loads of shit- ha ha! as usual.

I’m doing better –  I keep making a come back.  Oh, life – you little tease!

Dare me to live.

 Dare me to succeed!

Challenge accepted.

 

 

MENTAL HEALTH UPDATE

Yeah, it’s been.

up and down,

down ,

down ,

down –

up again ,

very up –

insanely manic,

toxic,

low,

not quite sure

,emotional ,

aargh why did that and that and that and ..

did I do that?

Those kind of moments, really.

Surely someone can relate?

Not happy about a medication increase in my anti depressant.

I don’t of any person who is on  (high/ highest legal doses) of

Two antidepressants

Two anti psychotics

Two anti anxiety tablets,

and sleeping medication.

I know  my health posse want the best for me.

I don’t bullshit them.

I tell if I’ve been using shit coping mechanisms, good ones. Thoughts ,feelings…

I made my psychiatrist laugh.

Go me!

He offered me psychology therapy — again .

I was like:

‘Look Dr J, seriously every time I sign up to a pyschologist , they leave!’

 All my psychologists have left me half way through  doing whatever new pycho babble, current trend treatment , is used, to deal with folk such as myself.

One dude, fell asleep in a couple of our sessions.

So, I was like

‘ Listen, I know how to use CBT/DBT, I know how to communicate and talk. I know what keeps me well . I just want a cure’

Another laugh escapes from Dr J.

He is a legend.

A legend ? yes, but not a wizard 😦

He totally gets me and I feel I have a choice in medication changes etc..

I’ve asked to come off one of my meds because I don’t see the point of being on it. It hasn’t helped me.

These meds have affected my memory. I’m terrified of getting Dementia. I’ve been on (legal) tablets since I was 13/14 and I’ve never been off medication.

Never!

Talking about memory.

I’m using my creative outlets to start getting into the open mic poetry scene .

I love performing but my memory is really rubbish. I’m going to brave it by doing more live poetry next week. I’m excited. Nervous.  It’s all good.

I have my final year of my MA to keep me — super  occupied.  There is a lot of work to do. For part of my thesis ( check me out)

I’m thinking of using my blog to interview creative folk who live in my community to talk about, their work,  (durr!)  Creativity and their mental health. My photographer mate is on board to take pictures. Some people have shown interest — yeah!

My heads occupied which is good.

Fab!

Awesome!

How will doing this  help me with my thesis and final work?

Well, I am going to use this year of discovery and research on the link between mental health and creativity as an alternative form of therapy to cope with life’s unpredictable moments.

Then I  will have loads of inspiration to write a film script (120 minutes) on a character ,who , is thrown back into society after a long stint in mental /prison  institutions , and who is looking to find him/herself  and another way of being  and expressing him/herself  positively, in society.

The opening scene will kind of look like this

I have an ending – (a bit abstract at the moment) – saying there words:

‘I look around for the first time with clarity. And see I’m exactly where I need to be. Around the misfits. The beautiful misfits just like me.’

DAISY’S UN NAMED CHARACTER

It’s all early days and I still have  4 scripts to write, a critique and a character  analysis on a famous playwright to do before the final chapter.

All in all. I’m alive, optimistic-ish, full of emotion, drive, passion , a pain in the ass but just doing my thing. 

All terribly boring really… 😀 

So, I am back!

I can’t commit daily to blogging but I have joined a group on Facebook.  

Shout out to Gary @ fiction is food  for adding me.

It’s a website for us!

BIG UP YOUR BLOG!

Bloggers.

 I’m  a newbie, its good be around other bloggers again. I’m hoping it will keep me  off Facebook and keep me connecting with people like yourself. People who use their time more productively. Doh, oh the irony.

One rant before I go :   I wish people would stop leaving public posts about my appearance on my Facebook.

If you ever happen to read this

I know you are having a shit time dealing with your own weight issues. I’m well aware of mine. Please take a look at yourself. Look after yourself first. If you don’t – FUCK OFF! 

 

That is a wrap.  I know. Hilarious! ha ha!

Thank you so much for reading

Time to step out and live real life..

Catch up soon!

What’s everyone else doing with life?  Blogging?

I’m genuinely curious to know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Trail my Sole

 

 

Followed that trail with an Atlas
the  underbelly led it to a rock
Semi Submerged in  emotional flotsam

Castrated the birth of Botticelli’s venus

What to expect?

Great waves crashing down all rage.
Great waves licking at my ignorance.

These once still waters spread the silent promise of future sapling trees.

