Mercy for a chancer

 

 

 

When I say I want to disappear

By God, I truly want to conjure dark sorcery

never come back to this planet.

I’ve tried  to take my breathe  many times

 This might sound like Self -pity ( perhaps it is).

But I’m not here to get into it.

These are about my feelings.

I’m not a poet. I’m a person who has feelings & thoughts I need to express.

I’m not trying to hurt anybody.

I’m trying to live the best way I can,

I’ve tried to take my life many times (and) yet, here I am.

I do the best I can.

Deep pan Pizza, Fried Chicken,Sushi, Prosecco.

Get my fringe trimmed,

My daughter, a mermaid’s tail.

My husband.

Yes, I have sinned!

But I’m still here.

And all I want to do is disappear because I know that

Eventually-

Everyone I love,

Everyone I know is going to be gone.

And I wouldn’t have made the bonds with who I brought into this Life

Mor the people  I’ve met or come across.

I won’t have secured any bonds.

I am lost

I am always forlorn.

Flawed

I wear my

heart on my sleeve and

I cry. I

pace this kitchen over & over

And no I don’t have an excuse for relapsing

And I don’t have an excuse for what I have done.

If there’s one thing I am certain of my heart was invested in it all.I’m trying to do the best I can!

I wish I wasn’t here. I have plans- is this a death threat?

I don’t know.

All I know is there is pizza cooking, and I’m on my last tether

Overdoses don’t do it.

Maybe hang myself?

I’m (just) so far gone. This is not even a poem.

 

 

(Today)

About Daisy Willows

'Words are my everything' - Jon Wayne . A writer of poetry, stories, stage scripts, fiction, border line poetry & freestyle works, Music reviews, Guest Features/interview & shout outs. She is also passionate about raising anti-stigma & awareness for Mental Health. A trained co-facilitator in Wellness Recovery Action plan by Mary Ellen Copeland Natasha goes by many moniker names-Daisy Willows, bahtuhkid, GOAT2Bdazee. She has had a colourful life. Travelled. Natasha co-owns a second-hand clothing & accessories business -La Bella Bijoux Ltd Natasha was born in South Africa & is a French national. She currently resides in the UK Natasha Bodley holds a postgraduate in the Humanities. A BA in Myth in the Greek and Roman worlds & Advanced creative writing. She also holds a Foundation degree in Acting performance. She is currently working on her first novel (semi-autobiographical creative non-fiction). She has published one short story on Amazon called 'Number one' Connect with Natasha Collaborate with Natasha & feel free to Communicate her too. Light, Peace & Love!

Posted on 2020-02-07, in POETRY-FREESTYLE/IN YER FACE/EXPERIMENTAL and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I’m glad this was two-months ago and hopefully you’re in a better place today.

    Liked by 1 person

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