Daisy in the willows

Honesty and upfront are my greatest assets & flaws. I’ve avoided blogging too much or connecting over the last few months because I’ve been hiding a lot of guilt and shame –

so I’ve been doing some thinking.

No stream of consciousness or poetry in this post…

Are you still with me?   haha

I write for myself first and I always will.   When I write for an audience I lose my way easily.

Apologies if this is old news to the more evolved spirits reading this. 😁

Daisy has an epiphany.

I’ve been contemplating on the saying ‘dig deep’

 if you decide to use this quote to get you through an experience

Do you know why you need to dig deep?

My thoughts:

from our conception & birth  into this life

From our first breath – we have started to dig our own grave.

We begin to design the layout of where our final resting place or end will be.

It would be epic and less stressful if from the moment we are born we knew what we are meant to be doing.

Many people never figure it out or, if they do, it’s too late to ask them if they have it for obvious reasons. 😞

Many people decide to choose a saviour either in the form of an icon – a god, a person, goals – money, love, careers, addictions, etc…

We strive to find something to focus all of our seconds, minutes, hours and years blatantly meandering about on this planet.

Be careful who you allow to support you – some people are so busy trying to save everyone else,  ( we all do it at some point); we forget our first honour and duty is to save ourselves and know our own purpose.

It’s known in psychobabble terms as the drama triangle.

Most of use tend to flit between three roles -Victim, the dominating in yer face/demanding person or the carer role depending on the situation we are in, people we are around etc.

To digress,

Many of us go on to have children who rely on us – depend on us to teach them how to navigate their own path – how to create their own resting place – and to be conscious that each action, each decision they make has a hand in determining how they will die.

Teaching others to rely on themselves is a blessing, not a curse.

It is when we are faced with our own reflection, with no other help but to rely on our own resources /skills we collect along our journey in life.

Will we know how we will get to the other side or to our end in this human form.

Some of us end up addicted or come to our end at the hands of illnesses like cancer or dementia, car accidents etc.

Some of us can go out and have a heart attack while having an orgasm. It’s possible

Maybe some of us are unaware that from the moment we are given independent life we are consistently (for better or worse)  building our own coffins.

Is it fair that we are not told this from our first breath?

I didn’t make up the rules in life or society.

We -or rather  I – can only govern myself and my actions

Choose carefully who you try to help or who you accept help from.

Don’t get mad when people let you down

They are doing what they need to do – following their own purpose.

Some people never find out what their purpose is.

Dig deep.

How comfortable and aware of your surrounding do you want to be when you take your last breath in this life.

We create our own Elysium or heaven or utopia even –

sometimes it’s not what we want or expect-

 The truth is we won’t know until we are swimming against the tide or even hanging ten and riding the wave.

 I do know that I want to be as conscious and aware of my choices, limits when the waves crash.

My personal chosen Gods have always been tangible- in the form of fully crystallised human beings -flawed just like me.

I think I chose human “idols” to put all my faith because I can have a go at someone when “they” 😉 let me down. I want to face my own success and disappointments A-sap .

Patience /Sabili is not a strength of mine.

 I need to look at a reflection of myself to determine I exist.

it’s not easy to figure out life- there is probably more evidence for the saying that instead of philosophising about how to find our purpose i. life- it needs to be lived – consciously and with purpose.

We can live with a purpose not knowing if that purpose is “right “and we can live consciously and not know what our purpose is.

 Our  Past experiences can help us figure out what tools  or resources we need to use if/when  we consciously realise

Perhaps  I’ve hit the bottom of my pit

How do I bypass this mythical minotaur  I’ve read about?

We wonder  how we can or even if we  can

find strength & savviness to crawl up  & out of it to a  stable Terre ferme place.

We may  wonder if we have the endurance, courage and motivation to get out of coal mine

Whether it’s worth finding a running brook of water to wash the soot from  the inside out.

The alternative option is that our final resting place will be exactly where we decide to rest – in this case, the bottom of a pit. State the obvious 😂

It’s our personal responsibility to find (in our finite existence)a place where we feel we have done everything in our power tosit amongst the angels or the gods of Olympus or whatever it is we believe in that will take us through from the beginning to the end. where we can feel at peace with ourselves.

Some of us – most of us never get to that point.  Sucks to be us.

I don’t fully believe reincarnation but I am aware that it makes sense our essence/ energy will go someplace else.

Society  tells us it’s a selfish idea

‘ look after yourself’.

Human beings are wired to reach out  but how we do that and to know our boundaries and the boundaries of others is tricky to balance

boundaries are constantly changing with where we are in our lives, emotionally, physically & mentally.

It’s scary to know we are ultimately alone – only we can change ourselves – our emotions – our ideas – our path.

It’s hard not to resent others or life for making us so capable and resilient.

Damn  you life! How dare you 😂

It can be easier to choose to not see the bigger plan – this idea that, yes we govern ourselves and we must govern ourselves and own our actions and our lives.

We must practice being aware that every action /choice/thought we make – has that butterfly effect –

we cause the ripples of life.  We are made up of molecules & atoms. Ie energy

Science has come up with  terminology -that can  help us understand our position in this world, we make up , what and how much we are capable

How much responsibility we all have.

We are tiny specks in the universe however just one body made up of molecules has a direct consequence on those around us, our environment – one choice word or action could help balance our life conversely it can cause it to topple over.

We have nature to compare ourselves to – A crystallised example of what happens when we fuck up different ecosystems – when we put element somewhere and take out element B  from somewhere else.

It’s trial and error.

We repeat – the cycle continues.

I think that the fear of being alone is a lot scarier than actually being alone

When I am alone by choice or because People forget me. I decide

I choose to swim and come up for air.

I realised that I have walked the earth with legs , I’ve flown and seen the world from a bird’s eye perspective.

I’ve also stayed a rather unglamourous mammalian unable to grow wings or a tail to adapt to my surroundings.

I choose to live  another day. I don’t know if my choices are right or wrong .

Time is what it is.

People in my life , of my life

I love you but I don’t want to need anyone. My desire is I want people because of the love & joy they bring to my life.

 That’s it.

Do I decide to fight the battle every day or  fall  back into a walking state of  slumber?