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HAPPINESS :Do you know where you are going?

Jun 23

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SECRET TO HAPPINESS: Verbalise in words exactly what is is you want

TRADITION: Shinto ema (consecrated/dedicated vow plaques)

DATE: Any -time

TRADITION: Japan

Who wants to be happy? I do. That is why I created my ‘Global happiness’ page and I know I am not alone. We all want to be happy. What does happiness mean to you? Happiness is not permanent and is rather fleeting – episodic. I know that money can make me happy for a bit. I mean I don’t need loads of it but in our world to have a bit of money helps. What about things like being good at your job? Being in an awesome relationship?

Here is the plain fact, if you are unable to define what makes you happy-then you are going to find it rather exhausting to find it. Through-out Japan dotted about are what are called Shinto temples ( which are kind of like shrines –Shinsha means ‘place of Gods’.

For a few hundred yen, people write down their wishes, wants and what they hope for, they decorate these plaques, or ’ema’s’ as they are officially called, with  images -a popular one being a horse

In a fascinating article about connections with the rest of Asia, Mark Riddle looks at the subject through the lens of the Indo-European cult of the sacred horse. He identifies the principal features as follows: Horses were sacred symbols which were associated with a fertility cult and with rain. A white horse symbolised the sun and was often used in ritual sacrifice. Horses were also associated with death and funeral symbolism.

If one thinks of Mongol warriors, then clearly the horse was a vehicle of power that enabled its rider to dispense death and destruction over wide areas. It was quite literally a seat of authority. To a lowly peasant, the fast moving creature must have seemed imbued with an air of divine power. It’s but a short step to imagine the horses descending with their godlike riders from heaven. Something of this clearly entered Japan at a time when Shinto was still in the process of formation

People ask for a number of things. They are very specific in asking and writing down what they want, so it can be

To get a new car

get a job that a person wants

It could be to want someone who is going through a bad time to change it into a good outcome.

Each plaque or ’ema’ hung up , adorning the temple for the Kami of the Gods to read ( a loose interpretation)

I know that for myself that when I don’t know where I am headed in life -life can almost feel paralysing. Questions like what am I doing here? What must I do with my life? can drag you further and further away from happiness. In my own life I have gravitated to drugs and to becoming so unwell mentally because I didn’t know what would make me happy. I had a bow and arrow (tools) but I was aimless. I didn’t know what or where to aim to achieve a sense of happiness.

The ema plaques can easily be adapted to the western way by writing a wish list.

Where do I begin? you ask.

Go deeply into your mind and think how you want your life to look.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE?

I want to be at peace with my body, I want to move away from my current home and work in the mental health sector – specifically I want to be employed by a mental health charity to help support people who are struggling with their mental health and I want to be a part of eradicating the stigma attached to mental illness. This is why I volunteer with mental health charities. It is why I put so much effort into going to every meeting, to do any workshops and training to achieve my goal at what I think will make me happy.

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WHAT EXPERIENCES DO YOU WANT TO HAVE?

I want my wedding day to be a happy experience, I want to experience being pregnant in the relationship I have now. I want to have another child and have a chance to embrace motherhood in a way I couldn’t imagine when I was pregnant with my daughter. I want to move away from living in a council home and be able to afford to live in a bigger home -a family home that is decorated to my tastes. I want to get out more. I want to go visit my family in South Africa and Miami.

 

WHAT KIND OF PERSON DO YOU WANT TO BE?

I want to be a person that is easy to talk to, someone who sees the silver lining in every situation no matter how bad the circumstances. I want it to inspire people that life is liveable and happiness is within their grasp. When people see me I want them to be glad to see me. I want to be a person who laughs a lot, is affectionate. I want to be the person who feels the fear but goes with it. I want to not be caught up in how I look all the time. I want to be emotionally secure and to let go of the past completely. I want to be spontaneous and go out and see more of the world. I want to be a person who people find comforting. I want to be a person that is successful in my career, being a Mom, wife, daughter, grand daughter. I want to be a person who has more friends. I want to be that person who is always psyched up to be healthy and active.

 

WHO DO YOU WANT TO SHARE YOUR LIFE WITH?

My family- my partner, my daughter and other children I hope have, my Mom, my cousins, my Dad and sister and step Mom, my Nan, my uncles and my friends old and new. I want to be a part of people’s lives who are in recovery or trying to become mentally well. I want to work well with work colleagues.

 

 

All you need to do is what I have done. Write it or type it! Do it! Aim that bow in some direction -a direction you want it to go in.

The  message is this: by expressing your inner desires in a more crystallised form -something you can see down on paper or in front of you ; the more likely you will know in which direction you want to go.  You will have goals and these will be your own set of landmarks on your journey to be happy in life.

 



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Neighbour hoodie (nee) gentrify watch

Jan 15

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TRUE WORDS:

There are no rainbows without rain.

RISE ABOVE THE SMALL MENTALITY.

These folk have not experienced my darkest hours nor walked in my shoes.
Jealousy is a heinous crime to a person’s soul because it doesn’t take into account what the other person has and has yet to go through in life.

RISE ABOVE THE HATE of those who will never know & if they do hear a whisper of truth have no clue.

Judgements have no place in my world for those who don’t have a clue.
They tried to hit me where it could have hurt not me but my family
Gentrify their neighbourhood watch
cos I fly without further a due
Confuciasism
Tashism
I am not who/what they think I am ..
Oh, wait.. they made my case to succeed stronger.
THANK YOU, to my foes
You have made my goal closer.
I see that now.
Energy dispersed
I find it replenished
Resurrected
I am not down
I rise
I rise

THANK YOU for fueling my desire to start afresh better now than when I thought I was due
to give life to a new beginning.

these are my words. Simple words yet… meaningful to the author.
ME,

Who knew.

