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Nature is immortal

*Image prompt*
Swinging beneath the oak tree
I hear the tinkle of her laughter

I feel the breeze light
Peek through the tops of branches, undiluted sunshine ☀️flashes
it’s eyes looks down upon me.

Free,
In awe,

The sight of the flowers so striking

I remember them so vividly.

My gaze momentarily suspended
My heart
beats blessed to be in this moment.


Mother and child together preserved in this portrait

My memory states nature is immortal for eternity.

The life and celebration of one Bella Bee

It was 13/10/2011. Icelandic temperatures in the U.K. We had zero cash and I was not afraid. Everyone around me; My Nan, my Mom and my Aunt were giving me advice and asking me questions.

“Have a bath. Have sex. Have a curry. Have a bath. Have a … inundated with many opinions and suggestions

My daughter was still not due until a week later. In one week I had had three stretch and sweeps. My Nan had to give us money for fuel to get back to the hospital. After my lovely bath, I went to lie down but I felt rather contrary and decided to check back into the hospital. The midwives said I still had at least 5 cm to go.

So we trudged back into our car for the seemingly long journey home. 10 minutes into the drive home, I felt something that I thought could be a contraction. It wasn’t painful but it was consistent. and it was a real ‘feeling’. I turned to my Nan and said I think I may be contracting. The car swerved and headed back to the hospital. At the hospital, the contractions started to pick up in intensity (not sore just an ‘alien’ feeling). The nurses led me to a room and said they would be back with all their midwifery gear. My Mom and my Aunt arrived.

By this time I was going into panic mode because I didn’t know what to expect. I demanded my drugs and started hitting the gas and air (That was all I asked for). If only I knew how ill too much would make me. I sat on this massive pink blobby ball, bobbing up and down like a confused Buddha. Mom was massaging my shoulders like I was in the wrestler’s seat ready for round one in the ring. DING! DING! DING!

Out of nowhere, I had the urge to get to the toilet. I don’t want to be vulgar though the feminist in me wants to flip the bird and give all the gory details. We need to get over the fact that birth can be ugly.

Moving on. This immense pressure hit me and it felt like I needed a shit. REALITY PEOPLE! Though, it wasn’t the same feeling like the usual order of the bathroom purge. I ran/made a move to go to the toilet and I sat down on it. My mom followed suit and said to me,

” No grandchild of mine is going to be born on the toilet” so she and my aunt took an arm each and propped me up and headed in the direction of the bed.

I got on the bed and screamed out what I needed to do. I wanted to push.

“PUSH” they cried.

Okay…. so I pushed really hard. I heard my Mom say,

” I can see her shoulders, push! “

I gave one almighty push that started from my head (with thoughts of ‘ one more push’ ‘body will obey’) One more push and it was ‘SHOWTIME’, I felt her shoot out of me. A chill stirred by my snakelike placenta laying frigid in between my legs. No cry. The midwives burst in at this moment with a Spanish inquisition manner of urgency about them. All tooled up for their big moment.

“We need to pierce the placenta.”

My little girl was born in the full sac. My body didn’t even have enough time to send a message to tell my bodywaters you may now burst’.

Still no cry. Then a tiny mew of a cry and they placed her on my chest for a nanosecond and then took her away to make sure she was in top form. They took my girl to another ward to observe her breathing and to make sure the medication I take had not affected her in any way. The midwives broke my waters!

My Mom and Aunt were clapping like a bunch of sea lions and then kissed me on the top of my head and dashed out of the hospital to catch a bus to London! I almost looked around for any discarded popcorn.

I did grab for the gas and air because my daughter had torn me and I needed to be stitched all the way around like a hem of a skirt. I needed some post-labour-pain relief. The whole drive back to the hospital and the labour lasted less than three hours. My baby girl was born on the 13/10/2011 at 03:15 a.m.

All the other Mom’s were super jealous. The easiest birth ever. The worst part was actually having to go to the toilet and not scream out in pain when my stitches had been so cruelly awoken. She has never been a hassle from her birth right up to her fourth birthday. She is such

a placid kid, she is always smiling from morning till night. She tells people they are beautiful and she comments on what people are wearing. She sings and dances. She shares. She is so courageous. There is an old wives tale that children born in the placenta sac are ‘special’. Centuries ago men travelling at sea would wear a part of the sac around their neck as a talisman – it was thought that it would give them protection and stop them from drowning at sea.

