Why did I eat That? šŸ˜€šŸ¤”

Jun 14

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Why did I eat that ?Ā 

Any cat will know Iā€™m gonna scream bloody hell Iā€™m so fat.

If only I meant it like Iā€™m cool dealing withĀ  a belly

extended like a starved, fledgling Biafran

Doesnā€™t mean Iā€™m happy when the scales groanĀ Ā 

-too much mass.Ā 

Why did I eat that?Ā 

inhaled beans, and camembert cheese , tuna and peas

Hard core, non divergent, box tickingĀ  Anorexic.

Ā I canā€™t throw up. I canā€™t use laxatives.

I sit with my newfound rolls.

Puppy dog

not cute .

Eating disorder Ā  you smutty little tease.

Why did I eat that?

Mushrooms to grow?

Ā Or shrink my stomach toĀ  give off a sexy newĀ  glow ?

Only so much fungiĀ  IĀ  canĀ  mitigate when Iā€™ve had an oral mastication blow.

This is not a pleasurable job.

Hands cover my eyes. No mirrors mustĀ  ever let me know.

Why didĀ  I eat that ?

A memoir to torment myself ā€“ 30 tablets a day ā€“ neck it down

Sit on the psychiatrist’s couch.

How about weĀ  lose the meds, you give me the cure

I can show off a palatable pageant, non dentistry crown.

Why did I eat that?

I need energy, Can’t go places without any juice

This ole devil gives me every sodamistic excuse.

The answer?

Iā€™m feeling not quite right in the head.

Iā€™m determined toĀ  live out the next 30 years living free of Ā  Bio-Pyscho-Social, self punishmentĀ  misuse.

About Daisy Willows

'Words are my everything' - Jon Wayne . A writer of poetry, stories, stage scripts, fiction, border line poetry & freestyle works, Music reviews, Guest Features/interview & shout outs. She is also passionate about raising anti-stigma & awareness for Mental Health. A trained co-facilitator in Wellness Recovery Action plan by Mary Ellen Copeland Natasha goes by many moniker names-Daisy Willows, bahtuhkid, GOAT2Bdazee. She has had a colourful life. Travelled. Natasha co-owns a second-hand clothing & accessories business -La Bella Bijoux Ltd Natasha was born in South Africa & is a French national. She currently resides in the UK Natasha Bodley holds a postgraduate in the Humanities. A BA in Myth in the Greek and Roman worlds & Advanced creative writing. She also holds a Foundation degree in Acting performance. She is currently working on her first novel (semi-autobiographical creative non-fiction). She has published one short story on Amazon called 'Number one' Connect with Natasha Collaborate with Natasha & feel free to Communicate her too. Light, Peace & Love!

Posted on Jun 14, 2022, in WRITE TO RECOVER and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 39 Comments.

  1. poeturja | Jul 17, 2017 at 12:22

    Yeah, hear you. So many years of saying that and saying why did I smoke that? why did I drink that? why did I f*ck that? Sometimes I say, I just don’t know (and try to go on from there) ā¤

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  2. manyofus1980 | Jul 16, 2017 at 15:03

    ah, great job daisy! great poem! xx

    Liked by 1 person

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  3. Akhila | Jul 16, 2017 at 13:00

    Ah.. no answer to that….just eat whatever you want as long as they are not eating you

    Liked by 1 person

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  4. -Eugenia | Jul 15, 2017 at 15:31

    I love the way you make sense!!

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. Gary | Jul 15, 2017 at 14:51

    Deep and in the face of reality once more. Brave words and I guess the mantra of everyone facing a diet at some point. Not a simple fix for most though alas; often other mind worries need addressing simultaneously; that comfort thing for a battered esteem and therein lies the rub…self perpetuating self hate/harm.

    Your words may help many souls too scared to voice what’s in their heads.

    I do hope you are well dear Daisy x

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    • Daisy in the Willows | Jul 15, 2017 at 15:35

      Hiya Gary. I’m looking forwards and not backwards. I hope you are well? Everyone has their own struggles and problems. I stopped hiding who I am quirks and all a few years ago. People shouldn’t feel ashamed to have thoughts and feelings abd express themselves. Its a peaceful way of self expression. Thanks for checking in. Hugs

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      • Gary | Jul 15, 2017 at 16:30

        Good for you šŸ™‚ Looking back just gives you a bad neck! I agree too; speaking out is better than staying quiet and festering. If what you are is quirky then you have to roll with it. Besides quirky is interesting IMO šŸ™‚

        Been trying to catch up today. Should make a point of doing this more often too x

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        • Daisy in the Willows | Jul 15, 2017 at 16:38

          Ha, yes neck ache. So true. Sometimes hard to do but I guess if anything or anyone is meant to be a part of where I’m headed, then that’s not up to me. If that makes sense. Aw, thanks, Gary. Yeah, life has been hectic and it’s hard to keep up on here. I’m seriously thinking of deleting my fb account. I can have more time on here šŸ˜. Anyway.. real life is way more important but it’s good to get a break from it too. Have a great night x

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          • Gary | Jul 15, 2017 at 16:44

