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G.O.A.T. weedy Sa Roc

Passionate about music, cultures, original beats and discovering new genres?

Daisy in the willows

A song to get you through the post.. Ha ha!

My mental health kick ass anthem. If you are female you should listen to this to gain strength over your triumphs and understand your grief. Men – if you love women- you will appreciate our complexity and emotions and way of self expression through Sa Roc’s lyrics- she is dynamite.

This is testimony to the massive talent on the hip hop/rap scene in the U.K.

Passionate about music, cultures, original beats and discovering new genres?

Hit play for the
G.reatest
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A.ll
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hits

Playlist below

Hey I’m still here. I’m suffering from coming back from a walking slumber.  Mental health problems,eh?

Who would choose to have them?

Ha ha!

Not me.

On a lighter note , my Bengal cat, Miss Tatiana

has most definitely inherited my eating disorder.

She puked all over her food. EUUURGH!

Is that meant to…

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the Cull

Composure show your best face

Daisy don’t make it hazy – leave out the ‘just in case’ can of mace.

Three announced pregnancies delivered in one week

One Stork wraps a cord around emotions -trachea.

Manipulation in search for a vein

hooked up intravenously

suffering from a bout of the sickness days gone by,

bleak.

Day spent prodding a familiar corpse

Lavender eye shadow caked on.

An ex-hookers heinous crime of remorse.

Blend in shades of elegance, class cuts above diamonds

-less valuable than the African Congo.

Kleenex tissues – repentance from deeds of liberation.

There is closure in this hymn

that is how sacrilegious people turn as quick as the wind doth blow.

New chapter.

ink spilt

No more drama.

Welcome to the real world -energy in motion kinetic.

Some call it Karma.

Squeaky clean – naked child of the nugget -Midas the king.

Bronchial Bengal licking furballs off her skin.

Arthritic tail.

spots and stripes.

Don’t leave me, Madam.

wailers of bandits ready for the first of half a dozen fights.

Interrupt the flow 2 kg of feather dynamite

incredible.

How does this writer get away with posting anything credible?

Animals on the uprise.

No more, humans.

Determined by free will.

Save our earth from true predators.

A life is a life,

a loss is a loss.

no one gives a toss

don’t matter who involved in the kill.

Overspill of copper coil excreting from a vulvic cave

Great expectations.

Pompei disaster – a necessary tragedy to inspire the seventh wave.

counting on all hands and fingers

I fear I’m not the only one.

canned laughter emerges in the background.

Playground vacant.

Trashed children abscond to the house occupied by Delirium’s son.

Emotion packs a punch in three

washing machine forgets it’s own no spillage codified key.

Rage -crimson flag.

Blood spill.

‘All hail the Spanish bull!’

Gunshots fired -the loss of the human cull.

Grief lapses in streams of nonsequential dreams.

it’s obvious what unravels when we are pulled at the seams.

Mind score.

Damp music sheets obscure the cup of the holy grail.

Green lights flash.

Don’t hesitate -before long you won’t be able to walk

it’s a condition in frail.

life and Death lie, spooning- side by side,

build the bridge

equality in each parlour

you seek to ride.

Scared crows

murder the last heart blackened by holding on.

The injustice of the furies coup

bow your heads in shame,

You are not the only ones who suffer.

Time to sing a different song.

Daisy in the willows

giphy (5)

Composure show your best face

Daisy don’t make it hazy – leave out the ‘just in case’ can of mace.

Three announced pregnancies delivered in one week

One Stork wraps a cord around emotions -trachea.

 Manipulation in search for a vein

hooked up intravenously

suffering from a bout of the sickness days gone by,

bleak.

Day spent prodding a familiar corpse

Lavender eye shadow caked on.

An ex-hookers heinous crime of remorse.

Blend in shades of elegance, class cuts above diamonds

-less valuable than the African  Congo.

Kleenex tissues – repentance from deeds of liberation.

 There is closure in this hymn

that is how sacrilegious people turn as quick as the wind doth blow.

New chapter.

ink spilt

No more drama.

Welcome to the real world -energy in motion kinetic.

Some call it Karma.

Squeaky clean – naked child of the nugget -Midas the king.

Bronchial Bengal licking furballs off her skin.

Arthritic tail.

