Blog Archives

The mirror

The mirror reflects the beast is inside it.

Inside the mirror the beast reflects,

On ideas inside reflective retrospection.

Reflect reflexive reflux.

Unburden the beast

From  the mirror on its side.

Beasted prisms

-open mouthed,

Cavernous cat calling, flea bags .

Black shades of night undeterred by the mirror at that angle.

Pages of bondage erotica famish the interior of the beast within.

This mirror shatters,

splinters shriek for a second too long to be assumed  as straight.

Queer in the way they lay askance humming for a low light to see inside the shade.

Hecklers shadier  than souls  of migrated slaves left behind in the mines.

Mine’s   more saintly that Mary Magdelean and her merry consorts.

Inside the mirror comes an ideology in pursuit,

In vain it pursues the ideal mirror come -ingly

Humming birds make cuckoos cower and tall trees suppress air ,sneering inwards.

Deforestation is a  reflection of the soul of the beast

This is our true form.

Humans are the beasts of nature.

A crystallized form of sin

A loss of the last glimmer of humanity.


*Inspired by reading  ‘Reading experiment’ by Hazel Smith. Chapter one- Introductory strategies

Parted Flesh.

*This song & quote inspired a script  I’m working for my Degree in the Humanities.

Basic premise: a jury split over the  ‘ grey areas’ of a  high profile court case, A young man is accused of raping his wife to be.  Is he  absolutely guilty of  Raping his wife? One night of passion. Two stories.  What happened that night?  The evidence lies in the hands of 12 jury members.*


  ‘Now are they not twayne then, but one flesh. Let not man therefore put a sunder, yt which God hath coupled together.’  

 MATTHEW  19:6

‘Do you promise to tell the truth, so help you God?



In one gender.

Half a dozen men fester  in a room

Separating Sensationalism versus truth.


sweltering Summer days spent

In a  hyped media  playpen

Forecast for doom.

 Devising the fate of a boy

In touch with his truth.

A mistake , is he to fall?

Be punished for the ongoing debate?

Does it make it right?

 The boy continued a relationship with the sexually assaulted.

A girl’s

Public  claims  she is  fearful  of  her boy’s sinister

Fright on sight?


It’s never okay.

No means no.

Two people.

The truth.


Damn, that’s a blow

No drug could penetrate,

Mass guilt floods

Semantic fluid clogs the mind

Of a boy done wrong.

Easy to get cynical.


You were to decide his fate.

Where do you compromise your

values, beliefs,

Determine the facts?

Voices tear apart opinion after opinion

Silenced into cloud funded crowds offset to dissipate.

What is a worthy punishment?

Did she manipulate Boy to gain the upper hand to?

….Deal with the death of her paternal bond?

Cash in on emotional connections equivalent to living in the cult of the son of  I am.

‘Forgive me not or let me be free!’

,he pleads

Can we move forward?

Can we sever ties?

Chalk it up to experience.

Your Honour,

Vow to

Live without hubris.


His remaining  existence determined  by

A dozen eggs:

 The Jury.


Hidden behind Neon flashlights pointing to God’s hand

Directing the choir to  Man’s asunder demise?



Asunder is an adverb that means “into separate pieces.” So if you’ve torn your ex’s love letter asunder, you’ve forcefully ripped it into separate pieces — and rightly so.

Asunder comes from the Old English phrase on sundran, which means “into separate places.” It is a somewhat archaic and uncommon word and most of us know it only from marriage ceremonies: “What God has joined together let no man put asunder.” In most cases you can use its more common synonym “apart” and convey the same meaning, unless you want to express a particularly violent or forceful ripping.


Acting program Devising- bleeding the genres

This has been the best week yet on the Acting program.

We did a fantastic improvisation inspired by Laban’s 8 efforts and movement.

This technique was originally used in dance performance.

From my ahem “intellectual” reading on post-modern performance. Most contemporary artists prefer to think of the theory part of writing and performance as not prescriptive but fluid and as something to provoke the imagination.

