My word but moving house is super stressful.

I’m happy because I’m moving to new pastures.

Life has been a mind haunting experience over the past 2months. 

My anorexia nervosa reared its ugly head because I needed some form of self medicating after stopping toxic self medicating. 

I lost over  2-3 stones!

I love food.. I have recently  been bingeing on food. My husband can’t stop me. After a binge,I’m verbally abusive to him, because I feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself.

I chew  the food and spit it out.

  My weight has gone up to 8stone 10 from 8stone.

I’m  angry because I  rely on government money for my illnesses.

I’m trying to get better.

I have an assessment award review in 3weeks time and, well… I feel like I need to lose the weight I’ve gained to justify my illness.

I attempted a serious suicide overdose in , May 2020.

I was in a coma for 5days on life support and a further 5 days in critical ICU care.

I’ve  done 4 serious suicide attempts   in 2 years and 2months.

I tried to jump off a well known bridge. 

I had 5 people hold me down so I couldn’t  jump.

Now my gut instinct says try and kill myself. 

I’m  tired of my illnesses. 

I wish I could have a job that covers my bills.

My daughter who is 9 years old has never been on holiday-not even in the U.K. because I can’t afford it.

I’m bricking it. I have a lot of paperwork to prove I’m  ‘seriously* ill as my family and husband states. 

I can’t move time ahead nor make the assessor re approve my  extra income.

Not having control over my world is debilitating  but I have to focus on my new life and have a plan B if I am not awarded PIP.