Monthly Archives: Jan 2018

The simple life

Great ideas and plans sometimes mean delays.

I’m the worst person to put off goals I’m passionate about. I am learning that if I want things to look and come across a certain way, I have to wait.

I’m beyond excited to be approached to be a part of an industry I love. I’m one of those people who will do what it takes to learn how to be the best at what I am doing and then worry about the money.

I do believe ‘money is a means to an end’

I’ve had money and I’ve been on ass and lined up in food banks.

No-It’s not fun owing money left, right and centre.

It’s  a bleak existence not knowing what the true value of money is.

Today-I know the true value of money.

Its value is not a destination.

It’s a means to get me from one part of my journey to the next.

Some people (who I’ve met in my life) wonder why I make out like I have an endless supply of money.

People have come into my current home and looked around confused —

“How dare this “peasant” make out /look  like she is rich”-

First of all,

I am rich.

My idea of wealth is different to the next person. I grew up a certain way and some traits stay with us.

I have also realised the value in ‘letting go’.

 

No, I haven’t read ‘the secret’ or started an illegal job nor am I involved in work of a frivolous nature.

(If I did want to sell my body or body parts….)

My body.

My life.

Hashtag  “Just saying”

I have Life to guide me. I have my personality, experiences and I have an open outlook on Life.

I am a student of Life.

Be happy. Don’t give your energy to the wrong people, if you do then let it go. What they do with your energy is out of your control.

We gain more from realising the power of letting other people be. It’s taken me a long time and many mistakes and heart aches, falling out with people and picking myself off the floor; to realise I gain so much from everything I do.

The quote

There are no mistakes, only lessons to be learned’ is true

Continue to stay to true to yourself. Embrace your quirks and work them.

Flaunt them and love yourself.

Look around you , think of all the people you have loved, admired, bigged up, given a part of yourself to

On reflection you may go :

aargh! what the wtf was I thinking..’

There may be a part of you who is divided —

well that person is different. They are allowed to have an ” ugly” side because…

their talent or looks or status make up for their faults.

We should all prescribe a dose of that empathy and love to ourselves-

I am blessed to have a daughter who is a direct reflection of me

She is my mirror image. I love her and I think she is smart, funny, creative, gorgeous, articulate talks too much, stubborn, a bit of. a dram queen.. The full package.

I love myself too.

I am not a super model in a magazine nor do I want to be. I’m not a model citizen – I would have my face eaten by rats in Orwell’s Ministry of Love and be high/ numbed by synthetic products all the time in Huxley’s world.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy indulging in a  hedonistic life, zoning out watching and reading ‘Trash’ and watching ‘trash’ too. I

Go OverBoard by all means.

Make sure you get back on the boat.

I’m good enough. Be real — not a cardboard cut up of a media pitch advertising how you should act, look and live.

Thanks for reading my morning musings…

lots of willow’s GOATS2BDazee love

 

 

Parted Flesh.

*This song & quote inspired a script  I’m working for my Degree in the Humanities.

Basic premise: a jury split over the  ‘ grey areas’ of a  high profile court case, A young man is accused of raping his wife to be.  Is he  absolutely guilty of  Raping his wife? One night of passion. Two stories.  What happened that night?  The evidence lies in the hands of 12 jury members.*

 

  ‘Now are they not twayne then, but one flesh. Let not man therefore put a sunder, yt which God hath coupled together.’  

 MATTHEW  19:6

‘Do you promise to tell the truth, so help you God?

Twelve

composed

In one gender.

Half a dozen men fester  in a room

Separating Sensationalism versus truth.

 

sweltering Summer days spent

In a  hyped media  playpen

Forecast for doom.

 Devising the fate of a boy

In touch with his truth.

A mistake , is he to fall?

Be punished for the ongoing debate?

Does it make it right?

 The boy continued a relationship with the sexually assaulted.

A girl’s

Public  claims  she is  fearful  of  her boy’s sinister

Fright on sight?

 

It’s never okay.

No means no.

Two people.

The truth.

