How I became Daisy

Time to put my  reflection head on .

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So many people ask me how I was able to get to the person I am today. To recap :

How did I go from overdosing regularly on medication, partying and drinking all the time, in an abusive relationship, one abortion down and another child taken off me by social services:

The catalyst  to this  incident being my ex couldn’t handle the fact I had finally walked away from him. He used an opportunity when  he visited his daughter one night at my home to try and show me who is boss.   I will never remember fully that night.

I was arrested for assaulting my 12 week old child and resisting the police when I was found bare foot in the middle of the night, drunk, beaten and disorientated , looking for my daughter.

He told the police not only had I been drinking but that  I  had attacked him and shook my daughter. ( a lie)

It  took 16 months to be allowed to have my daughter sleep in her own bedroom and it took until 06/05/2015 to have the judge lift the full care order revoked on my daughter.

HOW THE FUCK DID I DO IT?

Someone, told me once that people need to stop trying to save other  people.

Why?

Because once we are thrown into the wild/ the big bad world and have to fight to survive ,we can be pretty fucking resourceful.

 I became a resourceful person.

I went to therapy and community projects to learn about my attraction to abusive and disrespectful men and how I could change my beliefs about men.

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I went to every contact session in 16 months (bar 11 days).

I wouldn’t back down.

I challenged  all authorities when I thought they were wrong.

I learned to operate they way they did.

I kept a journal of what I felt had gone on in every contact session.

I built a portfolio of pictures for each ‘looked after child’ review to evidence I and my partner were the right people to look after my daughter.

I emailed professionals everyday to keep them in the loop and up to date

I did every community group you can think of:

Mother and baby/toddler groups

I referred myself to Calder dale alcohol service

I demanded a hair strand test to prove I was not a drug taker or alcoholic.

I allowed them access to my mental records ( not a wise choice but the end result is what matters here)

I swotted up on the social care system buying books and researching on the internet  into the early hours of the morning.

I learned to speak in their language. I became an expert in  communicating in their way that eventually, they ran out of reasons  for coming up with  what an emotionally neglectful  mother I was.

I spoke the legal jargon.

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I found new ways  to cope and I will come back to this..

My first instinct, in  response, to my daughter being placed in foster care was to starve myself. I  quickly realised that was not how I was going to get my baby girl back.

I met my husband -to -be very quickly after the end of an abusive one. Family members were livid, professionals thought  I was  a complete generic ,black and white, text book  case .

Open.

Adoption

Shut.

File papers away kind of case.

The judge didn’t see it so straight forward.

Thankfully.

Nor did my legal team.

Going back too how I coped.

This may sound surreal coming from a person with an Eating disorder. I found out my biggest ally to cope with stress – (not taking into consideration the medication I  use too) was exercise.

Don’t under estimate the power of exercise.

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Everyday from the time my daughter was placed in care up to the present day I work out in my humble living room.

What exercise helped me achieve

  • Free healthy high and natural stress reliever

  • it helped me focus and discipline myself so much so  that not only did I get my daughter back, I went on to achieve a 2.1 BA (hons) in the Arts and Humanities with the Open university. On-line.

  • My weight  has became less of an issue – it was/is still there but I was living for more than a figure on the scale.

  • It helps me set up and achieve small goals

  • It helps give my day structure and routine

  • I stopped using self harmful ways to cope

  • I’ve become aware of me – I became to believe in myself and love and respect myself

  • I learned to say no.

  • I learned that a lot of the times the way a person treats me (if it is negative or positive) it is to do  with their shit – whatever is going on in their mind and lives. I won’t put up with other peoples shit any longer.

Another coping skill that saved me was when I finally could cross off my goal to start blogging.

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I also started volunteering.

These are two other powerful ways I cope.

I love to write and learn and read. It makes sense to blog ,right?

For those who have followed my blog from the beginning ,will know  how therapeutic blogging has been and still is for me. My blog evolved from a blog about a person with mental health issues to,

a person who has mental health and other  interests.

like  what?

  •  symbolism

  • cultures

  • politics

  • chatting on line

  • doing challenges

  • trying my hand at poetry

  • finding inspiration in quotes

  • trying new projects

  • Learning how to master the technical side of word press.   That is always a fun one  😀

And a bunch of other stuff.

I  have become the person I want to be. I never thought I could be the person I had locked away in my mind.

Other people had those qualities -not me.

I was faking it. I didn’t have it in me.

I DID

I  DO.

So, that is how I did it.

No magic spells, no money changing hands that I know of,  but honesty, hard work and the willingness to change.

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I know a lot of stuff that has happened in my life  has/is not my fault but I can’t change that. I have learned that the only way I can alter my life and live as happy as I want to be; is by me considering looking within and changing.

This is a never-ending process.

We all have our battles and scars. If we have scars it means  we have come out the other side.

I  can look at each scar with pride that I overcame something. I became the some one that I only saw in others. The me I wished I could be.

I am.

Just felt it was a good time to share and reflect – back to reading blogs  and researching the origins of the hen and stag do

Well, I am ,after all, getting married in 11 weeks . 😀

Here is the Oscar worthy  , mushy part  of the post

To every word press follower (all 254 of you) , Face book follower (all 60 of you) and Twitter follower (all 85 of you)

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That comes across as so corny but I wouldn’t still have hope to do what I love if it wasn’t  for you lot . It’s been 7 months of pure pleasure.