 

Posted in STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS COLLECTION

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Thoughts about Social services & Justice

Thoughts about Social services & Justice

Jun 10

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*First posted 2015

Content: How I got my daughter back-  and issues of control/being out of control

This morning I woke up with a feeling of loss and  a heavy anchor weighing me down. I should have been buzzing. I was three hours away from meeting up with a girl who works with a mental health charity and to work together on a one off workshop to close the stigma between the volunteers and the people they help. Below is all I had to type this morning: warning alert: very woe! woe! woe is me !and not WOW WOW look at me go.  

THIS IS WHAT I MANAGED TO WRITE  YESTERDAY MORNING :

Why do I only see ugly? What is wrong with me.I can’t love my cat or daughter or partner cos I have trouble accepting me? Why is outer beauty so important to have when I see the beauty of people in all their different guises? My heart has been rung out . The salty ness stings increasingly as it courses through my veins. Pumping –you are ugly  you are not good enough.Why now? Why these feelings now? My next challenge — like a bull waiting , snorting – A Red mist descends. Red mist that at the end will be.

  I had writers block I couldn’t think of anything poetic to say. All words seemed shit and I felt shit. 

So let me get real and tell you what is really on my mind My head has been doing 360 degree turns lately like that possessed chick in every movie about hauntings and possession.  Except it has been me not some movie.  My weight has been going up and  up – I have had no control. Even with me eating healthily. The numbers have  kept on  going up. I have been getting a  daily beasting from the  Goddess of hard core exercises -Jillian Michael. No bullshit. No pansy-ing about. No quitting. I am no quitter.Not a sinker. No Titanic. Why is this fucker in my head fucking with me now? I’m finally getting somewhere with myself and what I want to invest all my working time in.

Yup, so I have really been struggling with my mind for a few months Isn’t that crazy? Me wanting to help people who are struggling? I’m struggling.

I had to let go of the figures on the scale. I’ve never done that. How did I  do it?  Well,  I decided  I like eating (yes, Anorexics can like eating)  and I eat healthily  already so, I was not about  to go hungry and become ill again. No, this is my time. I wasn’t going to start taking overdoses to cope with the madness inside me — skewered. Grilling me .It was bedlam in my head. True bedlam.

I stopped weighing myself every day. I CAN’T BELIEVE IT EITHER.  I carried on with 40 minutes of  an intense cardio workout . I didn’t carry on doing 3-4 hour workouts like I have done previously. I did not start monitoring my fluid intake.  In fact I did the opposite and btw  my skin looks the best it ever has. I had to get moving. Get out the house and live.  The critters inside jittering and chattering and  fluttering  chaotically in my mind could carry on.I  carried on with life.

I got out there and I followed through on my next goal. I have my daughter back . I’m already a student with full BA(hons) in Arts and the humanities. I’ve booked our wedding for next year. The one I was never ever going to have. I am finally in a place to help people.

I don’t care if I don’t get paid I’m getting so much back from this.

You know what is even more chaotic than my recent state of mind?  Okay -ready?  The training I have been put on to do, is all stuff I worked out on my own and with my family when social services wanted to put my daughter up for adoption.

Why didn’t they get HOME-START in first?

Or THE FAMILY INTERVENTION TEAM?

How come they didn’t tell me about a 12 week course called called WRAP ( WELLNESS RECOVERY ACTION PLAN)  that helps a person put together a support package if a person’s  health starts to get distressed?

This is not some new concept or specialised training. It’s been going on for years and being taught in prisons and schools today. Why didn’t any of the social workers I know signpost me in these  directions?

I stayed up into   the early hours of the morning for weeks. Researching online to find an answer to convince  social services that I could be a mom and  have times when my mental health isn’t all that cracking.  In my research I came across something called ‘ the circle of protection’ (very Lion king – the zulu bit -you know what I’m on about?) An epiphany or something.

Why had none of these highly qualified social workers, guardians of the court, these professionals but myself thought to put a contingency plan in place?

When my daughter  was put under an interim care order. Obviously, I  attended court. The letter for the court date arrived days after the court hearing. I was lucky that I had my family to give me the heads up. I didn’t know that the  alleged assault charges against me , that had been dropped (because their was no physical evidence to suggest that I shook my 12 week old daughter) was only the beginning of  an incredibly long f*ck*ng journey home. I was like Hercules and his 12 labours.

Back to the morning of 14/12-Confused, in a state of panic-The former manager of social services – I like to call her Miss Hannigan-you know from ‘Annie’ the movie?  I swear she looks and acts like Miss Hannigan – every professional I described her too-could not keep a straight face.

They knew exactly who I was on about. Anyway, so after court, the wooly and rather snivel  cardigan came into view-like a red flag. Her voice was the second thing I noticed ,she sounded like one of Marge’s sisters from the Simpsons.

I was like : Where is my daughter going? You can’t just take her from me!

She spluttered in that voice.  

Stop the drink-stop the shit and sort your life out . I wish she could take her own advice.

I found out about a 12 week group called the  FREEDOM PROJECT that was running in my neck of the woods. In a nutshell it is a 12 weak group that helps women understand why we  enter and stay in abusive relationships. I took Miss Hannigans advice  and self-referred myself to my   LOCAL SUBSTANCE MISUSE TEAM and  I  engaged with a wonderful woman to work out what my drink issues were and how I could manage them. We tried various plans until we  both agreed  that whilst all this was going on, drinking was probably not going to be drunk for the ‘right reasons’.

I went to every mother-baby group I could could go to.