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Clown on Refresh

THROWBACK THURSDAY POST.

Daisy in the willows

Check my inbox – still not got no mail.

Maybe I should give up , hit the bathroom, slap some  moisturized bomb  on my dial –   infused with extra kale .

Deadlines looming. Anxiety arrest my mint breath – Tutors marking red rings – imagination has let go that last hope of zest.

All I wanna do is huff and puff out smoke circles  made out of vape- limited edition premium  flavors  is the best.

It’s Sunday morning – no time for me to matter,

I might just believe in God for one day – 7th  day of rest appeals to my shape – Sundays is cool to be flatter.

As long as I’m  still breathing ,make no mistake when working out the coordinates, I’m  not one Dimensional .

Four sides to this mind –   you are dealing with a time bomb expert in trying out new shit…

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Daisy goes rant crazy

I am sympathetic -empathetic even to people who are going through a shit time, Self medicating , their life is falling apart.

After all I’ve been there myself.

Is it better to have money when you are mentally ill or to be poor when you are mentally ill?

In my experiences, having money when I was growing up meant Social services could be bought off.

Abuse could still find its way into my bed room at night and no one ever knew. My tantrums and odd behaviour were put down to being spoilt.

Broken noses and teeth could be fixed with a credit card. Broken ornaments could be replaced.

I grew up in an adults world. I was just like all these young toddlers/children who get taken along to family parties.

Left to find something to do while all the adults soak up the atmosphere alcohol -insert drug of choice here and catch up.

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I was that child and teenager who would lift myself up onto the wall, to peer over the garden and confirm that the smell of the pure Ganja was indeed coming from certain family members smoking it.

DON’T DO DRUGS DAISY!

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Indeed, Daddy oh!

I was that kid who had access to all the money I wanted. I was a full on rave bunny by the time I was 12. My quirks and eccentric behaviour were put up with because I could access places other young kids couldn’t.

We all wanted to grow up quickly.

I was the girl who could pay off a doctor for a prescription for sleeping meds ( from rohypnol,-Clotiapine , or prescription diet medication- even when I was under weight.

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People put up with me for longer than they maybe wouldn’t have if I had less to offer them.

I was praised and looked up to and accepted when I had a full time job. I could be off my head on coke or whatever drug at work the next day and be accepted because I was still “holding” down my 9-5 job.

It didn’t matter that I was swallowing 100 laxatives a day and up most of the night shitting on the wc to stop any weight from getting to comfy. I looked professional and played my part well.

I’ve always been on and off the rails from as young as I can remember. Family members could see their failures in me and rejected me.

Some may of seen themselves in me -20-30 years later -and still fucking up exactly in the ‘teenage off the rails’ way I had taken to coping.

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The only difference- they were now adults. I didn’t make them look good.

It got a point where I couldn’t work. Not because I wasn’t good at my job. A psychiatrist decided I was unwell. 40 kilograms in weight and displaying signs of psychosis.

Sectioned under the mental health act- indefinitely and for multiple times.

I wasn’t allowed to work. I didn’t get better for a long time. I didn’t make it back to work when I wanted to .

When people friends found out that at some point in my life I was surviving on benefits. Suddenly people avoided me. Friends started “unfriending me”. I was pushed out. I wasn’t living in private accommodation any longer.

People couldn’t understand how I had the audacity to self medicate on tax payers money. Their hard earned money.

How dare I use their money to get high and and have a good time!

I don’t think I set out to have a good time when I was using drugs, drinking frequently or over dosing because it wasn’t ever fun.

The eccentric , bodacious , crazy arty party girl had become a “benefit sponger”.

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IT COULD WORK….

Look at her!

How dare she use government money to try and solve her problems!

I still acted like the person with money because that was just how I was brought up to (mis) behave…..

Never think about if money will run out- It won’t. Money never runs out’ mentality.

I still had a home to live in ,rent to pay, bills to pay. A cat to feed.

The thing with mental illness is it comes in waves. Not every one is alike.

I have family members who look me up and down and at me and the way I dress or the way I am and go

“how dare she think she is one of us or even better than us”

“We own a home. It is our right to find any loop hole in the system to make sure we don’t have to pay MORE taxes to the government -Our hard earned money and lifestyles curbed for the few elite.”

