A coin has two sides.
Heads or Tails – it’s crazy how we let fate decide how our life will transpire.
Fate. Mate. It’s all overrated – celebrity ,drug addicted ,dead skateboarder – cremated ashes arise from the livings tears-earths most selfish empire.
Hawks’ is a brand name. I find his business methods something left to be desired.
Underhanded- an opportunist.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
If we don’t speak we will never have our say.
Seems obvious right? Don’t hold it all inside – don’t delay – make a good go at it and relay.
Play the violin, a piano. Instrumental sounds.
Rap beats- car sounds reverberating – runners paving the tarmac with their well-trained feet.
Musical – emotional .
I ‘m touched by what I hear.
It moves my soul quicker than all the gold or silver in the world.
My words serve to validate all that I seek when I am feeling somewhat unworthy.
Why do we undervalue ourselves ?
The ones who should sign a cheque to get a re-evaluation – go up in our own self-estimation.
Uncurl your fingers – point in whatever direction the wind blows, just walk wherever your finger lands, you can always change your mind if you hear the squawking of black crows.
It’s all there – in
We are a work of seraphic art.
Goals achieved ?Celebrate them. Flaunt them -don’t sit there with your head in your hands full- tearfully grieving. You must not be deceived.
Chimney poison ivy creeper.
Santa has decided to go for the crimson look for yet another year – What a heathen!
Life is a miracle . Look at your child – turning five , thirteen ,sixteen , eighteen.
I don’t care if she decides to run with the LGBT team or swap cuticle tips with the latest Hollywood cream queen..
Her individuality. Her style.
Stars above – sit, wide-mouthed, in awe . Blessed to have sight.
I’m not Stevie wonder.
True, some say he was talented but he was not me.
I too am Original .
I too am visional.
Open your mind to the possibility that money is nothing but worthless of your valuable time, scavenging around under the bed mattress, in hope of clocking an epic find.
It’s all relative.
That’s what the judge said.
In proportion to Age.
The solicitor offended his honour in his own chambers, pulling the ageist card to a venerable man .
His honourable threatened the organisation to pay out – headless chickens running around, not enough eggs or battery farms.
Overfed already underfunded.
Hegemony -sums in deficit- terminally defunct.
send them back to the Flinstones era .
Exile – a yabba dabba doo ban.
Embrace every compliment, every kindness , every soft touch.
For you don’t have a clue just how much you have to offer,
just how much you give to so and so and such and such.
Make a treasure map – Find a weather app.
What do you value? Does it make you happy?
Elevator music- always smells of corporate candy -a chihuahua at your ankles, constantly snapping.
Don’t blend in. Stand out. Be fierce, Be proud. You’ve come far.
The underdog title has got a new replacement.
Now don’t hesitate.
Now don’t fear.
Take that hair-raising step . Success is attracted to you like static – you don’t need a lint roller to wipe away all of you. You’ve worked – you have put in the time.
Look at your face!
I know we all battle
Not every day is full of sunshine.
Some stay the same.
You are here to honour your rightful place next to your fellow man , women – indeed even that sodding goblin.
Two sides of the coin
. No, you don’t have to flip it like a burger. You have a choice. You always have a choice.
To give power – to give your free will away to chance – heads or tails .
It’s unbalanced , unnatural . Shed away the archaic scales.
You are in control even when you are on automatic.
let’s wrap this soCs up and affirm how hard you’ve worked -you have every right to celebrate your achievements. Stare people in the eyes – make sure that they are on your level.
Tell them -Let them all know.
Yes. I am.
Yes. I did.
Yes. I will.
When you do decide where it is that you are headed for next on the chessboard . Sing, dance ,shout -do a jig – do it your way.
Make sure you are emphatic, Charlie Chaplin style or simply be over dramatic.
I’m trying to do anything to keep my mind from falling apart,so I wrote this.
( I wrote this monologue to try to help me deal with today& something * crazy* that happened a couple of years ago).
If anyone reads it , thanks .
If not – a problem or a few words shared – is a problem halved..
MO – Maya’s husband and daughter to MIA
MAYA – mid 30/40’s mother and wife to Mo
MIA -young child-daughter
(MO lying on what could be a sunbed /hospital bed. Spotlight -Bright lights -glaring down on her. Darkness all around her)
MO: There’re so many ways I could start what happened that day, so many ways… Sometimes, I think the best way to start is at the end -the tubes down my throat, the experiments, the torture (beat) or at the middle: “You’re mad in the head, you are. Summit wrong with ya. We filmed it. Caught ya red-handed, silly bint”.