 I could only see my daughter 10  hours per week. I missed 7 contact sessions in 12 months. There was  a local contact centre only 5 minutes up the street from where I lived. I had no problems with anybody in that contact centre. Lots of positive feedback.  The contact worker who had become emotionally involved told us she had been taken off  as  our contact worker. Social services and my ex felt that the contact worker was being biased. It is not my fault that every other person who met him thinks the same thing. Whatever that may be.

A new contact lady comes on the scene. We did not mix well. It happens in life. I can’t love everyone.

Next thing I know and I was now taking  two buses to go and see my child — in a contact centre monitored by cctv like a criminal. This is how the dynamics of our relationship went. If I got on with spending time with my child and didn’t talk much with the contact worker-she said I was being hostile. If I did chat with her-she said I was distracted and not mentally focused on my child.

This contact person has no mental health qualification. Her job  is to collect children from carers/family homes and take them to  a ‘neutral’ meeting/contact centre and to make sure the child or children get back home safely. She is a chuffing human. All her notes ( she was a fan of all the Disney songs — those notes were just as agonising to hear)  were being gurned  into the social workers reports.This is one opinion from someone who was not even qualified. It felt like she was there to prod and provoke a reaction out of me.

I asked the court to authorise  a hair strand test for alcohol and drugs  to be done. The test was only done 7-8 months after my baby was taken into foster care.  It came back negative that I was an alcoholic and drug taker. I am on prescription meds  so that obviously came up.  The non alcoholic levels  of drinking found in my hair proved to them I had drunk alcohol but not at the levels they were making out.From  the period  I decided  to go teetotal the levels had reduced even more.  It all  came back negative.

I was in a very violent and manipulative relationship. This  ahem… man treat me like something he found in the gutter. He warped my mind.  My mental health was exacerbated in that relationship. I dealt with this issue and I don’t want to say more on here out of respect for my daughter. He walked away when he lost control. When my daughter is at an age she can make and formulate her own opinions  that will be the time I decide to give her the information about her paternal father and seek him out and ask him whatever questions she wishes too.

I paid nearly £400 to do a parenting course online because social services stated I could not do a certain group because my ex was attending it and my daughter had to be over 5 years of age.  He got on it because he has two sons under 18. I got my daughter back under a  full care order-on the 28/04/2013 .  She was not even three  years old and all of a sudden I could attend this 12 week government funded parenting course for free. I had THIS IRO ‘professional’ come into my home and threaten me. She tried to wind me up because I made a comment about her not even having met my daughter and she was the person to ratify the adoption plan. She sat on my living room suite and re-iterated that it was her that ratified the adoption plan and still held that view.  If I had a problem with her then I could change  IRO’s.

I looked her straight in the eyes and I said ‘NO, you and me are going to see this through to the end.-It was like something out of a western movie. Eyeballing one another.

‘Yes. we will’, she puffed out her chest and chuckled to her ‘henchman’ .The person she brought with her to intimidate me. What makes me want to poke out her eyehole is at the final LAC review meeting she was hugging me and saying I had taught her something about people with mental health issues and  she realised how ignorant she had been. This woman works with dozens of cases like mine everyday. Mental health is not a new endemic in society. I hope ,you the reader can see why I am ranting at this…

I always say ‘I hold up my hands  I am far from being perfect‘. I would actually like this to be engraved on my grave. I have said the phrase so many times.  The thing is  I put in the effort in and they did not want to own up that they screwed up and I wasn’t what they read on paper and what they thought I would be like. ALL PEOPLE WITH MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES ARE DELUDED RIGHT? HAVE NO SENSE OF REALITY…

Here is my point, It didn’t have to go straight to adoption but it was easy for them to place  my innocent  12 week year old child. Blue eyed  with blonde hair and  not soiled and tainted from being ragged around a defunct system.  No behaviour issues. An easy adoption case. They call it ‘twin tracking’

Ha , you should have seen the  guardian’s face when I told her that the chances of my daughter being adopted after being told that mental health issues run in her paternal and or maternal family drops. She was 25% less likely to get adopted.  Oh they loved me. My legal team were ace. I communicated and I asked questions and I researched.

As a volunteer I have a ticket to go to this PARENTING AND MENTAL HEALTH CONFERENCE

I hope a few social workers will be there to learn something about mental health .

I’m not angry. I finally know why I went through all this shit. Now I  can do the professional training and help other people.  I’m not bitter- AM I F*bitter-F*CK? 

 Thank you social services for giving me such a hard time. It has led me to take the actions to   where I am in this new chapter in my life. I am strong and empowered and passionate and every time I have fallen in my life,  I get up.

 Every time.

These other less invasive  helpful  services should  be taken into account and be brought to the attention of a person before they start taking kids off their parents and family without the full facts. I’m not talking about the families where abuse goes on. I’m telling you what I have experienced  There is so much wrong with the system. I’m gonna volunteer my heart out.

Thank  fuck for silver linings.

I not only have my daughter and my partner and my beautiful  family and friends  to live for but I have been given a gift of knowledge and I will be trained to help people who need some support and advice. I must share this knowledge of how I got my baby girl back and how much I have changed and how  exhilarating and terrifying   it is but it is worth the fight. I’m not the only one. There are so many more who are terrified to talk because they feel threatened and bullied by social services.

CHANGE  must happen and I will do anything I can to be a part of that.  If you have read this far. Thank You. Never give up your right to speak . I had a  ‘gagging order’ imposed upon  me when my child was a ward of the courts( This is the law in England) . I don’t anymore and I am well within my legal rights to post this.  I want to use my skills and my creativity in writing and acting to help people remember  how to communicate again and it is a right of theirs to have a voice…

P.S. I still am partial to a cocktail or two  when I’m not looking after my health  for one thing or another-usually for a dress to fit in to  go somewhere.

