Talking head challenged a stroke

 

How to know if you are not a weakling sap?

You do everything wrong.

starve yourself, stay in bed, pretend everything is okay, hoover, crap up your nose, watch and wait for your grandma to struggle with death for 3 days.

Forget about what makes you well and happy.

Fallout with everyone you would die for

Think you have ignored your daughter’s needs  and are dismal parent

then, still say

N0.

I’m sorting out my priorities.

H20 AND O2

moment by moment

I tumbled a fair way -off the wagon wheel.

This is not just about drugs – in fact, drugs are probably the only dysfunctional part of me that looks so horrific and doomed because it is so visceral.

People can’t see my other issues.

Okay, maybe a bit of weight loss- not so shocking that people turn around and gawp. I cover it up well.

I slipped off the wagon – mentally and physically many months before I decided to reach out for coke.

The point is, I did a three-week drug binge – hated every moment of it.

It took the announcement of my Gran being given the short straw of life to stop fucking about.

She may or may not be in heaven. I hope she is.

This may or may not be a piece of fiction.  I hope it is.

Research for my EMA?   ( one of my characters is addicted to drugs and is homeless)

well, he was when I last looked at the script back in November…..

I told the supplier not to supply me. He respectively hasn’t and I respectively haven’t had the desire to ask.

I  don’t like the way drugs or alcohol make me feel or act. I don’t like how denying myself food I like and love makes me feel.

I don’t like what the symptoms of my issues does to my personality, how I behave when caught up in it.

People slip everyday.

How many accident claim adverts have you seen lately?

Slip up, is what it means.Most people don’t talk about it.

What have I got to lose?

I have everything to gain.

My integrity.

War is peace

Truth is Freedom……….

Ignorance is strength ? 

ha! got you 

George Orwell is a pseudonym  

My family…….

bloggers who know the real me – bloggers like Meg.

People in my real life may read this and go………………

I’m not telepathic and I never ever want to be.

I DON’T GIVE A FUCK, WHAT YOU THINK. EXCEPT TO THE ONES, I SPEAK TO BUT I ONLY SPEAK TO PEOPLE WHO GET ME.  ( maybe that would sound better in a ghetto lingo)

I’m on the mend. I still have issues – just cos I’m not hoovering shit up my nose doesn’t mean I’m  100% healed.

What about your business Daisy?

Business is growing.

How did you support your habit?

I rented out my body …

(FACT OR FICTION )

Does it matter?

I have a personal account and a company business that is separate and I have another issue where what I would spend on food gives me overflow money to spend on prostitutes, porn, dunking doughnuts, Cider, cars, gambling, clothes, shoes,  drugs – illegal and legal self-medicating.

Yes, I love a bit of Erotica   – Anais Nin.

The point is the wagon is not electric and it is in sight. I’m running alongside it.

What about your Master’s degree, Daisy?

Doing it. On track.  One more script to write and year one down.

I can tell you -100% truth that having mental health issues and reverting to my default coping mechanism has done NADA for my creativity.

Me being me and writing from my heart and keeping my head just about screwed on is why I have managed to come out of this with flowers blooming out my ass.

I digress.

A bit of a rant…

About Daisy Willows

'Words are my everything' - Jon Wayne . A writer of poetry, stories, stage scripts, fiction, border line poetry & freestyle works, Music reviews, Guest Features/interview & shout outs. She is also passionate about raising anti-stigma & awareness for Mental Health. A trained co-facilitator in Wellness Recovery Action plan by Mary Ellen Copeland Natasha goes by many moniker names-Daisy Willows, bahtuhkid, GOAT2Bdazee. She has had a colourful life. Travelled. Natasha co-owns a second-hand clothing & accessories business -La Bella Bijoux Ltd Natasha was born in South Africa & is a French national. She currently resides in the UK Natasha Bodley holds a postgraduate in the Humanities. A BA in Myth in the Greek and Roman worlds & Advanced creative writing. She also holds a Foundation degree in Acting performance. She is currently working on her first novel (semi-autobiographical creative non-fiction). She has published one short story on Amazon called 'Number one' Connect with Natasha Collaborate with Natasha & feel free to Communicate her too. Light, Peace & Love!

Posted on Mar 28, 2017, in WRITE TO RECOVER and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 24 Comments.

  1. Magnificent post. That’s why I come back every week, because you are real.
    And a beautiful soul in addition.
    Big hug! Well done, Daisy.
    XxX

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hugs sweet Daisy. I am truly sorry about your Gran. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow, Daisy = such burdens you bear. All things happen for a reason but we may not see it at the time. Once our noggin fog clears, it dawns on us and hopefully we have a positive take away from it. Stay strong a d let yourself move on.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh Daisy love, I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. Hug and prayers. If you need to bend an 👂 I understand that coke and shit. Keep yourself​together my friend 💞

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Incredible post, music…strength vibrations your way ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh Daisy, girl! I’m sorry this has been such a rough patch for you. Your beloved Gran – I am truly sorry. I am glad you wrote this piece, and I hope it’s a healthy path you’re on. Write for healing my girl! All my love going out to you! xoxoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  7. BIG HUGS! Sorry Luv! Did not know about Gran…..apart from any other ‘slip-ups’. Keep Going with that ‘Masters’….
    I love this bit in your piece…. “I’m on the mend. I still have issues – just cos I’m not hoovering shit up my nose doesn’t mean I’m 100% healed.”
    Sending you Love and Hugs, Daisy! ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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