Prescribed; but more than I usually allow myself.
I’ve been d
furious at school.
Sent them a message .
I don’t want to interact.
I know I will have to be momentarily just dandy, for my bee when she gets home, however I may retreat
I don’t want to interact. I want to be alone .
I Hope to have a shower soon, sleep or be a perfect mom, person .
A place – people feel secure , free , loved – not merely an abode.
My body has grown;my head – I want to disown.
I have no place to go
I can run away
Without my own
from the lengths of life’s demands – another 25 metres * here I bloody go!*
There is no
Nothing to burn.
need replacing- precious support to keep my dignity inert or is it alert?
We live in a millennial world.
I want to be .
I want to be not.
La vie en Rose
All the regrets , the mistakes , the people I’ve lost.
I want to leave – die
Before you or my husband , mom and leave
As I am now.
It’s easier knowing you are still breathing
With an upside down frown. Said the cliché crow
I’ll engulf my darkness
With eyes closed, a mind blotted with discombulatory thoughts
Thank you .
The crown of the Willows irrepressible woes
A moment – a weed – a daisy in need –
Is the last sentence a creed?
Who will ever know?
Except the one I title as this: my only foe.
“I have to keep facing the darkness. If I stand tall and face the thing I fear, I have a chance to conquer it. If I just keep dodging and hiding it will conquer me.”
― Mary Pope Osborne,
WHY I’VE CHOSEN THIS QUOTE.
I’ve been letting the dark extinguish all light. I have basically been a wuss. It is the start of a new week. Unfortunately this day starts with an M. but go look outside your window. check that cloud out and look for the silver lining..
My passion for life, just recently got ran over by a steam roller and flattened me out, Rolling me out like a piece of dough, taking all the air- like passion out of me.
We all have our struggles. Shit, it
sometimes a lot of the times may seem like hiding under the duvet covers and growling at anyone who dares to step their big toe into my bedroom like a good idea.
How many times have we done that one?
What did we achieve?
what did we learn?
So how can I big myself up?
I could hire out a cheerleader and personal mascot to follow me around for the week shouting
GO DAISY! GO DAISY! D.A.IS.Y. -WHAT DO YOU GET ? DAISY!
If I did this I may end up in prison by the end of the week under murder charges for temporarily losing my mind and killing a cheer leader and mascot.
Imagine it. All week. That would drive me nuts!
I’m going to use my busy week to learn.
I know for a fact,that if I 100%
engage in my life this week;I will become bigger in spirit and character and I will learn more. I will evolve.
Come Sunday . I will no longer be who I am today.
I’m kind of nosy how that is going to turn out.
Change is good . Push yourself.
I think the idea of being conquered sucks. I know how much of a buzz I get when I push myself and I DO what I set out to do. I go on a natural high.
I am usually quite successful in all that I take on.
I’m worried that I won’t have enough time to be a Mom, partner and put the effort I usually do into my blog and reading other blogs because:
I’ve got my hair trial
Make up re trial
Food tasting for the wedding
Run through for the wedding
Bella Bee back at school
long hours of group facilitating training on Tuesday and Wednesday
More long hours of training with a different organisation on Friday
Exercise every day
I know it may not sound like a lot. To me it is a huge challenge considering how I have been feeling lately.
I’m so going to own this week.
Make a list of what you have to do. By all means focus on one day at a time. You don’t want to freak yourself out
Oh and please be fucking kind to your self. I hear this a lot.
GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT FOR WHAT YOU DO GET DONE
Want to be a part #FollowGreatFootsteps? You can do it! I will review your blog and link it to your blog website -check out the link above. It”s easy peasy.
‘I have given you words of vision and wisdom more secret than hidden mysteries.Ponder them in the silence of your soul and then in freedom do your will’ Bhagavad Gita
Why have I chosen this quote?
For those who read YESTERDAYS POST- I STILL GET TO CHOOSE
My fears were indeed unfounded. I think of my psychiatrist when I decided to use this quote. Yesterday,
We are open and honest with one another. The beauty of this kind of relationship is he leaves the control of how I use the concoction of medication I am on in my control under his guidance of course.
I don’t know many doctors who do this.
Yes, I am on far too many anti anxiety tablets.
Addictive ones. I have been on them for years.
I know there is day that I need to get off them.
There never seems to be a right time. I need to create that time.
Doctor J. put the words out there:
” You are on too many benzos”
(panic starts its drum) .I acknowledge this.
We talk about factors that may explain why I am still not stable (as I have been) with my moods .
not eating correctly
been on the same antidepressants for over 10 years
the pharmacist’s mistake in the dosage one of my mood stabilisers
Benzo’s make you depressed.