P.P.S. I have written a stage play inspired by these events with a Brecht like influence. I wrote it for my final end of module assignment for my degree at the Open university and I got a 1st for it.  I might put it up sometime . I might not.

Posted in MY WORLD, THOUGHTS

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Passed Humanities degree

Passed Humanities degree

May 31

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I’ve finally received my results for my 1st year, doing my Masters, in Creative writing.

Drum rolls.

PASS-with merit. I officially can use more random letters after my name — ha ha!

I  am now in possession of a post-graduate certificate in the Arts and Humanities!

Wow! Amazing.

How’s this going to help me with what I won’t do?

I have a dream.

I do. 😀

One of my goals is to move back to France. They love people with diplomas. I hope to get a well paid job there. I need to book a trip to The French embassy later on this year. My husband has decided he is going to take on my surname and become a French national.  He’s English!

He’s not only English, he is  Northern, from  West Yorkshire.

 

 

I feel so uneasy about my family not having a passport. My entire life, It was drummed into me to always have my passport (in date)in case, we moved countries.

Which we did- a lot!

Moving on . ( pun unintentionally intended  :D)

What’s  happening in my life?

Loads of shit- ha ha! as usual.

I’m doing better –  I keep making a come back.  Oh, life – you little tease!

Dare me to live.

 Dare me to succeed!

Challenge accepted.

 

 

MENTAL HEALTH UPDATE

Yeah, it’s been.

up and down,

down ,

down ,

down –

up again ,

very up –

insanely manic,

toxic,

low,

not quite sure

,emotional ,

aargh why did that and that and that and ..

did I do that?

Those kind of moments, really.

Surely someone can relate?

Not happy about a medication increase in my anti depressant.

I don’t of any person who is on  (high/ highest legal doses) of

Two antidepressants

Two anti psychotics

Two anti anxiety tablets,

and sleeping medication.

I know  my health posse want the best for me.

I don’t bullshit them.

I tell if I’ve been using shit coping mechanisms, good ones. Thoughts ,feelings…

I made my psychiatrist laugh.

Go me!

He offered me psychology therapy — again .

I was like:

‘Look Dr J, seriously every time I sign up to a pyschologist , they leave!’

 All my psychologists have left me half way through  doing whatever new pycho babble, current trend treatment , is used, to deal with folk such as myself.

One dude, fell asleep in a couple of our sessions.

So, I was like

‘ Listen, I know how to use CBT/DBT, I know how to communicate and talk. I know what keeps me well . I just want a cure’

Another laugh escapes from Dr J.

He is a legend.

A legend ? yes, but not a wizard 😦

He totally gets me and I feel I have a choice in medication changes etc..

I’ve asked to come off one of my meds because I don’t see the point of being on it. It hasn’t helped me.

These meds have affected my memory. I’m terrified of getting Dementia. I’ve been on (legal) tablets since I was 13/14 and I’ve never been off medication.

Never!

Talking about memory.

I’m using my creative outlets to start getting into the open mic poetry scene .

I love performing but my memory is really rubbish. I’m going to brave it by doing more live poetry next week. I’m excited. Nervous.  It’s all good.

I have my final year of my MA to keep me — super  occupied.  There is a lot of work to do. For part of my thesis ( check me out)

I’m thinking of using my blog to interview creative folk who live in my community to talk about, their work,  (durr!)  Creativity and their mental health. My photographer mate is on board to take pictures. Some people have shown interest — yeah!

My heads occupied which is good.

Fab!

Awesome!

How will doing this  help me with my thesis and final work?

Well, I am going to use this year of discovery and research on the link between mental health and creativity as an alternative form of therapy to cope with life’s unpredictable moments.

Then I  will have loads of inspiration to write a film script (120 minutes) on a character ,who , is thrown back into society after a long stint in mental /prison  institutions , and who is looking to find him/herself  and another way of being  and expressing him/herself  positively, in society.

The opening scene will kind of look like this

I have an ending – (a bit abstract at the moment) – saying there words:

‘I look around for the first time with clarity. And see I’m exactly where I need to be. Around the misfits. The beautiful misfits just like me.’

DAISY’S UN NAMED CHARACTER

It’s all early days and I still have  4 scripts to write, a critique and a character  analysis on a famous playwright to do before the final chapter.

All in all. I’m alive, optimistic-ish, full of emotion, drive, passion , a pain in the ass but just doing my thing. 

All terribly boring really… 😀 

So, I am back!

I can’t commit daily to blogging but I have joined a group on Facebook.  

Shout out to Gary @ fiction is food  for adding me.

It’s a website for us!

BIG UP YOUR BLOG!

Bloggers.

 I’m  a newbie, its good be around other bloggers again. I’m hoping it will keep me  off Facebook and keep me connecting with people like yourself. People who use their time more productively. Doh, oh the irony.

One rant before I go :   I wish people would stop leaving public posts about my appearance on my Facebook.

If you ever happen to read this

I know you are having a shit time dealing with your own weight issues. I’m well aware of mine. Please take a look at yourself. Look after yourself first. If you don’t – FUCK OFF! 

 

That is a wrap.  I know. Hilarious! ha ha!

Thank you so much for reading

Time to step out and live real life..

Catch up soon!

What’s everyone else doing with life?  Blogging?

I’m genuinely curious to know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in MY WORLD

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Words are my moonshine

Words are my moonshine

Dec 24

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When you  feel you’re hanging on the vine,

Remember- a seed push forth a mighty sign.

You must  take the sunbeams and treasure what’s thine

Wild Kansas City is but one destination on the sign.

Take hope, light and lose the animosity,

for inside  you, there is no monstrosity

Get caught speeding in high velocity.

It’s not a train smash —  nor a catastrophe.

When you’re stuck in the middle of time.

Jump off the fence ‘cos that’s doing yourself a crime.

