Talking head challenged a stroke
How to know if you are not a weakling sap?
You do everything wrong.
starve yourself, stay in bed, pretend everything is okay, hoover, crap up your nose, watch and wait for your grandma to struggle with death for 3 days.
Forget about what makes you well and happy.
Fallout with everyone you would die for
Think you have ignored your daughter’s needs and are dismal parent
then, still say
N0.
I’m sorting out my priorities.
H20 AND O2
moment by moment
I tumbled a fair way -off the wagon wheel.
This is not just about drugs – in fact, drugs are probably the only dysfunctional part of me that looks so horrific and doomed because it is so visceral.
People can’t see my other issues.
Okay, maybe a bit of weight loss- not so shocking that people turn around and gawp. I cover it up well.
I slipped off the wagon – mentally and physically many months before I decided to reach out for coke.
The point is, I did a three-week drug binge – hated every moment of it.
It took the announcement of my Gran being given the short straw of life to stop fucking about.
She may or may not be in heaven. I hope she is.
This may or may not be a piece of fiction. I hope it is.
Research for my EMA? ( one of my characters is addicted to drugs and is homeless)
well, he was when I last looked at the script back in November…..
I told the supplier not to supply me. He respectively hasn’t and I respectively haven’t had the desire to ask.
I don’t like the way drugs or alcohol make me feel or act. I don’t like how denying myself food I like and love makes me feel.
I don’t like what the symptoms of my issues does to my personality, how I behave when caught up in it.
People slip everyday.
How many accident claim adverts have you seen lately?
Slip up, is what it means.Most people don’t talk about it.
What have I got to lose?
I have everything to gain.
My integrity.
War is peace
Truth is Freedom……….
Ignorance is strength ?
ha! got you
George Orwell is a pseudonym
My family…….
bloggers who know the real me – bloggers like Meg.
People in my real life may read this and go………………
I’m not telepathic and I never ever want to be.
I DON’T GIVE A FUCK, WHAT YOU THINK. EXCEPT TO THE ONES, I SPEAK TO BUT I ONLY SPEAK TO PEOPLE WHO GET ME. ( maybe that would sound better in a ghetto lingo)
I’m on the mend. I still have issues – just cos I’m not hoovering shit up my nose doesn’t mean I’m 100% healed.
What about your business Daisy?
Business is growing.
How did you support your habit?
I rented out my body …
(FACT OR FICTION )
Does it matter?
I have a personal account and a company business that is separate and I have another issue where what I would spend on food gives me overflow money to spend on prostitutes, porn, dunking doughnuts, Cider, cars, gambling, clothes, shoes, drugs – illegal and legal self-medicating.
Yes, I love a bit of Erotica – Anais Nin.
The point is the wagon is not electric and it is in sight. I’m running alongside it.
What about your Master’s degree, Daisy?
Doing it. On track. One more script to write and year one down.
I can tell you -100% truth that having mental health issues and reverting to my default coping mechanism has done NADA for my creativity.
Me being me and writing from my heart and keeping my head just about screwed on is why I have managed to come out of this with flowers blooming out my ass.
I digress.
A bit of a rant…
Posted on Mar 28, 2017, in WRITE TO RECOVER and tagged Beliefs, Creativity, Emotions, Life, Recovery, Relationships, Thoughts. Bookmark the permalink. 24 Comments.
Magnificent post. That’s why I come back every week, because you are real.
And a beautiful soul in addition.
Big hug! Well done, Daisy.
XxX
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Lol. Aw I’m blushing. Xxx 😘😘
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Hugs sweet Daisy. I am truly sorry about your Gran. ❤
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It’s OK Lynne xx thank u cx
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Wow, Daisy = such burdens you bear. All things happen for a reason but we may not see it at the time. Once our noggin fog clears, it dawns on us and hopefully we have a positive take away from it. Stay strong a d let yourself move on.
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I love your attitude. I believe that all things happen at a certain time for a reason too. Life is a cycle. New beginnings x thanks for your words x
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Oh Daisy love, I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. Hug and prayers. If you need to bend an 👂 I understand that coke and shit. Keep yourselftogether my friend 💞
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Xxbiig hugs thank you . It’s my gran xxx
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Oh I’m sorry for the mistake. I’ve lost both of mine so I know how terribly difficult a time it is
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Oh big hugs to you xx
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Incredible post, music…strength vibrations your way ❤
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Thank you. I’m about to submit my TMA. Do you want me to email u a copy x thanks for being a huge part of making this story (fingers crossed) work. X
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Yes, please, would like to read it!
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okay I will send it – eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek.
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Yes .music always 😍😍
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Oh Daisy, girl! I’m sorry this has been such a rough patch for you. Your beloved Gran – I am truly sorry. I am glad you wrote this piece, and I hope it’s a healthy path you’re on. Write for healing my girl! All my love going out to you! xoxoxoxo
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Xxxxx 💛💛💜💜💙💚
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BIG HUGS! Sorry Luv! Did not know about Gran…..apart from any other ‘slip-ups’. Keep Going with that ‘Masters’….
I love this bit in your piece…. “I’m on the mend. I still have issues – just cos I’m not hoovering shit up my nose doesn’t mean I’m 100% healed.”
Sending you Love and Hugs, Daisy! ❤ ❤
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It’s OK. How could you xx her death is my rebirth sounds bonkers .. ❤
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Not at all….I understand all too well…I think I’ve got to know you fairly well through your blog……Hugs…. ❤
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What can I say to that? 😀😀 ty I’m good now. I believe in hope again. X
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I know you a ‘lovely person’….Stay Lovely! Hugs! ❤
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Aw thanks 😙🤗 hugs back
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❤
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