OH BOY,

Here comes’ Miss I’m still ill but coping’ and I want a job now.

So I apply for jobs -lots of them . I have worked out what I need to be earning to pay the bills and be just okay.

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Firstly, there are no jobs out there who will pay some one who declares they have had “issues” in their life.

It doesn’t matter that I have more Good days than Bad days. I have a wide gap in my employment history.

Oh yeah I took a really long Gap year travelling the asylums up and down the country side.

Hello potential employer .

I’m well now. It ‘s been a hell of a ride – I’m committed to work hard . Please hire me. I won’t let you down. I know I have xyz mental /physical health diagnosis but I can work.

Let’s just say – I haven’t been so lucky .

People say

“just get a job- clean – anything!”

I say I would gladly clean out your shitty toilets if they paid the bills.

I say it is madness that I am asked to just accept any job -even if it makes me more poor than I am now. Yes, because that is really going to help in the long run . (heavy sarcasm)

No money=

no money to pay the bills or eat =

stress =

poor mental health=

back to square one.

I don’t sit on my arse watching whatever reality T.V show and whatever people associate people with who receive some kind of benefit.

How on earth can she afford to get married?

I work hard and

I prioritize.

I don’t drink. smoke Marlbora cigs or any ( Okay I do vape), buy any new clothes or do up the house because I want to get married.

So, any extra money that is left over from paying the rent and bills goes to my dream wedding.

“That’s the girl… the one that had her daughter taken off her.” ( like some Greek chorus )

“Scum… don’t want to be associated with her. No human being is going to tarnish my reputation.”

Oh, of course , your reputation…. remember that night when you … it’s cool. I’m sworn to secrecy,friend.

I learnt very early in life that money and who you know goes a long way to getting what you want.

No I wasn’t lucky enough to have the head of social services be my mother or a family relative.

Far from it.

I was on paper, in black and white –

a drug addict ,

with anorexia with Bipolar ,

in a violent relationship , refused to leave it.

I lived in a council house and drank and smoked when I was visibly pregnant.

One abortion down .

Then

One tragic night- .

I got caught drinking excessively with my ex and my 12 week old daughter in my home.

I had no right to be hollering and screaming and fighting because I didn’t have the money to pay someone off to hush it all up.

Remember folks people who are not on benefits don’t fight and have any issues in their lives.

I had no money to pay off my big mistake.

So my girl was taken off me and before the I had a chance to wake up from my partied out hang over..

Plans were being made to have my daughter adopted.

When professionals met me it was like

I didn’t talk like the regular folk.

WHO THE HELL DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?

“Oh Daisy, don’t go hoovering the house on my account.”

I’m not Bitch . I like to keep a clean home. I don’t have a maid so I do it myself if that is okay with you ‘Miss I have just graduated from university and am in charge of keeping societies children safe from all harm’

“How dare that girl study and want to make a better life for herself!”

“I’m going to knock her down few pegs .”

People get pretty fucking scared when black and white don’t match the face and the rest of it.

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You may think I am crazy to say this but the for the all the mistakes the social services made .

I thank them .

I had to answer to someone and re define my boundaries and decide what and who was more important.

I got my girl back because I wanted her back enough to change.

I got to know who was at the top , who had the leverage and I worked with them. No money changed hands.

Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t always all above board. Paperwork wasn’t done when it should have been. We don’t talk about it when it is in both parties’ best interests.

I found out the loop holes in the system and used them to get my baby back.

The same loop holes they used to take my daughter off me.

It’s a tit for tat world we live in.

People wonder why I don’t take her out to parties or want her around people who have been drinking.

“THAT GIRL NEVER GOES OUT”

(money goes on bills, food, ballet and tap fees and, all things wedding-y at this point in time)

I don’t want anything to possess the innocence that is my daughter.

I won’t let her be around people who may have a grudge with me and say things about me that they have no business saying .

I get it, the shoes on the other foot. You may have the money to buy yourself out of your own dilemmas – but you are not coming in with your alcohol tainted scent and using my daughter as teddy bear to hold,

to make you feel better.

Nobody is allowed to take my daughters energy and innocence to appease the shit they are currently wading in.

I empathise with you but no one is going to ruin the miracle that is my daughter.

I don’t drink in my home or much (I will be drinking on my hen do – make no mistake) because I know what it can do to me and how scary I can come across to an adult never mind a child.

