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Operation clam

Maybe I’m not who I say am.

Maybe I’m too prised shut.

Im certainly not the man

More likened to a clam.

 

Plenty of fish to test my lack of faith.

Indirect lines

Caught in the net-

Delivering me to an Ill designed fate.

 

Mate,

Tag me with an aphrodisiac.

Swimming in the theatre room

Hang up my ten phalanges

To ward off the inner crowd.

 

Grains of sand obscure my funny elbow.

Morose in all affairs

Wander afar from the nudists-

They emulate all my common fears.

They are my foes.

 

Grains of sand.

A Stormy clap of hands.

 

Alone in this operation,

The agenda is to make sure I get by on an innuendo.

Fear to be me-

To let the tears show up my negativity.

 

Look for the silver lining…

Give up?

Be happy or die trying.

This is a message in a bottle

Fish are borderline crying.

 

In yer face

Illiterate

Poet,

writer,

Creative of my right palm.

Read in between the lines

I’m the maker of my own divine crime.

 

It’s complicated.

Will you?

Will I?

Yes, wouldn’t you..?

Wouldn’t I?

What I mean to say is….Will you? Please ……

What are you doing?

Erm…… Doing?

Yes… Down there. I tower over you enough when you aren’t half bent and crooked…

Half bent? What is that supposed to mean?

Half bent! You have that look… that thing those people -how do you say it?- Oh, I don’t know airy and breezy…

Is this a joke? Are you really enjoying this?

I would ask you the same question. Last time I checked you were not the person I see before me…

And what person is that? 

Not this – it’s so ………….so ………… unnatural. For you, I mean.

Well, I know I’ve never been conservative but unnatural?

Rather liberal I would say. 

Ma Cherie, Will you? 

Will, I what? 

Will you come down to my level of thinking?

Are you sure you are not possessed?

I think you have confused me with some character. I’m not quite sure what it is you imply…

Look!  I will come down to your level and tarnish my finery, on one condition…

Anything. of course!

Ask me the question again?

The..  Which one?

Oh the heavens, this will never wash out -the first one!

Oh, of course. Will you?

I will…

You will – this is just marvellous!

if…

If what? I beseech thee.

If I say I will: will you promise to remain the Gayest fiance there was ever born?

Gayest? Have you lost you….. I am a full-blooded Alpha. Is this a joke?

No. 

No. Just No.

If I say I will -will you continue to be the Gayest man I have ever seen?

Well, my love. Don’t mind if I get up off my knees- I need to think about this.

I said yes, I  will!

You are mocking me.

No. I love to see the way you look at me – T’is the gayest I have seen you yet.

Dear Lord! 

Will you? , it is just Darling.

I think, ma Cherie. I think I need to, uh, communicate a little better..

If you say you will, you may kiss me.

If I may say….. K- cos I  b like MindFuck. gotta chillax with my bros in a mo, my answer is mb. 

MB? Another mighty bastard

(Doesn’t it suck that we use text lingo instead of proper language these days)

 

My True penny

I’m taking back my power.

I’ve got my ammo and my gun powder.

I’m not going to use it cos I’m more of a peace than a ‘fuck you -let’s bomb you to oblivion’ type of  person.

I have realised that  to allow someone who thinks nothing about me to have so much power to lure me into a paralysed state of persuasive perversion is:

 True insanity. I have my true penny and that is what counts.

I pushed him  away like a woman under attack –  I pushed  my lot away – until it formed blood clots on the insides – comparably sized to mounting a  herd of elephants.

unwilling to be ridden- trunks raised up, irate – exploding in  shouts.

I started to talk about what goes on in my head and my true penny told me that we all makeup scenarios in our minds, to make sense of the lives and situations we come across, in this world of an  uncertain,  never-ending skyline.

I thought I was losing it.

I thought I  was obsessed.

Turns out my brain works out  my issues based on characters and story lines and other  shenanigans.

Crazy?  maybe but creativity strokes  the  beat with a brush  –  I feel there is  almost a genius to be found walking on this fine line.

Swastikas and Reds are not my idea of interior decorating.

Tearing down my  walls.

One little Nazi’s thought is not going to make me come down to that kind of level.

I have my life.

 I am the queen of my disco.

I have retro  roller skates on .

 The sun is my Disco ball.  I’m on the rooftop, in the light-beaming under the  rays.

Not hiding in the dark, under the influence,an imposter.

A star that can’t twinkle, dishevelled – so shady – a back turns away –  It’s the one known as the  blue devil.

We are on two separate  paths –  I notice  the screams of a   shaken baby.

A rattle spins across the floor – Dummy dribbled with garbled spit.

I guess mommy is right when she says: ‘You always want what you can’t have’

It’s not infatuation, love or anything like that – This baby is  having a tantrum – she  didn’t get what she  wanted .

She  didn’t even get a maybe.

I’m done slithering  on my belly across damp floors.  Waiting for the next Gestapo, soot-stained  boot to squelch  me.

Turn out my guts until, all you can see is the insides of me- a sore sight of  limacine.

Phantom limb syndrome – I am back from the  war of past, oppressive obsession.

  I’m awake.

 Clarity.

Nightmares were all I had to grieve over.

 I didn’t lose any limbs. Only my inner self- belief .

 I’m a china teapot lady – I’m done  trying to find happiness in a person who happily  lives  life drinking out of cups made of polystyrene .

 The present is my greatest gift.   I’m not wasting another second wishing on  dreams that we can be friends.

My heart is my greatest ally and foe. It makes me work.

Dwarves getting their hoes to do all the work – chasing fairy dust ,  axe- picking fights with one another, to grow in a place under a roof of  artificial light.

Genuine and melodic – true light – mountain breeze is the only place I will find a place to atone.

To make amends.

Let it go and go with the flow

I stand before the world smiling – unashamed – this is my show.

 

SHOUT OUTS AND AWARD NOMINATATONS TO FOLLOW