Astrology serfs over prophesized seedling thoughts in future sprout.
revellers over imbibed on  waves of nostalgia

Caught up in the ebb of the past
Questioning this quest within.

 seekers absorbed all light
lost to the shrieks of first blooms melody of melancholy.

Hushed into the primal scream of inflammation.
shouts drowned out

Unravel this life – a pathetic parody.

Self-doubt overspills
see Antarctica.

Peer into the Abyss

It isn’t Sole Lee fish

 leading our kind to a final resting place.

 

Pronunciation vows clear
Lee clueless to his human duty

Vagabonds vogue
Two sparring states

Postering frigid

Tartarus trapped in the centre of his parent’s disgust -neither Heaven nor Gaia will it ever see.

The streams , the mountains neither siblings

Betrayed by the trees

This Casual Tee
caught in the middle of a family feud
contesting rights for identity

Mass separated out of chaos

status updated -In love with Eros

*To be continued…

Take a leaf out of the Amazon

One reason global leaders are able to sleep at night? They find absolution in ‘the family’. ( Check out Netflix) these global leaders, politicians, and public figures have invented a Covent composed of ( rather) impressionable modern-day “disciples” to justify what they let bypass / happen to our world.

They have messed with men’s spiritual health. By spiritual, I mean I don’t necessarily mean in a religious sense. We are all thinkers. We have the ability to feel & reason. Spirituality can be something emotional & philosophical. Our spirituality is personal to each and every one of us.

These bastard leaders are killing our planet.
They have brainwashed themselves to believe that they are “chosen “to lead for religious reasons.
Can you grasp how much power that is to give to 1 % of the elite in this world?

Nobody – alone can control all that power. Greed corrupts. This is just an example of how one ( ahem) leader- Thump justifies🙄 his outlandish & vapid ramblings on the trade wars with China & U.S.A. we need a revolution of consciousness.

Read  POLITICSTrump Looked Up To The Sky And Told Reporters ‘I Am The Chosen One’ by anonymous

A shift in consciousness. I haven’t got all the answers. I hate injustice.

Listening to Tupac’s song about Changes & thinking about the themes of the song. He seems to to be questioning us (  the black man ) to question the consciousness of society.

THUG society wasn’t about being a thug. Another post for another day.

It’s not a song that is about self -pity. Its a more hold your own nuts song & be civil. That is why it is revolutionary

That isn’t even equal.

As Micheal Che said in his stand up comedy debut – ‘Matters’.

if we can’t be equal: can we at least be civil? (haha!)

Society has really messed with the willows today.

PLEASE sign the petition to help the Amazon frontline save the Amazon. Our home too.

GREENPEACE.org -SAVE THE AMAZON

750 Starving lions were found in captivation ( malnourished )& their sole purpose for living was for Trophy Hunting.

Trophy Hunting?

People in Serengeti are being forced from their homes to make way for poachers to slaughter our earth wildlife. Our delicate & intricate ecosystems.

China killed another whale today.  After 30 years of efforts to save these mammals. They are now activley commercially hunting whales again. Why?  Greed & corruption. The divided between the West and East is killing our planet with policies.

Yes, I’m passionate because I sense the complacency in society ( in myself even) to fill the void and over-consume. Desensitize our selves more to what is happening to our home. We have blinkers on. We need them to grapple our heads around what a mess the world is in & how what we can do about it.

One act in the right direction. A shift in thinking. A conscious shift. What you do (no matter how small or big) matters. What we do has consequences. SCIENCE 101

I’m sad & I’m mad. All I  can offer are my words & to spread the message about what is important right now.

Over what?

Diamonds that have no value?

Over paper planes & money?

Trees provide us the paper to breathe. Why do we ask more of it? How can it provide life if we burn it out to its very core?

We an indulging in a mass matricide with mother earth and self- suicide and genocide people all over the world. Our own world.

I’m spent. I have to write about what I care about. if only to reinforce what I value & truly believe in.

Goodnight

 

Can’t afford to buy into #bluemonday

The title of  this post says it all.

I have could give. (counting my fingers) at least  10 reasons to ignore reality. I’m  a professional at  life -escapism

I’m on uppers and downers.

I’m in debt.

My  Bee (daughter) is ill.

 The sun remains my disco ball.

It’s (literally) beaming rays of  bright yellow  (as I type)

Us humans  are not a dying species. We’re living in oceanspolluted with plastic  and crazy levels acidification

I filled in a form – to

live on plastic to get by.

Tomorrow I’m still going to be here. I make my own fate.

