Blog Archives

My thoughts on society

Your own definition of dissident?
Here is the dictionaries definition: a person who opposes the official policy, especially that of an authoritarian state.

My notion of a dissident will be completely different from yours. I am driven by how I reason subjects in my mind, my ethics and morals, my own inner conflicts ad my actions. I say I am a dissident because I hate injustice; I like to think of myself as someone who sees the bigger picture, someone who sees how easily people are manipulated.

A dissident is someone who knows that huge changes are needed in our world. When I think of one dissident, I think of Nelson Mandela- a man who was a radical and a voice of reason in a time where chaos thrived. He was not a hero nor was he a traitor.

He saw the need for change and knew when to be “civil” about the strategy to implement change.

Do you live under a rule you dim oppressive, suppressive or intelligent?

When I think of the words: oppressive and suppressive and intelligent –I don’t automatically think of third world countries such as China or Zimbabwe. I grew up in the apartheid era and I grew up post-apartheid. with the truth reconciliation. The A.N.C. came into power. South Africa – became a ‘rainbow nation’ – not a republic. We had a new national anthem. It’s easy to think that South Africa’s problem was based purely on racism. That was a means to an end. It is one way all governments still to this day effectively divide people. There are other ways – our faith, our age, our mental health, our income, our status. I see the West- Europe, Britain, U.S.A. call themselves a democracy. I ask myself who benefits from this democracy. Capitalists.
When I think of the word intelligence, I think of the way governments train and program human pawns into armies to react, how the media focuses a society’s attention. I think of technology. I see the illusion of money- paper. We kill entire nations for a piece of paper because it is what the governments of the world tells us we need to get us what we want.
Look at what happened in Zimbabwe when Robert Mugabe refused foreign currency. It did not matter if you had trillions of Zimbabwe dollars. What mattered was if a person could supply what was in demand. The things that were in demand were basic survival needs and comforts.

What rule do I live in?

I live in a world of Politian’s well versed in rhetoric. They are all the same. It doesn’t matter who/what they say they represent. The problem is not which political party you represent or vote for.A change in the system is needed. A true global revolution. The world I want to live in is based under the structure of Geniocracy.Wishful thinking? Perhaps… Haha! Well, at least I am thinking.

What do you do to get past a creative block?

Initially, I get scared. I usually challenge myself, doubt myself, feel alone – I want to disappear but my spirit is not so content to be silent. Inside of me, I feel I have a voice and a mind and heart. To not use what I have in a world, where my own daughter grows up would be a fool’s error and a waste of living.

I get past creative blocks by taking responsibility for my own actions, I educate myself, I remind myself that as long as I have hope I’m still alive; there is still a chance to do something with my life.

  • Writing is one way
  • Giving my time help others is another way I stumble past an obstacle.
  • I do not allow myself to be bullied.

I often feel I am alone and then something or someone comes along (as if fate and my own determination collide) that nudges me to move ahead. I often feel like I walk through life with one shoe on and one shoe off. I feel at odds with the world I live in, but I know that the more I reach out and remain resilient and flexible, then the more likely I am to find out I am not alone.

Sometimes, all I do is ‘put pen to paper’ –not giving much thought to what I write. I focus on expelling the pressure of energy and anxiety inside me, in the hope it turns into an ally of sorts.

What’s the biggest difference between telling stories with ink and with the mouth?

Confidence. A person who writes has some degree of anonymity (if they choose). When a person speaks out orally and with confidence (whether it be an actor true inner belief), words and sounds and to visually see a person animated. Talking with gestures and mannerisms is the most powerful demonstration of the potential each human has in them. It is to what means a person uses individual power that is important.

Would you get involved in politics at any point, if given a chance?

My passion lies in the future. I worry about the earth, climate change, how we treat each other and how we treat the life we share this world with – that extends to water, trees, animals, insects etc…

How do you build on your mistakes?

I try to learn from them. My aim is to take something positive away with me and use it to help develop me as a character and an individual. I am a realist who does believe in the psychology of ‘looking for the silver lining in life.

How do they move you forward?

I haven’t had time to analyse how my mistakes move me forward. Sometimes I wonder if I have truly moved forward. I have to agree I do and have moved forward because I’m here answering your questions. Haha! I guess I try to turn my mistakes into productive goals to achieve. Along the way, I pause to reassess my values, beliefs, and I make sure I maintain my personal integrity.