The theories exist to be used to merge into something that is relevant to today.

This program is far away from what I’m learning on my MA and this is my struggle with what I’m doing in my MA because, we as an ensemble – group of amateur actors are working towards devising a performance not based on text.

Back to Laban – the whole purpose of the exercise was to move forward and start thinking more about character development. How many ways can an actor develop their character?

For me, it helped me focus more on my physical body and what I could do with it, to create a character with emotional depth.


This is  the exercise we did:


Laban categorized human movement into four component parts:

  • Direction

  • Weight

  • Speed

  • Flow

Each of those parts has two elements:

  • Direction is either direct or indirect.

  • Weight is either heavy or light.

  • Speed is either quick or sustained.

  • Flow is either bound or free.

Laban then combined these parts together to create The Eight Efforts:

  • Wring

  • Press

  • Flick

  • Dab

  • Glide

  • Float

  • Punch

  • Slash


  •  The Direction is Indirect

  • The Weight is Heavy

  • The Speed is Sustained

  • The Flow is Bound

I loved how I explored character development using my voice, my body and employing Laban’s technique to create a character.

I chose the movement to ‘wring’  and what stemmed from that incongruent action was a character called -Prushka who ended up in an improvisation scene with another character (his chosen action  Punch) who became my workaholic husband with a temper.

We did a short improv scene in pairs of threes.

Us the couple were arguing about our relationship and where it was headed when the third character (developed from the movement of ‘flick ) interrupted us.

Her drugged up character was stumbling across the streets asking where she was. We ended the scene by my character telling my character’s husband we had grown apart and it was over.

I went to help the drugged up girl get on a bus and get home. Instead of dealing with the confrontation – a stake was thrust into the scene and as a Wring character, I made the decision guided by my body movements to leave the relationship and avoid the angry, punchy husband.

Sounds complicated.

I’m sure there is a much more simplified way to describe all this but I have never been one to simplify anything!

This acting program has got me thinking about finishing my MA somewhere else. Sad but true.

As a group,  we seem to be gelling more and getting to know each other.

It looks like we will be devising a piece to perform to a public at the end of March.


Sat on the train, typing this post and I  can’t wait to get home.

Weird guy with bouffant hair sitting opposite me and staring at me like I’ve got an abscess growing on my nose. 😂😂.

I’m currently redrafting  TMA 3.  I’ve strayed into morality play /Faustian territory purely by accident.



The piece is set after the 1918 Russian revolution ,in Paris.

RANDOM FACT-  my great grandparents fled the 1918 Russian revolution changed their surname and went to live in the slums of Paris. That is where my Grandad was born. 

 I have three characters who have some of my character traits and a mish mash of other lovely people’s traits I have come across in my life.

Panacea wants to be accepted by family and society: Vladimir by society.  The other character, Eve -has the love and adoration of the society she lives in because of her talent to play captivating pieces of music on the piano.

She has it all except she lacks conventional sight.

With a wee bit of determination and vengeance, Panacea takes Eves essence (talent) and Vladimir’s only access to power and being accepted by his peers is now in the hands of Panacea.

Eve is left with a second sight not normal sight.

I don’t know how magic works!

She can only see the past.

 Things start getting tense when she starts seeing things:

Horrific things.

She starts seeing people’s past actions. Not the good but all the skeletons that people hide away or try to forget by drugging themselves- insert vice of choice here.

Vladimir- her guardian is clearly hiding something.

How are Eve’s past visions connected to him?

Why won’t he tell Eve?

The climax and resolution of the final scene, see the loose ends of the plot coming together and finally, we see how all three characters fit together.

I’m not saying any more than that.

Both Eve and Vladimir ( who seem like the victims of a salacious act by Panacea)  lose everything they wanted and indeed had.

The music threaded throughout the piece (which initially draws the crowd to adore  Eve and propels her to ‘stardom’ )seems to serve as a metaphor for the vices which society still use today to forget and self-medicate.