 I’m not a ray of sunshine.

Far from it.

Bees, (buzz) and almost three quarters of   our earthling friends have been driven to extinction.

My  Bee  had a rough night.  At 7 am I let her play ‘Jurassic Park’ on the xbox.

ha! ha! They  are long gone but never forgotten.

My warped sense of humour   has acted  as my currency today.

I count my blessing because   In my life  I’ve been surrounded around   4 kick ass  ladies- all showing  me  different outlooks on Life.

My Mom – A legend!

My Gran  (who passed away from  vascular dementia and Alzheimers  on  Mothers day last year.

 I have to laugh – what a day to leave this world!

Wherever you are Gran – Thank you!

Tati!  I miss my aunt so much. We had some awesome times together. She died of lung cancer in February 2016.  I know that I’m not the only one who misses someone.

I have my Nan (on holiday in South Africa) who dedicated many years of her life and time to me.

My  Dad couldn’t be assed. I love  him,I don’t want wake up -one day – and realise he’s dead.

Je ne regrette rien’.  Edith Piaf

In my heart ,I respect he was a part of the conception process.  And Yeah.. we are human. Whatever!

THANKS DAD!

I digresse/d….

My Nan took on his role when my Mom or my Gran couldn’t.  Today’s moments   of introspection made me realise, that most of the men I have known in my life have been weak, and spineless . I don’t include my male bros  (in my life)

At least they seem it to me. Not saying they are weak all the time. just saying…….

I’m laughing…  if there is a God  (who clapped his hands ,one day and turned chaos into light. His (always look on  the Bright side of life) son could walk on water but..   he can’t fix a gate.

 

My Grandad -RIP –  I have this image of mim making business deals with every God of every religion. He was a brilliant, eccentric character .

I miss him. I wish I paid more attention to his perspective on life when he was still..

..here.

His favourite saying was: IT’S NOT A TRAIN SMASH

(my gaze drifts to look  out my  window, I strain my ears to listen)

 Nope, No rail tracks in sight  nor Choo Choo trains blasting their horns .

Surely the people who are out  on there on their travels  – trains, planes and automobiles-  are more likely to tempt fate than I am……

It’s been a challenge to  focus  on  getting on with life and writing this post….( without another night of  ‘nada’ / o hours of  sleep)

I’ve had to ‘dig deep’ and  not  wrap myself into  from all the crazy shit that’s happening/ has happened

  I’ve   been singing away the blues.

This moment is … is a gift.  This post probably  doesn’t make sense.  I care about loads of – and  far too many. people

At the same time I’m sure I could be doing more to help myself and others.

(my eyes drift  and settle on making out  images of clouds. Moving so  fast )  being true too it’s nature.

We are human beings. Life is tough and the ones who make it are probably…

…on happy pills .

I’m joking ….

Bad joke. I’m on  medication. Loads of tablets.

Does it help?  Sometimes they serve a purpose – then other days I want to give my all and increase my productivity dosage.

The fact  is I’m still here. That’s  good enough for me.

I’m blessed to have a daughter who commands my maternal instincts to protect her.

Many days have  been more creepy carnival   than Mardi Gras   It can be scary and rather  “trippy ” at times.

I stumble about from one task to the next,

..I suppose things could be worse.

Time to    defibrillate  my spirit into exsistance , whilst singing to the song ‘Staying aliiiiive’

Tomorrow is Tuesday.  Fact.

I’m  rather happy to be in the U.K.  for a change-far away from the Twisted  Trump oddity.

Hello ? what is  he thinking  announcing  that he will only allow white immigrants into The U.S of A. ?  The very day communities come together to ,

To unite and pay respect to his  Sir Reverend  Martin Luther  King ‘s day.

He used community and solidarity to  try gain   human rights.

26 years too late..

This has become  a national service day  in the Americas –

Can you believe  people are encouraged to fight war. To serve their country.

War seems (to me) the opposite of Martin Luther Kings goals.  Okay I know about the Black panthers .

Civil war ,slavery….

Approximately two generations after the prohibition ban on alcohal – (top five most addictive drug consumed in the world)

We have the “Millenials” , men , women , young teenagers  being  encouraged to fight about religion ?  (thinking)  the ongoing opiote  war.  Money?

Get behind

#MLKday for “civilians” who keep the true spirit of  Sir Reverend’s  agenda -to create a strong sense of community.

People of all ages, backgrounds, and abilities can get involved. Just fill in your zip code/ postcode  in the Find a Project box to locate a volunteer opportunity in your community or plan your own project.