            I think the hard part is recognising repeat habits and then making that big decision to own them. It does make sense because prior to what I said just now, if you don’t own the issue then where you head is up to the issue and not us. I rather think that’s why its such a hard battle to get through…flipping easy to fall into it mind. To be honest I use FB now for here. I’m in a huge group of people that are all bloggers and care, comment, follow and share things all the time. Regular social events Thursday thru Sunday. If you want to take a look I can give you the link as membership is open at the moment and I just bet you might recognise a few too! the other side of FB I really don’t use much now either; blog thing and author page are priorities. You have a great night too and until the next time xx

            Liked by 1 person

          • Daisy in the Willows | Jul 15, 2017 at 17:13

            Wise words. Thanks for the invitation. I would love that. Its one way to get me back on here more ha ha. Gary you are a sweetheart. Add me. Thanks pal x

            Liked by 1 person

          • Gary | Jul 16, 2017 at 16:10

            Added you to the join process so it’s pending approval by the admins; usually a formality so should go through quickly. Let me know if nothing seems to happen as I’m liable to have done anything form click the wrong button to adding the wrong person!!!

            This is the link so you can have a look

            https://www.facebook.com/groups/1803804546533912/

            Liked by 1 person

          • Daisy in the Willows | Jul 16, 2017 at 16:32

            Cheers Gary! All seems well. I’ve been approved šŸ˜‰. Will check it out asap. Have a great week and chat soon.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Gary | Jul 16, 2017 at 17:05

            Brilliant and they are all really helpful people with a huge range of blogging styles and content. Hopefully you will make loads of new contacts šŸ™‚

            Liked by 1 person

          • Daisy in the Willows | Jul 17, 2017 at 08:33

            I’m so excited. Recognise a few bloggers. T Y – you are a treasure šŸ™‚

            Liked by 1 person

          • Gary | Jul 17, 2017 at 15:24

            Haha, I knew you would and it’s really friendly. Any social media questions that cause frowns are answered…even if they seem silly. I haven’t found anywhere quite like it before šŸ™‚

            Liked by 1 person

          • Daisy in the Willows | Jul 17, 2017 at 15:48

            Yeah, it looks it. I’m chuffed to bits. Great to.meet the faces behind the blogs too.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Gary | Jul 17, 2017 at 19:27

            Excellent Daisy, quite a few went to the bloggers bash event too and more than a few got award nominations too!

            Liked by 1 person

          • Daisy in the Willows | Jul 17, 2017 at 19:30

            That’s cool! May do the next one šŸ˜Š. Some people put so much effort into blogging and recognition is something I’m happy to be a part if promoting

            Liked by 1 person

          • Gary | Jul 17, 2017 at 19:36

            I have a few trying to pursuade me to go too!! Not decided yet #anxietybomb. You are right though, some people work very hard. Puts me to shame šŸ˜Š

            Liked by 1 person

          • Daisy in the Willows | Jul 17, 2017 at 22:00

            And me… It’s a time factor. Ah it will be cool. My answer to social anxiety is to Talk! Bizarre .

            Liked by 1 person

          • Gary | Jul 18, 2017 at 14:58

            Too right; time is a huge factor in my random appearances on commenting and visiting blogs. Come to that even doing things on mine!!! Is it possible your anxiety talk is a defence mechanism ironically? I’ve heard it said some people talk like there’s no tomorrow to hide what lurks in the self esteem. My trouble is crowds; I’m OK with one on one conversations, but find it hard to keep up with multiple ones. Natural introvert maybe !

            Liked by 1 person

          • Daisy in the Willows | Jul 18, 2017 at 17:03

            Indeed it is. It’s weird sometimes I have no problems . I think it all depends on mood, getting on with life and how busy I am. If I have time to worry I will do it. There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert. Banter is good with the right crowd , one on ones are great. Sometimes I listen to people in a crowd talking and think they just talk whatever comes to their head because we all have some social anxiety inside. If we are honest with ourselves. No body wants to be rejected or left out. I think it’s am asset to be an introvert at times. Room for observation and then other times like if I’m going out dancing. I just do my own thing . It’s a great way to communicate without saying a word. Ha ha. I know how you feel with blogging. One day at a time. We are merely awesome humans, after all? šŸ˜‰šŸ¤—

            Liked by 1 person

          • Gary | Jul 18, 2017 at 19:57

            I think that’s the same here too. I recall sitting in a beer garden once and the landlady saying “You don’t seem to care if you’re with company or not.” I thought it a curious observation to make, but entirely correct. Mind you as an only child one gets used/trained (?) to learn how to mingle with nobody. As you say introvert asset mode! Mind you, I’m rubbish at small talk too lol

            I go with your very last sentence too šŸ˜ŠšŸ™ƒšŸ˜Š

            Liked by 1 person

  6. Bushka | Jul 14, 2017 at 10:59

    Mmmm……Universal problem….’Why did I eat that?’ Is there an answer? šŸ˜‰ Hugs! ā¤

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  7. Patty | Jul 14, 2017 at 10:51

    Hi my dear Daisy. Received your email, will answer soon (promise!). Fantastic posts again this week; love your courage to show your vulnerability and your true thoughts. As always.
    Big hug! XxX

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