Do or Dye

Sitting on the roof top trying to tell myself I’ve not misbehaved.

Blush rose hues creep up my cheeks and I know my hearts desire is unexplained.

I look at the stars — one always stands out brighter than the rest.

I say to myself — there goes my next conquest.

With liberal wings and green peace in my heart ,

I know for the sake of inhabiting my skin-unconfortable feelings will always play a part.

Forgive me for  being free spirited and seeking out a bon ami.

If I had testicles would  my new gender let me walk free ?

to be me?

It’s a plea.

I love what I desire .

I desire what I love .

I hate it when my sanity decides to imitate a neat whisky on the rocks.

Truth be told – I know I’m getting old .

Disambiguous feelings about the path I tread.

May my daughter’s laugh always bring me round to the sound of present day clocks.

Murmurs of hesitation .

Live my life, have a voice, and sail away

Where else do you think I would choose for a holiday destination?

The one I never have to come back from.

It’s me inside me.

Dare to take a part of me — feel my anticipation.

The specials-the after math.

Told  off for  my impulsive reaction.

The fact I’m conscious I am typing these words-

I feel inauthentic in how they roll out my mind with a hesitant tense formation

Words rise up ,around me – Jab me and a jeer me to dare say whats on my mind.

I’m not a child and I’m not venerable just yet .

So I swim against the tide of the alphabet soup.

Clarity I seek.

One tidal wave from forcing myself to write these words down;

If only to reinforce I have my own sound.

Sound as a pound

Scared of clowns .

That’s better-Socs — that’s my deal.

My contraband.

How I get from a-z- without reaching out for the  plan involving illegally, prescribed Ativan.

Banned from my perception of the elite.

Breached my licence to complete…

Should I hit delete?

This is my beat.

I won’t let me beat me down.

Self is the worst enemy-you know how it ages your reflection

scowling in a frown.

She’s back in business now . Wah da da da da — the song clearly has relevance in my sense of decline.

Fall 8 times — get up again.

Who am I to want merely blend in?

I was born to be a Bengal feline.

Character building — life coach ,I sense my patience won’t let me vote for your reality T.V. yoke.

It makes me sick.

Confession .

Watch one episode and I will mutate into just one more cockroach.

I’m on the down line with a mean upper hook.

Priorities in order.

House work infected by the pox — aren’t you glad you vaccinated your park life children?

Let my demon free to infiltrate the anti’s, confront them with the disease bitten book.

Have a say — what’s the worst that can happen?

Speak your mind — illegal aliens might just descend from that planet called Saturn.

Write to recover. Write to escape.

Shake up your mind , dare to continue —an inner ongoing live debate.

Not for hate — you make your own fate.

Feeling Anxiety. Too worried about what John Sax’s might reveal to his munchie  queen.

Know thyself and be true to yourself.

I’m not going to change my character to fit in with society’s latest heart melt.

Superstitious mind – I earned it in walking my path — did you see my black belt?

Stand up for who you are and what you believe in.

Some may consider me strange but have you had a look at your inner heathen?

The entity is back — no wheel-dealing with a bad batch of sugar coated crack.

6 million ways to die — choose one 

That came from a song – Who am I to sit around and hide?

 * DEADLINE  for EMA  Sunday night.  *

 

The song -contains  some cussing and may offend feminists …..  😉 Maybe not this song 😀  Idk.

Published by Daisy

'Words are my everything' - JonWayne . Writer of poetry, stories, stage scripts, fiction, border line poetry & free style works, Music reviews, Guest Features/interview & shout outs. She is also passionate raising anti stigma & awareness for Mental Health. A trained co-facillitator in Wellness Recovery Action plan by Mary Ellen Copeland Natasha goes by many moniker names-Daisy Willows, bahtuhkid, GOAT2Bdazee. She has had a colourful life. Travelled. Natasha co-owns a second hand clothing & accessories business -La Bella Bijoux Lltd Natasha was born in South African & is a French national. She currently resides in the UK Natasha Bodley holds a postgraduate in the Humanities. A BA in Myth in the Greek and Roman worlds & Advanced creative writing. She also holds a Foundation degree in Acting performance. She is currently working on her first novel (semi autobiographical creative non fiction). She has published one short story on Amazon called 'Number one' Connect with Natasha Collaborate with Natasha & feel free to Communicate her too. Light , peace & Love!

34 thoughts on “Do or Dye

  1. because he has to clean up after me
    or thinks he does
    because he leaves me with little to no privacy
    because he is angry to be alive
    like me sometimes
    but yes
    noone should
    have
    such children
    but i love him the best i can
    and now
    you must
    take better care
    of yourself too
    drink?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You don’t have to live with that kind of abuse. I get so angry when I hear about this kind of abuse. Drink? It’s not my first choice- doesn’t change the situation but I get why. Can’t you get some one else to look after you? I know things a more complicated in the U.S.A re medical health. It’s just wrong. I hate injustice.

      Like

          1. oh i do but sometimes it is a fight you cannot win. he s sick and he s depressed. athina suggested that i get my autism diagonosed . tom is the one who needs that. it s too late for me for me it s staying healthy so i can enjoy my impending good fortunes love. literally .

            Liked by 1 person

          2. I’m sorry , John but that is no excuse. There are other ways to deal with his issues. I’m not saying we do the right things all the time but blaming u for his own issues isn’t teaching him to take responsibility for his actions. We all have the power of choice and for every action there is a reaction . If it would help you get the support you need then maybe you should ask for a autism test….. whatever you feel will help. Maybe there is support out there that you don’t know about. Hugs

            Like

          3. that may be tasher. but i m in a health crisis so my focus in on reducing my blood sugar and not stressing my machine driven heart further. we do talk but it is hard when he does not listen. but an intrevention will happen eventually

            Liked by 1 person

          4. I get that, John but your mind and body are connected and if you are having physical health issues .it may be b3cause your health is respondingvto the stress you have going on in your life. You are never too old to take care of yourself.

            Like

  2. been sick
    sometimes it is what makes me tick
    i lick i like life
    a prisoner
    to a sick son
    insulted daily
    the only one
    my mind
    is kinder
    and now
    in changing
    rearranging
    for ships
    passing
    my night
    eventually!

    Liked by 1 person

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