 

Damn, that’s a blow

No drug could penetrate,

Mass guilt floods

Semantic fluid clogs the mind

Of a boy done wrong.

Easy to get cynical.

If

You were to decide his fate.

Where do you compromise your

values, beliefs,

Determine the facts?

Voices tear apart opinion after opinion

Silenced into cloud funded crowds offset to dissipate.

What is a worthy punishment?

Did she manipulate Boy to gain the upper hand to?

….Deal with the death of her paternal bond?

Cash in on emotional connections equivalent to living in the cult of the son of  I am.

‘Forgive me not or let me be free!’

,he pleads

Can we move forward?

Can we sever ties?

Chalk it up to experience.

Your Honour,

Vow to

Live without hubris.

 

His remaining  existence determined  by

A dozen eggs:

 The Jury.

 

Hidden behind Neon flashlights pointing to God’s hand

Directing the choir to  Man’s asunder demise?

 

asunder

Asunder is an adverb that means “into separate pieces.” So if you’ve torn your ex’s love letter asunder, you’ve forcefully ripped it into separate pieces — and rightly so.

Asunder comes from the Old English phrase on sundran, which means “into separate places.” It is a somewhat archaic and uncommon word and most of us know it only from marriage ceremonies: “What God has joined together let no man put asunder.” In most cases you can use its more common synonym “apart” and convey the same meaning, unless you want to express a particularly violent or forceful ripping.

 

Can’t afford to buy into #bluemonday

The title of  this post says it all.

I have could give. (counting my fingers) at least  10 reasons to ignore reality. I’m  a professional at  life -escapism

I’m on uppers and downers.

I’m in debt.

My  Bee (daughter) is ill.

 The sun remains my disco ball.

It’s (literally) beaming rays of  bright yellow  (as I type)

Us humans  are not a dying species. We’re living in oceanspolluted with plastic  and crazy levels acidification

I filled in a form – to

live on plastic to get by.

Tomorrow I’m still going to be here. I make my own fate.

 I’m not a ray of sunshine.

Far from it.

Bees, (buzz) and almost three quarters of   our earthling friends have been driven to extinction.

My  Bee  had a rough night.  At 7 am I let her play ‘Jurassic Park’ on the xbox.

ha! ha! They  are long gone but never forgotten.

My warped sense of humour   has acted  as my currency today.

I count my blessing because   In my life  I’ve been surrounded around   4 kick ass  ladies- all showing  me  different outlooks on Life.

My Mom – A legend!

My Gran  (who passed away from  vascular dementia and Alzheimers  on  Mothers day last year.

 I have to laugh – what a day to leave this world!

Wherever you are Gran – Thank you!

Tati!  I miss my aunt so much. We had some awesome times together. She died of lung cancer in February 2016.  I know that I’m not the only one who misses someone.

I have my Nan (on holiday in South Africa) who dedicated many years of her life and time to me.

My  Dad couldn’t be assed. I love  him,I don’t want wake up -one day – and realise he’s dead.

Je ne regrette rien’.  Edith Piaf

In my heart ,I respect he was a part of the conception process.  And Yeah.. we are human. Whatever!

THANKS DAD!

I digresse/d….

My Nan took on his role when my Mom or my Gran couldn’t.  Today’s moments   of introspection made me realise, that most of the men I have known in my life have been weak, and spineless . I don’t include my male bros  (in my life)

At least they seem it to me. Not saying they are weak all the time. just saying…….

I’m laughing…  if there is a God  (who clapped his hands ,one day and turned chaos into light. His (always look on  the Bright side of life) son could walk on water but..   he can’t fix a gate.

 

My Grandad -RIP –  I have this image of mim making business deals with every God of every religion. He was a brilliant, eccentric character .

I miss him. I wish I paid more attention to his perspective on life when he was still..

..here.

His favourite saying was: IT’S NOT A TRAIN SMASH

(my gaze drifts to look  out my  window, I strain my ears to listen)

 Nope, No rail tracks in sight  nor Choo Choo trains blasting their horns .