MLK DAY

1994  -the  year they decided give  national services day to honour   M.L.K.

This is the same year (I watched on the television) Nelson Mandela,  late president  of South Africa being released after  27 years incarceration on Robin Island.

 

RANDOM FACT

Dr. King was arrested 30 times for his participation in civil rights activities. While Dr. King preached about justice, empowerment, love and peace, in the final months of his life, his attention was turned to fighting poverty. Sadly, more Americans live in poverty today than during Dr. King’s lifetime. Forty-seven million Americans currently fall below the poverty line.

SOURCE

So on that note I will sign off with a song close to my heart . The feature pic is my arm with Make Believe -sunshine will follow the rain – tattooed. Not easy to take when it’s on my left hand and I’m  using my right hand.

Hold up, I’m getting into the swing of writing.

yeah, this tattoo is  one of my Mantras/positive affirmations I use to get by. Life  could be worse. I could wake up colour blind tomorrow…..That would suck.

Nevermind…

Anyway..   I needed to write a post to talk myself out of  self wallowing.

I’ve opened   all my existing debt letters  and I will get back to them…

this week.

Here is the song I  love so much. It  is referenced  in a book I’ve read called ‘the Paris wife’ by  Paula Mclain.

AUDIO PODCAST ON HERE

 

I sang away the blues…….

I know it’s not easy for most people. If I come across as sarcastic-

I am. It helps me laugh instead of cry.

Time to hit publish

Over to Nora bayes and a quote from the King.

make believe……(singing) …..-sunshine will follow the rain.   #Words matters

Not the Messiah

Big day in the U.K.

My musings……

Let’s sort  out any confusion

I’m under no great illusion

that Corbyn is  NOT the messiah to lead this island

to balmy weather.

Fair in the ideas he postulates.

Words that that resonate with humanities mantra of together.

Don’t expect a perfect world unless we all put in some labour

One man can speak for the many but the many must graft for the life they seek in ardour.

the many make changes – X marks your choice

It’s not over.This is but the start – it’s time to think outside of the box – continue to use your new found voice.

This is phase one of an arduous journey

We will lose if we don’t endure the marathon and have JC’s back when it all gets thorny.

Don’t lose faith

Keep your head looking  to the above.

It’s not a one man job

It’s up to all of us to stand the test -stay the course

perhaps one day we will see a world blossom from our sacrifice to give it one love.

 

Today I vote labour.

If there was a chance GREEN would or could win this election, I would have voted for them

 

No time for self-pity #SHOUTOUTS

“When in doubt. When I feel low and ready to back out.  It is time to stop feeling sorry for myself and start feeling grateful for all I have. “ DAISY

I have a new challenge I am working on for June. I am getting married in three weeks time and I have hardly wrote much about it.

All I can say is it is happening.

The best way to spend my time today is reading ‘Storm sister’ by Lucinda Riley- books always inspire.

Watching the second series ‘Orange is the New Black’  and as many documentaries about  species and evolution as I have time. I’m especially  excited for when Hollywood movie director and explorer,  James Cameron does eventually hit the bottom of the ocean and capture what is hidden down there. CHECK OUT WHAT HE HAS ACCOMPLISHED SO FAR HERE

The solutions to why volcano erupt and why we have natural disasters such as Tsunamis are hidden and to be found at the bottom of the Abyss.

I think the best way to get out of a self pity mood is to look out and not focus too much inwards.  An extra shout out for

Camellia’s Cottage Alabama Lifestyle   for reminding me about a song I love so much.

This is my favourite version

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoJz2SANTyo

So I have the great pleasure of checking out all my new flowers /followers in the last week. Thank you and it’s time for a shout out.

SHOUT OUT  TIME!   

white_daisy_rustic_barn_wood_thank_you_note_card-ra7daa05fddd247d2ab6ed4d2fc03f1f4_xvua8_8byvr_324

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Immigrants

Well, what a day. I’ve had so much going around in my head. This morning I wanted to check out other peoples blogs and muse of how cool it is that I can connect with people from all over the globe. It is brilliant and helps me feel connected and understanding and less ignorant of other peoples culture. I then went on a massive Google search about immigration. A  hot topic to debate on in Europe-actually globally) at the moment. I don’t know what my aim was in talking about it but we have a huge crisis going on. I thought it would be easy for me to say I’m on the immigrants’ side or let’s keep them out attitude. It is a fucken complicated situation.