What makes you excited to tell a new story through any the various genre of literature?

I love to research. I love finding out about things that I’ve never heard about. I’m horrified and inspired at the same time by what unfolds around me in this world.

Do you work intuitively or from a carefully mapped-out plan?

Usually, I go with my gut instinct. That’s why this interview is being written now and not in 4 weeks’ time as previously discussed in our chats ☺
Maybe you are good at what you do – the power of suggestion or perhaps my curiosity possesses me to understand more. I do understand the value of preparation. It is something I work on every day. Balance is something to strive for in my life.

How do keep getting better at what you do?

I carry one. I fight for my beliefs. I try to understand where another person is coming from. I move on –eventually. I draw on my support –be it my family, friends, work commitments, hobbies- one being blogging. I use the tools I already have and make sure I find innovative ways to use and simulate the same tools for different purposes.

What’s your next big plan with writing?

I was studying in my final year of my M.A. in Creative writing. I found that I had grown bored with script writing. I was fascinated with Bertolt Brecht’s works- exiled from Germany for 15 years because he tried to use his theatre to being about social & political change. My journey with writing & studying has revealed that I like writing poetry. I love music, so, I’ve started writing what I call #notyouraverage music reviews or G.O.A.T. music ( greatest of all time). I have this vision to get all creative folk to come together & connect, collaborate and create art to express whatever they want to express. How they feel, their opinion of the world. It’s non-violent & a powerful way to get a message across to people. Art is powerful & dangerous to those who want to control the masses. That is why they are usually the first people in a country at war example in Germany Brecht was outed as a dissident for his works that didn’t fit in with the agenda of communism. He put on performances that provoked an audience to think critically about what they were watching. Art has a strong role to play in politics. I believe we can do more for people when we use our power non violently. I digress, I would love to be a paid music journalist. I’m teaching myself how to use the right terminology. I went to uni and studied and got a post-graduate certificate in the Humanities. I did one year of my Masters. Finished the year with merit & decided I wanted to write about music, life, fashion… not stage scripts. I lost passion for it.

How would you define success beyond material wealth and expensive designer clothes, bags, living in choice locations?

Success is individual, personal & unique to each person. I define success as being happy with who you are without any monetary decorations. If I can look at myself in the mirror. and be proud I have lived according to my beliefs and morals and love myself then that is a true success. Life will try and gobble you up, it’s about trying to stay as true to myself and my beliefs that make me successful. Can success be measured? I doubt it. One person’s success is another person’s failure.

There has been a conscious upward *trajectory within the literary scene in the African continent; a thriving emergence in the African art and film as well. what role would you like to play in this new picture celona’s blog has chosen to pitch you in? away from the cliche Hollywood?

Africa is thriving in music & art culture. The rise of Afro-futurism and other music genres shows people are interested in other cultures. We crave new experiences & are perhaps sick of the commercial music that gets played to death on the radio. Music reviews and interviews.

What do you like best about the storyline/mantra of this campaign and tell us how your concepts and craft can influence this community positively?

To be successful, you have to use each day as an opportunity to improve, to be better, to get a little bit closer to your goals.

I’m not a sheep, I have been a black sheep all my life. I chose to throw away that role and I chose a new archetype based on the acronym G.O.A.T.
my concepts are that communities thrive by connecting, helping, and sharing what we know with others.I t encourages Creativity. knowledge is power.

DEFINITION:

(acronym/noun/ajective)

G.reatest O.f A.ll T.ime

Self-defined ,

Marches to their Beat

Number one, Doesn’t need to compete with others,

Fierce

Original

Authentic

Understands the true meaning of wealth is not about cake 😉

Natasha Bodley

goat

One of the Highly intellIigent animals that lives in rocky mountains. These creatures actually seem to be smarter than the average human being, however they don’t have all the technology because of a lack opposable thumbs

SOURCE

COOL FACTS

  1. FACT: Wild goats will climb a mountain or a tree to satisfy their cravings for minerals. I will go out on a limb to satisfy my cravings. Self-expression and creativity is a constant craving

  2. FACT-: Sheep have been reported to have suicidal tendencies

  3. FACT 3: Certain breeds of goats have been known to suffer from severe panic attacks until they faint. (

How do you relate to the journey of the average writer/entrepreneur character #TheDissident team spotted in your push and strive to the top? Share with us photos that prove an ordinary author could have a great fashion sense?

