You can judge. I know for a fact whoever reads this hasn’t got their shit together.

Just cos it’s legal don’t make something right.

Is this about me? does it really matter?

The things that shouldn’t matter are those that can be blown away.

something I heard in another context – and thought it was a good way to start -hear what’s I  have to say.

Walking into this district I sense I have become the new kid on the block.

Meant to have my shit figured out.

Fought my impulses – fight them every day.

hoovering powder snow to try and write eloquently isn’t as high as most of my goals and dreams.

Achieved.

I think I know best. My head is torn in distress.

you don’t think I know it’s a lose- lose sitation?

rationalising with the equivalent of a 5 year old hooked on candy.

It’s like that.

It’s just like that.

Jazz notes -lingo quotes- inspiration- I’ll meet you halfway  at the  bypass

dead

line

one, I’ll be just fine.

Cut with the equivalent of moonshine.

Goddaughter reaches out.

We need to stage an intervention.

Parents do no good they have got no sense of next hours conception.

Sleep for days

not perfect myself in many ways.

Fighting to be the winner.

Sunshine shining – never will I dimmer.

Should know better.

This writing is juttered and stuttered.

 drip.

drip.

tap.

tap.

 I fought and I thought I had won.

Yeah, that’s why my face reflects the masked one dubbed

Mr glum.

Nobody to bounce ideas off –  not even another chum.

Mommy and wife represent some kind of order in a world declining into chaos.

It’s not like I even want to be famous.

Ever want to just body jump ?

Leave your entire body- not focus on the increased weight or the mind fuckery?

The thoughts circling by a roundabout – clearly missed the nearest take off.

Others can do this and have the creative gods bestow them with gifts of words in charm.

Me, I critique myself while I write these words

belittle my sense of self and um..

yeah, drugs never been my trip .

I took the long trek and.. well. I’m the Hyde to our friendly monster shrek.

The first  to instigate the last to try.

What set me down this path. I ask myself why?

prolific innit, what self-medicating  do.

Sarcasm in eloquence

makes for a terrible scene of ageing ninja’s battling out shapes resembling the art of Kung fu.

How I’m gonna win when I’m pissing against the wind?

How to metamorphose  from caterpillar to butterfly back to some babbling brook or a slug with a mean right hook.

Straight at ya.

Let’s get back to flying,

instead of skydiving.

Extreme.

Catastrophism.

I know better. I’m  blushing in embarrassment at how I never fail to submit to my own demise.

Loneliness get to me – it don’t mean I am alone.

I don’t know how to be with people

In the moment.

Maybe I’m a narcissist –

unconsciously claimed a stake to the faker’s throne

then;

why do I feel so much for people at times and my heart cries out in passion with wild emotions?

Give me hugs, not drugs.

Don’t wanna get fat and live a life looking at an endless collection of hats signed in mercury -underlined with

yours sincerely,

the cut that poisoned the rat.

I hate drinking

I hate smoking.

The only thing that ever made me feel I belonged was ecstasy in motion.

Pleasure came effortlessly, I rushed up to the skyline

driving on the highways

in time

when that song peaked

dropped its beat.

Look, I never said I was perfect- flawed in a every way.

Google says ask me anything?

How about a drug dealer that doesn’t cut his merchandise with a 1/8th of vim

The world in bleach.

tye dyed

not groovy with the hippy that makes the cat’s cover their ears when it screech.

I write better when my hand don’t shake, my mind don’t get the Paras .

 Thinking with a heart and mind free from sin.

probation talismans.

I’m  the one with the unwanted, sunshade wearing guardian angels entourage.

mother

bear knows me too welL.

How?

shouted her down – giving me grief for ringing to my own bell.

Nah, I confessed. No point in lying.

I’m not ashamed to admit I fuck up, got caught up in the wrong cycle,

don’t mean I’ve gotta hang myself  out, get the starch beaten out of me while I’m drying.

don’t mean I aint gonna give  in and stop trying

to walk the line.

May wear a tie,

suits me does success

maybe, next time.

These eyes look into the eyes of  an innocent child

I hold my head in shame – this mustard ain’t mild,

I know why I changed and that is why I am not going on an extra long spin

Even when I squint my eyes, I see my standing position is on the side of those who win

DAMN.

* inspired by a conversation with a random human