Monthly Archives: May 2020

Passed Humanities degree

I’ve finally received my results for my 1st year, doing my Masters, in Creative writing.

Drum rolls.

PASS-with merit. I officially can use more random letters after my name — ha ha!

I  am now in possession of a post-graduate certificate in the Arts and Humanities!

Wow! Amazing.

How’s this going to help me with what I won’t do?

I have a dream.

I do. 😀

One of my goals is to move back to France. They love people with diplomas. I hope to get a well paid job there. I need to book a trip to The French embassy later on this year. My husband has decided he is going to take on my surname and become a French national.  He’s English!

He’s not only English, he is  Northern, from  West Yorkshire.

 

 

I feel so uneasy about my family not having a passport. My entire life, It was drummed into me to always have my passport (in date)in case, we moved countries.

Which we did- a lot!

Moving on . ( pun unintentionally intended  :D)

What’s  happening in my life?

Loads of shit- ha ha! as usual.

I’m doing better –  I keep making a come back.  Oh, life – you little tease!

Dare me to live.

 Dare me to succeed!

Challenge accepted.

 

 

MENTAL HEALTH UPDATE

Yeah, it’s been.

up and down,

down ,

down ,

down –

up again ,

very up –

insanely manic,

toxic,

low,

not quite sure

,emotional ,

aargh why did that and that and that and ..

did I do that?

Those kind of moments, really.

Surely someone can relate?

Not happy about a medication increase in my anti depressant.

I don’t of any person who is on  (high/ highest legal doses) of

Two antidepressants

Two anti psychotics

Two anti anxiety tablets,

and sleeping medication.

I know  my health posse want the best for me.

I don’t bullshit them.

I tell if I’ve been using shit coping mechanisms, good ones. Thoughts ,feelings…

I made my psychiatrist laugh.

Go me!

He offered me psychology therapy — again .

I was like:

‘Look Dr J, seriously every time I sign up to a pyschologist , they leave!’

 All my psychologists have left me half way through  doing whatever new pycho babble, current trend treatment , is used, to deal with folk such as myself.

One dude, fell asleep in a couple of our sessions.

So, I was like

‘ Listen, I know how to use CBT/DBT, I know how to communicate and talk. I know what keeps me well . I just want a cure’

Another laugh escapes from Dr J.

He is a legend.

A legend ? yes, but not a wizard 😦

He totally gets me and I feel I have a choice in medication changes etc..

I’ve asked to come off one of my meds because I don’t see the point of being on it. It hasn’t helped me.

These meds have affected my memory. I’m terrified of getting Dementia. I’ve been on (legal) tablets since I was 13/14 and I’ve never been off medication.

Never!

Talking about memory.

I’m using my creative outlets to start getting into the open mic poetry scene .

I love performing but my memory is really rubbish. I’m going to brave it by doing more live poetry next week. I’m excited. Nervous.  It’s all good.

I have my final year of my MA to keep me — super  occupied.  There is a lot of work to do. For part of my thesis ( check me out)

I’m thinking of using my blog to interview creative folk who live in my community to talk about, their work,  (durr!)  Creativity and their mental health. My photographer mate is on board to take pictures. Some people have shown interest — yeah!

My heads occupied which is good.

Fab!

Awesome!

How will doing this  help me with my thesis and final work?

Well, I am going to use this year of discovery and research on the link between mental health and creativity as an alternative form of therapy to cope with life’s unpredictable moments.

Then I  will have loads of inspiration to write a film script (120 minutes) on a character ,who , is thrown back into society after a long stint in mental /prison  institutions , and who is looking to find him/herself  and another way of being  and expressing him/herself  positively, in society.

The opening scene will kind of look like this

I have an ending – (a bit abstract at the moment) – saying there words:

‘I look around for the first time with clarity. And see I’m exactly where I need to be. Around the misfits. The beautiful misfits just like me.’

DAISY’S UN NAMED CHARACTER

It’s all early days and I still have  4 scripts to write, a critique and a character  analysis on a famous playwright to do before the final chapter.