(All images sourced from google)

About Daisy Willows

'Words are my everything' - Jon Wayne . A writer of poetry, stories, stage scripts, fiction, border line poetry & freestyle works, Music reviews, Guest Features/interview & shout outs. She is also passionate about raising anti-stigma & awareness for Mental Health. A trained co-facilitator in Wellness Recovery Action plan by Mary Ellen Copeland Natasha goes by many moniker names-Daisy Willows, bahtuhkid, GOAT2Bdazee. She has had a colourful life. Travelled. Natasha co-owns a second-hand clothing & accessories business -La Bella Bijoux Ltd Natasha was born in South Africa & is a French national. She currently resides in the UK Natasha Bodley holds a postgraduate in the Humanities. A BA in Myth in the Greek and Roman worlds & Advanced creative writing. She also holds a Foundation degree in Acting performance. She is currently working on her first novel (semi-autobiographical creative non-fiction). She has published one short story on Amazon called 'Number one' Connect with Natasha Collaborate with Natasha & feel free to Communicate her too. Light, Peace & Love!

Posted on 2016-03-19, in SELF HELP FOR SANITY, THIS IS LIFE and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 22 Comments.

  1. Hey Daisy. First of all, thanks for sharing that very personal experience of yours. Well, I believe that anyone who writes something leaves a piece of themselves, a part of their soul, on that masterpiece. And what you shared, there was so much soul in it! That was very courageous of you. I’m sorry to hear you had to go through all what you went through but I’m very glad you came out, strong and proud! Congratulations for the big day that’s coming! 🙂 So happy for you!!! Can’t wait to see your wedding photos soon!

    Like

    • Hi Candice. THhank you for stopping by to read my post and the inspiring words you have to say. I really appreciate it. I can’t live a life of regret. The only thing that is important is now and the future. I can’t believe the wedding is in 10 weeks. I’m going to be a mrs xx thank you for your comments once again- :0 xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You have been through hell and back, and not only survived, but thrived. That’s something to be damn proud of.

    Like

  3. Discoverecovery

    Your story is so inspirational! It is one of pure strength and perseverance. Your love for your daughter is so clear in your writing and your commitment to your own happiness and health also shines through. While reading this I had to wonder how someone who has been through so much and suffered so much has time to encourage me so much in my own blog posts.
    Your comments on my blog are always so positive and find the good in even my worst moments. I can’t even begin to thank you enough for all of your kind support, but I wanted to thank you for sharing this post and for being such an honest and beautiful person inside and out!
    xo
    Ayla

    Liked by 1 person

    • AH Ayla. overwhelmed by your words. Sometimes when I comment on peoples blogs.I often wonder if they don’t really want advice or encouraging words. It is good to know that some like you do. It is a hard balance finding time t comment and and keep up with the blog I love. It is one way I cope- so I kind of need it in my life. My partner understands this and he is one of my greatest supporters. Thank you for this message. First message I woke up to read. Sunday is going to be a good day. I love your name btw.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I can remember the first time you showed up on one of my posts and the first time I showed up on one of yours. “Trippy woman,” I thought. But there was something there I really liked, and it got me hooked.
    Now I know what it is and I can share it with you. I sensed a real determination. “She is going to overcome this thing,” I concluded. I could just feel it.
    I’ve seen nothing but growth since.
    At first I really wanted to help, but that feeling has since passed. You’ve been through a lot and you have a lot to share. I now think of you as a cohort, even an intellectual equal.
    I know you will continue to progress. I still sense the fire in your veins. I’m glad you showed up on the blogosphere. It just wouldn’t be the same without you here.

    Liked by 1 person

    • ART! A trippy woman, seriously? hahhaa. Can I just say that some people might find the comment about being an intellectual equal an insult but luckily we know each other and I know the content of your posts. They can be super challenging. So I take this as a compliment 🙂 well a back handed one. hahah I’m not leaving the blogopheare So you will have to put up with this trippy woman for a while yet. Our little community wouldn’t be the same without your in put and almost ethereal blog.

      Like

  5. Determined. That’s the word that sprung to mind reading that post. You know what you wanted & nothing was getting in your way! Good for you! I admire the strength & commitment it’s taken to make such sweeping changes. And you’re so right, exercise is the best! It’s not about the external weight-related result … The routine, the structure, the endorphins, it all adds up to a great start to any day.
    And now, the excitement of a wedding! I wish you every happiness, much laughter & more joy than you can handle. You deserve it 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Morning Kim,
      Thanks for taking time to read this personal post. Exercise is highly under rated -most people just focus on the physical benefits but there is so much more to be gained from regular exercise as you know. I am so excited for my wedding. It has just come around so quickly. I love your wishes of joy and laughter. I love to laugh. The same to you too. 🙂 have a good Sunday? wherever you are in the world :)x

      Liked by 1 person

  6. A truly uplifting and honest post Daisy – look at what you have achieved – you should so rightly be proud, much love and happiness to you xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You certainly have been through a lot.

    Should your followers be expecting pics of the wedding?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. From the very first day we connected here in the blogosphere I love to read your ever changing posts, they are all interesting to me, and I have to say today what admiration I feel towards you, you are brave, intelligent and YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, and look how far you have come, the love for your daughter and yourself, has brought you to where you are and your determination to be who you are today. You are your own person and unique…..I wish for you everything you could ever want, because you truly deserve a full and happy life, congratulations to you and congratulations on your coming wedding. Have a great week end have a great life, always

    Liked by 1 person

    • I feel so emotional! (sobs) Thank you for such an uplifting comment. Your words are so kind and generous. I loe your posts too -as you already know. You have an awesome weekend too, always and forever 🙂 xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Pingback: How I became Daisy | wwwpalfitness

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