Not all of us have the privilege of having a dysfunctional family that make us want to pull our hair out or grow another tongue and voice box.

Oh there are more than just me then?

Of course, duh!  many of us grow up and still live in dysfunctional families.

We fight.

We  become a part of bad decisions and then start making bad decisions too.

What I have discovered on my Mom’s side of the family and I will extend this to my Nan on my Dad’s side. As the Cypress hill song ‘When the shit goes down’ says:

“When the shit goes down – you better be ready.. “

But what if we aren’t?

I was not ready for a mini  quest and challenge to test how truly committed and supportive I can be, 8 weeks away from my wedding day.

Life throws these C- balls.

Sometimes life feels compelled  to wake us up from our tailor made to fit for comfort  , just the right temperature coffin and shake us up and around and blow us side ways, until we are forced to roll out from it  and  un-stake our forsaken hearts.

TIME TO INSERT SILLY COFFIN MEME

A part of the  quest becomes to remember how to  feel. To step up to the mark and prove you are all that you say you are.

In my case

• Devoted

• Loyal

• Creative

• Honest

• Committed

• Hard working

• Loving

• Generous

• Compassionate

• Empathetic 

I shall stop there .

Just a week ago  my ma  and I were at logger heads. Two stubborn mules not making way for  either one to cross.

So, effectively not getting anywhere.

I think we are even a hybrid of some sort of other animal with horns.  The horns are used for the bidding of any “cheap shots” we wish to call.

A week later my little  life has been thrown off balance . I  suddenly  missed my routine ride to work  I felt myself skidding on ice. No tree, fence or any other prop to catch me from falling. I had Valium but I didn’t want to deal with this particular life issue solely under the help of “mothers little helpers.”

So I had to take get on all fours and start to crawl again.

It doesn’t matter that a bus load of people had gone by and seen me scramble.

I began to panic. How am I going to cope?

It doesn’t matter that I could hear their collective voice of – if  she wasn’t wearing the wrong shoes then….

I rely a lot on those in my life to support me. They do make my life easier.

It didn’t stop me from getting  angry when I realised I had counted on some people so much I felt I had become lazy .

By allowing others to take the pressure off and do some of  things that I would usually do myself -I had rendered myself pathetic and I felt weak.

I didn’t know if I had the strength to take on EVERYTHING again plus the added  duty I have as a person  who loves another.

Step in :

Two knights in shining armour

My Mom and my Nan.

They had it all figured out. Bella bee is going to stay with them for a few days and I get to don my best nurse outfit and only keep up household duties for two and a cat child . We are going to get extra food supplies in so I don’t need to go out much. The bills will get paid. All I need to do is give them a list and the money.

Problem solved.

Once again, my family as dysfunctional as we are,  as many spats  and fall outs we have. There they are  ready to take a lot of weight off my shoulders so I can do what I need to do to the best of my ability.

It’s kind of terrifying when there is a role reversal I haven’t had time to prep for.

The cared wants to  and must become the carer.

Like my Mom and Nan said :

“We will get through this as a family”

I’m not alone.

Are we ever really as alone as we may feel at times?

If we voiced our fears would we find ready and able bodies of support to help?

I’ve never been good at saying

I need some help here.

I’ve been good at indicating I am in need of help.

My health symptoms flare up

• over dosing

• self medicating

• impulsive /promiscuous behaviour  –  

  this has nothing to do with being “easy” so if your mind went straight TO:

  “Oh , don’ you mean you become a whore when you are unwell? ”  

Please  feel free to grab a piece of paper and paper cut your balls or your clit.

Blunt.

Not for the paper cut but yes,I am blunt by nature.

So I do recommend trying to actually communicate in a healthier way , if you need help.

You never know what may happen.

So, I’m feeling less stressed than yesterday.

IN OTHER NEWS –

WEDDING NEWS: Food tasting session today and wedding run through rehearsal. Does this extend to the drink tasting too, I wonder?

I do want my mohjito to be 100% made to my liking. So a taster session is a must.

The hen do is booked -still adding confirmed numbers.

I can’t wait to share my day with you all.

My Nan and Mom should become wedding planners – they would make shit loads of money.

They are that creative.

So going back to family. There is a lot to be said for my family.

I have to include my Bella Bee in this.

She too is so perceptive.

She says things like

“I love you with all my heart”

“Daddy you are so funny”

“Mommy I look just like you – you are beautiful”

” Mommy you must look after Daddy”

“Daddy stop bothering Mommy when she is working” 

” Daddy stop squashing (hugging)  mommy” 

I’m going to go  all hall mark, emboss, stamped approved  here

FAMILY IS WHAT YOU MAKE  IT.

P.S. I’m aware I am behind on my Blogging a-z – got to do W and X at some point today or tonight or the latest tomorrow.

I do love a challenge but I have always put what is in my head and my heart down in words first before any other  challenge.

It is what works for me. 🙂  This to me is a far bigger challenge than the extra ones I set out to do.

Don’t worry I am no quitter.

Catch up with you all laterz 🙂