I mean look at Calais in Marseilles and Dover in the U.K. – Every country is pledging money here and there to help genuine refugees and still, a lot of people want to seek asylum in the UK. Why? well, there are a lot of countries like Bangladesh and Pakistan who were former English colonies and understand the English culture and language.  There are immigrants who want a better world for their families -better education, health system, a chance to be a success and these are good things in my opinion because these kind of people are what is going to strengthen the economy.

Most immigrant take on the menial jobs that the English people won’t do. The English get pissed off with the French because they don’t do more to STOP the refugees to claim asylum in Britain. I mean, you must have seen the horrific pictures of people with nothing to lose and the risks they take to reach the place that they believe will offer them safety and a chance to build a life. It is tragic. Why don’t the refugees/ immigrants stay in France? I’ve read reports that even though the benefits system in France is just as good if not better. The former countries ruled under English colonies are wanting somewhere familiar.

The French have a lot of Algerian and Congolese seeking refugee status as they were countries historically under French imperialism. In France, everyone has to carry an identity card and a lot of refugees don’t like this idea of scrutiny and having people ask them for papers. A lot of refugees and immigrants claim they have no paperwork so it is impossible to find out if their asylum claim is genuine or not.  Many go under the radar and live under the black economy. This is a huge problem. I don’t think the solution is to ban all immigrants and those seeking refugee status from entering a country like England. Some people come here under the best intentions to make a better life for themselves and for their families.

Then you get the other type of asylum seeker -who is an opportunist. These type of people will take whatever they can get. The point is there are English people who have that kind of mentality too. What is the solution? Italy and Greece can’t handle any more immigrants and I suppose that’s why they end up  in France. I do think that the English government should have opted for national identity cards as this will give refugees a new identity if that is what they want and the government have some way of tracking people by their DNA and the technology available.

The people in England who rant about illegal immigrants coming and taking their jobs are the same people who don’t want the whole ‘Big brother’ is watching them. A solution needs to be found. Some solutions that have been looked at is shooting down any immigrants who try to enter a country. I don’t think this will make the world a better place. It is a diabolical and inhumane. Cyprus came up with the only humane and rational solution so far. The have a base for immigrants. Check out this link  http://www.newstatesman.com/politics/uk/2015/08/how-do-you-solve-refugee-crisis-calais.

I’ve been giving this a lot of thought (can you tell?) :Do You know what I really feel ? I feel that the West should wipe out the third world debt. Stop fucking with other countries. Look at Iraq as an example. I would hate to live under the dictatorship of Saddam Hussein but the people her ruled  knew they were safe and had a life and most importantly what to expect from life. All the WOMDs is bullshit. Look at what The U.S. and Britain did to the country! Europe needs to share the problem. Germany can take more people as they need to strengthen the workforce and increase their economy.

  Here’s another suggestion. Don’t fix what is not broken or is already broken, especially if it’s not yours to bother about in the first place. It sounds harsh but the West can’t go fixing everyone. Some countries have to figure it out on their own. Look at what is happening in South Africa with the Zimbabweans.  Xenophobia is alive and kicking. Thanks, Mugabe and all the governments who have him as a guest in their countries.

Where does the UK aid go to? mainly organisations such as U.N.  Their number one priority is reducing poverty. I can’t see how this can happen when they can’t even land, in say, the Congo, and have to dump rations form the air for it only to be taken by strung out child warlords. There’s a shit load of red tape that needs shredding (not news I know).  I am against all war and call me a hippy or whatever but we don’t even know who are our true enemies any more.  Here I am ranting and I don’t have a solution. Well. I do.

Get rid of guns and bombs and shit and look after the people in this world. Okay, this is something that Gandhi or St Mother  Theresa would say but that is the only answer. LOVE. TOLERANCE. COMPROMISE.  I too am outraged and want to cry when I see a child’s body washed up on a beach on Turkey and the only thing that the tourists say is how that image. That person who got coughed up by the ocean and dumped dead on the sand is taking the fun out of their holiday. What the fuck?  I wonder if I am living in the wrong world. Truly I do.

MAKE LOVE NOT WAR.  I mean I’m doing this awesome 101# Blog course and I’m in day three and the object today is to connect with other people all around the world. That’s fucking fantastic. I get to read other peoples blogs and interact with people thousands of miles away, in countries all over the world, and gain insight and see things from a new perspective. My last words on this subject -STOP trying to clean other peoples toilets and worry about your own shit first. It’s just an opinion but I am always game for listening and understanding other peoples thoughts too. On to a more intimate topic next… in Parenthood