Monthly Archives: Jun 2019

Brrrisk it –

This is audio recorded experimental monologue in two parts that depict the impact Brexit /welfare reform has on one woman with severe mental health issues trying to keep things together and on hold to talk to someone about  (I don’t know) her benefits being stopped. Or her having to go  & be questioned on intimate & embarrassing issues to prove she is ill in front of someone probably not qualified in complex mental health issues. It’s my story.  😀 I am making the assumption .lol. This was an experiment (essentially scene one)   as sometimes I can’t type or write so I record and act out an improvised piece. I have always been able to create characters in my mind and act them out. My daughter does the same thing. THERE IS AS GENE FOR MY PECULIARITIES? Gulp.

(the recording is not great quality-its the concept I am more interested in and how I  can use it to create a piece of work that means something to me and has some relevance to the community I live. Theatre and social issues equal a match made heaven.

IN yer face drama ( this isn’t) Brechtian? (elements later on if this ever is finished) Kitchen sink drama? It’s not glam, is it… I would love to an SFX of her peeing or on the toilet having a number  2 when someone becomes available down the job centre or something. It needs a ton of work.

To digress ( briefly)

Going into my own world was my first addiction. I would disappear and create dramas and stories to escape from my real life. I started doing it when I was 5 years old and stopped when I was 15.

For this character ( loosely based on me and other people I’ve seen go through a breakdown in mental /social health) I used repetition in the characters dialogue. Iand I think that the character doing everyday chores- cleaning, making her bed contrasts with the chaos that is unravelling from the hinges in her mind. There would need to be more backstory. It needs a lot of work but I think the government should hold their heads in shame. I will always fight for justice and whatever I write.

Different actress. It’s an interesting technique to use when you have writer’s block.  Like my “poetry” ( borderline) is organic and raw so is my approach to creating characters.

I didn’t study for a postgraduate degree for any other reason but to make sense of what was happening in my life. And writing became my life. I had forgotten how much I have written over the years.

So it’s rubbish  QUALITY WISE( not the idea) it needs loads of work. I love the Vivaldi in the background ( in a theatre it should drive people nuts) but its better suited for an audio play or radio script because of it feels oppressive, we don’t know what the character ( not me anymore) is going to do next. WI.

God job I write for myself and not to please other people.Though I enjoy being an instigator of some one’s happiness.

I could start my final year in October. I’m enjoying learning about writing about music and engaging with people in a different way. It’s not the world of academia. And I m loving my little fashion career. I get work with my mom. And I’m happy. I’m happy that I can still write. I know I was a better writer at one point. My grandad was a self-made millionaire-  twice and poverty stricken  twice

I don’t write pretty cos the world not preettty. It’s fascinating and terrifying and all-consuming, fleeting, dull,

I’m done writing…

I feel ok.

 

The clarity of insanity

And at  the peak of my insanity

A moment to glance away from my apparent  reflection gunning down with its eyes of La Mort

I know that if I am able to glance away

at that reflection

of utter fear and self-loathing

See

my child in her stark purity dancing in front of the mirror.

If I found myself standing over her

pick up the comb, attend to her dutifully then

This motion is fuelled by a fierce love.

A fierce refusal to allow her child to be abandoned

by her own mother

The same mother who flees from her Self every day.

If this is not a demonstration of love

then it is a moment of clarity

I see the reality I have created.

Sweet bitter

I’m ready to tipple

Tears or bourbon

I’m no longer sure

Does it matter?

Then it is a moment of clarity.

These are my words.

Inspired by reading a passage of  ‘Memoirs of a daughter’, written by Simone Beauvoir and her relationship with her mother.

When words are few

When Words are few

Connect

Create.

Collaborate

With other Creativists.

creativists

Noun — (1) To be a creative activist. (2) To challenge conventionality using art and expressionismas your tools. (3) To creatively enactchange.

Someone who is attuned creatively to their surroundings; a person who understands and expresses their lifethrough creativeworksor motifs.

URBAN DICTIONARY

When I don’t feel able to talk to anyone my thoughts are scattered and strewn about;

I’ve always found clarity & relief with the help of writing and Music. Music allows me to put displaced emotions into a feeling of organized chaos.

It can help with replacing my emotions and self talk to break the negative cycle I’m in and I can re-engage with people (even if on a small level) and feel passionate about life and my goals again.

I believe that we are all creativists — We don’t need to sing well, play an instrument or be a DJ, professional dancer to express our emotions through music. Personally, I enjoy combining my passion for writing about and listening to music to get what I need from music.

We don’t need to have a degree in Music and Arts to feel or write about it. Although that’s cool too.

Google, a couple of books, communicating with people who are into music, and your soul-should be enough to make whatever it is that you get out/want out of the music industry- happen. Oh, and passion and focus helps too 😉

Self-expression is creative.

When we find a medium to feel, it can help us feel that we’ve been heard-we are being creative.

I’m more than passionate about Mental health and anti-stigma. I know the Music industry is in need of more help to help artists channel their energy productively, but like any industry as big as the entertainment industry there is a lot of pressure and stress attached to achieving our goals.

On the flip side of the coin, there are the obvious benefits being creative in any medium can have on improving mental health.

One massive stumbling block to (ahem..)blocking creativity is not connecting with people who allow us to create something with another person. It could start out as a simple conversation, comment, idea, compliment, dream, or career.

This decision to connect with a person/group creates.

We are all creativists. Technology and social media help to communicate. So that even a person who doesn’t or who can’t get out and “connect” socially can still be super dope in their creative outlets via the internet.

Self- Doubt and listening too much to other people’s negative opinion can wreak havoc on your confidence and ability to express yourself. This is intensified for people who are suffering from their mental health issues.

Of course, feedback is a good thing. Pick your mentors wisely, if (like me )you want to write about music or work in the Music industry.

Find someone who doesn’t rip you to shreds. Constructive criticism and being a blunt asshole can seem like the same thing coming from an “expert” but it’s not.

Constructive criticism is taking into account the overall work and presentation and breaking that feedback into sections. It should be honest and tactful. There is no one way to write a review, or compose a piece of music or run a music label.

When you connect you have an opportunity to create something with another individual who has a whole different system of thoughts, beliefs, ideas and experiences to contribute.

You don’t know what the result is going to be and that can be the best part of the creative process: The not knowing. We often surprise ourselves with what we can do when we just-DO IT!

The collaboration process doesn’t have to be a huge gig,

Or it can be.

It can be anything.

I’ve uploaded on social media have spoken word/music oddities that I’ve made on garage band!

My favourite recorded spoke word project is one I did with a mate. It was fun.

I’m not too precious about what people think. Creativists should take risks and often end up surprising themselves.

Don’t let other peoples talents or your own self-doubt, or a lack of knowledge of music theory, for example, stop you from expressing yourself. If you want to learn to play an instrument well. Then you have to put in the effort. Technology makes it so much easier to connect and learn.

I’ve also started writing song reviews on my blog. Not everyone gets it or likes it but its something I’m passionate about doing. Blogs should evolve if we are to change, surely? They need work and I need to Improve. We all have to start somewhere.

NWA all the way.

EXPRESS YOURSELF!