The somewhat pantomime-like, sarcastic Panacea, in scene one, is a character, I hope my tutor can sympathize with at the end of the piece- with her revelation.

Her motives are utterly selfish and human.

But finally, she is accepted and her nephew is forced to love and adore her because she has the essence and power to help not only society. but also Vladimir forget who he actually is.

Ha ha!  What a raucous.

 Well, it’s all a been a bit of fun trying out new writing styles. Writing should be fun and not some Herculean labor (which it does seem to be at times)

 As long as I pass I will be happy.

 Daisy- ‘the entrepreneur in progress’ is moving forwards in my business.

 That’s a bit of an update from me. My stop has arrived. I’m tired cold and I want to see my family.

I have blogging awards to accept and nominations to do and look forward to catching up on blogs over the week.

I may barricade myself in my bedroom over the weekend and devour every post/blog  I come across.

Have a great week! 

Character Development

*Here is a cool activity to do and an  easy way to build on character development  in your own writing.  I’ve used my own example. *

*Grammar police -Apologies in advance for any Typos 😀 *

Characters Name: Steve Tusterone

Checklist of physical traits,age,gender,nationality ,state of health

  • Lots of hair, dark peppered with grays.

  • Grey slate – one eye has a fleck of green in it

  • 5. 8

  • Stocky – not thin, not fat – in shape

  • present day – early  40’s

  • Male

  • White

  • British

  • Now – has trouble seeing through one eye – flecked one ( due to rape attack with Betty

  • Skin shows some sign of alcohol abuse-

  • Mental health volunteer for a therapy walking group for people with DID and other mental health issues who are coming back into society after treatment

 internal characteristics, level of intelligence, outlook on the world.

  • Not empathetic – sympathetic- ‘well at least………’

  • Rigid thought process

  • Calculating

  • Passive aggressive

  • Charming

  • Impulsive

  • Intelligent

  • Sexist

  • Into violent porn

  • Not abused but has a dominating idea that men should own their women –mothers included

  • Closed

  • tries to hide his lust and desires by walking the straight line –struggles not to commit rape again.

  • Wants a woman to overpower him –conflicted.

Social and family life, who they know, who they are related to, how they feel about them.

Parents dead. He travels a lot to keep a distance from his past, he is trying to not act on his impulses for fear of getting caught, still, resents women in general, he has no friends, casual work colleagues through volunteering as a person with MH issues. He feels his mother was weak and he dominated her.

Finally, write down the major events of their life so far.

  • Mothers death

  • Raped  college students

  • Got stabbed in the pencil by a student – Betty-alter Lola

  • To evade being caught –been on the move a lot

  • Meets Betty – falls in love with her Alter Lola

  • She indulges his sexual fantasies

  • Lured by money and being with a woman he can dominate and who can dominate him unlike his mother he agrees to kill Betty’s husband so Lola can take over and they can elope

Put your character in a scene –using

  • Interpretation (the author, narrator and/or other characters tell us about a character).

  • Appearance (external details).

  • Action (habits as well as one-off actions).

  • Thought (going inside the head of the character).

  • Speech.

Perfection at this point is not the aim of what I am trying to do, so this will most likely change as my story develops and the cliches will get less cheesy.  I’ve literally written this once and proofread it  once.

Okay, I think I am actually learning!  ha ha!

Today I focused on an exercise to do with character development

This is a bare skeleton of one scene  I had roughly plotted  before I did  this activity.

Walking past the daisies and horses strutting in the farms passing by , Steve fell into step with Lola  who looked into the distance –  Seemingly appreciating the view – he did not see the glazed look across her face. He did feel the prickling sensation of crackling between them. This was something he could not ignore. Lola turned to look at Steve – she scanned his face, spotting the dimple in his chin and seemingly convinced she approved what she saw, gazed into his eyes- penetrating them. Steve felt his groin stir. He hadn’t come across a woman to match his sexual prowess in many a years. He knew he should leave well alone but this woman was far too playful, far too irresistible. A dangerous man required a dangerous counterpart and he was  not going to pass up this opportunity.

