Blog Archives

Spit out the PIP

My word but moving house is super stressful.
I’m happy because I’m moving to new pastures.

Life has been a mind haunting experience over the past 2months.
My anorexia nervosa reared its ugly head because I needed some form of self medicating after stopping toxic self medicating.
I lost over  2-3 stone!
I love food.. I have recently  been bingeing on food. My husband can’t stop me. After a binge,I’m verbally abusive to him, because I feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself.
I chew  the foos and spit it out.
  My weight has gone up to 8stone 10 from 8stone.

I’m  angry because I  rely on government money for my illnesses.
I’m trying to get better.
I have an assessment award review in 3weeks time and, well… I feel like I need to lose the wight I’ve gained to justify I’m  ill.

I attempted a serious suicide overdose in , May 2020.
I was in a coma for 5days on life support and a further 5 days in critical ICU care.

I’ve  done 4 serious suicide attempts   in 2 years and 2months.

I tried to jump off a well known bridge.

I had 5 people hold me down so I couldn’t  jump.

Now my gut instinct says try and kill myself.

I’m  tired of my illnesses.
I wish I could have a job that covers my bills.

My daughter who is 9 years old has never been on holiday-not even in the U.K. because I can’t afford it.

I’m bricking it. I have a lot of paperwork to prove I’m  ‘seriously* ill as my family and husband states.

I can’t move time ahead nor make the assessor re approve my  extra income.

Not having control over my world is debilitating  but i have to focus on my new life and have a plan B if I am not awarded PIP.

WRAP – Life and Values

Another Wednesday already! 4 weeks down and 8 to go.  Today’s session was to focus on ‘the homework’ I was given last week- I’m a naughty student and didn’t do mine for various reasons. Anyway , the most important thing is we all did it as a group today. YAY!
So, if you are ready type or write this heading down
  • WHAT IS IMPORTANT IN MY LIFE AND GIVES IT VALUE

Before I  list mine -publicly -I would like to remind you that these are personal to you and you may not want to share them and that is cool. The point of this exercise is to get your thoughts focused on what matters to you. What makes you sit up and go ‘I can go on for another day’.

What gives you that sense of purpose?

Again these exercises may appear elementary but once you have it in a form you can read it gives a more concrete meaning to what makes you feel alive in this world. This list should be in a place you can access it. I laminated mine and I  also have it on my blog. I know when I feel like shit and can’t make sense of my purpose in life, or I sense I am losing my way in life. I can get my list out

 and go through it to remind me what matters when I am well and in a good place. 

Right, so here is a list of mine;

  • My Family
  • the need to feel on top of things
  • finances in order
  • organising my wedding (short term goal)
  • affectionate and love hugs
  • Writing
  • Learning new things
  • My mental well-being
  • Maintaining a BMI that is safe and that I can live with the least amount of risk of relapsing
  • Feeling needed and important to others
  • Gaining and having peoples respect (while maintaining my own self-respect)
  • My cat -Tatiana
  • Planning/ Goals
  • My morning caffeine fix
  • Making an effort with my appearance -dressing fashionably -wearing makeup
  • Getting my hair, eyebrows and nails done regularly
  • Having an uncluttered and organised home
  • Reading time at night with my daughter
  • My daughter telling me she loves me- love, in general, is important to me 
  • Me time
  • Being acknowledged as a person 
Finally, I don’t want to bombard anyone with information overload, so I have decided to do an end of the week mini WRAP exercise that we covered with this exercise. So keep an eye out for updates. The content is about what you need to do DAILY to maintain wellness.