Where is my mind?

The weed who has every right to declaim — life’s not fair.

I’m back , I’m here . And a round of applause for me.

I’m reclaiming my life!

Life is like tax credits. We have to keep on reclaiming it to make sure we get it.

For one reason only:

This is my life and I care.

separated from the one I thought I loved needed.

 woke up

  saw my life for what it really is

If that makes  me a hard bitch, emotionless or selfish.

I’ll take every adjective and I’ll mix it in with my next meal.

Add an extra portion of muscles and plenty of shellfish.

One life to choose.

Mine or another?

I choose me and my daughter.

Every. Single. Time.

I’m a cheater, I’m a druggie.  I’m crazy. I’m a …what? 

I ain’t got time for your nonsense,

Pack your shit up and get out;

so I can raise my family

to understand

people are human.

Some people keep on building the same rickety, useless fence over and over and over.

And then die.

If my vices-when activated

render me a misfit of society?

Bah j’en fiche!

Translation –

Whatever!  I don’t value your opinion.

I’m not suicidal.

I’m not a sheep.

I’ve been swimming since I was living in an amniotic sac.

Water baby.

Born and bred.

The water life chose me.

Life is not fair — don’t be patronizing. 

Boy ( you’ll be a man soon)

 Listen. I don’t need you or you  type.

I sure as hell, don’t want you.

What about all I’ve done for you.

I  literally picked you off the street.

Must I go into detail ….

Nah! Bro.

My issues.

My mind.

I’m dealing with it.

I can’t hit a button and go on the rewind.

My daughter.

My daughter. 

Her bond to me- is first and foremost.

She’s already living a lie.

I have to explain to her  who her biological father is.

Parents walk away every day from their children.

Others do step  up

and do good by them.

Until… abuse and disrespect start again.

Back off deal with your emotions.

Cut the strings. Grow a ..ahem

Pair of wings.

Fly – be ambitious — live your life.

You want to be role model?

Live your life.

Make something.

Anything.

That is the greatest show of love you can bestow on a child.

Show them –

yes, life is unfair.

No one ever said it was easy.

Nobody wins a prize for it.

Depending on your religion.

 If you want a prize

go pick one and go with it.

We just  gotta keep going on,

Don’t lose sight of that lighthouse.

It will bring us back to shore.

I can’t carry another dead weight.

I need to save myself and my child.

I was drowning in all of your shit.

BLAH!

BLAH!

BLAH!

The ones I chose to sleep with, and play a game of common whores.

We can all do  chores

We can all be whores.

We can all be bores.

Genderize it. Put it into context.

I look around me and everyone with ‘a stick to throw’ has disappeared.

I’m on my knees.

A new dawn, a new day.

New gossip to come —  Lodi Dodi  -there’s some tussle or gossip to come from some other party.

(Slick Rick reference)

Fodder for the foraging masses.

Self brainwashing

I don’t owe you an explanation

time,

money,

me!

If  being busy is a sign of vindictiveness

If saying no- is a sign of vindictiveness-

Throw  that hoop on me.

And I’ll hula hoop my way into ‘the vindictive dance award’s category.

What else can you/people  throw at me?

It hurts more when I’m unstable, high – not using my resources.

When I’m me. I can take it.

It doesn’t hurt.

big heart

Increasingly

Selective.

my journey,

my life —its where I’m at

Live for yourself.

miserable human lives for someone else’s approval.

Trust me, I’ve tried, never lied, nothing to hide.

Everything to gain

 lose my sanity, possibly my child?

My Biggest gamble.

 willing to take my own life.

You’re stood there  crying like you are’ the shook one.’

I’ve stepped into reality.

Scraping dog shit off my shoes every day.

 willingly believe dog shit is a sign I’m going to receive good news.

willingly believe that  I have what it takes to make it — Again.

 gasped my first breath in years.

lookup,

see beauty,

the stars,

see promise.

Not willing to let you cripple me

see another way-

see another route never said I cared about you or him or that.

probably did.

probably did

probably do. This is where I am at.

I do not answer to you.

Or you –

maybe you.

I know who I have to answer to.

Pass me more tissues

aware of my issues.

My life or yours?

I’d be certifiable insane if I  allow me to take more attempts on my life.

On a final note

‘I am an artist and I’m sensitive  about my shit ‘

TECH N9NE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKs5OsT4dIY

• Photo credit Francesca  Woodman