VOICES: What happened? She didn’t! I’m calling the cops.
MO:Then I think to start at the beginning but my mind -it struggles- it’s addled -it struggles to find an entry point that can start linearly if ya know what I mean. …
A beginning that will justify, lend a decorum of erm.. credibility for all those who were involved in a moment that changed Mo and Mia’s lives for… at least a few weeks.
I’ve never claimed I was perfect.. or do I wanna be. Always say..Well- not always, summit * I* say.It’s a motto -like something I’ve adopted as my own. Who doesn’t know the lyrics to Bob Marley’s Tune? (sings) I shot the sheriff but I didn’t shoot any deputy -ooooh ooooh ooooh. To get back to what I was on about. I’m not perfect, yeah. No mask ever is. I stick my hand up whenever I’ve gone wrong in my life. And I sure as hell will say when I’m not.
Them lot. *Them* next door. Neighbours supposed to be friendly like – not mine. They refused to take responsibility for the barrage of abuse on their part. Harassing me like I was the only one on the estate doing cuckoo shit, man.
They didn’t see me get abducted by them aliens -Truth: Illegal aliens.
They weren’t imprisoned by our laws. They didn’t want me to come to this world even when I begged them. Well, I could only blink. *They *could hear my thoughts. They knew I had been tossing a coin over the worth of my own life for many a year. The day it all kicked off, I was trying to be on my best behaviour- not screw things up like I usually do. It was a proper sunny day, I had my bikini on, Mo blew up the pool. ( laughs) it was a plastic one – it needed air. We sat in the garden. I had a few drinks and summit snapped in my head. I thought , ‘right I’m gonna get on the phone to my regular geezer and score me a hit’.
Mo comes into the kitchen knowing full well summin was up, so I just said my usual spiel and before he could answer, I flew out the door, and I ran over to *his* car. I turned around to go back to my house and there she was.
Number 1 -Miss neighbourhood watch or should I say Ms curtain twitcher filming me. Things had been building up in my head for a while, the pressure, my mind felt full of cotton wool most days.
I wasn’t happy. I didn’t think about it and before I knew it: Boom, the glass window -her glass window shattered and…I was holding this great big hunk of Yorkshire stone in my hand. It took both hands to hold it.
Shit hit the fan.Police sirens were whirring, Mo,” I’m gonna get Mia up to my your mams house”. They arrest me in front of her. She was crying. I was begging them to give Mo a chance to take her around the corner. Cos of Corona -like ,we had to wait for 5 hours to get me booked in.
My brain snapped in that cell. The police thought I had ADHD. I screamed for 4 hours. I was restrained by 5 police officers. I screamed until blood was coming out of my mouth.
The Crisis team was called and they said it wasn’t there ‘problem’. I’m well known to them -my social worker said- Well, I can’t remember.But everyone was passing the buck from one Flippin pole to the next. I got cautioned and was told by the copper to come back in a week. Next day- Mo went to work on the day shift; Mia well.. she was staying with my mom. And I knew I had enough to do it. Do it properly. I had read the manual, it might as well have been titled ‘How to escape Planet Earth’. It was informative. I bought it online.
I bought myself a one-way ticket to another realm. That was it for me. I followed every step of the manual and then I blacked. Found myself strapped to a bed with aliens looking down on me wearing spacesuits. It didn’t stop. The torture didn’t stop. I even started to pray to a God I don’t even believe in. It was hell.
I thought to myself. This is it. I screwed up again. Its never going to end. The strangest thing was I kept on seeing this image of my mom. I tried hard to keep the image of Mia and Mo in view but it was my Mom’s face that I could focus on.
One minute I was trapped in this spaceship and the next I opened my eyes and I saw all white, even the people and no they weren’t aliens with big eyes and scary faces, they were smiling and perfectly human just like you and me. I tried to move my head to the left and there on a table, I saw a picture of Mo, Mia and.. my mom. 11 days later Mo was allowed to check me back into a familiar place: Earth.
