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Grandmama who forgot

Death rattle

Reminiscent of an uprising of crickets ready to battle.
Stare at a puffed updiamond heart
Drumming inside an empty cage.
Birds ripped apart.
Gargoyle stares ignored.
Folk bumble about unaware of what’s in store for us all,
eventually.
The breathe of Hades lingers
then makes a dash for scant flesh and bones.
Meat is not this gods instrument
Lust causes the call for more drones.
Sponge, moisten parched parted lips
Raven signals the ire of its whips.
The ones who don’t loose it in bedlam excite
Death,
Invites all loved ones to rally around
Stands by door.
Stands back a while
Admires its own power.
A moment to savour
Every door closed,
Each breath cloys,
Begs for enough fare to cross the distance to embrace Elysium air.
Today everyone shall know how close we are to parting from brown soil.
Lambs,
Hatched chickens,
Babies born in Cumbersome air.
The cycle must complete before we can emerge reborn.
Death is inevitable as necessary as life is to the Cumbaya of springs first show of petal.
When you look at the beginning of this new dawn,
Know that when you stand back in awe
Its because you have felt the chill of winters soul depart.
Shed a tear for the snowman who brought our youth so much joy.
Appreciate death.
Stare it in the face.
The sun chants
counting his rosary beads.
Tomorrow never dies.
Trying to type something while listening and watching my grandmother dying.
Rasp
Gasp
I support the assisted dying law.
This is inhumane!
A selfish farce.
Happy mothers day,
Wherever you go
Wherever you roam
I hope that it is a place as magnificent as earths revellers make it out to be.

Ma petit fripon. Je t’aims toujours

This a poem that I wrote whilst waiting and comforting my mom and my gran before she passed over in March 2018, from vascular Dementia and Alzheimers. I wrote it while waiting for her to let go of Life. It’s a Morbid (and possibly strange) thing to do when someone you love is dying in front of you. This was one way of expressing my powerlessness, over a period 3 days watching someone cling on to this Life).*

Euthanasia

Do you know how hard it is to successfully take your own life?

I have been doing it all wrong.

Like most people, I have down it on impulse. Not thinking through the logistics.

If someone is going to take or think about taking their lives here is something to think about:

Drug interactions- do you want death to painful?

This is what I’ve realised I need to take in to account if I want to end my own life.

It needs to be planned

only 1 in 40 planned suicides is successful by overdosing.

Most people when they find the pain of living unbearable, usually try & take their lives on impulse.

And fail. Ive been in that club.

So say I decided to end my own life, how would I want it to go?

  1. I want a painless death -Nembutal is the safest way to a pain-free death. There ar3 many methods
  2. Pick your drug interactions wisely
  3. Consider your Mid lethal dose & tolerance levels to certain medications & drugs, your gender etc..
  4. Check the expiry dates.
  5. Consider drinking alcohol with it – not on an empty stomach -as there is always the chance overdosing on large quantities of tablets can induce vomiting.
  6. Crush all tablets together and aim to drink/consume it all in one small dose
  7. Be in a place where no one can find you.

So it is final.

What I would want from death is no more pain.

There is a website I found in my quest to find purpose and meaning in my life & also to find a way to end it

I’ve delved into courses about the Humanistic approach to life.

The arguments for being pro-euthanasia & how a society can decide that a person’s mental psyche and anguish is not on a par with a terminal illness like cancer or progressive like dementia

We can’t see the inner workings of the mind or the pain a person goes through.

I’m trying to be rational & think of the positives.

I have a daughter and I don’t want her to be like me.

I have always struggled to live in my head, my body.

I’ve forgotten 3 quarters the events I’ve experienced.

I’m angry at the abuse I’ve allowed men to do to me.

I’m angry at the loss of power I gave to others and to things.

My standards have fallen & I am clinging on to an idea of self-respect cos I am worth it yet I don’t present myself that way & how can anyone respect me when I haven’t the ability to come across as eloquent.

I have had talking therapies, hospitalizations, epiphanies & moments where I’ve thrown myself into studies, work etc until I become unwell again.

Why do we have a problem with people who are mentally “incurable”, have no hope, have tried numerous ways to live and the pain is chronic or terminal?

Why can’t we accept that most people who genuinely have thought and planned things through – the pros & cons, belong in a hospital?

It’s easy to want humans to live but not want to take on their problems. It’s far easier to lock people with long-standing illnesses in a hospital.

The problem is that some people will respond to certain treatments & others don’t.

That is the way it is. Only we get to decide if we want to end up dead. Addictions, slow suicide etc.

Some days I feel like I merely exist.

If a person is hell-bent on ending their lives they will find away.

Society needs to get their head around the idea of mental torture and the quality of life for a person who can’t find peace or meaning in it due to pain.

Just a thought.