My daughter is as close to perfect as one can get.

She is that child who picks up her rubbish and throws it in the bin.

She is that child who gets upset if I haven’t given her ‘the heads up’ that I am going out to work or go to “school” the night before.

She has been brought up with a strict routine and boundaries.

Routine and boundaries are everything.

I know I had a bit of a blow out when the care order was lifted.

Finally freedom!

I soon learnt how fucking productive that is.

This is what works for me and my family.

It’s just the way it has played out.

I am not judging you and how you manage your life –

Whatever works for you – do it.

I’m aware of life in a way I have never ever been and I have responsibility.

I can have my fantasies.

I can play them out.

In fact I have done.

I am a human who is forever making mistakes.

I’m also a human who is finally learning from them.

I got ill. Big deal!

I didn’t know how to help myself or manage myself or my life.

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Luckily I got to an age( 34 if you want to know-) where I know what all sides of the fence feel like and I have become me –

What you see is what you get.

One thing I do know is just because you can’t see what is going on in other peoples homes or minds- doesn’t mean nothing is happening,

or even something.

If someone is displaying signs they are not coping ,no amount of money will fix that. In my experience it has made things worse.

I appreciate who I have in my life now. Once a person is gone that is it.

You can go to all the seance- reading nights you want.

LIFE is important and what you do with your life.

So is it better to be stigmatised when I was rich or when I was poor?

I don’t fucking know – I was ill.

It was easier not to see stigma when I was ill. I do still have my moments when I get angry at the people who used me when I was unwell -but those days are gone.

I fought hard to get to the peace I find in me. I don’t hide my story.

I know some one who hates me for whatever reason.

I also know this person cries every night to have the life they had before, it had been so cruelly extinguished.

I feel for this person. I don’t go

Ha! now you know what it’s like!

I go fuck that is a pretty shit hand

It is what it is.

We play our hand with the cards we pick up.

This is what life has moulded me into.

self destructive perfectionist

Bear change to mind

Get the facts -don’t bunker down with myths set in era’s

assonated with mercury outlined by hate.

The insane are violent. They murder our children.

They should be put away in a state of silence.

Media hype sensationalise stories to feed your imagination – they profit from.

Ill people who usually die by their own hands – strangulation or when man makes fire.

The insane are weak and lack willpower to get on with life – they scrounge the benefits system.

Watch reality tv and wed misery -cutting the wedding with a carving knife.

It takes strength and courage to live with our selves and pretend all is alright – People need to be signposted to treatment -to gain insight.

The insane must be institutionalised – criminalised for they cannot get better.

In bygone eras physical impairment and oddities were social pariahs to socialite invitees letters.

Insane people and I have nothing in common.

Please, take your insults away from my blissful ignorance

Our circumstances can change in a heartbeat. Worlds have been turned inside out to all humans including your current Destiny upcoming deliverance

Anxiety

Bipolar disorder

Post traumatic disroder

eating disorder

Borderline personality disorder

Depression

Substance abuse

obsessive compulsive disorder

family

Suicide

attempts to get it right

a perfectionists manual in self destruction.

“Delusional” pal coulda w.r.a.p. t

Bullies come in all shapes and genders. Paul who i loved on WordPress died by taking a lethal overdose. I wish someone pointed him in another direction. Rest in gardens with wild flowers. I won’t let a bully get away with leaving such a disgusting email to send to Me! Of all people. I don’t know why he trusted me. He just did. He is no longer merely human but hopefully in a place where he does the things he loves

I. intend to use his relative’s words to help me write about themes I am passionate about.I may just answer her comments and turn it into a campaign against bullying or a short 12 min play.

BULLY BULLY-you all must have tissue required issues to be so contrived and ignorant.

Passion is how come I am here, passionate about people, family, my daughter, mental health authenticity , writing and breaking down the stigma we still grip on to. Paul’s family member trolled all the websites and decided to leave me with a comment I couldn’t bear to read.

Some folk would argue that Paul wanted a simple life and to have his voice heard.Maybe he had bigger dreams- I will never know.

CYBER BULLIES – faceless apparitions of all the miserable delusions of a society, one member all the way back in the U.S. of .A felt that it’s okay to comment awful shit on my blog about a blogger whom I thought was awesome.