Don’t you let commoners  think your words cannot define,

Your value, worth and dreams are not benign.

Take it from the apple tree

He allows fruit to aid in his victory.

Oh don’t, hide like a willow tree

Cry, but remember you have a destiny.

Everything will start to — lookup —  allow the clouds to throw some shapes.

Open  them wide , mind expand — understand the lessons from life’s true greats.

You’re already one them-slightly chipped — still most valuable of porcelain plates.

Never doubt  what you can do —   take a leaf from natures golden ratio

You radiate when you guide the fates.

Lets’ lasso this  up and keep your spirit wild

Grow tall — never lose your inner child.

A silly poem  to spread to the crowd

Accept her quirks  — light-hearted, silly sap —  never lose a day when she has smiled.

*I Iwas inspired by the song ‘This little light of mine’. live, love, don’t hold as grudge. Remain true to who you are and you won’t stand alone for long.

 

 

i

 

 

 

 

Posted in POETRY

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Craving Humanism

 

In light of the recent fire at the Notredam in Paris, I started thinking about how it relates to my search for satisfying my spiritual craving. I’ve not found it in conventional religions & I think that I’ve finally found a way of thinking that clicks with me.

I was chatting to my mother about the Notredam in Paris  Fire incident. She identifies herself as a Christian ( unconventional & of her own making).

Her words

There has been a lot of unrest and protesting and fighting and burning in Paris recently.

I know the only thing that could be seen when the fire cindered was a ray of sunshine & the cross..It was caused by ongoing repairs a gas leak apparently maybe God s way of saying is enough is enough

I agree that our planet has had enough. I don’t believe A God struck a bolt of lightning or caused it to happen. We did. We are responsible for what happens on our earth, in our most sacred church. Divine intervention that no relics were ruined?

There is no way for me to prove this.

My mom & U  don’t share the exact same beliefs as I’m more analytical in my thinking.

 My answer to my mom

Tragic news! I’m glad most of the oldest relics * parts of Notre Dame have been salvaged not because I’m religious but because of its historical importance & what it represents to so many who don’t profit or gain money from Religion. I wish people could see that their God wouldn’t go through all that trouble of creating a beautiful home for us (earth- our greatest & most sacred relic) and we could treat our planet with as much respect as we do buildings

Humanism is a set of core beliefs that I truly can own & incorporate & develop upon as my own.

I am 100% in agreement that we have free will. We are in control of what we do as earthlings & protectors of our true church (if you like) this earth.

Our planet. Its the oldest proof of our existence & the oldest relic we possess.

Yet, we can’t control it like the reported wreath of thorns  brought back to the Notre Dame in Paris by King Loui  XI

I believe we need to value history and the lessons it teaches us.

One source says humanists should ultimately choose to grow spiritually by ‘appreciating life’.

They don’t believe in the afterlife. I’m not sure of my stance on this-this belief as I’ve never died. I have felt dead inside whilst my heart is still beating. Isn’t that a form of hell?

I can’t truly “believe” in something I haven’t seen. Blind faith can be useful & it can be disastrous as history has shown.

I do love the idea of humanism belief of not worrying about any life but this one.

So the afterlife is dismissed as not to worry about ANOTHER life until we can actually do something about it.

I don’t dismiss the afterlife. I just don’t know what I can do to make my future, or life after this one better when I should be focusing on making this life & the moments I experience worthwhile.

I believe like humanist’s do that we ( to a degree )all inherently have an idea of what is morally right or wrong.

I’m not going into people with illnesses or murderers or rapists because I’m not a doctor. I believe the justice system is in need of reform.

I don’t believe killing & raping is right (for the record)

I don’t believe in ‘an eye for an eye’ either. So I’m against the death penalty & I’m pro-euthanasia. I’m yet to decide if suicide should be allowed/acceptable in our society.

My own suicide attempt lead me to believe that feelings pass. Circumstances change so, its worth seeking advice first. I’m 100% pro not shaming people by stating that ‘committed’ suicide like it is a sin.

I love the idea that our purpose is to find out what the hell we are meant to do with our lives. It’s a baffling concept & feeling displaced and lost in this world can’t create the desire for happiness (true inner) and we can’t achieve self-growth or self-actualisation as Maslow called it.

So many of us fear the afterlife cos we have no concrete evidence for it. Its easier to get wrapped up in ideas that immortality means no pain. only happiness & good times.

I think before we start thinking about afterlife being this utopic place, lets examine how we grow as people in this mortal body. this life

We grow (for the better or worse) not solely through our best moments & joyous occasion. We grow from our adversities too.

If we forget about afterlife & focus on this life,

‘live in the moment’ – hardest concept and theory to put into practice then we are living as we are meant to.

With immortality, if you go by folklore (vampires) or mythology such as the ancient Greeks beliefs of the God’s and their stories then we can see that being immortal is not exactly easy or desirable all of the time.

 

If we don’t age or finish what we start – then haven’t achieved the goal of life

to live, embrace it, endure it, share it & respect that a beginning has to have an end.

Who wants an eternal life full of the saga? Drama? conflict?

I can say I’m more agnostic in my beliefs of God though I won’t blindly commit myself to one testament/book/ text.

I take what I need from each philosophy or religious texts & ideas even so-called “myths “-Greek & Roman etc…

Folklore is somewhat different…

I’m not secular or religious in my humanism stance, though I agree in celebrating traditions concerning people who have passed, normal traditions birthdays etc..

If only to help those of us still breathing to move forward and stay focused on what our purpose is in life or finding what that purpose is.

Posted on | Aside

Myth in Greek & Roman world essay

Myth in Greek & Roman world essay

Mar 15

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This essay seeks to demonstrate how valid some form of knowledge and belief in mythology was, during the Classical era, in Athens. It remained a potent force in many different contexts, this will be evidenced by analysing four ancient primary sources.

