I’m searching inside for something to help define me
All that populates is the emotion –
Weak –
inside me.

Over and over – the word like a strained bacteria multiplying in a temperate simmering heat.
Don’t want to speak -move my feet.
Feel like a caricature of a human being.

Falling,
Let me fall into some black abysmal seeing.
You are the strongest person I know, says he.
You mad fool!
what has love done for you,
To be so possessed by the voodoo in me?
Stop.
Stop.
I want to stop feeling.
Yellow, blue, red little pills rally around me.
These little friends have mastered their great skill to feed me and confound me.
Blister packets pop festive like its the fourth of July.
Muted slumber please come and blind me – let me just lie
Still
Waters.
Values made of plastic.
Bottled up emotions.
Swallow.
there is no nectar sweet song in my voice that follows.
Anxiety pervades. I have to shout out – GO THE FUCK AWAY!
Petrified
Timid

A creature crawling out the woodworks.
the first sign of stress and sorrow.
A trail of slime leaves evidence that this creature has no courage to face life’s cruel, sooty smirks.
To hell with it all
Horror.
Take me down — let me fall.
Sleep?
make sure the crash comes from somewhere steep.
Don’t let me wake up -covered in wet rags.
The apology of my life will be over when I wake up and grab for my fags.
Smokescreen.
It’s the best way I know how to protect my own self-esteem.
Selfish.
shellfish.
Lost my nerve.
Caught and quartered in the nets of the absurd.
Find myself served up as a delicacy dish.
Eat me
Drink me
Consume me -if you must.
Just don’t make me face this reality
for my soul has gone and inanely combust.
A Letdown.
Shaking out Scraggley hair
This is all I have to show for the one I claim I hold in my heart – dear and fair.
Slumber come and give me my due.
Infiltrate my blood with the toxin.
That takes my body and locks in.
Show the true colour of my heart –
a dismal, manic smudge of dark blues.
Singing.
I’m sorry my love
I am that nefarious dove.
Aces.
hearts.
we are meant to be the best pair.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
Tomorrows’s bells will awake me to a harrowing carnival fair.
A Rendezvous.
no time to be fashionably late.
My dearest,
if I let you down and forget to close the gate-
may I languish in my putrid stench of cowardice?
Have no fear. Please rest.
May I never truly fully awake from this hell I have made my home state paradise.