* This Borderline poem was written a week before I attempted to take my life (again).I ended up in Critical Care in a coma for 7 days & in ICU for a further 6 days. I was discharged from hospital on the 21st of May 2020 *
Please, make sense of reality.
Use a stream of consciousness
words to
Vent,
rant,
rave,
A discovery in recovery
Fathom out sense because words are only as good as the interpreter.
Could add literary success to a Gravatar profile in an E-book
Add a few drafts poured into that fulminate crunched up chaos.
This doesn’t invoke a feeling of literary success.
Trying.
Struggling to convey all words .
Reciprocated words are often misinterpreted
Misheard
Another attempt to convey these words.
Perhaps one person will see this array of affray spread its torment defecating the inner spiral case of the
Mind,
It swirls down these steps in every way.
The moment to call it a day
This draws an outline forever to have the last say.
Hear me proclaim
This
Is
My
Life.
Don’t want to carry on living this way
Shame lingers
It overstays — the bailiff texts for rent arrears
Read,
What is laid down?
Listen
I’m not done yet.
Hanging by a thread it’s tethered
Seen many days to identify as weathered
Hanging by a thread
This is my life purpose!
Final chance to meet my fate
Waited for this all my life
A mystery date with a severed soul mate.
Taught & tethered & weathered is this rope
To late
convinced
I’m no tightrope walker.
I’ve become my own word stalker.
Shoulda, coulda, woulda arrested these rants before my digress
Covert corner
Wait in this hidden corner.
Evidently I’ve learned that survival is innate.
It ain’t easy to digest the days I’m not blessed to eat from a plate.
keep rising up despite a lifetime’s worth of trip-ups.
Until I die
One fine day
I’ll face the final exit of my mortality
I’ll know the truth
Either way it’s gonna end up with a body
Fatality.
Subconsciously know why I feel
It’s called humanity
What do I know about that damp dark corner entertaining souls I’ve yet to meet?
Going to have to wait for a promising future chance we haven’t dreamt of taking yet.
If I lose all memory
Forget those words
soggy, wet, lost to another realm of the bereft
Lest I forget.
I write to recover.
Be happy or die trying.
Simultaneously a resilient species & inconveniently inept.
A true union of hearts was joined one summer in late June.
The birds chirruped, the sun shone – the two became one -reflected for all to see by La Luna- the moon
Air and Water – shouldn’t cross paths. These two elements casually ignore each other in nature’s form-its innate core.
He of Air –
She of Water.
The energy that caused the spindrift was something not even these elements could ignore.
Le Mistral caught up in a steamy, heady mood.
Strode across the sky scowling, blowing curses – chaos surely ensued .
La Mer
– she was winding down for the day.
The tide had come in, and she was ready to listen to a mermaid wax lyrical her classic tale of Babe Ruth.
The wind so vexed was he – he deafened her with one strike of his herculean hair -clouded by his inability to self- soothe.
La Mer reacted in bad form. He struck her so hard, – her mind swelled up with great licks of waves – crashing and thrashing her mental whereabouts.
Never interrupt an element so passionate about listening to her favorite composer.
Le Mistral and La Mer could ignore one another no more. She would make him feel the repercussions of his foolish, senseless,not-so-well thought out Strop.
Now he would have to face his conjurer.
A tidal wave of thoughts arose inside her. He would pay dearly for interrupting her meditative state of mind.
He had no clue what feud he had started. Fire and Earth were shrewd not to intervene. They knew when to stay out of the way of a combination of this kind.
They witnessed how the passion of this great unforeseen union came to be.
The product of this affront was simply not even what the conflicted two could continue to deplore.
Witnessed by two friends .
Wind and Water created the very first image of love .
Spindrift -a physical feeling of exhilaration consolidated the two .
They were now ready for a new adventure – together -ready to explore each other, become the couple -who looked to the other with eyes that said ‘j’t‘adore.
Definitions for spindrift
spray swept by a violent wind along the surface of the sea.
Spindrift is a variant of the Scots spoondrift, with the nautical verb spoon orspoom meaning “to run or scud before the wind.” It entered English around 1600.
(a stream of consciousness borderline poem unrevised)
Whilst fleeing from the echoes of ‘you were in the wrong’. The Screws twist torture upon entering her 4th chamber.
Inside her bloody mind. Dried & pressed between her breasts
Leaves, stained by painting the roses red.
Long live to leave the Queen of Hearts
Lovers lost: Lovers found -past & tense -future is uncertainty abound.
Forever locked in a gaze with the omniscient eyes of Janus
Uncalculated, her actions motivated by too much heart. Unruly emotions betrayed her by treason. Penelope, she is not for a reason.
Lost to thoughts in solitude until reunited with like-minded misfits caught up in the cycles we call seasons.
* Inspiration for Acrostic poetry word ‘willful’ came from how some people describe me & I wrote this cos the one person I thought would “get” how complicated relationships are (didn’t). #write to recover and keep me sane.
Daisy in the willows 