The first is related to Performance: in ‘old comedy’. Specifically focusing on a section of Aristophanes’ ‘the Frogs’ (136-64.) work ‘, the second examines a source on ‘sacred disease’, by a possible Hippocratic doctor (I-II), The third primary source will explore the ‘Homeric hymn to Demeter’ (2) (1-495) and its relevance in classical society and finally the fourth source presented will look to the relevance and what’ mythos’ meant in terms of ‘logos’ during the Classical period by looking at one of Plato’s famous works ‘the republic’ (2.377b5-3.3.389d5). The main themes to be covered are the gods, life, ethics and the afterlife.

Myth’s continued appearance in entertainment gave playwrights a broader spectrum of themes to play out in relation to the God’s character traits, ideas of the afterlife and what was considered to be good and bad gods. Aristophanes play ‘the Frogs’ which won first place at the annual Dionysus festival is often looked at in a political context.

This essay simply seeks to look at the play from a more surface value perspective. This play proves that myth was indeed a powerful antidote to the serious more philosophical and everyday issues that Athenians were confronted with.

It depends on how informed the internal or external audience were as to how much an individual gained from the experience.
There is a scene that occurs that is completely sardonic where Xanthias expresses his discomfort of going to the underworld and a dialogue takes place between a corpse and himself whereby he is trying to barter with a corpse to go with Dionysus in place of him, “Hey you the dead one, I am talking to you, do you want to carry some luggage to Hades? “(136-64.).

This kind of baldy alternative take on Hades underworld shows how myth was still a huge inspiration for artists in Greek society in regards to the issues and questions relating to the Gods and the afterlife . Myth in this context was contorted and manipulated to tease an audience and provide entertainment.

Then contemporary audiences would have to have some familiarity with myth and Greek culture to fully appreciate the wit that Aristophanes regularly makes reference to. An example: Dionysus preparing to go to the underworld when Herakles is describing the directions to take: “Next …. Of hands”. Dionysus wants to know who these men and women are. Herakles tells him that (they are) ‘the blessed’ ‘the initiate’s’.

This reference is proof that outside of this play there is some other knowledge about the ‘Eleusinian mysteries’ –specifically the cult of Demeter. It appears that on stage nobody was safe from being mocked.

According to ‘Homeric hymn to Demeter’ (471-482) “Happy is the one of mortals of the earth. But those who are uninitiated into the holy rites and have no part are never destined to a similar joy when they are dead in the gloomy realm below”.

Cults of religious worship were colossal in Athens during the classical period even whilst supposed ‘scientific’ and philosophical debate was occurring. The exact rituals and full commentary of worship which occurred in this particular cult were kept extremely secrete. Modern excavations show that at the sanctuary there was holy place dedicated to Demeter (M&L, pg344). The cult did not discriminate class, age nor gender.

This was an annual and ritualistic event similar to the festival of Dionysus in that it attracted masses of people but for different and more serious reasons. The ‘Homeric hymn to Demeter’ contents are emotional, intimate, vengeful, god fearing and relies on the God and Goddess of fertility (which provides an under tone of birth and rebirth to the nature of worship) to carry on harvesting the crops so the mortal race could continue to survive.
The church and state stuck to a rigid programme of what was to occur on each day of this 9 day festival which took place during an important time in terms of agriculture produce is of concern.

The nine day celebrations tie in with the hymn “For nine days… her body.” (40-48). and is a particularly antagonizing quest for a mother looking for her daughter who had been abducted by Hades. It is believed a part of the myth of Persephone and Demeter was appropriated for ritualistic re-enactment. .This cult did not dissolve until it was repressed in Roman times.

This shows the unwavering worship of Gods of mythos despite other ways and methods of approaching myth during this period.

Another important area to highlight with regards to Greek mythology is the attitude towards medical treatment when it came to illness and the study of Biology.

Like in our modern day there are various methods and people to whom we can put our faith in to cure an illness.

The same can be said for the Classical period. This Hippocratic source talks about ‘the sacred disease ‘– (or Epilepsy as we know it).He states that: ‘in my opinion (it) is no more divine or more sacred than other diseases but has a natural cause.’ One could interpret this cause as not coming from a random bored God but coming from our complex brain and body which is divine because of its complexity in nature.

The source presents as wanting to reason and encourage people to look to alternative ways to curing maladies.
Instead to by following the norm by a “facile method of healing….consisting as it does of purifications and incantations” and then showing a reluctance to look at nature is pure ignorance. This source shows alternative thought that perhaps the Gods give us the internal make up to cure our own bodies. Indeed, this physician (II) has a strong opinion concerning the people who ‘christened’ epilepsy (mental illness) as a ‘sacred illness’. He terms them as ‘quacks’ and ‘charlatans’.

These supposed knowledgeable people ‘being at a loss’ in their ability to ‘cure’ or atone for an illness, have instead ‘spun’ as the Hippocratic doctor says “a plausible story and established a method a method of treatment to secure their own positions”.

He is not attacking people’s belief in the Gods. He is stating that respected people in the community had exploited ill people in their ignorance and that there is in fact a more natural way of finding a solution to the various ‘maladies’ by studying the body in its present ill state.
The majority of whom followed the Hippocratic non-traditional method of teaching did so for honourable means to genuinely find a cause and a solution to all illness even if s the prescription came in the form practical advice .Professor Helen King (Open University transcript on ‘Myth in Medicine conclusion) makes a valid point stating that ‘ Peoples beliefs about their bodies are complicated… Medicine doesn’t deal with questions like ‘Why me?’.

