Spit out the PIP
My word but moving house is super stressful.
I’m happy because I’m moving to new pastures.
Life has been a mind haunting experience over the past 2months.
My anorexia nervosa reared its ugly head because I needed some form of self medicating after stopping toxic self medicating.
I lost over 2-3 stone!
I love food.. I have recently been bingeing on food. My husband can’t stop me. After a binge,I’m verbally abusive to him, because I feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself.
I chew the foos and spit it out.
My weight has gone up to 8stone 10 from 8stone.
I’m angry because I rely on government money for my illnesses.
I’m trying to get better.
I have an assessment award review in 3weeks time and, well… I feel like I need to lose the wight I’ve gained to justify I’m ill.
I attempted a serious suicide overdose in , May 2020.
I was in a coma for 5days on life support and a further 5 days in critical ICU care.
I’ve done 4 serious suicide attempts in 2 years and 2months.
I tried to jump off a well known bridge.
I had 5 people hold me down so I couldn’t jump.
Now my gut instinct says try and kill myself.
I’m tired of my illnesses.
I wish I could have a job that covers my bills.
My daughter who is 9 years old has never been on holiday-not even in the U.K. because I can’t afford it.
I’m bricking it. I have a lot of paperwork to prove I’m ‘seriously* ill as my family and husband states.
I can’t move time ahead nor make the assessor re approve my extra income.
Not having control over my world is debilitating but i have to focus on my new life and have a plan B if I am not awarded PIP.
Posted on Jan 31, 2021, in MY BRAIN -MY THOUGHTS, SELF HELP FOR SANITY and tagged Bipolar disorder, coping skills, Creativity, Crisis Plan, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotions, Fears, hope, humantity, Life, Living with Mental illness. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.