Damsel called Distress
High on life- no artificial sight.
I know what I will do if I ever get mugged.
I will look my mugger right in the forehead and say I can see the emergence of his third eye.
His monobrow will wriggle in confusion.
Then, I will 1970’s kung fu him in the balls – He will be blubbering. This is my first chance to demonstrate myself-choreography, self-defence,dance class, get fit for life.
I’ll grab my bag and wallop him once or twice.
I’m not condoning violence,but I get the feel for it , I’m grooving, putting my own spin on it . So he rolls with the punches and I carry on rolling my dice.
Then when I feel we are on an even keel . I’ll stretch out my arm, give him a hand up. Hell, I will even get down on one bended knee.
The score will be settled and even.
That is what you get, mate, for attempted thieving.
Panic alert flashes across my eyes. I didn’t know Mr potential mugger had another job. He’s a rather talented actor – he is making me believe he is actually bleeding.
Wait a few seconds – look left -look right -look left again . Got to keep my wits about me. Road safety training might seem elementary but it can be a life saver.
Seconds turn into the longest minute ever documented. I don’t think he is an amateur . In fact, I’m checking for signs of a well-known face; not some chip off the old block. I can hear the other stars calling out for their missing, celebrity neighbour.
Things are starting to turn grave. I’m the one who was in true danger.
Superheroes, do they exist?
I need one pronto – bring a carpet -we have a John Doe to roll up and we need a couple of spades and all of the aces . I need a super professional with a zany twist .
Moments pass. My superhero hasn’t pitched up , he must have run out of gas.
I’m on the run with an imaginary gun – this is not fun. He started it. What an ass!
“Oh why hello,officer, I know what this looks like. Yes, I am running” mentally exercising my train of thought.
“Hit and run?”
“I don’t drive, officer . So can we skip the walk in a straight line, touch my nose and rub my belly and get to the part where we both laugh about this situation.” We may end up in a quaint bar .
The one that sells all the good rum.
My mind is working overtime. Think! Think! What would any civil, well to do , ordinary , civilian lady do in my circumstance?
“Now, officer . I think we can have a bit more fun with those cuffs. Got any fur? oh, how I love to purr.” I’ll lean over just so he can clock my cleavage. Hey, this could work! Have you got any better ideas?
This may be my only chance.
“Ma am ,Are you trying to poodle face with me?”
“Me? I don’t even own a dog. Are you trying to call me a bitch? Now that is offensive.” I was merely using my right to freedom of expression.
My wits tell me to back the fuck down. He is jangling what sounds like more than one key.
He reads me my rights. I say I’m catholic. I ring God daily, no messing with Angel administration. I have him on speed dial to atone for my sins.
Now this – this is unjust. All this fuss. What happened to the good cop , bad cop scenario ?
All I’m seeing is the end of his boot and my own reflection in his riot helmet gear. Have I been transported into some retro game and swallowed a mushroom and turned into super -uber Mario?
Granted, he is a shitty plumber. But, he does get to collect plenty of coins. Maybe I can bail myself out .I don’t need no man to rescue me . I am the victim and the surviving princess.
I get the feeling the only jangling I am going to do is when I walk the line. Stub my toe. I think my entitled title just got ripped off me.
Scoundrel. It was that mugger that’s got me in this stitch . I’ve been demoted to a rather fatigued and distressed seamstress.
Moral of the story?
Don’t go acting like those sensational media heroes.
Just let your entire shit go- JUST.LET. IT.ALL.GO.
And tomorrow you will wake up not in a cell but smiling into your favourite stripy bowl of cheerios.
Posted on May 16, 2022, in STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS COLLECTION and tagged Creative Writing, Creativity, Emotions, Stream of consciousness, Thoughts, writing prompts. Bookmark the permalink. 40 Comments.
Mehn! What did I just read?😂🤩
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Ha ha!,!
A story in my head? 😂😂😂 I was having a mad moment..
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👌👌👌✒️🌹
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This is such fun and happiness and that’s your strength. I love it. 🙂
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I’m glad you enjoyed it, Sweta xxxx
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I love the graphic in your posts…It caught my eye and wish I knew how to do that.
The best of luck to you!
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Hi Eddie. Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving your wonderful comment. I guess we all have our own way of expressing ourselves. Have a great week!
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THANK YOU, DAISY!
kEEP THEM COMING!
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THANKS DAISY….I did IN FACT have a great week!.
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Woop! so happy. Do anything special or was it just a great week? 😀
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i am thy ritual so fucking habitual
sat am is for pepper and some zep
you say treasure and measure
i say yes but
in a rather quiet
quaint way
cos we live in an instant karmatic
selfies
generation
nobody cares
nor shares
the vital
gists of life
so be
and like
the sky bird
free to shit
and fertilize
mother
earth!
lmao
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😀 Thanks for that J.
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hmmmmmmm yes. well now tasha off to kent to do the laraman and get kells in a better mood eh?
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😀😀😀😀
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I love it 🙂 so funny.
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Hi Dave. Welcome and great to meet you. Thanks. I was having one of those moments – you know ? ha ha
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Yes I do know what you mean, It’s good to have fun !
Pleased to meet you.
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🙂
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Haha this the most charming imagination I’ve read in a while!! Great work 😉
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Lols. Thanks….. 😀
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You are welcome! 😀
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Silliness has no place in modern society. Stoicism is the key to good living.
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Oh, Bradley, you are funny. 😉 I know we live a technological age but feelings make us freaking awesome. I don’t think you can reason with me when I’m in silly mode. 🙂
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How about we apply the 80/20 rule to this philosophy?
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I love silly and fun. 🙂 Life shouldn’t always be taken seriously. A great post as always, Daisy. 🙂
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I do too. In real life I am quite an upbeat person. Especially when I am comfortable with a person. I love to get silly. I love to laugh. I always have and aw thanks Brenda. xx
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My sense of humour can be silly as well. Laughter is the best medicine as they say.😊 We all need fun in our lives. 😊 And you’re welcome!
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so true xx
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Yes I’m letting my entire shit go. This is awesome Daisy. I just find your posts thrilling😍
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Ha ha! thank you . Any excuse to buy a new handbag and crap to fill it . 🙂 ❤ xx
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Nice💞
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The best stream of consciousness and happy poem I’ve ever read. 🙂
Daisy my good friend. You did something very consciousness and alter your awareness. I love love love this very much. 🙂
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T Y Charlie. Yeah, it’s so easy to write about the shit stuff but there iis more to a person than what happens to them. It was so much fun being in such a silly mood and take that energy and being able to express in words. I’m glad you enjoyed. 🙂
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Silly, happy nonsense is good! Weeeeeeeee!!!!!
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Indeed! – It feels good to be able to express this side of me in writing. The weekend is coming! xxx
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Love it!
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T Y X
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This one is wonderfully crazy! 😊😂❤
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lols…. ❤ ❤ xxxx
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TY XOXOOX
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