Treatment often went hand in hand with religious worship as one relates and attempts totreats the ill mind or body and the other relates and attemptsto treat our psyche .

Plato believed that the soul and the body were separate to one another. In his ‘the Republic’, a dialogue between Socrates and Adeimantus is essentially a discussion on ethics and morals as to what could be interpreted as the necessary elements needed to create a utopian society.

Socrates is not against the belief in the Gods –his argument is to do with content and how the ancient poets have portrayed the Gods in their epic poems; ‘the ones Hesiod and Homer .to people’ (2377. b5-6e.) He argues that these poets created ‘falsehoods’. Stories that make the Gods appear without virtues.

Socrates goes on to discourse (378.5c-e.). One critical viewpoint is that he doesn’t believe that children should be brought up on stories about Gods at war, killing their parents and stealing for example.

These kind of parables, he believes are not setting a solid foundation for people to model their own morals and code of ethics. Young people especially are impressionable .

There is further debate about what is good and bad and the two characters come to the decision that “Gods of course are really good and they must be described as such.’(379.10b.).

Socrates does state that if these stories need to be known then they should be censored to the correct and minimum of people. (378.5a.)

If one is to take on the idea that Gods are good then the idea that they are responsible for all that is not good is a contradiction. The overall summary of Socrates argument is that if people felt a personal sense of responsibility towards themselves to be good in this life then they should not have to fear the afterlife.

Furthermore there is interesting discussion concerning the Gods and their changeability (379.10d.382a). This lengthy debate about there being something more wonderful than the divine form would only make sense. If there was a virtue better than goodness. Socrates again insists that poets must present the Gods as they are: good –virtuous and not in a way that allows them to assume many disguises lowering the basic morale of a society. “Nor should Mothers… children too cowardly.” (379. 5d-e.) It would appear that these snippets of dialogue from ‘the Republic’ reveals that Plato’s’ philosophizing was on other canonised version of the Gods.

These characters had strong views about how the Gods could come across as unreliable punishing, moody, and unstable and that these qualities could not instil unification of trust, virtue and stability in a society. One can clearly see that Classical philosophy was not mainly concerned with terminating myth but it questioned the beneficial effects certain mythological representation’s had on an individual and as a common people.

To conclude we can see that in antiquity Epic myth and Tragedy, Old comedy was never meant to come across as banal. Indeed people with influencing and fantastical ideas of Gods and the afterlife and the author’s agenda and ethics were displayed and debated about. Pre Homeric and Hesiod literature mythos was mostly told orally and so there were many contradictions and versions of myths and what mythical characters did. There were many determining factors. One for example, was the strength of the story teller skills, another was more concerned with demographics. One thing is certain is that Greek mythology was the inspiration and conversation /debate starter from many areas even outside of the western world for subject matter relating specifically to ethics, the afterlife and life and creation. A person can consider this as universal evolvement of thinking and it is not assumed that Greeks were the first humans to enquire on and seek reason on our existence through debate about mythology. There is simply not enough evidence to back this up. Finally Mythos on its own acted as a sacred harbinger to bring meaning to life and issues inside and outside of it.

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The simple life

The simple life

Jan 24

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Great ideas and plans sometimes mean delays.

I’m the worst person to put off goals I’m passionate about. I am learning that if I want things to look and come across a certain way, I have to wait.

I’m beyond excited to be approached to be a part of an industry I love. I’m one of those people who will do what it takes to learn how to be the best at what I am doing and then worry about the money.

I do believe ‘money is a means to an end’

I’ve had money and I’ve been on ass and lined up in food banks.

No-It’s not fun owing money left, right and centre.

It’s  a bleak existence not knowing what the true value of money is.

Today-I know the true value of money.

Its value is not a destination.

It’s a means to get me from one part of my journey to the next.

Some people (who I’ve met in my life) wonder why I make out like I have an endless supply of money.

People have come into my current home and looked around confused —

“How dare this “peasant” make out /look  like she is rich”-

First of all,

I am rich.

My idea of wealth is different to the next person. I grew up a certain way and some traits stay with us.

I have also realised the value in ‘letting go’.

No, I haven’t read ‘the secret’ or started an illegal job nor am I involved in work of a frivolous nature.

(If I did want to sell my body or body parts….)

My body.

My life.

Hashtag  “Just saying”

I have Life to guide me. I have my personality, experiences and I have an open outlook on Life.

I am a student of Life.

Be happy. Don’t give your energy to the wrong people, if you do then let it go. What they do with your energy is out of your control.

We gain more from realising the power of letting other people be. It’s taken me a long time and many mistakes and heart aches, falling out with people and picking myself off the floor; to realise I gain so much from everything I do.

The quote

There are no mistakes, only lessons to be learned’ is true

Continue to stay to true to yourself. Embrace your quirks and work them.

Flaunt them and love yourself.

Look around you , think of all the people you have loved, admired, bigged up, given a part of yourself to

On reflection you may go :

aargh! what the wtf was I thinking..’

There may be a part of you who is divided —

…well that person is different. They are allowed to have an ” ugly” side because…

…their talent or looks or status make up for their faults.

We should all prescribe a dose of that empathy and love to ourselves-

I am blessed to have a daughter who is a direct reflection of me

She is my mirror image. I love her and I think she is smart, funny, creative, gorgeous, articulate talks too much, stubborn, a bit of. a dram queen.. The full package.

I love myself too.

I am not a super model in a magazine nor do I want to be. I’m not a model citizen – I would have my face eaten by rats in Orwell’s Ministry of Love and be high/ numbed by synthetic products all the time in Huxley’s world.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy indulging in a  hedonistic life, zoning out watching and reading ‘Trash’ and watching ‘trash’ too. I

Go OverBoard by all means.

Make sure you get back on the boat.