All in all. I’m alive, optimistic-ish, full of emotion, drive, passion , a pain in the ass but just doing my thing. 

All terribly boring really… 😀 

So, I am back!

I can’t commit daily to blogging but I have joined a group on Facebook.  

Shout out to Gary @ fiction is food  for adding me.

It’s a website for us!

BIG UP YOUR BLOG!

Bloggers.

 I’m  a newbie, its good be around other bloggers again. I’m hoping it will keep me  off Facebook and keep me connecting with people like yourself. People who use their time more productively. Doh, oh the irony.

One rant before I go :   I wish people would stop leaving public posts about my appearance on my Facebook.

If you ever happen to read this

I know you are having a shit time dealing with your own weight issues. I’m well aware of mine. Please take a look at yourself. Look after yourself first. If you don’t – FUCK OFF! 

 

That is a wrap.  I know. Hilarious! ha ha!

Thank you so much for reading

Time to step out and live real life..

Catch up soon!

What’s everyone else doing with life?  Blogging?

I’m genuinely curious to know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hashtag All Words matter

(context for this pieceI’ve been thinking about the words we ( I) use, (perhaps flippantly) at times. Without really thinking about the meaning of what we say to describe a person.An example? Crazy.
My 8-year-old daughter uses this word to describe anything / any a person who seemingly comes across as alien or eccentric to what she doesn’t understand people’s behaviour & words.
When I found out about the All Words Matter campaign that started a few years ago over being conscious of using the words we use to label people, like refugees versus using the word asylum seeker, I became inspired to write, Inspiration for this piece was taken from the urban dictionary).
I also want to challenge my vocabulary to use words that have an influence on the way we treat people.It’s about being aware of what we say & this culture of using words that take the English/ other languages and filter it through hashtags, miscommunication thus preventing people from appreciating & understanding other cultures. 