Then hit me with visuals you think represents the word, DISSIDENT

I wish this was fiction -Pro choicer

67352336_10113914507517243_2388627357087825920_o

Exactly! not so much religion but more your beliefs about pro-life.FYI
All of us in this debate are pro-life. You don’t have to be religious to respect and be Pro-life.

I have a lot of anger towards the hypocritical B/S sludge techniques that some Pro-lifers use to prevent Abortions from going ahead legally ( safely and hygienically).

They use religion & guilt & even shame and protesting to bully women into carrying the fetus to full term.

This is ignorant & these are debauched tactics using  -mind games /Emotional blackmail.

Why?

One simplistic example?

A pregnant woman may find she bonds with this unborn life and is conflicted about her reasons to abort & then it gets to the 24 weeks cut off date that the law states is ethical. If a mother or another person causes the death of her unborn child it is classed as murder in the U.K.

Women around the world who can’t have a legal abortion are often forced to have back street abortions.

Here is a loose retelling of a friends experience having a back street abortion.

Her partner was highly abusive. He beat her with abuse, words to have an Abortion at 25 years old. She was not given an anaesthetic & the person she paid did the abortion with a coat hanger.

It’s B/S that MOST women who have/had an abortion use or do it as a contraceptive prevention tool.

My body is mine as is all other women’s bodies are theirs. Men have ownership of their bodies. The body can be used as a vessel for life to grow in it.

It’s an incubator.

If I don’t want (for whatever reasons) a host to feed off my body zapping me of minerals, iron etc & (sounds crude) that is my choice. My body.

9 months is the average period to carry a life/ unborn life/developing life/ host to full gestation That’s 9 months of my time not anybody else.

Pro-choice is pro-life.

Pro-choice looks at multiple & complex factors in deciding to terminate the growth of a fetus -full-term baby. I don’t want a baby is a good enough reason.

Pro-lifers I ask: why don’t you adopt the orphans – all of them. Take financial responsibility, take emotional responsibility.

A possible Pro-life answer :

It’s the mother who has that responsibility. God will provide. God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. You will end up in hell if you do.

I  had an abortion at 24 weeks – I am a living person.  He would have been called Nicholas. Medical professionals advised me of the risks involved. Largactil – a medication that I was taking at that time would result in the unborn child being severely physically & mentally disabled. Risk chance probability – Over 70%

I couldn’t justify having a child who I knew could possibly live a quality of life that would merely be existing not living.

I’ve lived that kind of life.

 

Could I manage? Mentally, physically, financially, emotionally.

Eventually, I agreed with the doctors and had the Abortion in a private clinic in London.

Of course, I grieved. It was one of the shittiest moments of my life. I couldn’t take back life. I made a choice & I had to move on and make the best of my life.

I digress,

I abused alcohol, I was with a very violent & manipulative man. I should have been more responsible & used a condom. I was naive as after my abortion

How many of you who have sex use a condom all the time? A round of applause for all those who are 100% safe all the time. ( I am on a non-hormonal coil to that does the least amount of harm to the reproductory system  I bled for  10 days & tried to find comfort in my now ex, I got drunk, cried about what I had done and we had sex. That’s how it went.

I was naive when I found out I was pregnant the first time because I had thought I couldn’t fall pregnant.

I had amenorrhea ( no menstrual periods)for over 15 years of my life due to 1 diagnosis of Chronic ( something that doesn’t go away) Anorexic I wasn’t ready to put on weight when I found out. My ex was ecstatic.

His words: I’ve known for weeks. Your breasts have swelled up.

At this point, I  spent most of my time at his house. I stopped seeing my family and friends.  (paid 3 months advance on my own rent in my own home).

I was grieving & started drinking to c ope.I  was finishing my undergraduates’ degree & had a tutor who was bang out of order & a bitch towards me. I had a performance to do for one of my modules & I refused to fail. I have seen pictures of what I looked like at the time. I wanted to get a good mark. I wanted to be with my colleagues and enjoy the experience.

I had been confined to my bedroom. Against my will, He handcuffed to my bed drifting in various states semi-consciousness, unconsciousness after taking a  substantial medication & alcohol overdose. This person decided to play “God” with my life for 5 days. He didn’t call an ambulance because he was trained in 1st aid (that is what he put in his statement). It doesn’t make him a Doctor.

(2 weeks after my abortion)

I returned to college with a black eye to the final piece for summer 2010. Everyone on my course was stressed in rehearsals & had their own lives to deal with. I had cut them off & turned their back on me. I covered up my black eye with a mask when I took part in our live art installation.

