Hearing voices


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I was not on reader last night so I have a lot of catching up to do. I usually  wake up ,read other blogs and then I get on with my own  blogging while I drink my  coffee/s .

I have to get this post out  before I catch up with all of you-sorry to be selfish.  I am able to type and think again and I need people to know something about a person I have known for many years. We have been friends for a long time.

She was an A+ student. She had a turbulent childhood- witnessed a lot of drinking and her father beating up on her Ma. She is also a twin. Their Ma had enough of the violence and moved from Africa to the U.S.A. when the twins were not even teenagers. The girls had a good education. My friends twin was the  wild one and my friend was the straight laced one.

Head firmly screwed on. She was able to work and PR at the hottest ‘on the pulse’ clubs Miami had to offer in her twenties. She rose up the ranks right past all others because she didn’t drink. smoke or take drugs. She was mad about Cindy Crawford and she had the look of Cindy Crawford- maybe with less curves. Tall, svelte, long dark hair, looked classy wearing the colour red.

She took care of celebrities at VIP events.


like the infamous Naomi Campbell , Mickey Rourke and a bunch of other celebs. I got to  hear all the dirty on these people. I won’t share it because it’s not my place to and my friend made me promise to keep my mouth  shut.

SORRY! no gossip here.

She lived in France and worked for several reputable companies. She got engaged.  it didn’t work out. She then followed her twin and moved to Barcelona.

This is where her problems first started. Barca as some may know has a massive drinking/ clubbing culture. I don’t know why or when she got in into her heart and head  to try and be like her twin, but she started drinking and smoking. The twins would have massive fall outs because her twin admired my friend for her strength of character. Her ability to move in circles drawing on white powder. She never needed that shit to hold a conversation.

Something happened. Her twin rang me one day  and told me that my friend was saying people were trying to murder her. They had guns. They were going to kill her and everyone she loves. She had stopped eating. I am not sure she was drinking. I suspect she was. I don’t think she drank  a lot but she had never drunk before so she didn’t need loads to get pissed.

My friend came to stay with me in the U.K. and at first I thought she must have an Eating disorder- she was emaciated and erratic in mood. Our families have always been close. We partied but she got worse and worse. My Ma, me and her twin were disturbed by what she started telling us.

We were poisoning her food

She was being raped ( when she was in fact sitting on a sofa in front of us) -someone was raping her in the bum that very moment

She  disappeared  to London and other places on her own for weeks . Went off the radar. We would get calls from concerned people she had met and would go out in the early  hours to try and find her.

We eventually had her sectioned. multiple times over the years. She is not the kind of person who understood mental health issues and would rather take a herbal remedy than prescribed drugs.

She kept a lot of what was going on inside her head a secret from all of us.

She did get better.

In the last few years she has met ‘the love of her life’, she found a job, she was on medication. She seemed to accept she had a problem. She would never tell us what the doctors  said but as long as she got better that is all we were concerned about. She lost her twin last year. A car crash. Sudden and Quick.No time to prepare for a tragic ending such as that.

We were too harsh on her. We told her




 Bless her soul. She presented the most courageous manner – like a gladiator forced to put on a face of bravery. Inevitability  things got  worse when she started hearing ‘voices’ again  and compelling thoughts to do horrible things. She agreed to all of us having a meeting with her psychiatrist.

For the first time my friend opened up and we learned the truth. Harrowing. How she kept all this inside her and for so long is admirable?

No. I feel I have let her down. She never played on her illness. This girl, my friend only wanted and still wants to get better.

She was put on the ‘right’ medication. A few weeks later went on a holiday to Africa  with her partner to see her Dad ( after not seeing him for many years).  The most important item she packed was her ear phones and phone with an extensive and cacaphonic genre of music..

Whenever I see my friend she has music blasting in her ears. The T.V. is always on. Music blasting out of the radio. Sometimes its sounds like she is listening to death metal. My cousin is a massive 80’s music and film fan. Think  Cyndy Laupers ‘Girls just wanna have fun’.

Yesterday we found out from a source. This source is living with her at the moment.

He is a full blown Alcoholic.

  In full blown denial. He has burnt his bridges with every single member of my friend’s family and moved in with my friend. He is ‘worried’ about her – wonderful. We too are worried- concerned – terrified- for my friends state of mind.

A few weeks back  we thought that this family member of hers – a cousin had left to go back to live in France to sort his own shit out. We could not help him. We tried.

He doesn’t have a drinking problem! He has a puffy red face, spidery  red vein like lines permanently  creeping over his eyeball like creeping vines taking ownership of a house. He is a leech.

He has only “one” full glass of gin or vodka in a large glass whenever we are around him. It could be the morning, afternoon or evening.

A few weeks ago he borrowed a substantial amount of money from my friends partner. He said that his uncle in the U.S.A would reimburse him and then went back to France. Her partner chased up the money with said uncle.  It transpired that there was no agreement of this kind. For some reason the cousin has  come back to the the U.K. – still no home, still drinking, and moved  back in with my friend. I heard that they all had been drinking one day/night and my friend’s partner smacked (probably punched) the cousin . I think we can understand why.

Yesterday after many phone calls off her cousin with words like

We need to stage an intervention -she has gone mad!

We went over to assess the sitation. My heart dropped when I saw the state of my friend. Wanker cousin was making himself to be the hero of the day.

This girl needs help, he says.

He has been cleaning up the house -it has been in a state. he says.

The house smelled funky. I mean it reeked of booze and cat pee. I could feel all the toxins seeping into my pores. Cousin  ever so politely got himself a drink –

just the  one if we didn’t mind , of course.

of course. fucking shmuck. 

