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If there was ever a time

If there was ever a time to put your words on display

National Poetry Day is the time to use your voice to say

What is in your heart

What do you feel

Reveal the emotions -at inner play.

Don’t admonish your words merely to paper

Don’t admonish your words merely to your mind

Shout out: I’m worthy. What I’ve to say is enough for today and another and another and ..

National poetry is for more than one day

Make each one count

Not merely the words you deem fit to convey

Your worth is more than hiding away behind myriad of masks to please those who get in your way

Your words are worth more than those whom you justify your truth without causing affray.

Your life story : Not merely poignant

Make your impression

Make your mark

I’m here to stay for more than a moment

more than a hashtag.

Use your words

Use your voice

To guide you to a better life -your way

For better or for worse

You are brave

So, seize your day

Its Okay.

Merely human

I lost my temper yesterday, let the Anger consume me and took it all  out, one person.

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Did this person deserve to feel the wrath of all the turmoil and pain that has been festering away for years and years ?

No.

There is a part of me who feels a bit guilty for dumping it all on this person.

I hate injustice.

I hate cowardice behavior.

I detest people who say one thing and then do/say  another.

I loathe people who I allow to take advantage of me.

Yes, I know am the only one to allow that to happen and it pisses me off.

I let people who shouldn’t and don’t mean anything to me: get to me.

 

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ENOUGH OF THIS BULLSHIT

 

 

 

I think (for me) I can see how hard I have fought to become the person I am today,then  I have people  around me who don’t even know me well- tell me positive qualities that  they see in me. They don’t have to say these things.

Then, there are certain people  I’ve come across in my life- they all look different yet carry the same traits- who are very quick to point out that I am the one with the problem.

Why do we question people’s motives  who build us up?

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Do I have issues?

Yes.

One of them is being tired of beating myself with another person’s shit sticks

The very people who called me a psycho or crazy or something else are hypocrites – somewhere along the line, I find out just how messed up these people are.

I don’t want then to be unhappy or messed up .

My issue is that they make out that their issues are mine.

No.

I take responsibility for my shit – you take responsibility for yours.

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I am direct, blunt  and an upfront person who wears my heart on my sleeve. I have a lot of love and time to give others and I do allow people to take advantage.

I’m learning, but when I get caught out giving away my energy to those who have never even bothered to respect me or even ask me  how I am or even ask anything about me – my emotions build up , then like a tornado the emotions pick up momentum  until  I can’t contain the wrath I feel.

Anger may be seen  as a useless emotion.

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In general, I am not an angry person.

I just don’t like people who clearly have their own baggage dumping it all on me.

I am sensitive, I am the kind of person who will sit for hours trying to make another person feel better.

These last few months – I allowed myself to get sucked in,  manipulated  into feeling the need for a specific person  to want me.

In hindsight, I think I wanted to show that person who I had become. I went straight back to looking for approval from someone who I didn’t need approval from  to be me.

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I am aware I have my own self-esteem and insecurity issues to work on and I do, every day.

 I refuse to allow people to take the piss anymore and when I realize they have, my fuse burns up – I come at people like a rabid ,gangster dog.

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Possibly ,not the best way to handle a situation because getting angry to the point where I am hurling abuse at someone and doing the exact same thing that person has done to me for however many years or months :is giving my power away.

So, maybe I shouldn’t have said what I said – I am not a person who keeps my mouth shut these days. I have done that for far too long.

I am direct, openly honest , to the point.

Is it fair to expect the same  from others?

Yes and No.

If the person is going to be a part of my life then 100 % absolutely

but

If that person isn’t (as hard as that may be to accept and feel) then I can’t expect these things from a person who may not have these traits or want to give me what I want.

It hurts.

People are going to do what they want to do and so it is always worth reminding ourselves that we too are human and have a bull shit  offload  cutoff threshold  until we act human.  😀

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I’m not going to carry on beating myself over the head.

I am going to carry on reaching out to the people who I feel good around.

I’m going to carry on succeeding and moving on with my life.

I had a rough collision with my past and it played out for far too long.

I had this idea in my mind of who and what this person is and my expectations led me to feel hurt.

 

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THE ONLY TIME TO HAVE ANY EXPECTATIONS

 

 

I’m not expecting anymore:   is my point.

There is responsibility on both parts but I can only take responsibility for my part.

Always question what other people call you and how they treat you before believing you are worthless and they are right.

Remember not to filter out all the good that people tell you about who they think you are.

Look back at all you have achieved.

Look forward to all you are achieving.

To wrap this up – I live by the motto

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I’m the first person to put up my  hand when I have done something wrong but I am also going to tell you when I haven’t done wrong – I’m not going down for a crime I didn’t commit.

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They say all is fair in Love and War……

I guess there are no easy choices nor right or wrong ones but there are choices and I guess that is about as fair as you can get.

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Daisy introduces Darina i 6 – Therapy bits blog

SO MUCH RESPECT FOR THIS LADY! . DARINA i  6 or known as manyofus on word press, lives with an illness called dissociative  identity disorder. Even more respect for her because she digs rap and hip hop.

