It’s all happening, folks -49 days until I leave my single status behind.

I’m kind of sad. I have a valid reason.

 I’ve had my name for 34 years and  my wild reputation precedes me and all that – Ha ha.

Lots of haters (and lovers) made over the years..

All the crazy shit I did. I own up to it. I don’t want to people to forget what a punk I can be!

Ha ha. just got to shrug these things off.

Seriously,  I am  in two minds about changing my name. First off ,I only just got my French passport renewed in London last year.

My daughter  has my name and well…. things didn’t end up – peachy with the ex.

All I want  is for my Bella Bee not to feel like the odd one out. I won’t take my G’s name if I can’t have Bella’s changed.

G has offered to take mine. I’m like

“are you sure you can handle all the haters?” 

“The crazy labels?”

This is no Haute couture designer label brand I am talking about.

He is going to get stuck with the wild , reckless, push the boundary,break the law, Anorexic, psycho , bipolar, druggie, binge drinker (who tells the birds to shut the fuck up at 4 am in the morning). The bastard child.  The female version of John Snow.

Yeah he will get stuck with that baggage.

I think he likes the idea of looking at the shiny colourful suitcase, as it goes around  and around and around the carousal.

I don’t think he realises  he has to pick up the luggage and take it  home with him!

Oh what have I done to him?

Back to the bastard child..

Ha!  I’m sure somewhere deep down my Dad loves me. People say he is not much of a communicator  . I must be his worst enemy.

I communicate all the time!

I’m always hounding him.

“Dad look check this out . I can jump through hoops -they is high too “

“Hey Dad did you see what I can do with my ears –wiggle wiggle “

“Dad hey ? read thisarticle. Let’s get this relationship on the go . I don’t want to not know you and have you die on me, cos that would suck”

“Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad?”

“Dad?”

 

COME ON ALL YOU -PASS -JUST PASS. I ‘VE GOT TIME TO KILL.

 

Yeah, people say he is a quiet one. He hasn’t done anything to make me think any different.  😀

So  with my Dad – living all the way in Africa- he won’t be walking me down the aisle.

My Ma will.

We have different surnames so I do know the insecurity and feelings of displacement that comes with not having the same name as my own mother.

I’ve only just recovered from the trauma.

I’m probably going to have at least half another child . If I can bear the thought of getting fat    pregnant again.

My Bella B needs some one closer to her age. I don’t want her to end up like me!

She may look like me but she is nothing like me.

Her personality is so cool.

She is frikking hilarious, beautiful, ,charming.

Everyone loves her.

Today she was went to go and play with some kid at school and the kid said

“I don’t wanna play with you”  

My B – completely dead pan in the face:

“Why not?”

anti social kid,

” Cos I don’t wanna”

B shrugs her shoulders and skips over to the next person. Totally unfazed.

She is awesome.

She went through a ‘Everything is about Cinderella’ moment  not so long back.

One night after I had read the story for 1000000000000000000000000 th time she looked at me with those baby blues and said

“I love your Mommy. I love you with all my heart.” My heart swelled..

“Aaaw I love you with all my heart too baby,”  – I replied.

 Then she says,

“Mommy, I don’t want my heart to break- ever”  that was it . I had got the haagen daz ice cream   and two spoons out,  tears streaming down my face, ready to let her cry over the heart break that may never come.

Where did she learn about hearts breaking ? She is not even 5 years old!

Yeah ,so the wedding dress fit went well.

I just fit into it. I want it taking out. I’ve had the dress since 2014.

I’ve worked my butt off to keep the weight off.

I’m tired sick to death of daily exercise sessions. I want to do other things.

I don’t want to diet.

Finally found the perfect head piece 😀

My mommy should become a wedding planner. You will understand after the wedding. When I put a few pics up. Trust me on this.

I’m having my 3rd make up trial . I loved the whole feline look but I think it needs to be a bit more understated.

Seems like there are quite a few  coming to the hen do. YAY! I am loved .:)

There is a great mixture of personalities and well I can’t wait.

I kind of accidentally bought myself two new pairs of jeans and a pair of shoes today.

 

IT IS ALL TRUE!  😀

 

Don’t know how it happened.

One minute I’ve got my bus fare ready to get home and the next I am in a clothing boutique (not a wedding themed one) for the first time in like over 4 years.

So now I have an hen do outfit.

Silver linings and all that.

 I’m sure there was some discount on certain items – up to 30% off on some items of clothing which was  a bargain

– for the lady in front of me

-and the one behind me 😀

I’m blaming it on the sun. Sunshine has hit the U.K. and brought in the feverish heat with it.

I’m hormonal , the sun is out.

The receipt accidentally   flew out my hand – it was that little breeze that did it when I made the left turn, passed the fish shop.

Did you know that we now can have the option to have our receipts emailed to us?

How fucking thoughtful.  (heavily laced sarcasm here)

I’m busy researching for our personal vows. We have less than a month to sort out the ceremony bit.

It is looking like there is a good chance my Gran with Vascular Dementia will be able to make the ceremony with her carer. We are going to bling up her wheelchair.

I don’t care if she shouts out and is who she is today. I just want her there.

so it is ALL happening ….

I’m just sat looking at that last  half finished sentence nodding. letting it sink in……..