Second Life- Mort tell et tea
* This Borderline poem was written a week before I attempted to take my life (again).I ended up in Critical Care in a coma for 5 days & in ICU for a further 6 days. I was discharged from hospital on the 21st of May 2020 *
Please, make sense of reality.
Use a stream of consciousness
words to vent,
rant,
rave,
A discovery in recovery
Fathom out sense because words are only as good as the interpreter.
Could add literary success to a Gravatar profile in an ebook
Add few drafts poured into that fulminate crunched up chaos.
This doesn’t invoke a feeling of literary success.
Trying
Struggling to convey all words .
Reciprocated words are often misinterpreted
Misheard
Another attempt to convey these words
Perhaps one person will see this array of affray spread its torment defecating the inner spiral case of the
Mind,
It swirls descends these steps in every way.
The moment to call it a day
This draws an outline forever have to have the last say.
Hear me proclaim
This
Is
My
Life.
Don’t want to carry on living this way
Shame lingers
It overstays — the bailiff texts for rent arrears
Read,
What is laid down?
Listen
I’m not done yet.
Hanging by a thread it’s tethered
Seen many days to identify as weathered
Hanging by a thread
This is my life purpose!
Final chance to meet my fate
Waited for this all my life
A mystery date with a severed soul mate.
Taught & tethered & weathered is this rope
To late
convinced
I’m no tight rope walker.
I’ve become my own word stalker
Shoulda, coulda, woulda arrested these rants before my digress
Covert corner
Wait in this hidden corner.
Evidently I’ve learned that survival is innate.
It ain’t easy to digest the days I’m not blessed to eat from a plate.
keep rising up despite a life times worth of trip-ups.
Until I die
One fine day
I’ll face the final exit of my mortality
I’ll know the truth
Either way it’s gonna end up with a body
Fatality.
Subconsciously know why I feel
It’s called humanity
What do I know about that damp dark corner entertaining souls I’ve yet to meEt?
Going to have to wait for a future promising chance we haven’t dreamt of taking yet.
If I lose all memory
Forget those words
soggy, wet, lost to another realm of the bereft
Lest I forget.
I write to recover.
Be happy or die trying.
Simultaneously a resilient species & inconveniently inept
Posted on Jun 7, 2020, in POETRY and tagged Emotions, hope, mortality, My poetry, MY WORLD, suicide awareness, these are my words. Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.
Daisy in the willows 
I think you’re very brave to go through such a harrowing experience and come out stronger.
Very best wishes always
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Thank you, Parneet, I am in a different place. And I do not intend to go back. Have a wonderful week & keep safe.
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Daisy..I’m not quite sure what to say..as you said I hope my threaded words reach you and waiting hear more from you
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They have reached me, Akhila. Something happened to me when I was in coma-I thought I had been abducted by Aliens. It was torture Hot and cold, they were performing experiments on me. It was what my Mother calls Purgatory. I was in such pain-physically, Emotionally and Psychologically I kept on seeing my Mom’s face and I came to what I can only describe as Atonement. When I was discharged from hospital on the 21 May 2020, my Mom who has her own faith described how she prayed to her God for 5 days until she was out of praying. And she went to go and lie down on her bed and gave her control over to her God. She described a feeling to her Higher power that she had never felt before, ‘As of God was looking into her heart. She felt peace. The equivalent to my experience of Atonement was she had been ‘Anointed by Christ’. I have so much on at the moment with finding a new home, home schooling, my Mom’s illness and many other priorities that I need time to reflect on this near death experience so I can write authentically and from an objective stance about it. I apologise for not being as active on my blog as I’ve recently bought my domain (YAY!)9 and I’m navigating my way around plug ins, the new WordPress block etc…
I’m not a quitter. I am here for a bigger purpose.I am on the right path. The light has over taken the darkness. ❤ big hugs.
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Hugs to you from the bottom of my heart …lots of luv for sending me a detailed reply… this near death experience, it’s something really an “epic” feeling..I am sorry if that was a bad word to use here..I Donno what else I can say abt that… hope your mom is good.. catch you in your new blog…ping me once it’s up and running
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No, I’m not offended by the word epic. Thank you so much for reaching out, my friend. We are survivors and wecwillbget there. Big hugs to you too! Hope you are well ? Xx
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Yes..I am doing absolutely fine.. and completely indoor ..
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Glad you are keeping safe x
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😟😟😟Life is precious and so are you. And no situation has to be permanent. You are never alone 😰
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I know it is. There has been a huge shift in my thinking and my perspective on life. In e weeks I have made so much progress. I see my worth & I have hope again. I was in purgatory for 5 days . I remember it all. I thought I had been abducted by aliens. Hot and cold . torture . utter torture. It is a miracle that I’m alive and not paralysed or brain damaged. My life is moving in a positive direction and I’m never going back to that place mentally & physically again. Life is precious and so short. Xx. I’m OK.
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That’s good to hear, and this has just made my night, and most likely my tomorrow xoxo
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I’m sorry if I frightened any one. In my own time I will talk and write about my experiences. And out of this maelstrom, I am still glad I can put a smile on a person’s face 😀 xx catch up soon.
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