Surely the people who are out  on there on their travels  – trains, planes and automobiles-  are more likely to tempt fate than I am……

It’s been a challenge to  focus  on  getting on with life and writing this post….( without another night of  ‘nada’ / o hours of  sleep)

I’ve had to ‘dig deep’ and  not  wrap myself into  from all the crazy shit that’s happening/ has happened

  I’ve   been singing away the blues.

This moment is … is a gift.  This post probably  doesn’t make sense.  I care about loads of – and  far too many. people

At the same time I’m sure I could be doing more to help myself and others.

(my eyes drift  and settle on making out  images of clouds. Moving so  fast )  being true too it’s nature.

We are human beings. Life is tough and the ones who make it are probably…

…on happy pills .

I’m joking ….

Bad joke. I’m on  medication. Loads of tablets.

Does it help?  Sometimes they serve a purpose – then other days I want to give my all and increase my productivity dosage.

The fact  is I’m still here. That’s  good enough for me.

I’m blessed to have a daughter who commands my maternal instincts to protect her.

Many days have  been more creepy carnival   than Mardi Gras   It can be scary and rather  “trippy ” at times.

I stumble about from one task to the next,

..I suppose things could be worse.

Time to    defibrillate  my spirit into exsistance , whilst singing to the song ‘Staying aliiiiive’

Tomorrow is Tuesday.  Fact.

I’m  rather happy to be in the U.K.  for a change-far away from the Twisted  Trump oddity.

Hello ? what is  he thinking  announcing  that he will only allow white immigrants into The U.S of A. ?  The very day communities come together to ,

To unite and pay respect to his  Sir Reverend  Martin Luther  King ‘s day.

He used community and solidarity to  try gain   human rights.

26 years too late..

This has become  a national service day  in the Americas –

Can you believe  people are encouraged to fight war. To serve their country.

War seems (to me) the opposite of Martin Luther Kings goals.  Okay I know about the Black panthers .

Civil war ,slavery….

Approximately two generations after the prohibition ban on alcohal – (top five most addictive drug consumed in the world)

We have the “Millenials” , men , women , young teenagers  being  encouraged to fight about religion ?  (thinking)  the ongoing opiote  war.  Money?

Get behind

#MLKday for “civilians” who keep the true spirit of  Sir Reverend’s  agenda -to create a strong sense of community.

People of all ages, backgrounds, and abilities can get involved. Just fill in your zip code/ postcode  in the Find a Project box to locate a volunteer opportunity in your community or plan your own project.

MLK DAY

1994  -the  year they decided give  national services day to honour   M.L.K.

This is the same year (I watched on the television) Nelson Mandela,  late president  of South Africa being released after  27 years incarceration on Robin Island.

 

RANDOM FACT

Dr. King was arrested 30 times for his participation in civil rights activities. While Dr. King preached about justice, empowerment, love and peace, in the final months of his life, his attention was turned to fighting poverty. Sadly, more Americans live in poverty today than during Dr. King’s lifetime. Forty-seven million Americans currently fall below the poverty line.

SOURCE

So on that note I will sign off with a song close to my heart . The feature pic is my arm with Make Believe -sunshine will follow the rain – tattooed. Not easy to take when it’s on my left hand and I’m  using my right hand.

Hold up, I’m getting into the swing of writing.

yeah, this tattoo is  one of my Mantras/positive affirmations I use to get by. Life  could be worse. I could wake up colour blind tomorrow…..That would suck.

Nevermind…

Anyway..   I needed to write a post to talk myself out of  self wallowing.

I’ve opened   all my existing debt letters  and I will get back to them…

this week.

Here is the song I  love so much. It  is referenced  in a book I’ve read called ‘the Paris wife’ by  Paula Mclain.

AUDIO PODCAST ON HERE

 

I sang away the blues…….

I know it’s not easy for most people. If I come across as sarcastic-

I am. It helps me laugh instead of cry.

Time to hit publish

Over to Nora bayes and a quote from the King.

make believe……(singing) …..-sunshine will follow the rain.   #Words matters