“ Yes, I do like the scenic route, very much. “ Lola leaned in closely whispered in his ear , the hotness of her breath was so in congruent with his first impression of this woman. She  smelled of Roses, lilacs and a fresh breeze . The person before him was indeed another type of angel- musky, hints of magnolia, passion and erotic. Lola lingered. Steve knew he should compose himself – he must. He would find out more of this character.

Here is the same scene,  slightly tweaked, using the  activity for character development ( this is again not polished,  and very rough) but even  I can see the improvement.

Walking past the daisies and horses grazing in the fields passing by, Steve fell into an awkward step with Lola’s long, leaner legs ,who looked into the distance –her seemingly to appreciate the view – he admired this creature. Not his usual type at all. He failed to notice the glazed look in Lola’s eyes.

He did feel the prickling crackling almost violent rubbing energy between them.  A warmth spread around his testicles, the desire to grab her flesh and bite her all over to hear how she would react made his heart drum. He knew he should focus on the being with the walking group- keep a low profile. He sensed in Lola not an equal but someone who would enjoy being hurt and maybe under his guide, learn how to satisfy him This was something he could not ignore. Lola turned to look at Steve – she scanned his face, he was shorter but his stocky build made up to make him appear menacing. His nails were short, bitten down, jaggered.

His face was ruddy not in a youthful boy sense but more hard and weathered from years of hiding away his secrets. He sweated out fumes of over concealed remnants of years of alcohol benders. She spotted the dimple in his chin and seeming to  convince Steve she approved of  what she saw,  settled her eyes on his – penetrating them. Her gaze settled briefly on left eye- steely grey flecked with bits of olive green.  Steve felt his groin stir. He felt as if he was the prey!

 His eye twitched – a constant reminder and warning to himself that he should walk away from this creature. He knew how out of hand this could get. He couldn’t help chisel out a cheeky smile from this thought.    He knew exactly what he wanted to do to her. She might be his undoing.

  He hadn’t come across a woman to match his sexual prowess in many a years, if ever. He knew he should leave well alone but this creature was far too seductive, she had an aura of smuttiness and a fire in her that went as deep as the pit of a vexed dragon. A dangerous man required a dangerous counterpart and he was not going to pass up this opportunity.  If he had a pair of dice on him –this was the moment he shook them –he didn’t need to blow into them for good luck and let them roll.  Just like the rolling hills they passed, nature left to her own devices. Raw and untamed.

“Yes, I do like the scenic route, very much. “ Lola broke into his thoughts like a seasoned burglar. Steve almost felt the heat rise from his cock to his cheeks. She leaned in closely, whispered in his ear; the hotness of her breath was so in congruent with his first impression of this woman. She smelled of Roses, lilacs and a fresh breeze. He could feel himself falling. The person before him was indeed another type of angel- musky, hints of magnolia, spice and myrrh. Lola lingered. Steve knew he should compose himself – he must. He would find out more of this beguiling creature.


Free flow writing

How to be a panster writer like moi ?


Okay…. I know that  free flow writing is not new to me. In my opinion,  if you want to be a writer – I think in the early stages it’s okay to write whatever comes into your head.

Free flow activity rules

  • don’t intellectualize

  • bypass any rationality.

 I’ve decided to be super dedicated and share a few  of my Masters  in Creative writing exercises that I do while I’m studying.

Get involved. Cmon you know you want to. 😀

Why ?


Exercise outcome:

Freewriting will often take you into your deepest ideas, feelings and DISCUSSION memories. It enables you to amass material, some of which can be used and developed in your work. Writing in this way also trains you to be ACTIVITY 1.2 Writing STIMULATING CREATIVITY AND IMAGINATION: WHAT REALLY WORKS? 23 able to write breezily and with confidence as soon as you sit down to do it.