Here she comes
Me-the late bloomer
I have a revelation words matter circa 2019.
ALL WORDS MATTER.
Let me try and type something with substance
Words have power.
We
Collectively should choose our words carefully.
Don’t stop talking.
Hashtag it’s still okay to talk.
Start a difficult conversation.
Mental health is here for as long as we humans are.
For real…
Stop with the sincerely Stan — suicidal fan stereotyping-
Passive-aggressive greeting-Hello me hunties
Yes, I have a cunt and I won’t let any manhunt me-unless he is prepared to be chased too.
How can we all be so woke when
We still choose to believe in fake news?
People love to give blow jobs on other peoples words.
Most people swallow and don’t spit.
Retweet it to keep it 100.
Can we put a value on integrity?
Words matter-when we stand up for our belief to break away from the mould.
Open mic night’s expressions should be honoured by doing our words-over and over.
Especially when people aren’t watching.
Show and tell how to walk the talk.
Match a wage bet — that another brother’s claims of little Miss trouble are too high key.
It’s okay to talk.
Tupac, once said
real eyes
realize
real lies.
People should see before they make a judgement.
express yourself — in the socially accepted way-
Aspire to appear lowkey?
All these quotes about
Keep your personal business to yourself.-
Then do a 180 and take the ” power back”.
A calculated performance.
Reveal you know how to manipulate words — with barely legal finesse.
Hashtag wars still matter.
Use language for positive change.
Talk.
Start a difficult conversation.
Think about your fellow patient in the opposite bed.
Why does she have resting bitch face syndrome?
Why does she stare at the back after you state
‘That feeling when you feel like Britney spears circa 2007?
Oh, you have problems — you slit your wrists — oh how savage — roll of the eyes.
Let’s get creative with our words.
Affected by mental illness.
infected…..
Lives with a mental illness?
Or suffers from a mental illness?
How savage (roll of eyes)
These labels — — schizophrenics. Bipolar, psychotic.
2019 is the year where Everyone wants to be insane
the reason to be a certain way is the new aesthetic
or an excuse,
To be lowkey about our true shame and high key about superficial hurt not to lure in the Stans.
Whose that?
It’s not relevant (as long as I get approval from my fam or
My Sis from another Miss).
We are more than a tick boxed list of criteria.
We are complex humans, with diverse traits and interests.
Who is that? Over there- making a statement.
Crazy
psycho
nuts
lunatic
Not relevant — That there is just some extra.
insignificant
to you;
Not part of the true fam-
Is this how we wish people to feel?
Insignificant!
For all the RT’er’s out there who love to share,
Share your own personal story.
The world will become a place where you are lit by your integrity.
Not everyone can relate to the G.O.A.T.’s
With swagger.
We probably are pretty for real when we embrace our bromances and our militant feminists.
True power is being woke enough to see the ethic in bringing out the G. O. A. T. in EVERYONE of us.
We can all be lowkey.
We are all fam.
I’m not going to say its cool to call my new ‘ship interest-Dad.
Words matter
And the lack of them.
What we don’t say … is a statement of power.
Spoken word — maybe we all have inner dictator waiting to stand up and be heard.
I don’t know how we can claim to so woke when everything we do is to death.
What am I going on about?
Apologies for this is the mix in slang-
I’m not pedantic … I am keeping my integrity — my code of ethics.
If we are going to talk and be true about our feelings — Remember that the words we use to connect on a level can out you as a hypocrite-
Words matter because they help us communicate and relate with a diverse bunch of people who may end up feeling like family more than your own Dad or sis.
Communication can cause dis-ease — challenge our own self-awareness;
Not because you the go-to p[person to get the latest scoop on someone else in life detention.
It’s cool to be high key about not fitting the mould-
Embrace the idea that to be holistic is not going to conform to your method of living-
For real.
WE don’t have to be conventionally spiritual to have faith.
Well-being of the mind and body is the G.O.A.T.
– the power-
The perfect ratio.
Sometimes we fall — human after all …
I guess
When we outcast others for assuming their make up
Judging every part of them based on an undemocratic vote of what a person’s true disposition is.
How fair and unbiased are our Hugh key views when we don’t have the whole picture?
That moonscape — that attitude is a predisposition to sus and ghost others because of their diversity.
We spit words, stand up for diversity and equality-
Express ourselves through didactic verse.
Congratulate our selves on our ethics-to embrace the variety of our culture.
The irony is what we say and do,
What we say we are going to do.
And what we do when confronted with someone who is different and not facile two understand.
How quick we are to turn into heartless bastards and turn away from our own race.
Everyone is quick to look at the other person.
I Don’t see colour! I’m not racist.
I don’t discriminate, I’m well up for equality.
“Look at those tits!”
“She looks well up for it.”
“Crazy, cheating man-hating bitch.”
“Disrespecting my bro..”
Consult the bro code.
This divine, esoteric oracle states that she was asking for it.
She’s trouble.
Aaah Aaah Aaah BAH!
True story — a woman lived under apartheid then came to live in the patriarchal society of English gentry. She’s spoken up for herself — acted like a dude-how dare she!
Embraced the spoken word and unashamedly campaigned for the right that it is truly ok to talk.
Segregated cos she is diverse and predisposition to speak her mind, she made as many fuck ups as the people she met and spent time with.
She decided to end her borderline poetics with
these words
I don’t give a fuck, I know the world is bigger than a few small-minded , feeble gossips who use their words to bond
I “died” to be reborn.
I answer to nature, not people.

Cupid scored

I’m convinced it is true love or close to the definition as one can come to.

You feed me physically, rehydrate me when I forget.

You feed my mind on subjects I’m passionate about sans regret.

You feed my psychological stance when it needs a new perspective

Laugh if in doubt

You never belittle me, you will tell me where you think I’m going wrong.

You believe in me, our connection, I know that money is a means to an end for the two of us.p+

You have a gift convincing me that I am beautiful even when I’m starting to show wear & tear.

You’ve convinced me to allow myself the risk of getting my heart broken again.

Cupid must be smiling today. He has scored.

And to add to this you

are my best friend.

( Simple words from a complex woman)