Sad but true
Just let go – what have you got to lose?
eyes veer from every inch of the walls surrounding her, desperately imploring, pleading for an answer.
Gain, gain – You have everything to gain.
Let yourself be loved, adored, laugh.
Gain some weight. Give Life a heartbeat that doesn’t stutter out cacophonously.
Passing by incongruent signs.
Lose what exactly?
That last chance to see that person or experience that moment again.
Move on. Time escapes no one.
Yes, move on but isn’t that like quitting?
You are too stubborn. You will be the tower that gets struck by lightning. catches fire and burns to the ground.
You would have been at you highest yet still trying to glimmer amongst stars you imagine are on top of the true hierarchy.
‘It wasn’t a solid foundation, to begin with,’ she says. This time, I get to start again,’ she says.
We all deserve a second chance -even a third – not all of us are so pleasantly aligned with the heavens to be given such a gift – another chance to explore.
Malignant. maleficiated. Morose.
Fantasies played out over and over in her mind.
Could that be the allure?
She is aware her thinking is not based in reality but in a place where everything works out just fine.
Let go, that part of your mind. That dream. Free up space for new ideas, true goals to achieve and be who you are meant to be.
Sometimes, that is why she chooses to escape. She can’t handle feeling the tug. Sitting, looking at lines on the palms of her hands Feeling trapped.
To make contact -one last time. her heart sighs….
Sounds like a recording from the denial addiction hotline.
One last time will never be enough.
It isn’t physical. It’s emotional. It’s deep – it’s raw. It’s irrational. Bordering on obsessive.
If she could frolic with ignorance – it would make this sentence- seem less like walking the green mile.
Fighting emotions with reason – battery, assault, bruised, cutting remarks.
Too much time has passed. She has experienced the same mistakes all too often.
She can’t run to her nearest anchor be it – drugs, alcohol, eating, not eating,
Her will has been made. She signed on the dotted line. Willingly. She has chosen Life .
To feel is a double-edged sword. No matter how many times you practice and try and form it into a skill ,a talent even.
The blunt edge is the one that gets sharper.
Every. single. time.
Not even the great Houdini could carry on escaping. You think there is endless time?
Insight – is a savage bastard- reasoning with it feels like watching your favourite underground band selling out to a big corporation.
She must suppress. Not reveal her breasts. She may offend someone.
She wishes you to know – male gender.
If it is hot and you take your t-shirts off – then let her do the same – no bra or cover-up.
Equality is a simple equation.
Look at Algebra!
when you know the rules it all becomes a little simpler to understand.
Life is not one and one makes two.
It is all an illusion. We are everywhere, everyone, every feeling, every planet, every language, every song.
When any species is under attack it will either choose immortality or fight and evolve- transcend – would you believe she learnt that from a sci-fi film?
Life is short. bittersweet. Is that why she won’t let go?
She wants to make sure that whatever happens to someone she has ever had the privilege of meeting to make amends and not feel grief.
Selfish, yes – at least she will be at peace.
* Inspired by me being reminded I wear my heart of my sleeve*
Posted on Sep 23, 2016, in CREATIVE WRITING CORNER, STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS COLLECTION and tagged Creative Writing, Creativity, Emotions, female empowerment, Life, Recovery, Relationships, Stream of consciousness. Bookmark the permalink. 19 Comments.