Never forget how precious your life is. This is my gran. She has dementia and if she had the choice she would probably love to exchange mind and body with most people. Counting your blessings. I am counting mine.
My dear blogger friends and friend readers.
I fee like I have deserted ship. I had to with good reason.
Usually wake up at 5 a.m. , get my blog posts ready/ research then catch up on other blogs.
This morning I woke up to the feeling of nausea.
No I am not pregnant. I had not been on the vino. I just woke up ill. I tried typing up a post but can’t possibly share it because it doesn’t feel great…
I went back to bed to sleep off the illness and woke up a t 10 a.m. with mega painful back pain. I tried having a gym session and my spine threatened to wibble wobble.
So, I was like fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu********k.
First date night in oh, for a long few weeks now and I can’t munch what I want to because the guilt of not doing a gym session over rides everything else.
This is the curse of what trying to keep up with a chronic Anorexic tag does to me. At about 6 p.m U.K. time I tried again and managed a pathetic attempt.
I have a fair few blogs to catch up on including my own. I have so much respect for people who are physically ill all the time.
I’m such a wuss!
I have to don my Easter bunny ears early tomorrow to hide lots of eggs so that the hunt can begin chez home. Got the hot cross buns close to hand and we are going to do a spot of cake baking.
I’ll be back soon with my reading cap on. Find out what everyone has been up to. I am not leaving the blogging world.
But Easter, my health and my daughters happiness has to come first.
Catch up with y’all soon ish —
Life is not fucking easy. Can just put that out there and state the obvious. One minute you are up and on a high and then you hear a tiny whisper of news and it brings you crashing down.
Not trying to get cryptic and poetic. It’s not my style.
My thoughts are all over the place.
First day down of facilitator support group training. -I can tell you it is not easy to facilitate a peer led support group.
I’m not going t give up.
six hours of intense training -what did Daisy learn ?
The only thing I can think of at this moment is what my ma has just told me My uncle has a tumour – in his colon – cancerous- 6 cm big .
Oh and I remember this quote
“In the silence of listening, you can know yourself in everyone, the unseen singing softly to itself and to you.”
Read more at: http://www.azquotes.com/quote/824105
I think it sums up what a facilitators role is and the need to be self aware all the time.
I lost an aunt to cancer last February and another uncle not many weeks after that to Cancer. My Gran’s dementia is in the final stages. I’m trying to carve out a new life for myself, my daughter. I am terrified of losing my own mother.
Mental illness sucks balls
. I really don’t need it to start causing shit when I have so many important things I need to get on with.
Like what ?
Well my life.
I’m not going to let this beat me. No matter how many panic attacks I get, how many times I weigh myself or how complexed everything gets. I’m going to get through this. I will be there for my family. I will succeed in my goals with volunteering.
Went to the dentist and his assistant says to me
“you are one tough cookie.”
So did the tattoo dude when I got my new tattoo 2 weeks ago .
Yes, It’s a good job I have lived the life I have.
I can honestly say thank fuck for every experience that has led me up to this moment.
I am holding up pretty good.
I’ve done a gym session, had a bath and read my daughter a story. I’m not going to go into what I learned today.
I need time to process it.
I’m not going into my uncles condition.
I need time to process.
I am going to try and distract myself and read your lovely blogs and posts. I want to write but I feel numb. I feel like if I carry on writing like this – no emotion will come across in these words..
In a way I’m honouring what I always profess to be. I am honest to a fault. Transparent.
I am the first person to mock religion but the first thing I thought about when I heard the news about my uncle was :
I am willing to believe in a God if it makes my uncle better. I’m willing to believe that there s still hope,the operation will be a success .I’m willing to pray to something I have never laid eyes on if it will heal the suffering of a person I love.
My heads all over the place.
Day two of POETRY JO’S THREE DAY CHALLENGE
So, here is the challenge,
For this challenge you need to really explore your grandest dreams for your future. We are talking wild, big, bigger and biggest. Money is no obstacle and we live in a perfect world. What is your wildest dream?
Okay wow! This is tough. The first thing that goes running through my mind, is I want power and to be a success. In fact I want to be one the most successful woman ever. How would I achieve this? I would be able to engage with different types of people. I would learn and study about anything I stumble across that interests me. I have the scene from the movie ‘ Gorilla’s in the mist’ in my head for some reason
I want that kind of power and freedom to experience the world in all it’s wonder. I want to make a positive impact on the world. I do. I’m sick of messing up. I’ve done that for over 15 years of my life and it is time to change.
I want to be happy. Truly happy. Happiness that comes from within. Apparently that is the only way to find it. How? I’m getting there. Society demands me to look externally for happiness.
So yeah. I may travel the world. In fact in my perfect world ;me, my daughter, my husband to be and my cat Tatiana and my Mum would all come on an amazing journey travelling the world.
I like to look good. So, I guess it would be cool to have the opportunity to buy what I wanted:
I can see this getting boring rather quickly. The holiday bit I don’t. I believe there is so much quality and positivity and happiness to be found when you are in a place outside your comfort zone. I would still want to work hard and enjoy my holidays.
I thought about life and death. I don’t know. Would it be my perfect world to see my loved ones who have passed?
Would knowing what happens to me when I die make me happy?
If I truly want happiness and I do! then I might not like what I find out and that would make me sad. I like a bit of mystery. I like kind of hoping that unicorns and fairies and goblins could exist. I want to know that when people die -young and old that they are happy.
In my perfect world I want everyone to be happy, no wars – none of that. The thing is there is no perfect. How can I understand and feel happiness if I have never known sadness. This goes for all emotions. My experiences as hard and difficult and amazing as they have been have led me to this point in my life where I am creating my own happiness. I have character because of my experiences. A perfect world would not fit with who I am. Who I am becoming.
I may have gone off topic here. I don’t have all the answers to end war. It would be interesting to have the power to create peace among people and see how that plays out. I am kind of playing some God then. I don’t think I want the kind of power that inhibits others freedom.
I want freedom and power to be the happiest and most successful person I can be. I want to protect my family and pets.
I want to write more, read more, do more. Live more. In my perfect world there is one thing that I can guarantee : nobody would know what an animal tastes like except for animals. People would not need the taste for beef, eggs chicken. leather bags, snake skin, fur coats, ivory.. I’m not perfect but I’ve educated myself with what people- what humanity does to animals. There is a documentary I implore anyone who ever reads this to watch.It will change your views forever. here is the link EARTHLINGS
My wildest dreams and my perfect world are located in the real world.
Does that make me a too much of a realist?
The fantasy of want is usually much better than the reality version in my experience.
That’s it. Day two down. Take on the challenge. It is very enlightening . Roll on day three. POETRYJO’S THREE DAY CHALLENGE DAY TWO LINK,