Cousin has bought her a new T.V., paid her bills, buys the food, ‘cleans’ up. I ask her where her partner is.

He is banned from friends house, wanker says.

He was going to press charges against him for the assault a couple of weeks back , but ever so “gallantly”  dropped them,because my friend begged him not to as he has a record from years back. Cousin gives me a knowing look like I am supposed to agree that I know the sort of character he is and obviously is not good enough for my friend.

 I had to ignore him or I would have punched him. This parasite is 100% abusing my friend.My friend needs safe guarding because she is a vulnerable adult. 

She drinks because it temporarily silences  the thoughts.

What thoughts?





She knows these thoughts are not her  own. She has been countering them. Every time she has a bad thought she counters it with a positive thought. She showed me her diary. She blesses everyone.


these negative thoughts started when my twin passed died.

Bless susie

Bless susie

Bless susie

Bless susie

Pages and pages of blessings to different people  -over and over like she is made to write out lines as punishment  for her thoughts.

Prayers to the lord. She is spent, shattered.

Drained from the fight.

She has got to the point where she is worried she might act on these thoughts because no matter what she does and says they are not going away.

We convinced her to go into in- patient  treatment. Home based treatment is obviously not working. We rang her C.P.N. who was off. The duty manager  rang us back at 2:30 pm.

ME: My friend is not well. She is a danger to herself and others. She needs more care.

DUTY MANAGER: Oh I’ve known friend for years . She is always hearing voices and she has her cousin to look after her.

ME: um. her cousin?  Do you not see how “helpful” this person is ?  She needs to be sectioned. She needs in patient treatment. Tonight!

DUTY MANAGER: Listen to me . I have known about your friends case for years. She is always hearing voices . She is not suicidal so we can’t do anything for her.

ME: Suicidal? Are you  having a fucking laugh? you are the front house staff for people going through a crisis . Did she not study mental health issues in whatever training  she has had?

DUTY MANAGER: I will not tolerate being spoken to like this, it is abusive.

ME: Abusive! How can someone with so little compassion and so little comprehension of mental health issues be in the position that you are in?! IF ANYTHING AND I MEAN ANYTHING HAPPENS TO MY FRIEND  (or someone else) I WILL PERSONALLY HOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE


So, we are going to a higher source- pushing for an emergency psychiatric  assessment.

All my friend wants, is for the thoughts to stop. She wants to get back to work. Can you believe that she lost her job after disclosing she has some form of schizophrenia?

No she shouldn’t drink but what would you do if the meds didn’t work -if the thoughts were there 24/7?

 If you were being violated and taken advantage and made to take sides, in your own home- family or the love of her life. She has her partners number saved in phone with ‘My Love’. She has  not  had one day to deal with her twins death.

She can’t make decisions for herself . Trust me, me and my family are going  to help her get better again.

She has got better before. She looks at my own Ma as surrogate Ma. Her own ma passed away many years ago.

I am beyond feeling  anger . My rage needs justice. Of all the people I can think of in this world. my friend has a heart so pure -she of all people does not deserve to suffer.

We as a family- because she is my family – blood related or not -we will get her better. For now that parasite of a cousin can use her home as his own personal bar and drinking haven. My friends health comes first. We need her away from the environment she is in. He can take care of Buster- her cat.

So there has been  a shit load going on. I went to bed at the same time as my daughter last night. I couldn’t read any blogs, write -nothing. My ma is looking after my daughter tonight and me and my hubby -to- be are going to chill in bed and start watching ‘The Originals 3’ series 3. I am also going to try and catch up on your posts. If I can’t then I will on Sunday. I’m not ignoring anyone in our  blogging community. I jut need to re gain my energy. I can’t fucking wait to zone out. Eat loads of munchies and just immerse myself in a fantastical world of vampires, wolves and witches. Hope you all have a grand weekend. I have a lot of catching up to do next week .



About Daisy Willows

'Words are my everything' - Jon Wayne . A writer of poetry, stories, stage scripts, fiction, border line poetry & freestyle works, Music reviews, Guest Features/interview & shout outs. She is also passionate about raising anti-stigma & awareness for Mental Health. A trained co-facilitator in Wellness Recovery Action plan by Mary Ellen Copeland Natasha goes by many moniker names-Daisy Willows, bahtuhkid, GOAT2Bdazee. She has had a colourful life. Travelled. Natasha co-owns a second-hand clothing & accessories business -La Bella Bijoux Ltd Natasha was born in South Africa & is a French national. She currently resides in the UK Natasha Bodley holds a postgraduate in the Humanities. A BA in Myth in the Greek and Roman worlds & Advanced creative writing. She also holds a Foundation degree in Acting performance. She is currently working on her first novel (semi-autobiographical creative non-fiction). She has published one short story on Amazon called 'Number one' Connect with Natasha Collaborate with Natasha & feel free to Communicate her too. Light, Peace & Love!

Posted on Feb 27, 2016, in THOUGHTS and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Many dark spirits operate in the entertainment industry. Often these are transferred onto those whom they come in contact. This is a form of vampirism, shifting dark spirits onto innocent souls so that these stars can continue with their lives unaffected.
    Drugs will not cure this if this is what has happened. The drugs just cover the spirits that have been transferred and only for a time. It is a form of possession.
    She needs prayer. You may be her link to make this happen.

    Liked by 1 person

    • hey co, It is hard to get away from darkness and negativity that comes attached to drugs and alcohol. I will not lose my friend. She is far too special to me. 🙂


  2. I don’t know what to say. That is… quite one story. Absolutely fucking awful (and I don’t really swear).
    You are both in my thoughts tonight. You and every person on this planet who is going through the agony that you are.

    Liked by 1 person

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