He was mad at me for disappearing like I did but soon after he hugged me and we had a right giggle about me trying to convince him I’d been abducted by Aliens. Cos of Corona it turns out that the aliens with their headgear and silver suits on were people. They weren’t aliens, I mean they were strangers to me but… they weren’t trying to suck out my brain: my thoughts, my feelings, you know? They weren’t trying to take my life
They were trying to save me.
It’s a funny life, innit?
If you took away my infidelity
Would you let me have my way?
If these words were flesh
Would you bury my bones
Dig up the grains of sand
Blow my spirit so the the people who could never say
The bones could never declare
For a day
Unless you said I was fair.
For a moment
An hour longer than you dared to muster
To declare I’m the loyal mare
I dare you to share
For another day might tame
The girl who cared.
Or are afraid to .. …
Everyone can feel like a
All it takes is a
Dose of creationist bacteria inciting
on grounds countering humanity.
Freedom shatters pedalling gamblers.
Cards spiral up.
Offers new found grip on this moment.
Cha cha amorous
Latin her body speaks.
Acquaint within ear shot of an organic pulse
Inertia rests in patchouli scented tomstones.
Nobody sheds dull
the skin held in chains invisible.
Everybody still ignorant to the body disappearing into Huxtable’s fable.
Iris shows off her pupils under natural sun light.
Rainbow replenishes chakras.
Illustrated by the refusal to keep a voice hidden
Saints need sinners. New mantra forwards a thinker.
Embrace beats without hesitation.
Life moves along with or without your participation
inspired by this T -shirt )
Mike / Nike bananas – waaaah?
Don’t believe in a day a tee.
Don’t believe in a dye a tee.
I believe in emotions.
A moral .
If I listened without interrupting ( never filmed my candidates on camera) I’d be past the ignorant rear view mir row ing
dialed hind sight one wave too late.
Long pause… ( episodic moment).
Should have put a hashtag
(#) radiation *may cause seizures * * drug use * misuse * violence * harsh misuse of a vape * .
Film censorship can be deceiving.
I watch many films primed or netted for my viewing,
I see the warnings
How these kids ever going to adjust to life calling ?
I need a bit of tuning.
I started this off topic ness from listening to a past recorded conversation. I’m out of my depth .
I’m out of my depth.
I’ve a 6 4 2 bounce back pillow from the silent sisters who muted on their way to the unseen pleides.
Peel out of the mould
Did I lose you to a Mike bananas T- shirt that the mad republic would ask a beetle to submerge.
These words die with a relic…
. . . . . . . 7 dot dive of dismal drivel.
Beautiful & befuzzling- Especially for foreigners.
My answers are long because the list of pre fixes – to shit – are long …
Horse manure! 🐎 – any tory response especially during ascot season ( the gentrification version ?
Please see pic below
✋️… I’ll try out my wit again..
This looks vaguely like a timeline of the gentrification of the word / class system: * shit*
Have you seen the price of rentals these days ? !
. EPIC FAIL – again.
I’m just not funny 😐 😒.
Waving the red flag..
Gone gorillas in the mist with the word rambunctious ( Stop. Is Google time .)
Am I F***! Waving the red flag !
It’s a doggy 🐕 dog world if you don’t live in China..
Dare I say how it goes if you do live in China 🇨🇳- oops is that a red herring.
( that’s me all over – a false leader )
I’ll stick with my morbid side
Fact : Paris has the highest percentage of irresponsible dog shit picker uppers..
Must be on uppers if they haven’t got the time to pick up dog shit from their little beathoven mutt.
so, basically Paris has the largest amount of doggy doo in the major cities of the world 🌎 to step in.
Oh, I forgot ( I wanted to see if I could try and define rambunctious before I cooled it).
A bit over the top, firstly, too much , horny even ?
And proper definition 👌
Mmh that’s what they say in most
Rape depositions/ statements .
I don’t think rape is something to be laughed at .
Trust me I’ve been there .
Unless they have a small willy.
I can’t use hashtag metoo in this case.
Truth is I don’t have a willy.
Not Bullshit . Potentially batshit
I poured a rather long gin.
Snoop dog influenced me .
#laidback ####’d the crack out of that ..
. Well , on a final note atleast the English language has moved on from human excrement although excrement feels more like an achievement 👏 or an accomplishment than a shit.
I’M MAD SHIZZLE CRAZY .