I remember a tutor  ( same age as me) looked at me and she said ‘Man up’ to me. Why? BITCH.

She had paperwork and deadlines to do. …Idk maybe that is why.

Morally bankrupt and highly ignorant.

She used to patronize me & belittle me.

Now she is a mother herself so she is a Mother bitch.

I’m sure she is a great mother. I don’t care.

I was dealing with my own mental health issues, I was trying to get away from a HIGH-RISK violent relationship. I fell pregnant a week later with Isabella. I had stopped the medication that was toxic to a growing baby. That is the truth.

I didn’t leave his house, I struggled to get to college or out of the house because as I had started nightly binge eating sessions, the depressive part of Bipolar the feelings & thoughts that go with overeating and self-loathing meant that I escaped by sleeping my life away. Severely Depressed. Then I would have panic attacks and look for a way to escape from myself. I took many overdoses, cut my wrists, drinking.

I started to have blackouts when we started arguing .Especially when it turned physical/sexually abusive. It was like a switch went off in my brain and I used to have serious blackouts that continued right into the early stages of my relationship with my now-husband.

Due to childhood abuse and other male and female abuse I learned to disassociate to cope with all the trauma because my mind can only process so much. It’s very common.

It’s something that started from a young age (self-preservation).

The blackouts happened when I had been drinking & mixing it with benzodiazepines (prescribed).

Some people have said that I was confrontational or violent even. How and it was my ALL my fault said certain men who were emotionally or physically /sexually abusive to me.IA pattern for the people I attracted to my Life emerged.

I think that many the people who put me down are full of self-hatred and complexes. It doesn’t justify them with an excuse.

It highlights how many people I’ve come across in my life  (my hand is up too) who have their own self-image, emotional issues. And when feeling vulnerable or see a trait that they don’t like about themselves in someone else sometimes deflect how they feel about themselves & put it on another person. Psychology 101.

When I was dating my now-husband, he would recount events when I blacked out. What I had done. We analysed it. We would discuss at length of what I had done, what I remembered.

 I was able to get a different perspective of where I saw myself to blame along with what was not mine to own. It helped me to put things in context. How much of what was said about me (to me) was distorted?

In my experiences, it’s harder to look at ourselves rationally when we are hurting. It is can seem easier to blame another person for a fall out/ violence/ abuse.

I slowly came to realise I wasn’t to blame for every situation that happened or when I was confrontational with my words or reacted to what people said. My biggest mistake was to let a person disrespect me and still expect them to respect me.

I became more aware of certain  triggers to my behaviour and attitude. Some of it was my shit to own & the rest was abusive.

Whether it was a valid trigger from another person’s actions/words. Or whether it was my subjective/automatic reaction to (perhaps) misinterpreting someone’s words, reactions or facial expressions.

I believed that I couldn’t use my memory as reliable evidence. I believed what he was telling me. I have done this with many people in my life due to self-doubt.

 I fought (along with my true fam beside me) social services /the ex and the court jesters for 16 months. We didn’t stop until our daughter was living not just in her home but with me being her sole carer -legally. I had the experience of addressing the judge myself. Social services, and lawyers, Appointed children Guardians were instructed to sit at the back of the courtroom.

My legal team thought/hoped  I was more than capable of requesting for the shared responsibility cared order to be revoked. It’s a big achievement considering they had her up for twin tracking ( from 12 weeks old)

Twin tracking is looking at other alternatives for my daughter’s life and adoption/twin Tracking whilst the case was still live was ratified when my daughter wasn’t even 3 months old.

I  didn’t feel I could express emotion in the meeting room. There were at least 10 people involved not including from my support system because it could be used against me in court to prove I was unable to care for my child. They wanted to throw a textbook at me & tick all the boxes.  The Social service system is flawed, underfinanced, open to corruption and abuse happens in the care/foster system too

I have parental responsibility for Isabella -legally. The ex didn’t want to see her. He had contact workers picking my daughter up /dropping her back off from his house. Not a lot of Dads get that choice. One day he sent her back refused to have her in his home.

It happens to mothers every day.

I stopped having blackouts. Life was more positive. I was hiting my goals. I was happy.  I became better.

Another  blackout happened in April 2017 when an ex-friend punched me. I wish I could This led to me being assaulted by a load of yobs who thought it was justified to beat up a woman who asked then insisted that they stop recording me being punched by ex-friend. I have a broken nose from that experience.

