My approach is instinctive. Before I ask myself how I’m going to achieve this in a feature interview, I realise I’ve hit send asking for a feature.
When people get back to me and say yes.It sends my thoughts spiralling down a tunnel picking up random and conflicting emotions
Yay, someone thinks I can write about them.
Someone thinks I can write about them in a structured way.
Someone will probably think I do this all the time.
(A barrage of emotions).
What do I know about interviewing and communicating?
I know nothing about this person/band.
(Frantic typing on my laptop).
I obsessively research, listen to their music, doubt myself.
Berate myself for doubting myself.
SELF TALK: I love doing this. This is another experience to add to my goal of writing -connecting with people. A chance to be creative. A chance to express myself.
A chance to embrace my own passion for writing. A chance to challenge my writing style and that means communicating with other people not just in the writing form but “live” speaking.
I have to come out of my writing bubble world so I can go back to the fun part of writing and researching.
I struggle a lot with my mental health. The one way that helps me stay on a good path with my mental health is writing and being creative. feel self-worth and self-validation that comes from inside, feeling like I have expressed myself in a way that feels genuine. writing for me keeps me away from my triggers for relapsing with my mental health.
I immediately wanted to run away from an outlet that I get so much positiveness from doing.
it is quite bizarre that my instinct to run away and not do the interview stems from my own thoughts about if I can be creative.
It puts pressure on me to follow through with what I say I want to do and then I am given the chance to do something I am passionate about not a professional music journalist. I am afraid to fail.
I feel like backing out of doing most features if I did that then I would be a hypocrite because the whole point of doing these features is to demonstrate to myself and others that feeling the fear and feeling inadequate prevents me from being happy. It is a challenge to my own self-perception and my belief that creativity does improve mental health.
The way I prove it is by doing it. This is my style and I express myself as the person I am because I want to be well. I want to enjoy discovering new people, having new experiences, learning and feeling a part of something that means something to me.