Walked out my front door
First time in 5 days, I turned right for a change of scenery chucking out the rubbish – the highlight of this today
Beneath my feet the concrete was still grey
My demeanour resembled the bland council houses’ unimaginative choice of decorating on the cheap -resembling a prison … whatever . No , I’m done rhyming today.
What prompts these feathered words typed and on display – a bird not in flight
Wings tinged with blue a sorrowful sight to see no fight
Eyes bright with dewy deadpan light.
Eyes screeching victoriously: I found the worm special of the day!
How do I say , justify , describe the way my heart swooned the wrong way. I looked up at the sky thankful for the first time in many years for its consistent rays.
A distraction , a ruse – I knew it was dead . I’m ashamed to admit I didn’t move him onto a more dignified path. I was afraid he’d come back to life.
Circled around him in a hesitantly callous way
How dare he interrupt a quiet walk-the first in almost a week from sunday?
Did I imagine it semi fluttering whilst I walked past him with my bin liner full of litter ?
I profess to love watching those with wings -airborne soaring . I’m envious. A speculative visual adorned with glittered hues , proof that life moves in every way.
I confess I have a phobia of dead birds. Past memories of one I wasn’t able to save in my childhood
Direction moved me to walk the other way from a lifeless soul left to rot on a staircase.
Dreams are a subject that always confuses me. Why? It frustrates me that sometimes I can go for months (even years) without remembering any dreams. Then all of sudden they renegade me with one or two per night.
What is the first dream I remember? When I was 5 years old I had this recurring dream that my Mom got eaten by a shark and I was trying to save her. I remember my Aunt lifting me out of the water telling me that she couldn’t be saved. This dream was on a loop for some time. At the time life was stressful for us -moving around a lot, So, I could put the dream down to stress
I could blame my cousin. Why?
Well, one-night my mom went out and he was designated babysitter. He had some girl with him and the movie ‘Jaws’ had just come out on videotape. I didn’t want to watch it but he forced me to. He was a bit of a jerk. He used to call me peanut head! I do find that rather amusing.
I don’t know how successful he was with his date that night but I’m hoping Karma had her wicked way with him and left him with blue balls- sorry cuz!
So, back to dreams. Dreams for me conjure up vivid emotions and feelings rather than rely on visual details. My feelings and how I react in the dreams are always the strongest part of my dream that I remember. My latest dream I was torn between feeling secure and loved to being insecure and doubtful. In the dream, my hubby-to-be was having secret conversations with a woman he knew (in the context of the dream). I decided to confront the two – This girl was trying to convince me that my hubby was in fact in love with her and always would be. My other half was quiet when she spoke but in private he told me little except she was wrong and to trust him. The dream went back and forth between feeling betrayed and thinking the girl was telling some truth. My husband showed me a piece of torn paper and he said that she was trying to blackmail him but those feelings of insecurity would not pass.
The night before that I dreamt about my Mom. She was showing me her new wool jersey dress. she goaded me telling me to stop being so jealous and that she too was entitled to happiness. I wasn’t aware of my supposed jealous emotions until she changed tactics and told me she had that exact dress but a used one. Her dress was new and never been washed with the label intact. She invited me to try her new dress on. I kept on declining and then just to shut her up I conceded and tried on the dress. I put it on. Jiggled it on more like. I felt the tightness around my waist and then went into super panic mode when I couldn’t get it off. Mom was screaming at me to not stretch or ruin her dress.
How does this dream fit into the context of my everyday consciousness? I have been worried that I’ve put on weight around my middle and I have a wedding dress that I bought in 2014 for a knock off price that fits me like a glove. No room for breathing much. I need a straw to breathe out my nose to be honest. That is why I have been killing myself with Jillian Michaels workouts. This lady is nuts=a beaster. Every time I finish doing her workout I swear to myself I will NOT put myself through so much pain again. Today I’m contemplating doing another session. INSANITY! All this in an effort to look like a dream-like toned wedding bride belle for 22/06/2016.
The best dreams and most intense dreams were when I was a child. I loved flying dreams. It was so real. I could feel myself soaring through the sky – grazing over pine cone trees. I was energised, fast and it was like being on some crazy high with more than mild disappointment when I woke up. I still crave those dreams like a crack addict chasing that first hit of blood vessel dilation and a 47 second rush of blood brethren to the head . Falling dreams were intense, remember those? I remember free falling unboundedly from a great height. With a seemingly frog-like croak, I could feel my heart leap up into my throat. I was going to flounder and land and smudge the ground with a body made of lead. It was going to happen. The only thing that stopped that dream was I woke up.
