This is a surreal piece I wrote during a surreal time.
It’s about the cruelty of life and how the elderly are treated in Britain. It was inspired by the time I spent with my grandmother in her care home when she had Dementia and Alzheimers.
It’s a stream of consciousness Short Borderline script.
MRS BRUISED: “I’m tired”
CARD SHUFFLER: (throws his voice from a table on the left)
“I’m tired too.”
MRS BRUISED: (sits upright)
CARD SHUFFLER: “Aye? Go to sleep then.”
(The room fans out into a full house of insidious laughter)
MISS CARDIGAN: excuse me, Dear, can you tell me where the toilets
I’ve only just popped by/
THE WEED: ( Looks around for a sign indicating the Mangers office)
Of course, just follow me.
(THE WEED walks back from the toilets and goes to crouch down to hold MRS THOUGHT BUBBLES hand).
THE WEED: She’s pissed herself. Can someone change her?
THE ROSE: No, she hasn’t.
GINGER: (enters) Here you go. Open your mouth?
(GINGER shovels a hefty spoonful of what looks like boiled bagged food)
THE WEED: (aside) Lost in thought……The smell of piss can’t be worse than death’s kiss…
GINGER: Here- wah-la! open your mouth.
Mrs Thought Bubble’s inner thoughts
THE WEED: Tu es Pleine?
(aside) Like an old coffin opening for the first time in a century;
MRS THOUGHT BUBBLE: Pleine.
THE ROSE: You are thirsty today.
( Comes back from the kitchen with another full beaker of red diluted kids juice)
So so thirsty.
THE WEED: (aside) Three empty beakers all lined up in a row – My eyes rest and are ready to aim – trigger happy and ready to blow.
She has pissed herself, look!
THE ROSE: Oh you have made a pee-pee Mamie- a pee-pee!
(chorus) A Nod. A skeleton- face grins
Bright light beams from Mrs Thought Bubbles eyes.
A carved pumpkin with a toothy grin.
Burning away in a dark room within.
More strained laughter churns out lactic acid.
MRS BRUISED : (on a loop)
Oh, I am tired.
BRUNETTE: Fiddler! Stop putting your hands down your pants.
THE WEED: Maybe that is the only way she gets to feel something.
(Legs splayed- FIDDLER’S fingers explores her vagina hungrily)
MRS BRUISED: I’m tired.
CARD SHUFFLER: Yeah me too! Shut up.
(Eyes veer to the table on the left).
THE WEED: Dying flowers in a glass vase.
If I had to throw it would reality become what I once knew it to be?
Jeer me on why don’t you?
Throw the fucking vase.
How long have those silver wrapped chocolates been stood there. This is not some fancy New York hotel.
If they are going to start leaving chocolates make sure you get Hershey’s kisses.
Brown as the shit under neath Mrs Thought bubble’s nails.
THE WEED: She has pissed herself!
GINGER: I will go get dessert.
THE WEED: (aside) Does it come in different sex positions?
One of the toughest spells to break.
No one dares look at the other.
Carers go a drift.
Congregate to conflate into gossip office politics.
THE ROSE: Go and tell them to change her.
(THE WEED creeps along the floor until it has found the right door).
THE WEED: Can someone change Mrs Thought bubble! She is in her own piss.
MRS HEGEMONY: Wheres nondescript and the other one too?
Great big sighs. A room full of eyes wondering if the pay they get is worth the time.
The time finally has a stroke and then another and another.
The hoist in all its bluesy hues comes for Mrs Thought-bubble.
GINGER: I’m sorry I got called into the office.
THE WEED: Look it’s not you. Its just… I am sitting watching Mrs Thought bubble over here, shout out…. and “she is wading in her own piss!
THE ROSE: Let’s go outside
THE ROSE: ( turns to BRUNETTE)
Can we take her outside?
BRUNETTE: ( a voice rolls out like a plush red carpet)
( BRUNETTE rolls out the wheelchair –)
CHORUS: She hasn’t been outside in over a year.
She shouts and protests.
Vintage sunglasses are placed on her to help process her eyes.
(More shouts and protests).
MAINTENANCE: Do you want me to take a picture?
(THE WEED and THE ROSE in unison) Oh yes please.
(Chorus) CLICK !
Mature cheddar smiles captured against the vines.
THE WEED: I love you Mrs Thought-bubble.
I’ll settle for that as an good enough au revoir.
Taxi takes us very fucking far away from here, please.
THE WEED: (to THE ROSE) Did you notice that nobody came to clean the chair?
THE ROSE: Don’t tell me this.
Every night I cry myself to sleep
If we move her again she will die.
Please let her die.
It is beyond my understanding.
Petals start to turn inwards – it’s a crying shame to see rose a start to wilt.
RED CAP: There was a sticker attached saying ‘TO CLEAN’
THE WEED: Oh.
I love you, Rose.
I can’t imagine what you are going through.
THE ROSE: (Wilts that tiny bit more)
She doesn’t even know who I am anymore.
THE WEED: I know who you are.
You know who I am.
THE WEED: (aside)
It doesn’t matter if the sun is shining- water will always ignore the air around it. If it wants to pour so it shall.
The weed reaches and creeps until it has a secure grip around The Roses stem.
The Weed .
Both look out their own private window.
Bee would have loved to see that cow…..
THE ROSE: ( watered and ready to pose)
So tomorrow is a busy day. We have to sort out the cake
THE WEED: The cake?
THE ROSE: …the wedding cake? And We need to find Mr Thought bubble an outfit for the wedding.
THE WEED: Is she actually allowed to come?
THE ROSE: Madam Hegemony, says it is fine.
THE WEED: (flat)Oh, Cool. I wonder did we tell the cake makers that we changed the theme from sunflowers to yellow roses?
THE ROSE: Yes! We are just having yellow icing on normal flowers..
THE WEED: Oh… like the colour on our invitations?
THE ROSE: See you tomorrow.
THE WEED: Mint, Yes.. tomorrow… (as an after thought)
THE ROSE: 10:30, Don’t be late. We are getting threaded first.
Have you got the Bee’s shoes?
THE WEED: Yes Mam.
THE ROSE: I swear if you had loads of money in this town you still wouldn’t be able to spend it.
It’s all bullshit
(from) THE HORSES MOUTH:
And so the earth continues to travel around the sun.
The sun goes down.
The moon is full-faced and all fluttering eyelashes.
And I still have a long face.
Nothing but everything changes.
Horses don’t talk.
Neither do flowers
Jut another day in ‘I wonder what the fuck next land?
Just an average day in an average Care home.