So much has happened in my daughter’s 8 years on this planet. People expected you to act like some feral child but no you are the most chilled, charismatic, hilarious, intuitive and smart child I know. I see you blossom and I blossom too. When I hug you to my chest that connection. That surge of emotion puts everything in perspective.

I LOVE YOU!

Our pinkie promise: I promise to love you forever and ever and I will never stop loving you and you will always be my baby girl, pinkie promise.

I know a special girl whose heart is full of sunshine
She dances her way around the world to deliver her own special punchline

She laughs so distinctly that people cannot help but become infected
It is a sight to behold when this observation is detected

She is gracious and kind and is delicately inclined
the phrase 'she is an angel' are the only words that come to mind

Her name means beautiful-that  of body, mind and soul
and to have her touch so many lives confirms her title role

She is my modern day princess -so noble and full of grace
I love her with all my being and she is a person that I cannot replace 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my sweet child. You are the true gift
I found it in your innocent eyes and that was the day my world truly began to shift

Happy healthy minds

I’ve been a bit of a mess – mood-wise – this last month. I know I am the only person who can change this.

So time to move forward and look to the future.

THANK YOU Morgan @ UNIQUELOVEHARMONEY  for this awesome tag. I love your heart and spirit. You write straight from the heart and you are just a wonderful spirit I have connected within the Word Press community.  I have been saving it for a day like today. When I need to give myself a kick up the backside.

 

SIMPLE HAPPY RULES

1. Name 5 things that make you happy
2. Name 5 songs that make you happy
3. Nominate 5 bloggers to continue the tag

DAISY IS HAPPY BECAUSE:

  1. I‘m co-producing and co-facilitating my first Depression and Anxiety workshop for Parents, in Boothtown, U.K., with Healthy Minds tomorrow 27/06. I did most of the groundwork before the wedding and I can’t wait to hook up and finalise details and then roll on Wednesday and BOOM! We get to do something creative and hopefully helpful.

  2. I have officially been given the go-ahead to do the 5 days 9-5 pm WRAP  Facilitator training in Mirfield, in September with Hope charity. I have done this 12-week course myself and I now get a chance to turn other people onto the power of WRAP.

WRAP PROMO VIDEO

  1. I still have the motivation to keep fit and do exercise. I had a really good one-hour session this morning and my mood has lifted a little bit more.

  2. I’m moving to France in the next two years. A new start. I proud to be a part of the EU. I spent two days crying after the result. I am a humanist. I hate manipulation of the working class people and then them being told that they exercised their democratic right to vote. I love the French public because they give their government hell. The public demand to have their voices heard and I want to live in a place where my voice is truly heard and actioned

  3. Finally, I am married. I have a few more pictures from the day that just makes me smile every time I look at them. The people who were there made it even more epic!

Here’s what is getting me to smile:

 

 

FIVE SONGS THAT MAKE  DAISY HAPPY

THE SONG I DEDICATED TO MY GAZ AND OUR FIRST AND ONLY WEDDING DANCE

https://vimeo.com/92967713

 

EMPOWERING AND GODDAMN BOLD!

 

MY FUCK EVERYTHING SONG

 

JUST A GREAT TUNE

https://vimeo.com/13401029

LOVE SNOOP – YEAH, IT’S SEXIST BUT I HAVE GOT A SENSE OF HUMOUR. – I’M A SUCKER FOR A DUDE WHO CAN MAKE ME LAUGH … SHOOT ME!

 

 I could go on all day with music….

Oh okay – One more

5 BLOGS THAT NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME SMILE – TAG YOU ARE IT!

 

  1. QUEEN BEE – I SING THE BODY ELECTRIC–  a great friend 
  2. SIMPLY ETTA D.– someone who motivates me
  3. LINDA G. HILL   -Always inspires me to write
  4. CHARLIE ZERO  – The sickest poet I know. The biggest heart too x
  5. Send Sunshine -Again she never fails to lift my spirits
  6.  EVERYONE ELSE I FOLLOW AND AM YET TO!

 

Thoughts about Kacimi

I spent hours listening to this song over and over gain

writing this word

that word

Until I come out with this statement

This song portrays a horrific and tragic reality of how many people control how they perceive themsleves in life( including myself).

I refused to loook up the google french to English translation until I was able to write up my transaltion and my own understanding of these lyrics.

The song unfolds in a folk campfire style of nrrating a story within a song-This style lent it a stream of consciousness narrative trail that I often respond well too.