Nominees to follow soon.Stay safe. If someone tells you to shut up and invalidate a person for any length of time. I think bullies should get fucking therapy. Sorry, got a bit rantsy.

These past few years, People close to me have ended their lives. Paul’s life won’t go unknown. I’m here to remember and remind myself the power of being part of a community.

I’ve been away for a while doing ‘delusional’ shit. -heavy sarcasm alert.

I hope for the family members sake,The sister and her dog.

Paul loved his dog, Daphne. He wouldn’t leave his home cos he knew his dog wouldn’t be treated properly – She was his everything at times.

I hope they can see what part they played in making Paul feel hopeless. I’m not blaming these people. Just can’t believe family treat one another like this. Life is so short. I’m going to use her comments and turn it into a positive. I’m still determined to finish my M.A. in Creative writing

I will create a short script this gutless attack on our very souls, our cores and the devastating result of throwing out words –

cos

hashtag FYI WORDS DO MATTER..

My blog award reply on Many moons ago and new nominees to follow

If my memory serves me correctly I think it is Paul from www.palfitness -to train or not to train that came up with this award. I think I was nominated by Paul when I first started out Blogging and I was getting to know my way on the WordPress arena.

A double

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Okay so I have a few -well- five Questions to answer

Q&A starts now.

What made you choose WP as your blogging platform?

It is free. It didn’t seem complicated as the others and it was recommend to me from Google searches. Ha ha! I sound like such a cheap skate.

2. Introduce yourself and tell us about your blog.

Hi I’m Daisy. I live in the willows. It’s a breezy place to be. I don’t know what to say. Think of a theme or topic and I probably cover most of it.

I’m not a fashion /style and make up Blog

. I’m not cooking and recipe Blog.

I am not a one trick pony Blog.

One trick pony Blogs can be very talented in what they do so that is no insult.

Please don’t take it as such. I’m not a Blog about life is all about roses and purple unicorn farts. There are thorns in life and unicorn farts may smell obnoxious and not what you expect it to smell like.

I am random.

I don’t have set days where I Blog one thing.

I am random

. I enjoy challenges and connecting.

I just type and hit publish and hope for the best. I am not here to sell anything. My advice for what it is worth is free. I have opinions. I am a Blogger who wears my heart on my sleeve. ❤

Are you a once in a while blogger or a daily one?

I try to Blog when I am inspired. Luckily it is usually daily but I need to take some R&R time out once in a while.

Do you wish to publish and if so, what type of book?

Who wouldn’t mind publishing a book? I have had a Topsy Turvy life and some doolally experiences. An A/B might be a good idea. I love writing stage plays for Theatre. I would probably want to write soemthing with a bit of darkness and humour in it.

What is your favourite thing to do besides write?

A Fine Line

Part of the ‘Be happy or die trying’ series.

If I didn’t share my voice or words, i would probably be dead or booked into another hospital

These are my words -Keeping it real,raw, and doing what I do best.

It  takes courage to be yourself .Showing vulnerbility is a strength.

COPYWRITE DISCLAIMER

GRAVATAR

Creative Commons License       No part of Natasha Bodley/Daisy in the willows/Daisy Willows may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Natasha Bodley/Daisy in the willows/ Daisy Willowsand with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

We ask that you respect legal rights and her creative imagination.

via Copywrite Disclaimer

EATING DISORDERS- recovery and support

Daisy in the willows

UPDATE 2017:   I was led down the a rabbit hole.   Lack of communication, how to’s and (on reflection) there was pressure one to do all the ground work and I was left guessing. I did know that the person I was matched with to discuss putting the group together has had eating issues.  I can’t say if this person is an actual employee or or another volunteer  of the charity I mention in the post. I would be breaching data protection, my subscribers on here are not from the Calderdale Region and will not know who I am speaking of. The group didn’t happen despite my efforts to push for it, ask for help on how to fund it. I have been in many various eating disorder clinics for lengthy periods (in my life) I’ve come back into my community with no expert advice for people with eating…

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Two Inspiring Quotes this week

Patty Wolters

Quotes can be inspiring, soul boosting, thought-provoking.
Noticed I forgot to upload Inspiring Quotes, twice. So… two at once 🙂

Find out which one touch me personally:HERE

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