This ex-friend can’t understand why I won’t speak to him. I allowed him to disrespect me over and over again. He thinks it is a minor tiff. I have defended myself or tried to when ex-friend assaulted me (many times) I allowed the abuse to happen cos I would accept his apologies Its in the past.

I’m lucky and deserve to be with a true Alpha- my husband. He has never put me down nor has he belittled me. Intentionally? Never. He hasn’t ever raised a hand to me though has been close to it. I am not easy going especially when I’m ill and (I don’t agree with violence) I am saying that if there is one person out of all the others who’VE  disrespected me( & tried to take away my inner fire ) Gaz would be the only person I can truly state might have been “justified” being violent to me.

He isn’t and he wasn’t.

I will gladly have another child or children when we decide and if nature gives the green light.

PRO-CHOICE is PRO-LIFE. Look at how we treat children. This image prompted a lot of words. Haha!

What a character!

Ladies and Men, Do you want to really waste most (cross out) all of your life chasing an idea of what you think is the perfect weight and way to look?

Do you know that some dreams can turn into nightmares?

Some dreams are best left in the subconscious-don’t fuck with your health. Mental & physical -(be) ‘cos honestly, those increasing digits (age, scales, money, lack of money; the  Obsessive compulsion to want “control” over your world  (think Pinky & the Brain) is impossible.

There is something better than perfection… The miracle /creation of life.

 WOW! Fuck Area 51-Alien life. Appreciate human life. The earthlings who still exist on earth, and who keep the ecosystem in balance while we look at what to eat, wear, fuck, do, spend on, take the piss or use other people (dead or alive) to further their career, aspirations & agenda.

 We are a selfish murder of crows.

When you have body dysmorphia, eating disorders & hang-ups remember to hit those thoughts. (No, whack them straight in the middle of the sentence get in a clause, pause and push those thoughts out)cos they will be your demise if you ruminate on thoughts until you forget that you are putting yourself down.

I was given life. I don’t want to have regrets. These days… I still get panic attacks after eating or shopping for food & then I self medicate to forget ( figure that out in an equation or sum ) If you look with your heart & not your Ego-there is beauty everywhere. There are ( and were ) so many species living in different continents ( homo sapiens too).

I have one wish:  A Brain break (without losing my personality-flaws and all) & not being aware of my body so much cos honestly the guys I picked up ( lol) when I was dating seemed to be interested in outer me ( some were interested in both). There are good men & women who see the beauty in an abstract ( fucking normal way).

If we could just stand up or sit down, and just say F**k your profile, selfies.IDK girls seem more fixated on this idea of being “fit”… How about your sense of humour, your beliefs? GIVE ME IMPERFECTIONS, please…

How about a big F U 2 Standard beauty? Facebook, how about Personality book? Character book?
How about accepting one breast is one cup larger than the other & letting someone who loves you .. love you…Scary AF.

We can be visual whores! Me too btw

My new mantras are more engaging and thought-provoking than standard affirmations.

I’ve realised if I want to be happy (fuck 70% of my thoughts. Fuck money, fuck likes, fuck…… just know me cos we all flawed or

 Who are you?
Not important to my world.

 Alan Watts asks: What do you desire?

My mantras or “mini prayers” is:

Is this the reality I wish to create? -a lot better than ‘I am successful at whatever I do’ ( I know what I can do to myself and the knock-on effect extends to helping or hurting those I love).

So, What do I desire?

PEACE OF MIND –

Thoughts to stop spinning, a body of water ( not a bath) & laughter & security.

MEH …… these are my words….. If you judge me I get louder and then I ignore ( I may have a fleeting thought about you or something that makes me feel shit), then I remember those who know me when I’m A loudmouth or quiet.

I don’t want much except a break from my mind without poisoning it.

The “beauty”  of Facebook is we are so worried about our face or feed that no one will read this & if they do wise asses who say “I Don’t get it”. When I feel like articulating myself and making an effort you won’t reply ( not me being arrogant) just experience with Smart asses, cons, piss takers and general Giff gaff.

 I HAVE A GOOD HEART and a devil on my shoulder. ………End (of) T.hinking C.apacity.

 What is beauty?

A rose wouldn’t be so enticing to touch or pick if it didn’t have thorns. Some of us can be the thorn between two roses ( thanks to the person who came up with that)