I’m good enough. Be real — not a cardboard cut up of a media pitch advertising how you should act, look and live.

Thanks for reading my morning musings…

lots of willow’s GOATS2BDazee love

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Buy ding time

Buy ding time

Jun 12

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So many people watch and talk about those who they under estimate. By all means watch,

And learn.

Maybe you will learn how to deal with one or two of your own issues

A perfectly flawed Daisy Willows

I let us down?

Shadows betrayed with a mere glimpse of a frown.

No words can express the guilt dictatorship governing me

It’s not a cop out. I know right from wrong – I know this plea

Manipulations-sucked into the vortex

Epileptic fits, child crying for a place where dinosaurs indeed exist in the mix.

Buying time while losing our minds.

Insanity led me to insist this was the shortest cut to a state of perpetual eutrophic times

Heart attack — Jack missed his usual target in sundry extrapolation.

Too much — too much — afraid to not have enough-

Threats

once choice I  have  to have an abortion

…..or an abortion.

 

The value of life against a three digit number

is not worth the risk of  another loosing sanity – Look at that temper!

Fuelled by selfish, ridiculous acts in  percussive persuasion.

Sick of hurting the good ones in the pursuit  for a place in time where we are  not struck down by  our own damnation.

Heightened emotions — rouged the face of her grace .

Head  rendered poisoned by the one with the  latex face

Queer sighs — teary eyed.

Worth all this anvil chorus  shrieking out implacable aural instigation

The fear if a god had its grip on me – I would take the whip out on my vice with attempts of self flagellation.

21 days

my soul betrays all sense of balance –

5 years of drudgery for something that has less weight than a heart.

Lost in that maze of procrastination  — buying time — throwing out another seasonal  line.

Fear – it will run out-plans mystify my usual organised self — maturate until all evidence  of ejaculation is collected by its DNA component to outsmart.

Happiness leads to an oasis  dried up well —

See that camel over there?

she’s my final hope for a sip of redemption

Unusual  for a vegan to murder an animal for a quench of innocence-how far I’ve fallen —

two points away from extinction

Madness runs forever in a contortion

Fucked if I know how to talk sense into a cross eyed mass of exhaustion.

Pillage me for I am running low.

All thought out plans left in the bloodied soulless bodies of Russia’s war in winter snow

Front line-I cower-there is no courage in the how I dished out my packable blow

Left in a quiver — screamed by the knock of confrontation at my door

I do. I do I do..

If not for myself but for the one who I look to

amazed-

I observe it as one would in a zoo

Rueful

Meaning to be dutiful

This reflection is the antithesis of beautiful.

How long can love last?

when the tokoloshe is cross examined for its  denied  attempt at buying its time

or trying to convince that biding echoes are indeed in the indefinite past.

 

 

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Found: Inner Panacea

Found: Inner Panacea

Feb 23

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*only you can decide which oddities are worth keeping or eliminating some most definitely are worth keeping- the ones that make you feel alive keep- the ones that make you feel ugly and insignificant -discard*

TIP  FOR  A SENSE OF EMPOWERMENT:

Expose

Detox

Eliminate

Cleanse

 repeat regularly. 

Bonjour tristesse, I leave you without a second glance.

6hours to go until a new dawn greets me with its fiery dance.

No amount of Moons ago,  could I  foresaw this trip to  such a  bodacious planet.

Lavender dreams interrupted by the need for a bubble bath to cleanse my soul,

enrich my palate.

How it  leaves me in stark clarity,

 other daisies grow wildly in meadows.

2 am cleanse off- eliminate others’ unwanted worries and troubles.

Herbal tea infusions – a meet up with friends who know about life’s true haggles.

Comments intended to cut to the core.

Manage to lick-up   one salty tear

begging for more.

A soul is awoken when it faces all directions.

Never blind yet always courageous to evoke dear affections.

Common goals shared by trolls made by the same finger pointing corporation

Pity those who continue to live not a decade but over half a century in miserable devastation.

Hot water filling a tub – a sauna to enlight.

Voices

You are “divorced”, a drama queen, I only wanted a  shag.

It tickled your delight to dangle carrots when I was newly married

you are most certifiably unbecoming the state of inner jihad.

I’m  having fun acting in a workshop.

That accent is dreadful I can sign you up for electrocution elocution lessons.

Don’t mind me having a gas- the whole purpose of improvisation is to get involved.

 Don’t use me as a pawn for fear of being put under your harsh self-imposed scrutiny.

You are ugly.

 the biggest topic under dissection in a house full of self-confessed millionaires.

All those beatings, and  Sangria holiday hangovers yet,

 still, no permanent fix for happiness to last longer than a child’s joy at the penultimate of funfairs.

Three perfect lessons in all that is wrong not  with me, but with others,

who can’t equate strength alongside vulnerability.

How can it be true that the two run side by side like rivers?

 merging into one ocean of clear waters.

Confucianism arise in accountability.

No one can possess opposing characteristics!

 She does not conform to why we hate her

so, now we must turn up the  gas lighter

 justify our vexes and vehemence to assure we are credible witnesses, to attest, this Red lettered calamity remains  hidden,

 In dead carcasses.

Oh, Shame!

we shall honor you and remain her loyal Foe.

A few written words, at an ungodly hour.

I’ve never been one to conform to another with power.

Time is up, my bath tub is run.

Imagine it freestanding.

careless in an era where it is encouraged to be eccentrically unique. cartwheeling in a  quest to not only live and work hard,

 remember to have fun.

*inspired by toxic people.

Daisy, how can you just assume it’s other people who are toxic and not you?

Well, I say it takes one to know one.

I know how to be toxic, I’ve been toxic and I know how it feels to live away from toxic vibes and people. *

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