Do you see what I see?
*PLEASE TAKE NOTE THE CONTENT I HAVE WRITTEN IN THIS POST IS SUSCEPTIBLE TO SUDDEN CHANGE BECAUSE OF COURSE I AM MENTALLY CHALLENGED*
I realise I haven’t really written much on my mental health issues of late. I find it a bit un balanced that I only talk about the shit days and not the good days. Maybe some of you will go
“oh she isn’t struggling BORING! time to move on to the next post”. That is cool but I feel there is a need for this post to explain how things are for me.
My illnesses have not gone away. They haven’t been cremated and gathered up. Taken up by the wind- dispersed to all four corners of the globe.
and West. I would love that to happen. If I was an artist I think that image could make an epic drawing or painting. My illnesses are still here.
I still have more thoughts about my weight than I do about my own wedding.
I still weigh myself a couple of times a day
I still deprive myself of certain foods.
I still exercise even when my body needs the rest.
I still think people are looking a my perceived flaws when they may just be listening to me speak.
I have found out a secret. My Grandad did this all his life and he was a mostly successful business man.
SECRET: When talking with people the best way to connect in a conversation is with eye contact. Seems obvious,right.?
“WHAT DOES DAISY MEAN? ” a shrug of the shoulders both palms open, pushing upwards
True eye contact that makes that spark. Similar to the one you use naturally when you meet someone new who you think,
Mmmmmmh yeah this person can put his/her shoes under my bed ANY DAY!
Don’t confine this look just to the people you want to screw or make love to or marry . Use it all the time.
Unless you are having a shit day then, by all means opt out.
This effort to spark a connection makes the other person realise that you see them as a person not just some guy who is at the check out counter helping you with your groceries, or that person who serves you a coffee.
It is a powerful tool, Rasputin didn’t do to bad. I’m not saying I can hypnotize people. Although that is pretty cool.
It is a look that urges people to engage and to reveal information about themselves.
A couple years back,I went to a live hypnotist show -another day -another blog. I can’t be hypnotised btw .
Okay,so back to my mental health. So why no huge blips?
I haven’t drunk alcohol since New years eve. I think this helps keep my moods in check and gives the meds I am on a better chance to do the job..
I’m still saying my mantras- constantly.
Before each work out, I go right up close to the mirror in my lounge and I peer into my eyes and give myself THE GOOD TALK. I usually get a little thought that comes from almost out of my mind that says,
You don’t look like you have convinced yourself . Ah ,if only I could hypnotize myself.
The point is, I try to big myself up instead of bullying myself.
I give myself small goals to achieve and look forward to; next week I am having a tattoo done. I am beyond excited about. I’ve been saving up and waiting for the day to come for three months!
I’ve not been spending loads of time dribbling over FB and hitting the scroll down arrow for hour after monotonous hour . Oh shit, maybe FB is the only thing that can hypnotise me? That is fucking terrifying. One reason I don’t watch T.V. -I read, I do watch movies and series. I don’t want to be a victim of Huxley’s ‘Brave new world’ of what the perfect society looks like.
Communication. I communicate my feelings. I don’t hide it all away from my family. If I have a panic attack I ask for a hug, I ask someone to help me in a way that I can help myself.
I don’t over- commit myself to events that I may not be able or want to fulfil. I say NO -a lot. I am an extrovert when I go out into the world but when I am around too many people for too long I became drained. When I give myself to people. I give my full attention. So, I then become an introvert for a bit because I need a lot of alone time to build myself back up.
I blog. All this has helped me naturally want to write about other shit. How lame and depressing it be to read about all my troubles?
Day in and Day out. When you read that last sentence try and picture a buoy bobbing up an down in the ocean. That’s all it does. How many times are you going to want to look at that image when you are at the ocean?
When there are ship wrecks to discover, colourful fish to photograph , clear white powdery beach sand grains gently ex foliating your feet, lots of tanned people smiling (because they are not in the U.K.)
I jest. I jest. I don’t. I would rather hand your the shot gun myself and help you squeeze the trigger.
I also have a sense of humour. I give my time to the people and causes I WANT to.
If there is any statement that can sum up this post it is:
I am Daisy.A living breathing component in this world,
‘I am not my labels’.
I do not want to breathe life into them and inflate them. I don’t want a collection of blow up dolls of my illnesses ,thanks. I’m trying to go for the minimalist look here.
That is it. No magic just appreciating the good times.