Sheep on suicide
Where is my mind?
The weed who has every right to declaim — life’s not fair.
I’m back , I’m here . And a round of applause for me.
I’m reclaiming my life!
Life is like tax credits. We have to keep on reclaiming it to make sure we get it.
For one reason only:
This is my life and I care.
separated from the one I thought I
saw my life for what it really is
If that makes me a hard bitch, emotionless or selfish.
I’ll take every adjective and I’ll mix it in with my next meal.
Add an extra portion of muscles and plenty of shellfish.
One life to choose.
Mine or another?
I choose me and my daughter.
Every. Single. Time.
I’m a cheater, I’m a druggie. I’m crazy. I’m a …what?
I ain’t got time for your nonsense,
Pack your shit up and get out;
so I can raise my family
people are human.
Some people keep on building the same rickety, useless fence over and over and over.
And then die.
If my vices-when activated
render me a misfit of society?
Bah j’en fiche!
Whatever! I don’t value your opinion.
I’m not suicidal.
I’m not a sheep.
I’ve been swimming since I was living in an amniotic sac.
Born and bred.
The water life chose me.
Life is not fair — don’t be patronizing.
Boy ( you’ll be a man soon)
Listen. I don’t need you or you type.
I sure as hell, don’t want you.
What about all I’ve done for you.
I literally picked you off the street.
Must I go into detail ….
I’m dealing with it.
I can’t hit a button and go on the rewind.
Her bond to me- is first and foremost.
She’s already living a lie.
I have to explain to her who her biological father is.
Parents walk away every day from their children.
Others do step up
and do good by them.
Until… abuse and disrespect start again.
Back off deal with your emotions.
Cut the strings. Grow a ..ahem
Pair of wings.
Fly – be ambitious — live your life.
You want to be role model?
Live your life.
That is the greatest show of love you can bestow on a child.
Show them –
yes, life is unfair.
No one ever said it was easy.
Nobody wins a prize for it.
Depending on your religion.
If you want a prize
go pick one and go with it.
We just gotta keep going on,
Don’t lose sight of that lighthouse.
It will bring us back to shore.
I can’t carry another dead weight.
I need to save myself and my child.
I was drowning in all of your shit.
The ones I chose to sleep with, and play a game of common whores.
We can all do chores
We can all be whores.
We can all be bores.
Genderize it. Put it into context.
I look around me and everyone with ‘a stick to throw’ has disappeared.
I’m on my knees.
A new dawn, a new day.
New gossip to come — Lodi Dodi -there’s some tussle or gossip to come from some other party.
(Slick Rick reference)
Fodder for the foraging masses.
I don’t owe you an explanation
If being busy is a sign of vindictiveness
If saying no- is a sign of vindictiveness-
Throw that hoop on me.
And I’ll hula hoop my way into ‘the vindictive dance award’s category.
What else can you/people throw at me?
It hurts more when I’m unstable, high – not using my resources.
When I’m me. I can take it.
It doesn’t hurt.
my life —its where I’m at
Live for yourself.
miserable human lives for someone else’s approval.
Trust me, I’ve tried, never lied, nothing to hide.
Everything to gain
lose my sanity, possibly my child?
My Biggest gamble.
willing to take my own life.
You’re stood there crying like you are’ the shook one.’
I’ve stepped into reality.
Scraping dog shit off my shoes every day.
willingly believe dog shit is a sign I’m going to receive good news.
willingly believe that I have what it takes to make it — Again.
gasped my first breath in years.
Not willing to let you cripple me
see another way-
see another route never said I cared about you or him or that.
probably do. This is where I am at.
I do not answer to you.
Or you –
I know who I have to answer to.
Pass me more tissues
aware of my issues.
My life or yours?
I’d be certifiable insane if I allow me to take more attempts on my life.
On a final note
‘I am an artist and I’m sensitive about my shit ‘
- Photo credit Francesca Woodman
Posted on May 24, 2020, in STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS COLLECTION, WRITE TO RECOVER and tagged Creative Writing, Emotions, Love, mental health awareness, parenthood, Recovery, Relationships, Stream of consciousness. Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.