Once I grasped what and possibly why this song has a strong hold of my emotions, I decided to watch the Avante Garde esque animation video

Before I watched and listened to the the lyrics I had this image of a man.

A surly , brooding Serge Gainesbourg character swaggering confidently in a world he clearly has no control over.

His response to being held back by a natural depression in the centre of his universe. He never appears in awe of his world nor being distracted by all the world has to offer.

It becomes apparent he never truly gets out of this depression because it hascarved a groove deep into the centre of his own universe.

There is always an invitation to listen or to watch or take action.

That is what people do in life.

We can be nonchalant spectators.

we listen ,

we watch ,

we sing ,

we live,

We cry

We forget

We love

We remeber

We lose

We die

I cried when I heard the this verse

I’ve never felt so alone not since I was a child.

I felt my heart wrench for that lonely child -every moment that I felt like that lonely child.

I think too much -over analyse

Always thinking

thinking without end or taking nor taking action in this existence.

The song has a positve message to impart. If we feel alone we will remain alone in our solitude. We can find a way tp be strong & embrace our inner selves. Unaware as we may be to the inbetween moments of life through to death.

The french words are a reminder of the voices I don’t hear speaking speak to me any longer.

I made a decision to teach my daughter a few phrases.

The song & the video shows the many you can go on the journey of life -come across many places and meet people, but there is only one person wh can put one foot ahead and carry on with life’s :seemingly childsh sick imagination

No matter how it appears to toy with us -we can’t ever give up on the beautiful.ideal of life.

No matter how many times we are kicked in the teeth or refuse to partake or play natures rules.

In the end( like at the end of the song) a creature lets out a sqwark .

reminding we can never take our eyes off life for long when we have no choice but to face it.

Life with it’s ability to grow wings , beat and fly away from us -yet we still admire it.

To be a bird -is it freedom? Life is simple it requires that we live.

That is it.

Breathe, and live our life and become aquainted with all parts of our characters.

la vie ce’st une grand ville – life is a big place.

It will shake us in side out until we beg it to let us leave this place.

This song makes me feel like I i have loved and lost and should have no regrets yet i still do.

Well, that is my take on the song..

I looked up the english translation becuse my transaltion will be a bit different.

It is a triste song filled with a tiny grain of hope.

Don’t die looking for hope because hope –it is already inside us.

Life is in us and it is bigger than us.

To die living within oursleves and never experienceing the external joy of life must be a horrible regret to have as a ladt moment before death intoxicates us

I love this song because it makes me cry and it reminds me that I’m not the only Depressed muppet living in the world.

Life is a choice and a blessing.

We are not wired to let go of life no matter how hard and lonely and barren it is.

One hug will leave us intoxiated in love with the idea of life. It may turn out to be our last breathe.

He had just turned twenty
Far away in the atoll lay asleep
The hopes of a being; he searched in vain
The lost sacred fire of the great shiver

Under the fiery rays of a black sun
His hope was packed
While morality watched him.

And he had never felt so alone
In this bottomless pit
Where tangible reveries
Meet gloomy gray columns.
He had just turned twenty,
And life was spread out before him.

In a house, flanked by the hearth
A blackened fireplace in the living room
Sprawled injustice, languid.
And in its pale orbits shone
The two (soft?) Reflections of a world which sheltered
A madness as possessed.

 

And he had never felt so alone
In this bottomless pit
Where tangible reveries
Meet gloomy gray columns.
He had just turned twenty,
And life was spread out before him.
The haggard eye, the wet mouth and forehead,
The contemplative mind, the empty gaze
He thought he held the night in his hands.


And while he thought he was finally touching
The mysteries, his anguish with his fingers,
The beauty preferred to dissipate.

 

And he had never felt so alone
In this bottomless pit
Where tangible reveries
Meet gloomy gray columns.
He had just turned twenty,
And life was spread out before him.
Loneliness, he knew her;
Always lurking in every nook and cranny,
To mope and twist into strips.
He found in her arms a comfort
That never ceased to intoxicate him;
A bittersweet pleasure that put him to sleep.

Tell him that..

The most fulfilling start to this month is being able to tell him- another social parasite to fuck off.

Tell him that

He disgusts me & then feel the power of letting go the relationship & blocking him.

A bruised ego like his would not forgive so easily.

The further away these toxic people are out of my life

The closer I am to fulfilling the life my family & I deserve.

Small steps.

Life.

Make each day count.

How do you get through dark moments in your life?

Just wondering…