Creative Writing: A Workbook with Readings


Here some examples

Choose three or four of the following beginnings and free write for a few minutes about each one.  

  •  The truth is …

  • I wish I had said … 

  •  I need proof …  

  •  I went outside and …  

  •  For the first time ever …  

  •  It was no use pretending … 

  •  A long time ago … 

  •  That smell reminds me of..

  • One summer’s day … 

Read over your free writes. Underline any words, phrases or lines that interest you. Start to build a stock of material for possible development.

Creative Writing: A Workbook with Readings

The truth is, I wasn’t actually checking him out. I am married. Hello? I know we all check other people out but on this occasion,I was literally walking up a hill, I had to get to work and I was running ( pun  not intended) late. So, this dude walked passed . He might have been wearing sunglasses.  Who knows. I think  he was muscular. Anyway…the  REASON  I turned round was  to check if there were any cars coming up the hill. Bear with me here. Okay.. I wanted to cross the road. I’m super impatient and should probably carry and organ donor card around with me. So, I look back and this dude is looking back at the same time as I am. I am not wearing makeup. I’m feeling pale, tired, sweaty and rushed.Yet, I think to myself is that dude checking me out ? ( Ego boost alert) – then common sense and my crippling self-esteem knocked that idea completely off the hemisphere. That can happen. Trust me. Reason sets in. Of course, he is probably doing the same thing I am! 

He is in a rush – possible . I dunno. He wants to cross the road and he is checking to see if there are any cars coming before he ends up in AE  with me.  Smart guy. So, of course,I decide to look back and check if that is what he is, in fact,doing. Half expecting  to see him  crossed the road and happily strutting down the the hill  on the other side of the road. 

True story, I kid you not. He is looking back . At me? I don’t know . This is like stuff I read in novels or watch on romantic comedies… that kind of thing. 

So,of course, I’m like let’s take another look and see if he is on the other side of the road- nope we are both checking each  other out. 

The funny thing is… I wanted  to run after him and ask him if he had the same thought process as me. I wasn’t checking him out like that. 

“Yo! you are so fucking fit. Let’s hook up – in a bush -someday. Go dogging. I don’t know . Fuck it. I digress. I don’t own a dog haha.” 😉 

I didn’t run after the dude. I did stop dead in my tracks and take out my little notebook and wrote down exactly  what happened. I just knew it would make a great scenario  in a play or a story that I write.

A bit like this.

Okay, so that is one example.

Free flow is not Master degree study material.I feel that it is  good practice to go over previous study material –  so that is what I am doing.

Luckily, I have this blog and I am able to write whatever I want and stay in the habit of writing.

No – I don’t always produce what I think are masterpieces.

I just enjoy the process of this style of  writing. The freedom that comes with it.

I was going to do another example but now I’m just typing away. I’m not particularly bothered that this not a galvanizing piece.

Is that a word?  it is now. Increasing my vocabulary one word at a time. Go me!

I learned what the word Galvanize means today. I heard it in a song


I’m going  to stop now. Well, after I state this.

 At this point in my studies, I’m concerned with dialogue, characterisation  and  just getting anything down.

When it comes to refining and redrafting and editing, I have something to work with, as opposed to a blank screen.

I’m a panster till I die. Initially, to get writing – I can’t be bothered  creating too much of a backstory with  fucking diagrams and all that stuff – I like to let it all out and then if I want or need  for (artistic/grading/publishing purposes) I will work on the piece  until I have something solid that I am happy with.

My weekend is all about studying.

What is everyone else up to?

I have kind of accepted the idea that until February next year, my social is going to be fictional and made up.

This weekend,I will catch up with as many of you as possible. If I don’t ,have an awesome weekend . Have a drink for me.  Whatever it is you do to chill ( unless it involves dying in the process)  think of me sipping my cup of charr ! PLEASE!


*photo credit Film Photographers, B W Film, Art, Ghosts, Francesca Woodman, P1170566 Jpg, Woodman 1958 1981, Franscesca Woodman, Favorite Photographers. *