Did I hit the ground jolting me back to consciousness? I don’t know but it was intense and an adrenaline rush. Terrifying but one I would invite back.
The craziest dreams I’ve had are the ones I swear I have been awake. One dream was when I was about 10 years old – in my bedroom, we kept the washing machine there. One night I woke up to the washing machine churning furiously. It wanted my attention. It was spinning around so fast I thought it would take off. I was paralysed. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t scream. I’ve had a few of these kinds of dreams in my life and they do genuinely scare me because my eyes are open and I am awake!
Sex dreams are a bit embarrassing, right? erm…. won’t
go into that one unless asked – Hahaha.
r dream I had aeons ago as I heard the phone ringing. I was too lazy to pick it up. It rang and rang and rang. Eventually, I picked up the receiver and I woke up with my hand stretched up and out as if to hold a phone. Strange surreal shit.
So does anybody else have any dreams they want to share? I have an odd feeling that pouring my sub- unconscious self onto E-paper will start a cycle of more dreams. Wish me luck.
No more sex
s, please! I feel like converting to catholicism when I have one. Do you want to have a go analysing your dreams?
My mind has been focused on simple acts.
I got lost in the tiniest of fish bowls,
now I have got what I want, my mind is on detonate mode.
123 – it feels like I’ve sold almost all of my souls.
Bolivian marching powder?
No, not that kind of blow
I need a fix to settle these nerves.I have to take it and there are no more chances to ignore.
My very core.
Paddling with or without an oar.
What do I know about writing?
I signed up for this,now it feels like I have sucked myself into my own suicide pact, by leaking out the gas-
Riding on a high:I think I can fly.
I hit the floor -head first.
Brain cells die.
The illusion is no more.
Fish have evolved and learned to grow wings!
I’m a fallen angel, feathers already in place.
I shouldn’t have a problem claiming my precious, idolised rings.
It ain’t hard to fill out my own sin award credit tax.
Therefore, I are pilgrim -like innit mega -sir!
fetch me my gown.
My mind is running on crazy adrenaline,
panic sets in and I am fucked if I can remember whose bed I am meant to be in.
Perspective just got that bit closer
It punched me in the face-
Invisible fists just came at me like a ghost –
Can I do this?
I seem to always get what I want.
Except with emotional IQ situations – I kind of let that one slip into the abyss.
So, I continue to create my own destiny…
Fate is for people living in a book of dizzy ,fairy tale necessity.
I feel the fear.
I’m not gonna lie.
All this sudden knowledge makes me want jump ship and say,
‘fuck! Au revoir, matie. Here, you have a go and steer.’
Fear is good.
It means I care.
Passion is good
It means I will probably fare.
So cool how I fooled my way into school.
This shit could still just backfire- now who’s the cool fool?
Past is a bit tense.
Future has been signed by my consent.
Got to the end – we all want a happy ending.
I made this shit up.
Why do I justify myself to others if I’m not working in a full paid life capacity?
Why do I justify myself to others if I’m not working in a full paid life capacity?
It’s not like we’re still living in a Victorian era where I need to prove I’ve achieved my full belt in chastity.
I’m not kept nor groomed.
I’m a woman of the age of independence. When I hold my breath I think of the oceans of ambition, filling me to a combustion ends- infallibility.
Words to sell the people who haven’t walked a second in my shoes.
Self justification who’s never seen a man who sold ice creams on a beach with his bare arms.
He wouldn’t allow the cha cha dance of life to let him be the one who gave in to defeat.
Even when the sun, it melted into his ebony skin-a parched man not bitter .
Even when children mocked him with no adult to inform them they were creating a culture where we judge people by being born in breach.
These words are going nowhere unless I tell people I’m a winner regardless of the mind state – an alternative view they may one day wish to seek.
Their unbeknownst ignorance of those mountains I’ve so far climbed to be deemed fit in a society increasingly lacking in human empathy just to stay in view
To remain an arm within terre ferme reach
These are my words. This is what I wish to impart. I refuse to give up until my soul recoils from my body,
Honours it’s vow –till death do us part.
If you taunt me I’ve learned
Not to teach nor preach.
Life’s a beach.
I’m a woman of the world with nothing but reach.
Does this sound preachy ?