How to forgive.

I think after yesterdays rant -this post needs to focus on a more positive topic. We are only human- not some perfect Deities. I think I may have been a bit harsh in what I posted. Not everyone thinks the same or feels the same or is interested in the same things. In order to move forward we need to let go of our grudges. 

SECRET TO HAPPINESS: Grudges -don’t allow grudges to poison you

TRADITION:Paryushan Parva

DATE:Bhadrapada- ( celebrated mid -August -mid November


Forgiveness is something our Ego part of ourselves holds onto with as many tentacles as possible. The media is a great example of showing us how little we truly forgive. The saying ‘an eye for an eye’ is more the motto of the day than say the ‘turn the other cheek’ motto.  Our dignity and self respect and our Freedom are the concepts we hide behind to justify why we won’t let go and why we hold on to grudges.

Forgiveness is still seen as submissive act.

‘Me ask forgiveness from   you?’

Oh, please what do I look like, the shit on your crappy shoes?  I’m not going to bow down begging you -for forgiveness,what do I look like?’ ( cue: a roaring laughter, head thrown back for all the world to peer into your wide, gaping opened mouth. The same unforgiving  mouth that has a few missing teeth and a few fillings.  Not so perfect at all.

Sound familiar?  Some people use forgiveness for manipulation and control. The power is  in the forgivers grip.

 THOUGHTS: (Not necessarily conscious ones)

I will make you grovel before me, buy me things in an attempt to make it up to me, you will do this and maybe then I will forgive you. 

We sound like a nasty bunch,, don’t we?

We are not. Pride can bring out an ugly side to our nature.


A lot of the times we  ‘forgive’because there is no other alternative and because we don’t want to come across as being bitter. I forgive you – you say, in your mind is ‘but I won’t forget this.

WARNING: GRUDGE GRUDGE GRUDGE  WOOOOO WOOOO-a siren and  the flashing of blue and red lights. The grudge police are out with shields and batons – tear gas is stashed in their pockets – to use only if necessary, obviously.Visualise  a pantomime  ‘Mwahahahahaahah’ moment.

Absolute – true forgiveness is not anything I have just described. You probably have already sussed this one out for yourselves.


Forgiveness is  the sage of teachings held by the people of the Jain faith. 

Jainism is an ancient religion from India that teaches that the way to liberation and bliss is to live a life of harmlessness and renunciation.

The aim of Jain life is to achieve liberation of the soul.

The Jain people annually come together for a 10 day festival to celebrate these virtues. They spend days contemplating and using prayer  with the object of asking to be forgiven and asking to be able to forgive – with an open and gentle heart. The Jain people believe this is the only way to cleanse the soul and to free oneself  from the weight of unhelpful emotions such as hatred, anger and bitterness. 


If you are to truly forgive someone you must repress the Ego – the pride , be open to feeling a sense of humbleness. Enough, to take a good look inside of yourself and reflect that you are imperfect, just like the person asking for forgiveness or the person who may not know you can’t forgive them for an act of violating you. Does this make sense? It comes down to asking your own self to forgive YOU. How can you truly forgive if you can’t muster up the courage to forgive yourself for your own actions?



 You have allowed negative emotions to reside in your mind and take away your own sense of peace and happiness.

So how can you achieve true forgiveness in your life? Without a trip to India -as wonderful  a thought a it is, I would love to go to India one day.

You may have heard of this before but trying writing  letters to the important people in your life and apologise for the time that YOU may have failed them or let them down. You don’t have to send the letters or if you want: send them!

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Here is a challenge to find happiness: Next time some one crosses you or does something to hurt you, respond whole-heartedly and offer your forgiveness. LET IT GO!  You are only hurting yourself holding onto the negative emotions that cling onto you.

What’s the saying?  ‘Forgive- with no strings attached’. It is possible. I have done it a few times in my life We can’t go back we can only do something today. 



THE MESSAGE: True forgiveness is the most liberating and a  powerful act to be able to do. Then there will be more room to allow happiness to pitch up a tent and chill out. 



Posted on Feb 12, 2016, in Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Excellent post! Thank you!


  2. Advanced Research Technology

    Jainism huh? I’ve heard of that, but didn’t know exactly what it was. Forgiveness is a very powerful thing. It definitely opens the doors to blessings. Those 3 top quotes were powerful, especially the one from Proverbs.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yeah it’s not a religion I know loads about but I love. It is probably one of the hardest thing to do is: to truly forgive. Yes, I love the Proverbs quote. It has a lot of power in it’s words.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Pingback: How to forgive. | dbsthoughtsblog

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