Alter introduction-Meet darina! — Therapy Bits

 

hihi everybudy it me darina and i am six i maked this video and i introduced myself and i want share it to you all here it is i hope you all like it❤ darina i six

via Alter introduction-Meet darina! — Therapy Bits

Poetry jo’s three day challenge day 3

Fab last day of zee challenge. I’m kind of glad it’s not too soul searching.

It is the end of a very rewarding day and the challenge fits right in with what I am aiming for. So this is Jodies challenge

Day 3

So we know who you are and your dreams for the future, today I would like you to list 5 things. Five small actions you can do daily or weekly to bring you from the person you are today to the person you hope to be in the future.

MY 5 SMALL ACTIONS I CAN DO TO GET TO THE PERSON I WANT TO BE IN FOUR MONTHS

  1. Do my Co- facilitating training with Healthy minds

  2. carry on going to regular support meetings to get a feel for how service user led groups are run and how different facilitators ‘guide’ the group if need be

  3. Get ready to engage with the NHS and find out at what point they see us helping people in recovery with an eating disorder and the criteria that the group needs to meet.

  4. be patient and go with the flow. 

  5. Take time out if need be. I am not a machine

So I am ready to go through the process of getting this group up and running for Spring. It can’t be done in a day but it is in progress and that is a lot better than where I was yesterday.  Never thought I would ever be doing this and I am blessed and honoured. 

So just got to keep doing what I am doing and being me.

Thanks for the challenge Jodie -Check her out HERE – have a brilliant 2016 and I am sure we shall be connecting in the blogging world at some point. 

That’s it I’m done for tonight. 

 

Getting to know me

5 am start to get shit done. Coffee is my greatest ally. Okay so for writing 101  we had to write a list of things we like, things we wish for and things we have learned. What I  intend to do with this list is use it as a prompt to create situations, develop plot and character for the NaNoWriMo 50 000 word challenge for the month of November. I’m also killing the two proverbial ‘birds with one stone. Day three of NaNoWriMo and I’m up to 1701 words. I do not know what the finished product will be but I’m enjoying the process.

Here is mine :

Things I Like:

  • I like reading

  • I like dancing

  • I like music

  • I like being fashion

  • I like  all you can eat pancakes for 5 rand -( takes me back to childhood: After every beach session with my mates in South Africa we  would stop off  at this pancake cafe,and eat the thickest and biggest pancakes imaginable. We had competitions  to see who could eat the most. My record is a proud 8)

  • I like going to  events festivals, gigs, theatres

  • I like to be accepted by my friends

  • I like to be secure in my surroundings

  • I like to look good

  • I like to be helpful

  • I like to do good

  • I love my  bed

  • I like vaping

  • I like sunny days

  • I like to be around un pretentious people

    I like conversations with my daughter

I Wish:

  • I wish I had learned to play a musical instrument properly

  • I wish I had not wasted my time getting people to like me

  • I wish I had proper  sight vision from a young age

  • I wish my Aunt had not died from cancer

  • I wish a person close to me  would stop hearing voices and get better

  • I wish I had an engaging personality

  • I wish I had more self-belief

  • I wish I was not so self-critical

  • I wish my Grandpa had not died

  • I wish I had stayed in Miami

  • I wish I  had a closer bond with my Dad

  • I wish I could afford to go on holiday

  • I wish that I was naturally thin

  • I wish my Gran did not have Alzheimers and Dementia

  • I wish I had just enough money to do more of the things I enjoy –theatre –gigs festival travel

I’ve Learned:

I’ve learned to question my thoughts

I’ve learned to let people talk before jumping in

I’ve learned that drugs and alcohol are not my thing

I’ve learned that most people I know suffer from some form  of mental illness in their life –(this prompted me to think about a character who lashes out at people to hide a horrible secret- Her mental health issues)

I’ve learned the value of true love and self-respect

I’ve learned not to get too upset if people don’t like me (  yet again great inspiration fro developing all round characters with shades of dark and light)

I’ve learned   how to not self-harm

I’ve learned that hard work pays off

I’ve learned about faith and spirituality and religion and  developed my own  belief  system– (devil-prompt-  aaaaaaaargh what ? The devil bit was my  teenage obsession phase with satanic cult books. I never became a Satanic but I have always had a thirst for knowledge and I have a rather consistent habit of being drawn to ‘dark side’

I’ve learned to look people in the eyes when I speak and when they speak with me

I’ve learned that I am a compassionate person

I’ve learned about unconditional love

I’ve learned not to think that not all laughter is aimed at me

I’ve learned to fight  and stand up for myself (something I didn’t have the tools to do when I was a teenager. ( I got into one physical fight in my life and I didn’t even know it was going to happen. In my drug taking hey day I was accused of stealing friends mobile phones for drugs. The true thief was a so called drug buddy and boyfriend who used me as his unknowing decoy to steal shit for his habit. Who was the fall guy/woman?  Me. I was so addled with drugs and anorexia one punch knocked me flat out. People wanted a  fight but I don’t think physical violence is way to ‘sort things out’. Now, out witting some one with words is  powerful a message and   more my thing.