So what is the plan?
Up the mood stabiliser.
Think about reducing one of the Benzos by a half -a tiny little speck of a half
. Follow up with my C.P.N. three weeks from now.
Gauge if the increase in the mood stabiliser is working.
Decide how I want this to play out.
do I feel ready to start reducing the benzo’s?
No! (my automatic response)
Okay, chill, Daisy there is no pressure.
GO back to the quote:
The seed has been planted.- I have received ‘the words and vision more secret than hidden mysteries’
‘Ponder them in the silence of your soul and then in freedom do your will‘
It is only my will that can lead me to true freedom.
How many other doctors do you know who are like this with their patients?
He trusts me. I do honestly try to use the least amount of benzos in a day. If I want to have another child after I am married.
I will not repeat past mistakes.
My next child may not be so lucky. He or she may go through severe ,life threatening withdrawals.
I was ignorant the first time round. I have learnt the lesson.
My child is a daily reminder of what I wish for her and my future children.
So, for now. I get back to my passions: volunteering and training, get my confidence and focus back- then I am in a stronger position to make a decision that will benefit me in the long run.
I read so many other posts where people with Mental health issues don’t get the kind of support and trust I get.
Yes,I am blessed.
I am also honest( to a fault).
There is some kind of message here: Not speaking up for Fear and acknowledgement of how we cope, can be a natural reaction to protect our mind.
the word- petrifies me
What will I do without xyz.?
Anorexia and many other Mental health illnesses have a strong component of control as a symptom. The way to empower us to to give us some control over how we want to be treated and how we don’t want to be treated.
I put together a WRAP plan last year – my whole professional support team have signed it.
what makes me happy
early warning signs that all is not well
breaking down signs
post crisis plan.
WRAP TESTIMONIAL CLIP ( it may just be the best gift you ever give yourself or to someone you love. All it costs is a bit of time and effort, I contributed to this testimonial )
I think more mental health professionals should move towards this approach. When a person with mental health issues is relatively well, that person is the only person who knows what will get them back on track.
I know I am going on a bit here
if we do a bit of work on ourselves and find out what makes us tick -we stand a better chance over improving our mental health and our quality of life.
Just an opinion from a person who has mental health.
Don’t I mean mental health ‘issues’
No I mean – MENTAL HEALTH.
Do you have a mind?
Then you have mental health.
Different life scenarios and experiences constantly change, so that you are always sliding along a mental health spectrum between good mental health and bad mental health.
I have bills to pay and grocery shopping to do today, I neeed to get my booty in to action.
So for now, to a person reading this, who doesn’t think they are susceptible to poor mental health;
I propose an exercise.
A challenge, if you will..
Where would you be on the scale of mental health? ( good feeling 100% well – bad being 0%) if
your cat/dog died
you got a job promotion
you got divorced
you won the lottery
you child is bullying at school
you find out your loved one is dying from an illness
you win tickets to go see your favourite band
you fall pregnant
you need to move home
you are moving to a new country
Just something to think about.
Can’t wait to read what other people are thinking about, what is going on in your lives and everything thing else. Thanks for reading. Time to hit the real world and get broke!
‘Pearls do not lie on the sea shore if you desire one you must dive for it’ – Chinese proverb
I have lost my courage lately, I found this proverb. My volunteering life with HEALTHY MINDS picks up again next week. I will be doing a workshop on Monday, in front of a lot of volunteers who work with vulnerable families; to help raise their awareness of the stigma against mental health. I then start a two-out four-day training course starting on facilitating groups and workshops. I’m also pushing myself to re-edit an article for one of the newsletters I sometimes contribute towards. I’m also 12 weeks away from getting married!
It is okay to be scared and nervous. I won’t ( and you too mustn’t)let temporary fears get in the way of my ambitions and passion.
Take it day by day. I find my lack of courage and confidence comes when I live in the future of ‘ shoulda’s and ‘couldas.
I am sure many of you can relate to this proverb. Let us go out with a bold stride and a sense of determination today :0
(Quote sourced from Pinterest )
So Pansy what is on your mind?
PANSY: two things… well if you ever feel bored, sexually frustrated or frustrated in general: try scrubbing your stair case and landing carpet at 7 pm at night…
Oh and whaaaa
PANSY: I’m not finished… next book yourself a manicure or if you are poor like me then do a DIY
So what else is on your mind this fine evening?
PANSY: I put my height, weight, age and Gender on a on-line BMI calculator and I have 5 kilograms to lose before I am a BMI that is classed as underweight.
Interview over.Pansy has left the building.
It has been documented that Pansy’s lowest BMI ever was 13 that is 30 kilograms.